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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  The Hitcher(2007) (now with second part) « previous next »
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Author Topic: The Hitcher(2007) (now with second part)  (Read 2756 times)
Joe
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What are you afraid of? It's only rock n' roll.


« on: January 22, 2007, 10:36:34 AM »

Ho-ly sh*t.... i didnt even start the review yet and my head hurts already.

ok first we get not one victim but TWO with this craptastic sh*t fest. which in my eyes isnt as scary as the original because the fear of being all by yourself-helpless type with some nut chasing after you is gone. might i add they cant act worth of s**t, the guy is a f**kin sissy and the girl must be living in a paralell universe in her mind to act the way she does to the situations. 

Alright, TWO young colledge students are en route to the girlfriends home town to meet her friends and drink beers. ok not so bad whatever i expected this kind of stuff, they drive into a storm and see a car on parked on the road and nearly kill the guy that is just standing in the rain on the side of the road. they miss him and instead of helping they drive to a gas station and ask the attendant to  go and help the guy out but apparently the tow truck isnt his and he cant. well the guy got a ride to the gas station and finds the two that almost hit him. now usually the girl is the one to say "hey, we should really help that guy theres no way he could be a total nut case" but here the guy is the sympathetic dumbass while his girl is the one sayin "ace this guy and keep movin". he should have been wearing the skirt , i think that would make the movie mildy interesting.

They give him a ride to a motel in the next town. On the way he goes crazy and breaks the kids cell phone and grabs his girlfriend and holds a knife to her eye while coaxing him to say "i want to die" so after going back and forth the kid starts crying and screams "i dont want to die" and slams the breaks. bad dudes head hits the windshield, girlfriend in the back opens the passenger side door and boyfriend manages to kick the guy out if the door while hes still driving...............ill let it go. the guy falls out of the car, which should be doing about 60, and gets up nearly unscathed. the two back in the car realize the girls cell phone dropped out when they kicked him out. now, i want to know how the f**k did the girls cell phone fall out of the car when it was on the left side of her in the backseat? did it magically jump to her other side then manage to slip through the seat and fall out of the door? directly next to the badguys head none the less? Strike 1.

They decide to park and crash for the night, dude has a dream with a cheap ass jumpscare with the badguy crashing through the window. he wakes up and they converse about "man that sucked but at least we still have a cool story to tell" and they head out again. a station wagon passes them on the road with a family of four and none other than , you guessed it, the badguy. the two ride along side of the family trying to warn them that theres a psycho in the back seat and end up vearing of the road nearly missing a mack truck. NOW theres TWO people in the car why didnt the guy who was driving pay attention to the road while the girl warned them? mororns. anyway , they veer off and wreck their ride which in real life would have KILLED or WOUNDED them so bad they wouldnt be to move, and get out like its all groovy and the acting that they do to show they are shocked and scared is god awful.

The two start to hitchhike( the tables have turned!) and a pickup drive by, they try to flag them down but it flys by them. they end up finding the station wagon and the whole family is dead. now, before i tell you about that, after they are done spelunking in the car they decide to drive it into town and get help, the pickup wich had passed them by is now tailing them trying to run them off the road and shmucko is at the wheel. HOW DID HE GET THE TRUCK?!!! THE TRUCK HAD PASSED THE OTHER TWO, IMPLYING THAT WHO EVER WAS DRIVING DIDNT PICK UP HITCH HIKERS SO WTF MADE THEM STOP FOR THE NUTJOB ENABLING HIM TO SNAG THE RIDE? Strike 2.

Ok back to the slaughtered family, this scene would have been really eerie if they didnt over do it and guess what, they did. now child murder is usually enough to give someone the chills especially in cold blood but they over do it by making the family "jesus freaks" and having a bloodied church pamphlet for children reading "will i go to heaven?". for me that took it way to far and killed the scene. The father isnt dead yet so they tell him they are gonna help him and drive into town. It is almost like they only said that as an excuse to take the car cause they are stranded, thats how bad the acting was.There was no compassion from the two. they were more or less "sweet, free ride what the hell are we gonna do wiht these bodies?". they get into town and make it to a diner. the chick gets out to get help ang goes in there and says  ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING ABOUT THE SITUATION except " hey uh call the police, you got a towel?" F****** MORON. so she goes into the bathroom and starts taking out paper towels and glances out the window, its the truck that the dude was driving. she freaks, someone walks towards the door and tries to open it and she just sits there. now wouldnt you try to run out into a diner full of people and witnesss and make sure you nail this guy for killing this family and trying to kill you?(assuming the person at the door was the guy) well she doesnt and then the person goes away and she exits a cop is out in the diner and aressts her and the boyfriend.

They are now in a police station, the girl is in a questioning room and the kid is in a cell whinning. the cop is asking the girl to sit down and be rational. she looks at the cop like her sh*t dont stink and doesnt sit down, but she acts like she doesnt give a sh*t. shes acting like she lost her favorite hairclip instead of acting like she had just witnessed all those dead bodies and that a lunatic is after them. so she sits down and the cop asks her questions and she pretty much says " what are you stupid? did you hear what i said? i didnt say anything to save mine or my boyfriends ass or anything that helps in general!". now, these kids are gonna be charged with murdering this family YOU WOULD NOT TALK TO A FRIGGEN COP LIKE THAT IF YOU ARE BEING ACCUSED OF MURDER! the badguy proceeds to kill everyone in the cop station. he goes into the room (on the other side of the two way mirror where the chick is) and draws a smiley face on it with blood( that look so f***** cheap its rediculous). the girl snags a magnum and free's the boyfriend and they skip out the back while an armada of cops storm the front. they actually just run into the hills and by a fluke happeneing there is a motel on the other side.

(slaps forehead)



i have to go to work but i will continue this review later, sorry guys.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2007, 08:15:52 AM by Joe » Logged
Menard
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« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2007, 01:04:18 PM »

Uh, Joe, have you ever heard of the concept of paragraphs? It's been around for centuries.

Rant all you want, and most likely valid, but sheesh, make your review a little more presentable for the sake of the reader; provided you actually want someone to read it.

Even if you are not comfortable with paragraphing, you can still break it up into sections.

You might also want to start using asterisks in the word sh*t as well when you use it in a thread title. Just a suggestion though.
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ulthar
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« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2007, 01:05:59 PM »

And tell us how your REALLY feel; this ambiguity in reviews.....


 TeddyR TeddyR
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Doc Daneeka
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« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2007, 06:02:17 PM »

Possible replies:

Quote
Look, it's Rogue pictures, what do you expect?

Wait? Grabbage?

yes but... the original was also garbage s**t.

At least the girl was hot

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Joe
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What are you afraid of? It's only rock n' roll.


« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2007, 05:45:44 AM »

i apologize for not making paragraphs and "s**t" in the title i was in a rush ill fix it and write the rest.
« Last Edit: January 23, 2007, 05:48:40 AM by Joe » Logged
akiratubo
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« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2007, 06:48:31 AM »

Yeah ... the original is one of my favorites.  It's dumb in spots, too, but overcomes its flaws.  There wasn't any reason to remake it.
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Joe
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What are you afraid of? It's only rock n' roll.


« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2007, 08:15:19 AM »

PART 2


wait i lied, something happened before they find the motel.

before they find  the motel they find a junkyard. they hide in this shack with all open windows and parts of it missing so you are able to clearly see who or what is inside for many angles. the kid says "okay ill stand right in the front of the door with the gun pointed at it, if he walks through ill blast him". HEY STUPID! this guy took out a whole station of cops, not to mention your in a shack full of more gaping holes than jenna jameson, and you think hes actually stupid enough to walk through the front door? f*** no hes gonna shoot you in the back of your dumb ass head through your full-o-holes refuge. A cop shows up and they decide to try to talk to him. the girl decides to POINT A GUN at him  ( i dont know whos dumber the girl or the guy)and force him into the car. he refuses another cop shows up and the badguy blows a hole in the head of the cop that the chick has at gunpoint making it look like the girl shot him. they steal the dead cops car and head out.

time for the worst chase scene in my recent memory. ok, there is a bunch of cop cars chasing them (about 5) and a helicopter. the badguy finds a trans am in the junkyard and it miraculously runs and has a full tank of gas, he follows the group. the badguy manages to take out all five cop cars(while driving) AND the helicopter! WTF?! but not before one of the cops shoot out the two idiots tires. the badguy just drives off and they start walking into the hills. all of this to NIN's "closer" mind you.

Now the two knuckle heads, by a stroke of garbage screenplay writing luck, find a motel. they happened to find a room where the window is unlocked ( the door might as well have been) and sissy boy climbs through the window and unlocks the door. the two take a shower and are gettin ready to go at it when the dude stops and looks at the chick in mid shower feelin up and says "im gonna go call for help" and straight up gets out of the shower and leaves her hangin! so she gets dressed and chills in the bed. what seems like 2 hours goes by and she wakes up to a dingdong and the nutjob feeling her up. she freaks out and runs into the bathroom. her and the badguy are both pushing on the bathroom door she manages to obtain the magnum from the bathroom sink ( i guess thats the ideal spot for a gun in a motel room) and has the chance to blow this guy a new one but instead just yells at him " i got a gun! i got a gun!" and he runs away. i wish she would have shot me.

The girl then goes out of the bathroom and walks outside waving the friggen magnum in the air and yelling her boyfriends name and walking in circles. Uh, did you forget you are wanted for killing a family not to mention a whole station full of cops, not to mention you're  swinging around a gun! billy bob redneck pants sees her out the window and call the cops. she finds her boyfriend chained between a trailer and a mack truck. the badguy is in the drivers seat and tells her to get in. she tells him to shut the truck off and let them go he says "he just cant" she threatens to kill him he says he wants to die and to kill him. Cops show up and see the boyfriend chained to the truck, they dont help they just look at him. The girl refuses to shoot him and he says " you dissapoint me" or something along those line and hits the gas and we are treated to the best scene of the entire movie in which we actually see the guy get ripped in half. up until this point you have only scene aftermath killings.

cops arrest the guy and take the chick in and try to talk to her. she sits there like a lump and then we go to the sheriff questioning the guy. The problem with sean bean in this movie is he doesnt know what he wants to be, more or less i dont think his acting for this scene fits with what we have been witnessing for the past 30 minutes, hes hot and cold. The guy gets put into a police van and taken off to prison, the sheriff and the girl following behind in a SUV on thier way to a psychiatric hospital where her parents can pick her up. the guy manages to break his thumb, slip off the cuffs kill the guy in the back and kill the two cops in front. the van flips and hits the suv behind them trapping the sheriff in his seat. the chick gets out determined to see if hes dead and if hes not kill him. she opens the back doors of the van and he grabs her and throws her down, jumps out and closes the door. he shoots the sheriff in the head and she manages to PULL OFF THE WIRE FENCING(where you can look through to the back of the van) and takes the shotgun from the front. the badguy walks over and shoots the gas under the van CAUSING IT TO EXPLODE WITH THE GIRL INSIDE and walks away. there is no way in hell that girl is not dead or is suffering form 3rd degree burns on the brink of death. so shes dead right? WRONG! the girl KICKS OPEN THE BACK DOOR OF THE VAN AND GETS OUT UNHARMED WHATSOEVER, walks over to the guy with the shot gun and shoots him right in the chest (hes wearing a bullet proof vest) HE DOEST EVEN FALL! she shoots him again this time he falls to his knees. she then gets her revenge and blows a hole in his head then the movie just ends.

I HATE THIS MOVIE!

thank you very much for reading the review. this movie mad me so mad i had to get it off my chest and i appreciate it who ever took time to read this and not think im a total a***ole, my rant is over.
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Doc Daneeka
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« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2007, 04:25:22 PM »

Quote
she then gets her revenge and blows a hole in his head then the movie just ends.
Hmm, sounds like the end of Scarecrow Slayer (Hatred) Maybe she was just so 2D that they didn't have anything left to do with her.
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