Marriage, family, keeping up with people you know, etc...

[BTM]

Hmm.. I just thought of something today... is it just me or does it seem like once someone gets married and has kids, they don't really care to keep up with old friends and other relatives?  

Granted, maybe "don't care" is the wrong word, maybe they're just too busy to really keep in touch, or too preoccupied.  

I mean, I remember talking to my stepbro the other day about how I was looking around online, trying to track down some old acquaintances from high school because I was curious how they turned out and he mentioned how he doesn't really keep track of any of that.  I've also noticed that while I occasionally call my siblings "out of the blue" to see how they're doing, what they're up to, I rarely get calls from them, unless it's about an upcoming get together or something.  

Course, it's not just the married ones now that I think of it, sometimes it's also old friends who've moved away or I just don't see too often.  Seems like I'm the one that initiates contact far more often than they do.  Maybe I care more about keeping up with friends and stuff than most "normal" people do cause I'm lonely and don't have that many friends to begin with.  Guess my theory is a lot of people have so many acquaintances that when one or two quit communicating they don't even notice.

Or maybe it's just me being neurotic and clingy.

[Javakoala]

Nah, I notice that kind of thing as well.

After having been out of touch with my siblings for years, I made the effort to contact them and invited them to call me whenever they felt like it.  In the last year, by accident, I found out my brother-in-law had a stroke and that my brother fell and shattered his leg bones. I found these things out because I called about something unrelated and got the "Oh, by the way..."  No warnings. And no calls on birthdays either, or even at Christmas. I called my sister, and it was like I was holding things up.

So I just focus on my current "family" which is this board and my immediate buddies in SCA.  My family knows where I am and what my phone number is. It's their turn, as I see it.

[RCMerchant]

It's not just you. I rarley see my family...and most of my freinds are long gone. In fact-the only people who vist me are a young couple who were freinds of me and Tara Sue-Eathon and Destiny. Their a punk rock pair. And they like cheezy films too. People get caught up in their lives....and if you don't work on relationships-they fade-and eventually die.
Oh yeah=I still see Carrie (my ex-girlfreind from the 80's),and I talk to Lenore (a freind I met through Tara Sue-and a member of this forum!) almost every other day-never met her in person!-she lives in CA. ANd I see my sister Brenda about once a week. But I'm pretty much a loner-not by choice.

[ChuckSplatt]

Being married changes people and their habits in different ways.
It's usually not personal, it's just how it is.

Most people that have a kid smile a lot less, thus I've avoided having kids.

[Mr. DS]

Indeed, family life kills you socially.  I can tell you right now that my schedule is so tight, the two hours or less I have to myself a day I'd rather put into myself (shelfish as it may sound) than hanging out with someone else.  Children as comedian Gallagher put it, are kind of like anchors.   Granted I'd never change my life and want to be without them.  Still, if you have a friend who is getting married or planning on having children, say goodbye to them...softly.  

Most people that have a kid smile a lot less, thus I've avoided having kids.

Its a bit of a double edged sword.  Kids can and will push you toward ripping your hair out.  They are people like you and me but with bigger egos and PLUS, they know they can get away with whining more.  If you or I went into a store and starting kicking and screaming because we couldn't buy something, we'd get carted away in the paddy wagon.  With kids, its a norm. 

But on that note, I will say some stuff my three year old comes out with cracks me up.  I don't crack up laughing much either. 

[Doggett]

Once they're married, they're gonners !
They're not even the same buddies you used to know anyway. The ring changes them. It's like The Ring of Power or something.

That is the basic vibe I'm getting from this thread.

[RCMerchant]

I was married twice. My first was a sham. BUT I had two kids from it. My second was to the love of my life. I miss her so,She died of cancer. Marriage does change your priorities. It's not about 'Party Time"...it's time to be a Dad and Father. It can be the most beautiful thing and a chore...hard to explain...but it's NEVER boring and always,for me at least,an adventure. My wife Tara Sue was my best freind...and raising kids-it's an adventure. A GREAT one!

[Doggett]

My second was to the love of my life. I miss her so,She died of cancer.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[akiratubo]

Yeah, when your friends get married, they're gone, especially if you are a confirmed bachelor.  Married people only seem to want to hang out with other couples.

[Dennis]

Marriage does change your priorities. It's not about 'Party Time"...it's time to be a Dad and Father. It can be the most beautiful thing and a chore...hard to explain...but it's NEVER boring and always,for me at least,an adventure. My wife Tara Sue was my best freind...and raising kids-it's an adventure. A GREAT one!

Truer words have never been spoken.

Yeah, when your friends get married, they're gone, especially if you are a confirmed bachelor.  Married people only seem to want to hang out with other couples.

It's not that you don't want to see your single friends, it's just that your life, which is now shared with another, has been changed in a subtle way, you must consider your spouse's feelings in any decision you make. When you have a child, not uncommon for us married folks, your life changes dramatically, before there were two adults, sharing a life together, now you're both responsible for the health, welfare, and upbringing of a little person or persons and while this is time consuming and at times trying, it is also, as RC said, a great adventure, one I've been lucky enough to share with my best friend for the last 38 years.

[The Burgomaster]

Marriage and kids definitely affect how often and under what circumstances people stay in touch.  I just went through a period of nearly 15 years when I had only sporadic contact with people I used to see or talk to nearly every damned day.  Through the magic of Facebook, I have reconnected with about 20 these folks and we've had 2 group get-togethers within the past couple of months.  Plus, my wife and I went to Maine, out to dinner, and a had barbecue at my house with my buddy (who I haven't been in touch with very much for several years) and his wife.  It's definitely different from the "old days," but I'm glad I have reconnected with these friends.

[schmendrik]

Guilty as charged. Marriage has definitely made me a hermit. Sometimes I just don't want to interact with other human beings, talk on the telephone, etc. My wife matches me in this, so we can comfortably hide out together. Plus for some reason even when we don't want to talk to other people, we always like talking to each other.

But I'm sure I'm one of those who was thought to drop off the face of the earth when I got married.

We had kids, they're grown and have their own lives. They're actually better about keeping in touch than I ever was with my own parents.

I've been going to high school reunions & reconnecting in other ways with high school and college friends. But getting one or two catch up e-mails summarizing the last [**** NUMBER DELETED DUE TO CLASSIFICATION ***] years kind of does it for me for those friendships. It's nice to satisfy my curiosity, and satisfy theirs about me.

[BTM]

Being married changes people and their habits in different ways.
It's usually not personal, it's just how it is.

Well, sometimes, it isn't even just marriage, I mean, I remember once I had a friend who lived in the same town as me, he'd hang out at least once or twice a week, and then he got a girlfriend, and suddenly, boom so little contact.  Even remember one time we were like, "Okay, let's me up this evening and do such and such."  I show up at the meeting spot, and he's not there.  (In fairness, he didn't have a phone at the time, so he told me something came up and couldn't get in touch with me.)

Buuut.. right after he broke up with girlfriend, guess who he called wanting to hang out with?  You guessed it, me.

I guess it also bugs me that when I send out stuff to other people, like "how you doing?" emails to old friends, or I'll send email attachments of pictures I took from our last get together to my siblings, I'll rarely hear back from them, making me wonder if they ever got the pictures or not.  Now, I know that, unlike me, they have lives and don't spend time on the computer every day, but is a quick, "Hey, thanks for the pics, Mike! Hope you're doing okay!" type note THAT much to ask for?

(shrugs)