Roller Blade (1986)

[Kester Pelagius]

Mise-en-scene Crypt is back with fresh strange-bad-fun reviews for the New Year!

First up is Roller Blade.

In the future there will be bad movies.  Many of those movies will be made by Hollywood, or rather "remade" "based on" or otherwise "re-imagined" from some popular classic.  Directors will spin in their graves.  Cats and dogs will sleep together.  Yet few of those movies will ever be quite as bad as Roller Blade, nor will they be half as much fun to watch.

How strange-bad-fun is it?

Check out the review now up at Mise-en-scene Crypt.

Happy New Year!

[Jack]

I remember seeing Roller Blade Warriors many years ago, at about 4:00 a.m. on TV.  I'd forgotten the faux-Shakespearian dialogue, but I'll never forget that they worshipped a big happy face.  That one took place in the desert, and I was at a complete loss as to how one could travel through the desert on rollerblades.  I mean, you know, soft sand, small wheels, not a good combination at all.

I've got to track these down on VHS.  It is now my mission 

[indianasmith]

Gosh, I remember this one . . . it was really dreadful, in a wonderful way!  nekkid nuns on roller skates . . . wow!

[BoyScoutKevin]

Gosh, I remember this one . . . it was really dreadful, in a wonderful way!  nekkid nuns on roller skates . . . wow!

Wait a minute! If they were naked, how did you know they were nuns?

[indianasmith]

The headgear, dude.  the headgear.

[BoyScoutKevin]

The headgear, dude.  the headgear.

I hate to say this. If you are wearing headgear or a hat, then you are technically not nude. But who cares. The best parts of them are available for viewing.

[Dr. Whom]

Finally got to see this. This must be one of the most inept movies ever made. For a movie which relies heavily on action scenes, it is particularily damning that none of the 'actors' (I use the term loosely) can skate very well, and that the  'fight' scenes make Adam West look like Bruce Lee.

I can image that at one point a conversation somewhat like this took place

- I'm a porn actress, I can't do fight scenes
- What can you do then
- I can grunt real loud
- OK, we'll work with that.

A lot of the 'action' is simply people looking intense at the camera, with assorted sound effects overdubbed.

It seems that someone drew up a list of cool things, which included roller skates, postapocalyptic punks, a heroic marshall, sexy nuns and butterfly knives, and decided to put them all into a movie.