Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
October 02, 2014, 03:32:09 AM
534677 Posts in 40452 Topics by 5080 Members
Latest Member: Bantu
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Troll 2 (unformatted) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Troll 2 (unformatted)  (Read 2927 times)
Famous Mortimer
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 7
Posts: 74



« on: January 11, 2007, 05:30:43 AM »

I apologise for not noticing the standard formatting for reviews, I'll follow it in future. Doing it now for this review would involve effectively rewriting it, so I'll just post it as is.



I love the fact that due to the internet, people who like films like this don’t have to feel alone. Of course, it also brings people with all sorts of deviant views together, but no need to dwell on that. The question I was asked by one of the group of friends who watched this with me last night was “where the hell did you find this piece of crap?” – thank you, internet!

There’s already been a bunch of reviews of this film, but I guess a few of the main points need to be mentioned in case you’ve not had the pleasure. First, the title, “Troll 2”. You’d expect trolls, right? Wrong. What you get is goblins- for fun, as my mate Chris did, every time someone says “goblin” you say “troll” in a weird voice like you’re dubbing the word onto the soundtrack, and pretend you’re watching an actual sequel, or just a film with a title that makes sense.

Quote
Holly: Elliott! What kind of idiotic joke is this? You scared the s**t out of me!
Elliott: I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman.
Holly: [Punches Elliott in the groin] Release your instincts in the bathroom.
Elliott: Are you nuts? You tryin' to turn me into a homo?
Holly: Wouldn't be too hard. If my father discovers you here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can't stand you.

A quote from one of the least convincing relationships in the movies, but not close to the funniest exchange in the film. So…the plot. Suburban family, for reasons never really explained all that much, is taking part in a house-swap with a rural family from the town of “Nilbog”. If there’s ever been a lamer way of crowbarring some normal family into the middle of weird events, then I’ve yet to see it. Elliott, mentioned above, asks to go on holiday with the family, misses their car so decides to take his three friends in a Winnebago to join them- I’m not down with sly gay jokes about characters in films, but these four guys are the most obvious closet cases I’ve seen in years. Oh, the kid of the family keeps seeing his dead grandpa, who warns him about the dangers of goblins in the form of a bedtime story- well, he is dead: social niceties aren’t a big priority.

The scene where the family drives from suburbia to Nilbog is a good place to discuss the acting chops on display. The son appears to be constipated throughout the film, the daughter is like that half-pretty girl you knew at school who wanted to act but was so wooden you were surprised she didn’t sprout leaves, the father…we spent about ten minutes trying to figure out who the father reminded us of. I went for Bruce Boxleitner, but I was a bit drunk and I meant to say the other bloke who was the first captain of “Babylon 5”; other names were bandied about but no satisfactory conclusion was reached. The towering glory in the acting department is the mother’s, though. Her constant wide-eyed expression indicates a degree of fear about everything in the universe, and her attempts to maintain order on the car journey is hilarious in its over-the-topness. A sample:

Quote
Diana: Shouting Joshua, start singing. Come on, sing that song I like so much.
Joshua: I don't feel like singing, Mom!
Diana: Just sing.
Joshua: [singing] Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...
Diana, Joshua: [both singing] Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream...

A few questions – if she likes it so much, why doesn’t she know the title? And who likes “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” a lot? The expression on her face during this exchange is one step away from sheer mania and is brilliant.

So we’ve had solid belly laughs, terrible acting, cheap special effects (the story being told by the dead grandpa had them damn goblins in it, and someone being turned into a half-man, half-plant by special goblin poisoned food and eaten) and character motivation which makes no sense at all, and we’re only 15 minutes in! This family is stupid. I mean, when they go to swap houses with the Nilbog residents (Nilbogers? Nilbogians?) they’re weird and hostile, and virtually scream out “run! Run, you townie fools! For your lives!” but our “heroes” are entirely oblivious and just mention all the exciting conveniences their home has. There’s a scene inside the house involving food which I’d match against any scene in film history for sheer “what the hell?”-ness but I really don’t want to spoil any more for you- in fact, I’ll let you discover the rest of the joys of this film for yourself. We’ve got a small town which a blind, deaf person would know was suspicious as hell, a family, a group of horny teenage boys and the promise of some goblins. Let’s get it on!

You’ve yet to meet Creedence, who lives in “the building that looks like a church”; Sheriff Freak (his name, not a comment from me on him); the store owner who sells nothing but lumpy milk; or our favourite goblin (the one with the googly eyes, you’ll know him when you see him). You’ve yet to get the full joy of the least dead dead guy in movie history, who appears to his grandson but gets the bedrooms mixed up and frightens his granddaughter instead, passes people Molotov cocktails and fries evil preachers with lightning; you’ve yet to wonder at the weird perspective (the family drives past the Winnebago and the daughter gives her errant boyfriend the finger, and he sees it and is upset – but in a long shot, the family are over half a mile away;  you’ve yet to witness the power of baloney sandwiches; and you’ve yet to ask yourself the question- would you drink broth that had fog coming out of the top of it?

This film is magnificent. It’s the daddy of bad 80s / 90s horror films, and should take its place at the very top of the tree with the other classics of hilariously bad cinema. It has no redeeming features- even the ending betrays the slim logic the film has built up to that point, no tension, no acting, and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But it does it all in such style it’s impossible not to laugh your ass off all the way through. Sit back, grab a drink and a few friends who appreciate this sort of crap, and enjoy.

Logged

"The rich will do everything for the poor except get off their backs" - Karl Marx
Lord Zedd
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 1
Posts: 24


« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2007, 01:30:38 PM »

Why just by chance I sat through this very movie just last night and what a pile of dog poop it was for the very same reason.  SPOILER ALERT!  Do not read ahead if you want to watch this movie.

ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE (- MISSES):

- CREATURE EFFECTS (The Goblin masks look they were bought at K-Mart!)
- TITLE (Troll 2, this had nothing to do with Trolls.)
- ACTING (What acting?)
- CHARACTERS (So thin they were almost transparent.)
- VEGGIE GOBLINS? (Goblin turning people into veggies to eat them don't make sense.  Considering Veggies grow out of the bloody ground!)

AND FINALLY...

- OTHER SHOE ENDING (Wthout giving too much away, just when you think all his well.  The other shoe drops and everybody dies.)
Logged
Lord Zedd
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 1
Posts: 24


« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2007, 01:45:14 PM »

I take it no one agreed with my Troll comments.  Look at this picture.
Logged
makeyoselfsick
New Visitor
*

Karma: 0
Posts: 1


« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2007, 11:26:37 PM »

Troll 2 is one of my favorite movies.  Just based on how bad it is..it makes it a classic. Cheers
Logged
Lord Zedd
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 1
Posts: 24


« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2007, 05:42:33 PM »

I'm sorry, what's good about a movie so bad that it hurts?  I mean even Andrew hated this pile of cinematic puke.  You want to watch a classic, watch the first movie, if you're some kind of Sadist, then watch Troll 2.  I mean, hello!  There's no Trolls, they're Goblins and I've researched Goblins, there is nothing in legend or fokelore about Goblins turning people into veggie soup and eating them!  Nothing.  They made that whole thing up.  I mean, no Trolls and they didn't even get Goblins right.  You can read all about it my review sometime in April or May. hot
Logged
Famous Mortimer
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 7
Posts: 74



« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2007, 01:20:12 AM »

It ought to be a good review if it's taking you three months, so I look forward to it.

Quote
I'm sorry, what's good about a movie so bad that it hurts?
Just out of interest, why do you visit a site called badmovies.org if you think that? I laughed my ass off at "Troll 2" even though it's absolutely terrible.
Logged

"The rich will do everything for the poor except get off their backs" - Karl Marx
Lord Zedd
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 1
Posts: 24


« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2007, 01:48:09 AM »

It might be called Badmovies.org but there are some the movies he reviewed that I liked.
Logged
Joe
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 28
Posts: 648


What are you afraid of? It's only rock n' roll.


« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2007, 10:17:49 AM »

Quote
VEGGIE GOBLINS? (Goblin turning people into veggies to eat them don't make sense.  Considering Veggies grow out of the bloody ground!)

yes vegetables to grow out of the ground, but what does that have to do with anything? the people who turn into plants in the film are givin some green s**t they eat/drink that turns them into "plants" more or less a pile a green slop.

i am one of the few who dig this movie, especially on a full tank, its a classic.

Logged
Marklevitz
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 4
Posts: 32


« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2007, 10:17:42 PM »

Can we please stop riding "Troll 2"'s dick!?!  "Troll 2" is the gateway drug of bad movies.  We've all seen it, we've all had countless conversations about it, I think it's time to move on. 

Try sitting through, "The Abomination: The Evilmaker pt. 2", then we'll talk. 
Logged
Andrew
Administrator
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 0
Posts: 8434


I know where my towel is.


WWW
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2007, 07:55:54 AM »

Can we please stop riding "Troll 2"'s d**k!?!  "Troll 2" is the gateway drug of bad movies.  We've all seen it, we've all had countless conversations about it, I think it's time to move on. 

Try sitting through, "The Abomination: The Evilmaker pt. 2", then we'll talk. 

If you do not have interest in a topic, then I suggest politely passing it over.
Logged

Andrew Borntreger
Badmovies.org
Lord Zedd
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 1
Posts: 24


« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2007, 04:18:44 PM »

I agree with Andrew, no one placed a gun to your head and forced you to read it.
Logged
Pages: [1]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Troll 2 (unformatted) « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.