The Fear 2: Halloween Night
Rated: 18 (UK)
Submitted by Famous Mortimer
Mike: The hero of the piece. Why is he asking his friends to come up to his Grandma’s house in the middle of nowhere for a Halloween party?
Peg: Mike’s girlfriend, been with him for 4 years and still waiting for that ring!
Mitch Maldive: What a great name! He’s the smooth ladies’ man whose girlfriend, for some reason, looks about 20 years older than him.
Jennifer: She’s the clever one of the gang because she wears glasses. Played by Emmanuelle Vaugier (swoon) who’s also in the console game “Need For Speed: Carbon”. I played it to the end to see if she got amorous with our hero, but I couldn’t crack the last course.
Crow: The native American, childhood friend of Mike, crowbarred into the plot to establish some silly backstory for the main bad guy.
Morty: Gave me a chuckle that my forum nickname is being used as the bad guy in some cheap horror film. Supposedly a wooden Indian totem, he’s painfully obviously a bloke in a rubber suit (unless wood wrinkles when moved). He has a raven’s wing round his neck that holds the evil back- anyone taking bets on whether that wing will be removed at some point?
Cannon fodder: The various other people, family members and friends, who populate this movie and are there for the purpose of being torn through, quipped at and murdered. You don’t need to waste any time remembering who they are.
Don’t ever have a Halloween party where you’re supposed to come in fancy dress as your own worst fear.
Native American totems, when featured prominently in a film, are never ever good news for the stars of the film. Ever.
Sequels in name only are pretty much guaranteed badmovies.org fare.
STUFF TO WATCH FOR
[First 40 mins] Nothing much happens. Feel free to make a coffee, chat to friends, ogle Emmanuelle Vaugier, stuff like that.
[45 mins] See the least wooden man-totem-thing in film history.
[50 mins] Check out how the guests choose to represent their fears in fancy dress form.
[Last 30 mins] People get bumped off in a variety of ways slightly linked to their fears. Ho hum.
Cannon fodder 1: Why are we spendin’ Halloween in the middle of nowhere? I’m never gonna get laid out here!
A young kid witnesses his mother getting murdered by his father. If the kid was a slightly better actor he’d have possibly shown some sort of fear, but as it is he just shows a big lot of nothing.
TWENTY YEARS LATER. Don’t you just love that? A group of people are going for a Halloween party in the middle of nowhere. It’s revealed quite early on that they’re going there to help Mike exorcise the memory of his dead serial-killing dad. We then see Mike’s friend Crow (don’t we all have a Native American friend who lives with our grandparents with his ancient totem man?) and we get introduced to Morty.
Remembering this film enough to review it is like trying to stir concrete with my eyelashes. My quip above about nothing really happening for the first half of the film is pretty accurate- there’s plenty of talking about fear and Mike reliving the murder of his mother and presumed suicide of his father (never really mentioned, unless I wasn’t listening when someone said it). But, sad to say, the acting and scripting aren’t compelling enough to make this section interesting, and some of the dialogue is so clunky that you can’t help but laugh at it. Blah blah blah until we meet Morty, who’s an absolutely terrible villain, being ironically enough the least wooden thing in this movie.
I don’t need to tell you much more about the plot. We’ve all seen it a thousand times before, but this one is only different to all them by being so ridiculously cheesy and camp. If you don’t laugh at someone representing their fear of enclosed spaces by dressing in a plain cardboard box, or the chap whose fear of answering questions is represented by a white sheet with question marks drawn on it, then you must not laugh at anything. Really, after a certain point the only fun comes in arranging bets with your friends as to who will die and who will survive, and what dumb twist there’ll be in the tale.
So sit back, but make sure you’re with a group of friends who appreciate bad cinema, raise a glass and toast those filmmakers who are only out to make a quick buck with “The Fear 2” (you folks in the US might know it as “The Fear: Resurrection”).