June 2006 Proofreading Challenge

[Andrew]

Okay, here it is, a public way for anyone to fix my mistakes.  If you note a mistake in a review, whether it be spelling, grammar, incorrect information about the movie, or even a broken link, please post it here.

If you are worried about a gray area mistake or are uncertain about if it is a mistake, feel free to email it to me andrew@badmovies.org if you like.

At the end of the month I will put all the names into a hat (probably an electronic one) and pick one at random.  I will ask that person what DVD (say, $15 or less - though that is not set in stone) I can send to them for the help.

[Inyarear]

I might as well try throwing my name into the hat by proofreading one of my favorites, your Crash and Burn review (http://www.badmovies.org/movies/crashburn/index.html).

You do clip out your pronouns a lot, but I think clipped sentences are more or less grammatically acceptable in an informal way. (Wolverine and the Punisher from Marvel Comics--as well as every tough-guy cowboy from Western movies and comic books--always talk the same way: "All dead. Didn't have to fire a single round.") Still, a few of the sentences are run-ons; you use a comma where you ought to use a semicolon, or else split the sentence. A few other minor adjustments are also necessary.

Cases in point:

Arren - Young girl who has exceptional computer skills and a serious itch to scratch. Perhaps [G]randpa [or "her grandpa"] should have let her go on a few dates with boys her age.

Lathan - Old revolutionary[;] [or "." and "H"] he covertly runs a television station in the wastes of southern California. Tries out for the part of a thousand amp fuse.

Winston Wickett - Overweight and often sweaty talk show host[;] [or "."] I could have done with far less footage of him shirtless. Has an arm wrenched off by Quinn.

Christie and Sandra - Two prostitutes that were guests on Winston's talk show. Hmmm, two hookers on a talk show[--]I wonder what happens? Do they get called sluts? Their self esteem hardly matters though[;] [or ":"][or "." and "B"]both go to the great bordello in the sky.

Parice - Video schoolteacher [with whom] Tyson takes a roll in the sack. [As noted in the Paradoxical Grammar Rules, "Prepositions are not for ending sentences with."] He later discovers she is a synthoid, though he is probably the only person surprised by this. Turned into dust by a close range shotgun blast. [The last two sentences are grammatically acceptable, but you may want to try putting the last one in an active voice for more impact: "A short range shotgun blast turns her into dust."]

The first sentence of the review itself is grammatically accurate, but the strange use of pronouns is a little awkward: "...I have decided it [the future] sucks, whether it be evil companies taking over, the development of killer robots, or an environment ruined by man's hubris." The future can arguably *be* something (or several "things"), but you might do better to say it *involves* something. The choice of wording is yours, however.

After this comes another run-on sentence, easily corrected:

"Unfortunately for the characters populating this movie[,] all three have happened[;][or "." and "I"] it's been a bad century."

An iffy use of a comma follows:

"That's right[: or maybe ;] cut everyone's finger to see who bleeds oil..."

A comma in the next sentence seems a little superfluous:

"Perhaps there was an easier way, like noticing that two characters never sweat[unnecessary comma] [italics]even when everyone else is dripping wet![/italics]" The italics also make this sentence seem to be unspaced from the one after it. Copying the text without the italics proved this was not so, but you might want to de-italicize the exclamation point to counter this visual irritation.

Later, a few more run-on sentences occur:

"I noticed it, probably over half the audience noticed it[;] why didn't Tyson or Arren notice it?"

"The video cover prominently displays the DV-8[;][or "." and "I"] it is an old mining or construction robot quietly rusting away in the local scrap heap. Arren has taken the time to fix it up though[;][or... do I need to say it?] she even feels confident about piloting the thing... ...If you want it to stand[,] you type "stand[.]" [Some would contend you ought to put the period outside the quotes. I do not.] I'm sure any other veteran Zork players out there would feel comfortable at the controls."

Finally, I believe "sure-fire" comes with a dash, for the same reason that a "can't-lose" proposition does. Also, "hehehe[etc.]" is AOL-speak. "Heh heh heh" or even "hee hee hee" would be better.

By the way, you might want to list some of your potential prizes here just so we can get an idea of what reward we might get for proofreading. I wouldn't say no to one of your four-slime or five-slime selections, but some of your twos and ones and even skulls sound rather intriguing.

[Shadowphile]

Hell, I was just going to go after typos....

[trekgeezer]

This has the makings of a B-movie plot. Attack of the Grammar Nazis.

Didn't Andrew make a point in the other post that he didn't want an editor?

[Andrew]

Eh.  I knew that some of my older reviews were going to be ugly and also should have known that breaking up sentences with either a period or semicolon would be a problem too.  I might not take every suggestion, but looking at that review I have to agree with many of the run on sentences.

As for the prizes, pretty much whatever DVD I could order for the person from either Amazon or Movies Unlimited.  Figure the winner can just tell me what one they would really like and I will get it in for them.

[Shadowphile]

"Attack of the Grammar Nazis"

Starring:

Sybil Danning

and

John Saxon

[BoyScoutKevin]

This thread does bring up the question, what sort of errors are we suppose to be looking for, factual, not that there are many of those, grammatical, typographical, etc.?

I won't go back and look at any of the older reviews, I'll start with the first new one beginning in June, 2006.

And I will say, whether error free or error filled, I always like reading the new reviews as this site.

[Andrew]

Pretty much any error is up for correction.  Now, at times I make them on purpose in order to be entertaining, but those should all be easy to identify.  At least to me, but most like that are going to be inside jokes or such.  Many reviews have some sort of joke hidden in them.  

And thank you.  I am hoping the new reviews will have less problems.  The gents have been doing a good job of tearing me up in the proofreading department for the ones on the way.

[LilCerberus]

Not quite sure how this is supposed to work, but anyway...
"They still help the prevent movie from being a total drag."
I assume you meant
"They still help prevent the movie from being a total drag."
Or
"They still help to prevent the movie from being a total drag."

Boy, I sure do love to complain. My stepdad really hates that about me.

By the way, did anybody ponder where the Neon Maniacs come from, like from toxic waste or a meteor or something, or did they just kinda show up one day for no reason?

[Just Plain Horse]

lilcerberus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> By the way, did anybody ponder where the Neon
> Maniacs come from, like from toxic waste or a
> meteor or something, or did they just kinda show
> up one day for no reason?

I always liked to think movies like that- especially during the eighties- just showed up in unlabelled packages left on the steps of local television stations, with no clue as to who made them or where they came from....

[Andrew]

Just Plain Horse Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lilcerberus Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> >
> > By the way, did anybody ponder where the Neon
> > Maniacs come from, like from toxic waste or a
> > meteor or something, or did they just kinda
> show
> > up one day for no reason?
>
> I always liked to think movies like that-
> especially during the eighties- just showed up in
> unlabelled packages left on the steps of local
> television stations, with no clue as to who made
> them or where they came from....

It appears they were foretold in an early 80's prophecy.  I am guessing that they were the ghosts of long dead Spartans.

[Three Oranges]

Andrew Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>  I am hoping the new reviews will
> have less problems.

Fewer problems.

[BoyScoutKevin]

Lord, that took all the fun out of the review. No, not really, but--darn--I want a crack at that free dvd drawing at the end of the month. While the review for "Neon Maniacs" is relatively free of errors, I did find these few.

The Plot
3rd paragraph
4th sentence: "Maybe . . ."
5th sentence: "That . . ."
Both sentences lack a verb.

5th paragraph
5th sentence: "In . . ."
The sentence lacks a subject for the verb.

Probably not an error, but . . .

9th paragraph
"Inside the Golden Gate Bridge"
10th paragraph
"Under the Golden Gate Bridge"

Is that like being in two places at once? My small mind is having difficulty trying to wrap itself around the concept of being in and under the same thing at the same time.

I do think I caught that in-joke about Paula. I take it, that was an in-joke. If she was a high school freshman, she is older than the freshman at my high school. Actually, we didn't have freshmen at my high school. As I went to a three-year high school, we had seniors, juniors, and sophomores.
Freshmen were in junior high or middle school, as some people call it.

[Just Plain Horse]

This movie- which I have not yet seen- probably was made in a time when actors were cast for roles that were at least five years too young for them. I get a kick out of older movies that use 39 year olds as teenagers! It's hard to think about going to the drive-in or slumber parties when you're days away from a midlife crisis. You kids with your hoola hoops and your fax machines!

[LilCerberus]

"The reason for this is made clear later, but it still does not make sense."
-The reason for what? The reason why they dump in plain sight? The reason why the drums are marked "radioactive"? The reason why Hank knows about The Floating Pig? What is "this"?

"The incongruity of the women's age spoils some of the effect, but mostly what does not work is the direction. There is something chilling about a crowd of gleeful innocents anticipating a surprise when the viewer knows that inexorable death is closing in."
-Uhh... What is it about the direction that doesn't work?

"If that is not creepy enough, seeing the two lovebirds drift around the party before coming together and gazing into each other's eyes will."
-I think you should've closed this sentence with "is" instead of "will", & I think it runs os just a teensie bit. (What's that word I'm looking for?)

"Sodium does exist as a liquid at over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure."
-Pardon my density, but I had to read this sentence a couple of times before I understood it.
Some possible revisions would be,
"Sodium can exist as a liquid at over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit, or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure."
or
"Sodium can only exist as a liquid at over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit, or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure."
or
"Sodium only exists as a liquid at over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit, or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure."
or
"Sodium does exist as a liquid, but only at over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit, or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure."
or even
"At over two hundred degrees Fahrenheit or at room temperature under extreme (one million atmospheres) pressure, does, as a liquid, exist sodium."

I couldn't seem to find any typos this time, but I'll keep looking.
Well, I'm finding this very enjoyable, but I wouldn't be too suprised if you're starting to regret this idea of bringing out all of us whiners & knitpickers and the like.

I hope you had a happy Father's Day