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My daughter watches cartoons (as most kids do) and some of what she watches is on Boomerang which shows older cartoons from the 70's and 80's. Anyway, sometimes when a cartoon ends a little early, they will throw something short in there to take up the rest of the half hour. Usually they will put on an old superhero cartoon. Last night they had on The Atom which is the guy that can turn really small in his red and blue superhero outfit. I was laughing about this as it was one of the weaker superheroes that I can recall. My wife and I started talking about lame heroes and as far as I'm concerned, Aquaman has to be the lamest. Yup, my super powers will allow me to talk to fish! Look out Mr. Bank Robber, if you happen to go in the ocean, I will talk to the fish and they will catch you! Weak, weak, weak...they even had to come up with villians specifically so he has someone to fight,. Sure, there are villians designed for other heroes to give them a nemisis but, really, Aquaman has nobody to fight unless they give him some guy that happens to be able to breathe underwater and decides to commit some kind of dastardly deed while swimming.
What/who do you superhero fans believe is the lamest mainstream superhero?

The Wonder Twins were pretty lame. I mean, a guy who's sole power is the ability to turn into water. Who came up with that? And didn't he also have the power to turn into a BUCKET of water? Where did the bucket come from?

The writers stretched it as far as they could, and then some, but the Wonder Twins were never much use for any situation that didn't require some form of water, and an animal to carry it.

And don't get me started on that monkey. What was it about cartoons in the 70s that they always needed a comical animal sidekick?

Actually, sorta OT, I was talking to my wife last night while watching Teen Titans last night and said to my wife "Raven is a lot like Superman; she's pretty powerful and the only way some episodes work at all is if she seems to forget how powerful she is"

There was great SNL skit back in the day about the Atom where Jim Belushi (playing the Hulk) is talking to I believe superman and he's like "Yo superman, Meet my friend the Atom, he has the strength of a human, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" and crap like that. It was funny. The End.

Ken Begg at Jabootu.com did a review of the old Superfriends show.  Its a real hoot to read him going off on Aquaman.   I remember there were a bunch of B-list superheroes on there once.  A guy who could turn the lower part of his body to a cyclone and stuff like that.  
Anyway like The Tick?  I lovethe takes on Superheroes in there.  

-Ed

"This is a job for Bipolar Bear!  But I don't feel like it now."

I watched some Superfriends on Boomerang a while back and I didn't remember it being that lame. It was real stinker.

I wish they would show the Superman and Batman cartoons from the 60's. Superman was played by Bud Collier, the same guy who did his voice in the old Fleischer  Superman cartoons in the 40's. He was best known as a game show host.

The Wonder Twins...I used to wonder about them. They were pretty bad...

"Wonder Twin powers ACTIVATE!"
"Shape of an ape!"
"Shape of...uh..hmm...oh damn...shape of a freakin' bucket of water...again..."

Anybody remember Marvel Comics DAZZLER? She had some kind of ability to manipulate light and used to move around on roller-skates that would retract into her shoes when she didn't need them. I guess she was Marvel's version of a disco superhero. Marvel also had a superhero wannabe that would show up on occassion. This was a pudgy red-headed teenage boy who dressed in a frog costume. I don't remember if they called him Frog-man or what.

I think the lamest superhero ever is the Falcon. A guy in red and white tights that has a telepathic link to a falcon.. and not all falcons, just ONE falcon! That's it!!!  As far as powers go, that's pretty weak. I remember they put him on that animated 'Avenger's' show a few years back, probably for the sake of ethnic diversity,  but seriously.... the Falcon sucks.

The earliest costumed hero, The Phantom. He looks cool but his only power seems to be REPRODUCE.

Dazzler could turn sound into light. Which seems like a fairly lame superhero ability. But here's the trick - you get her together with Black Bolt from the Inhumans, then have him speak. She could take out just about anyone, then.

Being a comic fan and b-movie fan I have a special place for b-superheroes. I happen to like Dazzler and Faclon because thier super lame. here are some other lame herores: Moon knight, longshot (happens to be husband or boyfriend I foregot to Dazzler) and Cloak and Dagger.


You can’t give it, you can’t even buy it, and you just don’t get it!-Aeon Flux

DC had a character once in the 80s that dressed like a hockey player. I can't even remember his name.

Also, does anyone in there collection of videos and oddities have an old PSA from the 70s about littering.  It had a super hero who looked and dressed like Dick Tracy only with a cape. Seems like he was Captain Cleanup of Sparkle City and had a junior sidekick.  There were two versions long and short (10sec).  THe short was on Saturday morning cartoons for years. I'd like to see the long one again.

I've got an origin of the Wonder Twins comic somewhere. They had a space monkey named Gleek or something. He carried the bucket. The transform into water power is about as lame as it gets though, I remember one time the girl turned into a gorilla and the boy turned into stilts made of ice to walk through a lava flow. He kept telling her to hurry, but it took way too long to be near even the kind of plausibility you expect from Super Friends as an eight year old.

I love that superhero party SNL skit. Garret Morris was Ant Man, who is a kind of cool character in a way, since the same guy was also Giant Man, a couple more heros I think, and he created Ultron. Damn, I'm a regular Louis Lane here.

Green Arrow sucked, and I think he was a bit of a commie too.

How about the one Planeteer who's ring gave him the power of ... HEART!! Usually all it was good for was to help summon Captain Planet, but when they were in a situation where only telepathy or something could get them out of it, THAT'S what they'd decide heart was good for.

Dave other name for ant-man besides giantman was yellowjack. He was a pretty crappie Avenger. Hes also a wife beater. beat his wife wasp and will still on the Avengers.


   You can’t give it, you can’t even buy it, and you just don’t get it!-Aeon Flux



Post Edited (01-13-05 23:35)

The other night I was flipping channels and I hit some half-hour show of short animated films. I think it was on Nicktoons or one of those channels. What caught my attention first was a great CGI short that put the human animation in the Final Fantasy movie to shame. One of the other shorts was an old-style superhero cartoon, except that the superhero was The Accountant and his sidekick Ledger Lad. It was really, intentionally lame. He kept going back to his adding machine, trying to solve the sidekick's kidnapping by repeatedly crunching numbers.

I think the Phantom was more of a detective/Batman type.  He was big on using the old .45 whenever needed.  
Sorry, I loved him when I was a kid.  I think I'm 25 years too young.
-Ed

Thw Wonder Twins got it bad on ADULT SWIM.
The parodies were cold blooded!
And the gag on Harvey Birdman....Heh heh heh!
" Because..because i was the bathwater!"

Jesus! Buddha! Moses! Confucius! Mohammed! And...Seaman! Heeheehee...

Maybe we're being a bit hard on the Wonder Twins. I mean, they could be very effective in any situation in which the villain can be defeated by an animal dumping a bucket of water on him. OK, I take that back. They suck.

This thread got me thinking of the old Monty Python piece about Bicycle Repairman. Everybody in the world is Superman, complete with the suit. They all have super powers. But when one of their bicycles breaks down, they call on BICYCLE REPAIRMAN! - this little unassuming guy with glasses and a toolbox, played by Michael Palin. He appears on the scene and turns a couple of nuts, while the supermen look on in awe. Funny stuff.

Well, I do have to agree on the Wonder Twins but I still hold my belief that Aquaman is the lamest. I base this on the fact that at least the wonder twins can turn into something. Aquaman? He talks to fish. Oh hell, it might have to be a tie.

AndyC wrote:

>
> He appears on the scene and turns a couple of nuts, while the supermen look on in awe.
>

That is truly a talent.

I have a VERY vague memory of a 60's comicbook hero who could detach his arms and legs and use them to pummel  bad guys from all angles.  Anyone remember him?
-Ed

That character was called, sadly enough, Captain Marvel. He would yell "SPLIT!." They were sued by the owners of the Captain Marvel name. Another character in the comic book series was either Plastic Man or The Shadow. The company got sued for that too.  It hink the villans name was Batman (not sure).

While we're on this subject, I recently read that when Gold Key made a Gomer Pyle comic book they were not allowed to use the word "Shazam!" because they would have had to pay for it (being another comic book company).

I'll tell you who DIDN'T suck...

Hong Kong Phooey: #1 Super Dog

I definitely remember him yelling "Split!"  Thanks for completing my memory.
-Ed

I've always wanted to pit Hong Kong Phooey against Captain Caveman in a cage match to the death. Hong Kong Phooey's deadly skills against Captain Cavemans primitive murderous instinct. Regardless of who won blood aplenty would flow.

Master Blaster wrote:

> I've always wanted to pit Hong Kong Phooey against Captain
> Caveman in a cage match to the death. Hong Kong Phooey's deadly
> skills against Captain Cavemans primitive murderous instinct.
> Regardless of who won blood aplenty would flow.

And it could be a double bill with Jabberjaw vs. the Great Grape Ape! But instead of blood flowing, I guess it would be grape juice...

Aquaman wasn't to lame I know talking to fish was stupid but eveybody forgot he also has superhuman powers. Falcon also had superhuman powers from Captain America when he got hurt really bad on a mission and need blood. Captain America gave him some of his I remember that in my Falcon comic books.

I'll bet on Hong Kong Phooey.   Captain Caveman was way too much of a spaz- he would make a fatal mistake.  I have no doubt.

It all depends on whether or not the cat is present.

My money would be on Hong Kong Phooey, if only for the Scatman Crothers coolness factor.