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Title: The Rollerblade Seven Post by: Wintermute on January 29, 2004, 06:55:17 PM Everyone has a bad movie that holds a special place in their heart...the one they refer to as "the worst movie ever." Mine is special, but not gorillas who can use sign language special. It's more like the kids in public school who got their own short bus special.
The Rollerblade Seven is a post-appocalyptic movie in which rollerskating ninjas and appointed areas where wearing wheeled footgear is a matter of law abound. The plot, far too nonsensical to detail, is bad to say the least. The real genius of the movie, however, lies in the camerawork and editing. The dialog is mediocre, but it's shot as if there was only 1 camera on set (which I'm sure there was) so it seems as if the director would film one character speaking, swivel the camera to the other for a response and say "now you go!" and then swivel it back and so on and so on. The result is inexplicable pauses in speech between each angle change that cause one's brain to crash and burn faster than a monkey with a jetpack. The fight scenes are as good as one would expect from a martial arts movie...featuring ninjas on rollerskates...and with an actor playing the main character who looks about as comfortable with a sword as a Jehova's witness watching porno. The beauty of these scenes lies in the continual rehashing of the same footage. That is not to say that the footage is disguised as new, but rather the same shot will be shown three times in succession. Main character steps into shot X 3, shoots menacing glare to badguy X 3, blocks sword strike X 3, viewers begin to weep uncontrollably X 3. My description hardly does this movie justice. It NEEDS to be seen to be believed, but I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Well, maybe on Jean Claude van Damme. Anyone else seen this horror of the senses? Title: Re: The Rollerblade Seven Post by: Brother Ragnarok on January 29, 2004, 07:29:44 PM My favorite character is the guy who plays the banjo and is all wrapped up to look like the Invisible Man. Joe Estevez and Frank Stallone, two crappy celebrity siblings, one crappy movie.
Brother R Title: Re: The Rollerblade Seven Post by: Bgrade on January 29, 2004, 07:48:28 PM Been there, Done that.
Truely a bad movie. However, I still watched the full thing in a stunned silence trying desperately to figure out what the plot was. I always hate repeating footage trying to make it dramatic. (i.e. bloodsport). however, The X3 footage in this movie was surprising painful/hilarious. Because 1) the repeated footage was over two seconds long and 2 ) the action happening was already slow and clumsy. A good choice as a personal special bad movie. My have been mine but I already had Nine deaths of the Ninja to warm my heart with pain. |