Bizarre TV edits...

[Tempest]

Die Hard 3- Die Hard With A Vengeance on F/X:

Original scene:

Bruce Willis (John McClane) hands Samuel L. Jackson (Zeus) a machine gun

Willis: Here take this!

Jackson: what am I supposed to do with this?

Willis: I thought you'd know how to use this.

Jackson: Why? Cause I'm black? You racist mother-F*cker!

Edited For F/X:

Bruce Willis (John McClane) hands Samuel L. Jackson (Zeus) a machine gun

Willis: Here take this!

Jackson: what am I supposed to do with this?

Willis: I thought you'd know how to use this.

Jackson: Why? Cause I'm black? You racist melon farmer!

[Andrew]

Jackson: Why? Cause I'm black? You racist melon farmer!

Now that is a funny edit.  I love it when they do ones like that.

Welcome aboard.

[Torgo]

The TV edit of Pulp Fiction is beyond awful.

They just had to completely drop out the sound in certain scenes instead of trying to overdub dialogue over top of it that was suitable for TV.

Also, they completely edited around The Gimp in the infamous Pawn Shop sequence.   

[Weltall]

Now I remember the worst cut I witnessed ever, in Ghostbusters when Bill Murray starts <snip>

There's an even better change in the english version they released for broadcast. There's a scene where EPA guy Peck, the Mayor and the Ghostbusters are arguing over whose fault it is that all the ghosts that were captured just got released. A great line playing off Peck's name got removed and replaced with a longer line comparing him to a rat. What's weird is that they still made a penis joke of a sort (or is that just my dirty mind?), they just didn't follow through with it.

[original, paraphrasing]
Ray: Everything was going fine until dickless here shut off the power.
Mayor: Is this true?
Peter: Yes, it's true... this man has no dick.

For the sanitized version, replace dickless with 'willywick' and the second half of Peter's line with 'this man is some kind of rodent, we're not sure what kind'.

[Capt_Scrummy]

My personal favorite came when I was watching "The Matrix" on one of the main channels like NBC or CBS.  Neo is talking to the agent:

Neo:  "Why don't I give you the finger, and you give me my phone call?" (Neo flips the agent the bird)

Edited version:

Neo:  "Why don't I give you the flipper, and you give me my phone call?" (Neo holds up a fist, in which the finger has been blanked out)

I also enjoy the edit of "The Client", where the kid says this:

Kid:  "I don't give a f*****g s**t!"

Edited version:

Kid:  "I don't give a flying sack!"

[Just Plain Horse]

God, there are so many stupid edits on movies these days you could almost build an entire collection on some due to various edited "versions"...

I always liked the scene in "Cuffs" where the two guys are cursing in the car and random words are censored... then finally one slips out and they both stare at each other.

[D-Man]

Another Robocop reference...

Dick Jones: I remember having fun with the Old Man...calling him names like "Iron Butt"..."Boner"...once I even called him..."a***ole"

TV edit....

Dick Jones: ...Once I even called him..."Airhead"


Also, in "Die Hard With A Vengeance" there's a scene where Bruce Willis is forced to go around wearing a sign that says "I HATE n****rS" in a black neighborhood.  In the TV edit, the sign reads "I HATE EVERYBODY" instead.