Reb Brown IS Strike Commando!

Reb Brown is probably best (?) known as Captian America in those two, awful, TV movies. His signature acting bit is going "Bleaaaah!" during action scenes.

Why do I mention Mr. Brown? Because I just saw a movie called Strike Commando, a thoroughly unpleasant little affair. Reb plays Michael Ransom, a commando operating during the Vietnam war. Yes, this is one of those '80s Vietnam flicks, made to capitalize on the success of "First Blood" parts I & II.

The movie starts with Reb's squad getting killed due to extreme incompetence. Reb washes down river and is found by a badly-dubbed Vietnamese youth. The people of the boy's village (including a really ugly French missionary) view Reb as their "saviour" and beg him to get them out of the jungle, away from those awful Communists.

Reb agrees. On the way out, he gets most of them killed and deserts the rest when a chopper shows up to rescue him. Wow, what a hero.

Reb says he saw some Russian and Chinese communists assisting the Vietnamese. This news is treated with utter shock and disbelief. I mean, really, why would communists with strong interests in the region support these other communists? It makes no sense.

Reb is sent back to get photographic proof of these supposed Communists. He gets all those sent with him killed, then goes back to the village, where everyone is asleep with red paint splatterd on them. Wait, I think they're supposed to be dead. No! -- that guy just moved . . . and that guy, too. They're okay.

Reb, apparently upset that everyone's asleep, cradles the little boy and shouts "Dancougar!" at the top of his lungs. This is especially amusing, since I had just tried to watch an anime series called "Dancougar," which was the worst anime I'd ever seen.

Later, Reb is captured by Dancougar, the giant leader of the communists. They torture Reb, make him pretend to receive electric shocks, force him to take a dump while a blowtorch is held several feet away from him, and compel him to watch Dancougar do push-ups. A dying POW is thrown in the cell with Reb, who proceeds to fondle the little guy as he dies. The man's corpse is left there to rot for weeks, all the better to torture Reb.

Gosh, it sounds like the movie actually managed to do something effective, doesn't it? Several things spoil the mood. First, we see that the "corpse" is still breathing. Second, Reb is sitting on a rock which looks exactly like a toilet bowl in a manner which suggests he's having a satisfying bowl movement. Third, Reb gags and moves away from the toilet - er, rock - and toward the corpse. These things add up to make it seem like Reb is more grossed out by a smelly crap than the decaying body.

Reb escapes, kidnaps a female communist, and makes it to a rendezvous point. However, Reb's colonel (or general, his rank isn't too clear) betrays him! Reb shoves the woman in front of him to take the bullet, then shoots down the colonel's chopper. He also punches Dancougar over a waterfall. (Insert triumphant Bleahhh! here) That's kind of odd, seeing as how they weren't anywhere near a waterfall when the fight began.

The movie ends. Wait, no . . . there's still some left. Sometime after the war, Reb goes to Manila because the traitorous Colonel has set up shop there. Reb marches into his office and blows him up with a grenade launcher. During this scene, Reb looks depressed enough to off himself. Hey, look, Dancougar is still alive. No problem, Reb depressedly sticks a grenade in Dancougar's mouth and blows him up. Dancougar's thoughts on the subject: "Damnedski Americanski!"

Reb, on the verge of tears, marches off into the sunset while claiming that the movie was in no way a rip-off of the Rambo flicks.

There is fun to be had here but only with friends and even then not much. And I wasn't exaggerating about Reb's depression in the last segment. My guess is the movie ran out of money before they could finish and Reb was damn glad of it. Then, who knows how much later, he got a call and it went like this: "Reb! Good news! We've got money to finish Strike Commando! Reb? Reb?" Poor Reb couldn't respond, for he was crying. He was crying because he had signed a contract and could not refuse. He had, in effect, signed away his soul.

Verdict: Avoid at all costs.