Badmovies.org Forum

Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: Josh Leman on March 12, 2001, 10:06:50 PM



Title: Worst film of all time
Post by: Josh Leman on March 12, 2001, 10:06:50 PM
I'm sure this topic has been discussed many a time on this site, but I'll ask anyway: what is the worst film, of any kind, in the history of the motion picture?

I'd say George Romero's Knightriders, which is by far the longest and most unbearably boring movie I have ever watched.  I can't believe Ed Harris was in it!


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Squishy on March 13, 2001, 01:11:34 AM
I met Brother Brue ("Knightriders"' Black "Merlin" character) at a midnight showing in Boston years ago. He's not acting. Or maybe his was acting at the midnight show. While "KR" is slow at points, I can't agree that it's the Worst Picture of All Time--all Arthurian variations are of "epic" length (read: overlong) and it did tell a coherent story with some genuine style.

No, "Worst Picture of All Time" has to be a masterpiece of such utter, abject failure as to make you picture the filmmakers, if they have any self-respect or self-awareness at all, weeping with shame from the moment the first screening began to the point they are hurled squealing like piglets into the eternal brimstone for their horrible crimes.

I could rattle off a list of likely contenders--from "Billy Jack" garbage to disaster disasters to garden-tool-splatter excrement--but it's so hard to pick just one. Especially since, the worse they are, the better they are to me. "Space Mutiny"? "Octa-Man"? "Invasion of the Neptune Men"? "The Concorde--Airport '79"? "Windows"? "Ordinary People"? "Waterworld"? "Slappy and the Stinkers"? "See Spot Run"? "Exorcist II: The Heretic"? "All Your Base Are Belong To Us"? "Bug"? "The Swarm"? "Batman & Robin"? "Comin' At Ya"? "Jaws: The Revenge"? "Independence Day"? "Litzomania"? "Home Alone 3"? "The Incredible Melting Man"? "Manos: The Hands of Fate"? "Zeus and Roxanne"? "A*P*E"?

Oh God, too hot, my brain is melting out my nose...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Abby on March 13, 2001, 01:40:03 AM
An impossible task. But the first five that spring to mind are:

1.) What Is It? (My new pet peeve. Pretentious Crispin Glover shockfest, that still manages to be boring even while being repulsive.)

2.) Dr. Gore (Unfinished and nearly unwatchable)

3.) Empire of the Son (Like Ballard. Hate this pretentious boring flick. You can try to find genius all you want, it's too long and it sucks.)

3.) Breakfast of Champions (Anyone else ever try to sit through this entire movie? This might be the worst film ever made.)

4.) Shock Treatment (Sequel to Rocky Horror that's the lamest musical of all time. I own this dog. Paid 75 cents. 74 cents too many. Makes The Wiz look like Madame Butterfly. Heck, even Can't Stop The Music is better than this.)

5.) Sphere (Who thought this would make a good movie? Boring, long, and insulting. The worst flick I've seen in a theater in the last ten years, if nothing else.)

Too many others.


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Stupid Jacob on March 13, 2001, 10:51:32 AM
Jesus. I got a bunch that tied for the worst movie ever in my book.

-Scary Movie: Long, boring, unfunny, and overblown. Nearly 2 hours of peepee jokes

-Nutty Professer 2: Ooooohhh god! It's hurts. The pain! Just remebering this "comedy" makes me wanna eat a bullet.

-Batman and Robin: Need I say more?

-Scream 3: I still haven't forgiven Wes Craven for this one. I want my $6.50 back. Jerk.

-The Cell: This was a great comedy. It was funny as hell.


Title: Re: Worst film disappointment of all time
Post by: Gerry on March 13, 2001, 12:49:11 PM
Rephrasing your questions slightly as "Worst film disappointment of all time" for me would be either:

Batman & Robin

-or-

Waterworld


There are worse films out there, but at least I went in =expecting= them to be bad.

The problem was that I had high hopes on these two and was utterly horrified by the final result.


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Josh Leman on March 13, 2001, 02:19:15 PM
"No, "Worst Picture of All Time" has to be a masterpiece of such utter, abject failure as to make you picture the filmmakers, if they have any self-respect or self-awareness at all, weeping with shame from the moment the first screening began to the point they are hurled squealing like piglets into the eternal brimstone for their horrible crimes. "


I would say that Knightriders IS a failure of that sort.  The movie dies in the first five minutes, and then just kind of rots there for another two and a half hours.  

At least you can laugh at movies like Manos: The Hands of Fate.  Knightriders is completely unredeemable.


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Chadzilla on March 13, 2001, 05:56:40 PM
Movies that make my worst list are films that are so devoid of any entertainment value (not even so bad they are fun) that watchng them again would be like sucking on a foot long banana slug* while bamboo shoots are shoved up under all of my finger and toenails.

Three movies currently floating near the surface of the septic tank...

Cliffhanger (when I saw this movie my intelligence was insulted so regularly that my jaw dropped in dismayed amazement - it's just boring and stupid beyond words)

Armaggedon (Bruce Willis may have saved the world but nothing could save this sorry ass piece of s***, boring and insulting as well.  If I ever meet Michael Bay it will be hard to be civil ti him, his movies are just skid marks on the underpants of cinema)

The Erotic Witch Project (Lots a mottled skin, tattoos, and implant scars, not to mention some painfully unfunny signature Blair Witch 'scene parodies' - this is was so bad, so gross, so demeaning to all those involved that I swear on a stack of Bibles it will be a cold day in Hell before I ever pluck money down to watch ANYTHING from Seduction Cinema again - same rule applies to Blair Witch parodies.)


There are others, but I'm not sifting through the s*** to find them.  One thing I learned from the blob, don't poke slimey things with a stick, no matter how long.  Uck.



* - too let you all know just how horrifying that concept is to me I have to admit that I have an intense (and I do mean INTENSE) phobia regarding snails and slugs.  Why they terrify me I do not know, they just do.  That's how bad those movies are.


Title: Re: Knightriders
Post by: Chadzilla on March 13, 2001, 06:00:11 PM
Well I liked Knightriders so much I bought it and watch it regularly.  Romero's independent spirit and the Arthurian Legend just seemed a perfect fit to me and made the movie something special.  I wish that the missing thirty or so minutes could be restored, bringing the movie back to its original running time of two hours and fifty minutes and less bottom heavy.

Sorry you didn't like it.  :-(


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: Gerry on March 13, 2001, 06:36:47 PM
Chadzilla wrote:
>
> Movies that make my worst list are films that are so
> devoid of any entertainment value (not even so bad they are
> fun) that watchng them again would be like sucking on a foot
> long banana slug* while bamboo shoots are shoved up under all
> of my finger and toenails.
>

Boy, I've never hated a movie that much.  You must have truly been traumatized.  Have you considered seeing a counselor?


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: FLANGEPART on March 13, 2001, 06:50:22 PM
Well, other then that stuff i scrape of my teeth in the morning, ...Any musical other then The Blues Brothers. People breaking into song and dance in an otherwise real setting...Sheesh! Sorry, i can accept Giant Fire breathing reptiles, grim crime thrillers with lots of bodybags, or, God help us, Rob Schnider playing comedy relief for Sly (I am da lawr!) Stallone, but the trolly song gives me the shivers. Jake and Elwood, however, just seem right to me. I don't know why,i just Do! And as i remember the scene of Cab Calloway doing Minne the Moocher, i can't help but want to drive to Chicago,at night,wearing sunglasses. Doesn't everybody?


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: StatCat on March 13, 2001, 07:00:57 PM
Troll 2 gets my vote. There are so many otherstough but this one sticks out.


Title: Re: Worst film of all time
Post by: peter johnson on March 13, 2001, 07:36:33 PM
I have to go with the classics:  They Saved Hitler's Brain, with Robot Monster and Plan 9 From Outer Space tying a close second.
These films are why I love bad cinema & really are a bellwhether to measure the awfulness of other films by -- they set the stinky standard!


Title: Re: Musicals
Post by: Andrew on March 13, 2001, 08:36:15 PM
Flangepart: make sure to avoid Indian (as in the country) films like the plague.

20 minutes of plot, then a song and dance number.  You could almost set your watch by it.

Andrew


Title: Re: Knightriders
Post by: Josh Leman on March 13, 2001, 08:53:38 PM
MISSING THIRTY MINUTES??  Well, there's only one way to make a worse film than Knightriders... making Knightriders even longer.

I don't want to insult your opinion.  But that movie is awful.


Title: Re: Musicals
Post by: Josh Leman on March 13, 2001, 08:57:57 PM
Oh, musicals.  That reminds me.  Meet Me in St. Louis is simply unwatchable.  Two hours of terrible songs, racism, xenophobia, colors so saturated you can barely stand to look at the screen, and Judy Garland.  There isn't really anything worse than a movie that's supposed to make you feel warm and cheery, but just gives you a distinct urge to slit your wrists.  

The most awful thing is that it's a beloved classic.


Title: Home Alone III
Post by: Will on March 13, 2001, 11:30:01 PM
I love that movie.  Far superior to the first two.


Title: Re: Musicals
Post by: FLANGEPART on March 14, 2001, 11:33:33 AM
Andrew,Josh,...thank you. Did you ever realise how,well, Unamerican your suposed to feel for not likeinf musicals? Its like something Tailgunner Joe or Tipper G. wolud do! Sheesh! I read the Indian movie reviews at the Stomper....be afraid,be verry afraid. Ya know, the "Mamushca" song in The Addams Family was okey, because it was set up as a planed thing by Gomez...Jake and Elwood at the Redneck bar, you expected them ti sing there! But...i'm sorry...Judy Garland is a sad, sad image in my mind. I just can't get my braincells behind it.


Title: Re: Shock Treatment
Post by: Stupid Jacob on March 14, 2001, 12:13:13 PM
What the hell? A Rocky Horror sequel? What happens this time? Brad and Janet get have sex with a man in drag, again?


Title: Re: Shock Treatment
Post by: Abby on March 14, 2001, 12:27:59 PM
Oh no ... it's much much worse. They're in marriage therapy ... which is being broadcasted LIVE via a TV variety show. Brad and Janet are played by different actors ... all of the original RHPS goons are back except Curry.

It turns out that Brad's evil twin brother is set on breaking up their marriage on national TV. Janet become a TV star. Brad gets locked away as a mental patient. Then at the end, Janet sort of realizes that fame is no substitute for love ... Brad reveals his twin brother's evil plot. The TV audience doesn't care ... all they want is entertainment. Everyone lives happily ever after.

And you know what? The above summary is very coherant considering the nature of this movie. Which shows you that I actually TRIED to watch it.

I first saw this on cable in the 80's, but I couldn't pay attention to it. Always thought it was me. But it's not. I bought my VHS copy maybe a year ago ... and it was a trial of endurance sitting through it without fast-forwarding.

It BARELY resembles the first Rocky Horror Picture Show.


Title: Re: Shock Treatment
Post by: Stupid Jacob on March 14, 2001, 01:44:14 PM
Good god. Thats just evil. But I just know I'll end up seeing it.


Title: Re: 33 1/3 Revolutions
Post by: Abby on March 14, 2001, 03:12:43 PM
Seriously, you might as well plant yourself crosslegged in front of some burning-hot embers.

The musical numbers punch holes in your soul. The songs that aren't half-hearted knock-offs of original Rocky tunes have lyrics which don't relate to the "story" at all. I found myself groaning every time a new song would gear up.

I've sat through this in its entirety twice (not counting my early cable viewing). The first time I sat through it just to exploit my full 75 cents worth of "entertainment." The next time I sat through it was almost on a dare. I had told a friend how bad it was ... mentioning it in the same breath as a made-for TV musical crapfest called 33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee which I've cherished since childhood. Said that both would take years off your life. He did not heed my warnings, and insisted I show them to him back-to-back.

I haven't heard back from him since we viewed the movies.

Beware. Take Care. Beware.


Title: Re: 33 1/3 Revolutions
Post by: peter johnson on March 15, 2001, 07:34:03 PM
I saw Shock Treatment on the big screen.  I sat next to a group who had brought props & stuff like black cloth to tear during the "Little Black Dress" song.  They tried really really hard to get some camp fun out of the thing, but it simply didn't work for them.  I left the theatre feeling a bit sad for them, kinda like witnessing a child's birthday party no-one came to.
You are the only person I know who's even HEARD of 331/3 revolutions per Monkee, let alone seen it --
I must visit your must-be awesome site & I'm sorry I haven't yet.


Title: Re: Musicals
Post by: peter johnson on March 15, 2001, 07:49:14 PM
Oh, Gord in heaffen -- I lived in India & parts of Asia for years.  Once when I was in Lahore, Pakistan, I tried to get work as a Western extra in Pakistani films.  
Andrew's assessment of Indian films is essentially true, but doesn't prepare you for the sheer surrealistic TORTURE of trying to get them to make sense.  The movies in India are a family event, with even urban audiences in places like Calcutta bringing their goats and livestock and small fires to cook chai/tea on right into the aisles.  Everyone screams and speaks at the screen and shouts advice to the characters.  Imagine a happy and involved professional wrestling audience.  I once saw a Bengali epic (4hrs. long!) hit called "Bandi!", or "Captured!", about a royal kidnapping.  Supposedly taking place in the 12th century days of the Moghul Empire, there were numerous scenes with, oh, electric lights plainly visible on the walls of the forts they used for location shots, jet planes flying overhead during cavalry charges, and -- easily my favorite -- a city bus going by in the background during a harrowing confrontation with the head evil bad guy.  Now, we're talking 70mm widescreen here, folks, not some video or wimp 35mm.
I can only say that as bad as Indian movies are, Pakistani films are even worse -- the music is all recycled disco or Madonna or imitations of whatever is the very bottom of the barrel Western pop music at the time, played out with ferocious speed and ultra-suggestive dancing.  You cannot show kissing or even hand holding in Indian/Pakistani cinema, so instead you have these dance numbers wherein graphic sex is told in symbolic fashion.  You think I jest?  Go on, I dare you -- go to your local curry outlet & ask the guy or gal at the counter if they have any videos for rent -- they will.  You have been warned.


Title: Re: Musicals
Post by: Abby on March 15, 2001, 08:25:08 PM
A couple years ago, I was working in New York and commuting from Jersey. Some local cable station showed either Indian flicks every night.

I watched that station nonstop. All my friends thought I'd totally lost it. No subtitles. Tons of speaking/singing parts. I still don't know any of the titles to the movies I saw. But oh how I loved to see those committed yet rascally housewives sing and sing and sing. I actually began to recognize the actors after a while.

'You know, that guy with the ugly mustache."

Four out of five Indian musicals have scenes where a woman sings to/around/for a snake. I actually felt obligated to research it, and it turns out that there's some religious legend that housewives speak to snakes all day while their husbands work.


Hurray for 'Bollywood.'

By the by, on weekends, the same TV station aired a host of Korean features ... many of them with French dubbing. Surreal, to say the least.


Title: Re: No Rubber Spiders For You
Post by: Abby on March 15, 2001, 08:38:16 PM
And yes, you DO need to see my site.

MY SITE

Heck, even Iran likes it!

I hear that 33 1/3 was re-released by Rhino a year or so ago, which could explain why The Monkees couldn't get their tours financed. I think 33 1/3 was the first bootleg I ever purchased when I was 12 ... that and SW Holiday Special. It's amazing I ever bought another bootleg again.

I'm surprised Rhino put out 33 1/3, though. It makes everybody involved look really stupid. Someone should put out a "Variety Show Hell" comp tape with the best of the worst scenes from 33 1/3, Brady Bunch Variety, Pink Lady, and SW Holiday. All four shows could be highly entertaining if presented in short bursts. Watching those programs in their entirety is like freebasing uranium.


Title: Re: Worst films of all time
Post by: Dave on March 16, 2001, 08:52:29 AM
I think that the worst films of all time is of course the 1930's 40's and 50's genre of filming with the people who can't act even though they have set the scene of the actors that we have today and im not putting that down, but what i am putting down is the boring content the crap storylines and completly no plot. Im not saying that i sit and watch all of the films during these generations im just giving my opinion


Title: Re: Worst films of all time
Post by: Scott on March 18, 2001, 10:00:45 AM
Dave is young. Probably a teenager.


Title: Re: Worst films of all time
Post by: Faerie Of Death on March 19, 2001, 12:27:11 AM
I'd have to add to my list Excess Baggage and just about every Shirley Temple movie in existence.  All through Excess Baggage, I kept waiting and waithing for something interesting to happen, but I was horribly horribly disappointed.  But, despite all it's flaws, it doesn't even approach the Shirley Temple movies in sheer evilness.  I admit, when I was a wee girl, I LOVED Shirley Temple, I watched Heidi religiously and never once giggled over the title "Wee Willie Winkie".  But, sadly, I lost my childish innocence.  One day, sometime during my hellish Junior High years, I was terribly bored and popped Heidi into the VCR.  About a half hour later, I was forced to shut it off and go bang my head against a wall.  I'd have to agree with Josh, happy, heartwarming musicals with adorable children and storybook endings contain something that makes me and just about everyone I know go all masochistic.  Perhaps it's the knowledge that, even at the time, all the sweetness and light was just an illusion, a way for people ot forget that they were homeless or starving or losing everything they had.  Or possibly we're screaming at them for their naivete.  Or perhaps it's jealousy; they're blissful and the rest of the world isn't, who knows?


Title: Re: Worst films of all time
Post by: FLANGEPART on March 19, 2001, 04:48:30 PM
Faerie...i think the last part may be the key thing you said. G rowing up sucks. Only knowing you have some good friends, and if lucky, parents that , for all their imperfections, love you , makes it livable. Jealousy sound like a lot of it. Its just human Nature. When your not going it all alone, it's doable. Just not always easy.Oh,well...enough pontificating!...bring on the Hang Glideing Musk Oxen!


Title: Re: No Rubber Spiders For You
Post by: peter johnson on March 19, 2001, 06:16:45 PM
Yikes!! I seen the site!! I seen the site!!  Really cool -- one could say, breath-taking in execution.
Really really well done & informative.  Poor Mr. Girdler.  But heck, he made 'em, didn't he, instead of just talking about 'em?
On a related note, I'm shooting a pilot episode of a fishing show for a local group that has rip-off elements of "Red Green" to it. Heck, maybe we can call it a "homage". . .


Title: Re: Worst film of all time(Battlefield Earth)
Post by: yesfan on March 31, 2001, 05:02:12 AM
Worst film of all time in my opinion is Travolta's Battlefield Earth....the pain,the horror. I could not believe that something this horrid,unredeeming and pointless could be created in these modern times we live in. Oh boy, was I proven wrong. This movie is relentless in it's ineptitude and has NO redeeming qualities. That's right NOT ONE! I never thought anything could knock Highlander 2 from it's perch at the top of my Worst Film list and then this hunk of lurching crap came along. BE has an enormous budget and NOTHING to show for it.
 It's easy to attack low budget stuff but it's the big budget stuff that sucks that gets me so riled up.To see what I'm getting at just rent Batman and Robin and Battlefield Earth and watch them back to back.

Also, even though it's not really a movie check out The Star Wars Holiday Special from 1978. If you can make it through this w/o fast forwarding any part you will surely earn Eternal life.There is no pain on earth to compare with this horrific mess,,,,,,chris