The I'll Tell That Story "Another Time" Thread

ER · September 21, 2018, 09:39:58 AM

Ever had a story so questionable you saved it for (ahem) "another time"? Care to let fly? (Let's make this a blackmail-free zone, please!)

You know, like my story about my newborn baby peeing in my mouth while I was changing him and talking....

Or the time a plastic grape fell down the front of my dress at an event and got stuck there and everybody on that side of the table probably thought the room was very cold...

Or the time I was holding a transparent bag of "ribbed for her pleasure" condoms for my roommate and my favorite professor came up and talked to me....

Or the time the drag queen dressed as Princess Diana interrupted my impending makeout session in London....

Or the time I was little and tied my hair under my chin to make a Viking beard and it got so knotted I had to get it cut....

Or the time I knocked a full can of paint off a high garage shelf and both cracked the rear window on my mom's new car and left it soaked in white paint.....

Or the time this guy's ex-wife in Austin threatened to hire someone to throw acid in my face....

Or the time I was pouring my heart out to someone and he said I had a dead moth in my hair....

Or the time I....well that one's for another time!

You know, those wholesome sorts of situations?

Alex · September 21, 2018, 10:03:06 AM

Yeah, I am not spilling the beans. If I haven't already admitted to it, the chances are it would get me into a lot of trouble.

Although just to be fair since you told us about your weakness, I shall share one of mine with you. I loathe the smell of coffee.

The Burgomaster · September 23, 2018, 10:16:59 AM

The time I was snowblowing the driveway and my wife came outside and asked if I s**t my pants. Sure enough, I had a wet s**t stain on the back of my sweat pants. I thought it was just a fart . . .

Alex · September 23, 2018, 10:26:30 AM

Fine, since someone else has owned up to something.

The post where I said that's a story for another time involved a girl sitting between us in the cinema while we watched Armageddon (which when some time later when I first watched Miss Congeniality and they mentioned a film called 'Armaget-it-on' caused me to spit out a mouthful of cola) using her mouth to take care of me while her hand was seeing to my friend. We were the only people in the cinema that day and I have no idea if the projectionist could see us or not.

Damn you ER. :P

Svengoolie 3 · September 23, 2018, 05:58:29 PM

Funny coincidence here: last night I watched an EP of space:1999 called "mission of the darrians" that ended with "remind me to feel you later".

indianasmith · September 23, 2018, 08:43:59 PM

My life is incredibly tame and boring compared to most of you here, but here goes -

When I was in 7th grade I was running at a track meet. Remember those super-short, super-tight satin running shorts of the late 70's? I was wearing those. And as I ran, all my junk suddenly slipped out of one side and was there wagging back and forth for all to see. I desperately tried to tuck myself back in while running, which only drew more attention to my garment malfunction.

I never ran track again.

AoTFan · September 24, 2018, 07:51:58 PM

Quote from: indianasmith on September 23, 2018, 08:43:59 PM
My life is incredibly tame and boring compared to most of you here, but here goes -

When I was in 7th grade I was running at a track meet. Remember those super-short, super-tight satin running shorts of the late 70's? I was wearing those. And as I ran, all my junk suddenly slipped out of one side and was there wagging back and forth for all to see. I desperately tried to tuck myself back in while running, which only drew more attention to my garment malfunction.

I never ran track again.

"What chu gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your truck...."

I'm sorry, Indy, I couldn't resist...

ER · September 24, 2018, 09:43:30 PM

A few years ago Sting came to town, and knowing my cousin Jared was a fan, I bought us tickets, his being a present since I told him the concert came the day before his birthday, which is April 20th (yes, I know...).

He was excited and told me I was a great cousin, and I said yes, I knew I was.

Trouble is, I qualified for Darwin Award status that day, because I had the poor chap drive down from Columbus on April 19, 2005, and only when he was here in his 1980s Dream of the Blue Turtles tee and I handed him his ticket did he happen to see the date of the show was actually April 20th!

I made my poor cousin drive three hours on the wrong day!