Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 28, 2024, 10:03:00 AM
713335 Posts in 53056 Topics by 7725 Members
Latest Member: wibwao
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  We need some JOKES! « previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
Author Topic: We need some JOKES!  (Read 34883 times)
Poogie
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 76
Posts: 794


uuummmmmm.....BOO!


« on: February 07, 2007, 01:58:39 PM »

Yes....it would be nice to hear some Jokes. I've heard many,many jokes, but I'm a terrible joke teller, mostly because I usually forget how to tell the joke very quickly...brain damage is the reason. Even if you think everybody has heard it before go ahead and tell it, it will still be funny. Laughter is the best medicine.   BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle
Logged

Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...  
CheezeFlixz
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 496
Posts: 3747


Pathetic Earthlings


WWW
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2007, 02:11:07 PM »

A clown, a nun with a chicken, two midgets in omppa-loompas outfits, a pirate, 3 dogs with a cats on their back. a goat and the pope walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says .....










... what is this some kind of joke?


Easy joke to remember, just put a bunch of weird things together and remember the punch line.
Logged

Menard
Guest
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2007, 02:26:38 PM »

Let's see here.

Two lesbians...

Oh...sorry, that's not part of the joke, I was just thinking aloud. TeddyR



I've told this on here before, but it has been a while. This was a joke I oddly made up for self-defense when I used to do church directories. Not often, but sometimes, somebody would have a personal problem with me being a vegetarian; this joke usually shut them up quickly.



Before I became a vegetarian, I did consider cannibalism.
Among cannibals, the palm of the hand is considered the most delicious part of the human body.
However, I would absolutely draw the line at eating anybody who has been to a palm reader.

 Question The usual expression that followed, along with the question "Why?"




I don't like read meat. TongueOut
Logged
CheezeFlixz
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 496
Posts: 3747


Pathetic Earthlings


WWW
« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2007, 02:40:53 PM »

What do you call a militant vegetarian?

Lactose intolerant.


That's a joke son, laugh!
Logged

Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 429
Posts: 2564


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2007, 03:58:01 PM »

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

Sure, it's lame, but the only other one that usually comes to mind is the elementary-school joke about how to catch a polar bear.
Logged

"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
Doc Daneeka
The Game is Finished?
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 168
Posts: 1849


It's neVer over!


WWW
« Reply #5 on: February 07, 2007, 04:08:03 PM »

How?
Logged


https://www.youtube.com/user/silverspherechannel
For the latest on the fifth installment in Don Coscarelli's Phantasm saga.
CheezeFlixz
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 496
Posts: 3747


Pathetic Earthlings


WWW
« Reply #6 on: February 07, 2007, 04:17:30 PM »

Ok some guy walks into a bar jokes ...

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl." When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar."

NEXT ...
Logged

Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 429
Posts: 2564


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2007, 04:43:50 PM »

How?

You cut a hole in the ice and put peas all around it. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole! (Remember, it's an elementary-school joke, so if you happen to be ten, this joke's hilarious, because you get to say things that sound almost dirty!)
Logged

"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
T-Rex Television
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 6
Posts: 94


I Am The Walrus!!


WWW
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2007, 11:27:14 PM »

Haha! Icehole, peas!! Ha
Logged

"Be still my dog of war, I understand your pain. We have all lost someone we love..."

RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30423


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2007, 02:26:07 AM »

A lazy old hillbilly is sitting in his shack  with his toothless wife on a stormy day. The roof is leaking bad,with buckets placed at spots around the room to catch water as it drips .
the old lady says," You worthless old drunk! Why don't ya ever patch that roof up?!"
To which the old fart says,:
"Lissen here,! When it's a-rainin' I can't and when the sunshines,It don't leak!"
Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Yaddo 42
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 153
Posts: 1629


Where's that brick.......


« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2007, 05:53:35 AM »

I'll keep it pretty clean, maybe someone can start a dirty joke topic.

Plus I generally suck at telling jokes.

A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender tells him, " Get out we don't serve strings in here!" The string goes back outside, ties himself into a loop, unravels one end of himself and re-enters the bar. The bartender tells him, " Didn't I just tell you we don't serve strings in here!" The string says back, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."

A guy joins a monastery, and has to take a vow of silence, but the head monk tells him every 10 years he's allowed to say two words. After ten years, the man walks into the head monk's office says, "Bed hard" and walks out. Ten years go by, he comes in the head monk's office again and says, "Food cold" and walks out. Ten years later he walks in again and says, " I quit." The head monk says back, "Good. You haven't stopped b***hing since you got here."

I've been married and divorced three times. The next time I want to get married, I'm just gonna find a woman I don't like and buy her a house.

I have a split personality, and so do I.....
Logged

blah blah stuff blah blah obscure pop culture reference blah blah clever turn of phrase blah blah bad pun blah blah bad link blah blah zzzz.....
RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 30423


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


WWW
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2007, 06:37:01 AM »

Heard at an AA meeting:
 A guy at AA pronounces to the group-"I haven't felt it nessacary to get drunk for over 20 years!"
 One other guy says-"Bulls**t! I saw you staggering outta the bar last night wasted!"
 First guy-" Oh yeah! I know!But it wasn't  nessacery!" Drink

Whats red and pink smells like sh!t and screams?
 A filthy baby chewing on a razor blade. Bluesad

Logged

"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)
Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."

Slobber, Drool, Drip!
https://www.tumblr.com/ronmerchant
Poogie
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 76
Posts: 794


uuummmmmm.....BOO!


« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2007, 05:41:30 PM »

 BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle
I'm laughing and feeling real healthy.......
 BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle  BounceGiggle 
Logged

Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...  
Poogie
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 76
Posts: 794


uuummmmmm.....BOO!


« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2007, 03:57:05 PM »

Two guys were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under a blazing heat for six days, they ran out of food and water. On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp. They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, "Okay, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now guys, and, quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get one wish and then I'm outta here...so make it a good one." The first guy blurted out, without thinking, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of out lives!" "Fine," said the genie, and the entire ocean was instantly turned into beer. "Great move, Einstein," said the second guy, slapping the first guy on the side of the head. "Now we're gonna have to pee in the boat."
Logged

Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...  
Poogie
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 76
Posts: 794


uuummmmmm.....BOO!


« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2007, 05:16:09 PM »

I found this and I thought it was kinda of cute....  BounceGiggle
Logged

Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...Boogie...  
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 5
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  We need some JOKES! « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.