Movie Wasteland

[BeyondTheGrave]

Hey everyone. I do very small reviews on a thread on other site I post at and only have been doing that for about a month now. So I wanted to bring my reviews over. It out of 5 stars. I will make updates often. So here it goes:

RoboCop:Prime Directives: Crash and Burn-This is 4 of 4 in the mini series the aired on Cable I think around 2000. Overall its not a bad series I( rented the other 3 before) and has a budget of say a Stargate/Outer Limts epsiode. It expands on Robocop and even has his son all grown up helping him. Plus the women helping Robocop is pretty fine.

Robocop fans should check this out.

3 stars.

Killer Condom- What a title. How can NOT see this? Well the story is very different. It Germany film taking place here in NYC. a gay NYPD Detective goes to investigates a Brothel after complaints of ummm.. guys penis getting ripped off. After a "softcore gay porn scene" a condom with teeth rips his right ball off (You don't see this thankfully)

Now he has to figure out how to stop the condoms.

Its a real fun movie and I don't want to spoil anything but if your homophobic it might make you feel dirty and you might want to stay away. Also a non tradtional B-movie as their no ladies in it and the main charater fall for a man rather than a women.

3 1/2 stars.

Brainiac- This is actually a remake of other z-grade movie. A new drug called Nirvana (Cool name) takes aways all type of feeling like Fear, Depression etc.. with no hangovers and such (Nothing beats Beer commies). Problem is turns you into a monster and makes you go after the sweet sweet tender brains of women.

Why does our brain sucking monster go after women? This the world of B-movies my friends Monsters always go after lovely ladies. (Actually a explanation is given but its stupid and mines cooler)

Its a very very low-budget movie. Nothing wrong with the story but its a bland and the acting passable and could be worse. Monster is alright again passable.

2 1/2 stars

[BeyondTheGrave]

Trancers- A 80s Sci-Fi cheese film that "borrows" from classic Sci-fi like Blade Runner and Terminator. A 25th century cop is sent to 1985 (Best year to go when it comes to time travel) to stop a bad guy from killing ancestors of important people. Also the bad guy can control weak minded people into becoming his minions.

A enjoyable flick and stars a young smoking hot Helen Hunt.

Their are also 7 sequels to this which is alot. Got rent the rest one of these days.

3 Stars 

Silent Night, Bloody Night- This is a early 70s slasher/thriller. A man in a small town dies and he leaves his house to his grandson but noones lives in the place for 20 years. Finally his grandson decieds to sell but when he does a crazy escapes a aslyum and takes refuge at the house.

first and formost the entire begininng and middle are boring as hell. The end though is pretty damn good storywise. Its head of its time as we find out some really nasty stuff was going down at the house and the town.Its a excellent twist that saves the movie from being total crap.

My version of the DVD was cut and some of deaths were edited out big time.

2 Stars. See this if you want to see were alot of the great ending in horror movies came from

Killer Tongue- Other weird one. A criminal couple is sepreated when the boyfriend goes to jail. The women waits for him and for no reason something from space fall into her soup and give her a tongue thats like size of a hose that talks, kills and thinks. Also her dogs that eat soup turn into they into humans that are "Flamboyant".

As you can tell their TONS of sexually undertones in this and some really cool scenes. One involes the tongue goes through some dudes head and than grabs other guys gear at the same time. Thats how friggn long that tongue is. If you liked this paragrph this is your movie. And of course it prefect for me. 

Ok confession: the real reason why I rented this becaue Melianda Clake was in it. You may know her as she's in the horrible show the O.C. (I guess it the older woman she plays as) and Soilder of Fortune and was in Return of the Living 3 and a Buffy epsiode.

As you can see I do like her and I mean she has a Killer Tongue in this movie. and she's just so smoking hot. And she where lots of tight gear.

3 Stars for Melinda Clake fans everyone else 2
 

[BeyondTheGrave]

City of Rott- This is 2-D animated zombie movie. Think South Park type of art but more edge to it.

The story a city all infected with some sort of worm that turn people into zombie. A old guy who talks to his walker (and his walker talks to him) is looking for a new pair of shoes. Don't put this guy down he beats up tons and tons of zombies with that walker.

I know that sounds awesome but the novelty wear thin within 10 mintues. This would be good if it was a half a hour but this movie goes on hour and some change. Its pure torture. Theirs almost no other charaters and when their is you just don't care because they suck,no plot just wandering really and pretty bad voiceovers. And it just keeps going.

Theirs also heavy-handed, ham fisted social commentary about the evils of consumerism (Guess where they got that from) that will make you shoot yourself.

1 star. This why I'm here to warn you about stuff like this. It liking taking a bullet for someone

Frankenhooker(1990)- Classic B-movie trash. A armchair mad scientist wife gets killed by a lawnmower. To save her he presvers her head and goes to Manhattan in NYC to get parts from hookers (Because everyone knows hookers in NYC is the best in the country). He gets the parts and turns his wife into a rampaging prostuite!!! 

This movie is short, fast and to the point with no time to think. Its just a fun movie and cast looks like they were having a blast doing.
3 1/2 stars

Dead and Breakfast (2004)- A bunch of 20 somethings are going to a wedding in a RV. After they get lost they decied to stay at one of those house motels in a small hick town. One of the people at the house is found dead in and they all are forced to stay in the town. One of them wanders off in the house and unleash a demon who posses the town.

This a very good dark comedy with lots of funny scenes like making homemade shotguns a zombie/possesion bar fight it just great.

4 stars.

Tooth Fairy (2006)- This starts off somewhere in the past as a kid goes to this off "witchs" house to give his last tooth for a bike. But when does she brutally murders him. Fast foward to now when someone buys the property to set up a bed and breakfast and invites girlfriend and her kid to leave the city to be with him. The little girl meets a other little girl that tells her that the Tooth Fairy tale and she has to watch her mouth. (Zing!!)

As the title says this a modern day evil twist on the Tooth Fairy tale. She comes for your last tooth and well as you soul and puts in a music box with "three blind" mice song. Most of these types of movies fail miserable (Boogeyman comes to mind) But this ones pretty good. Its got a nice mix of kills using a nail gun and a woodchipper. Its modern movie with 80s horror sensablitiy.

3 /12 stars

[BeyondTheGrave]

Night Skies (2006)- 5 20 something in a RV(Wow 2 movies in a row involving RVs)crash and get stuck in the woods after their driver was paying attention to a bunch of lights in the sky and almost running down other man. One of their friends is hurt bad and the stranger they almost ran down named Richard (Hey thats my first name) helps them out. But weird thing start happening. They start hearing things in the woods and seeing things. Its looks like aliens......

The story is actually based on "The Phoenix Lights" story that happen back in 1997 when a bunch of places in Arizona start seeing lights in the sky. A guy who was found knocked out and in a half-coma told this elobrate tale under hypnosis about aliens and those people in the RV even though none of them were found.

Even though the story was obviously "Spiced Up" for the movie it still pretty good and scary. The charaters are interesting for the most part and atomsphere is tense and spooky. This how you do a low budget alien film.

4 stars (Have yet to give out 5 yet)

Habit (1997)- A guy who lives in NYC whos slipping toward being a alcoholic and father just dies and girlfriend just broke up with him goes to a halloween party and meets a women named Anna. After seeing her for awhile he starts notice something wrong with him as his health fades and blackouts (Like waking up in Battery Park after a sexually encounter with her and has a bite on his lip....Yeah thats happened to me before) . And as the movie progresses he gets worse and worse and she gets stranger and stranger.

You know when movies say their "Modern Day Vampire" flicks and its B.S.? Well not so with this film. It mixes Vampire Mythology with a modern backdrop almost flawess. It very subtle with her being a vampire for most of the film. As in one scene she asks she has to be invited in, how she only comes out at night (or before sundown) and how she pops out of nowhere. Seriously she pops out thin air and if she was my girl probably would have gave me 3 heart attacks. And she only wears black and red. Theirs also no vampire teeth and when it is shown at the end it all jagged and nasty.

With a strong supporting cast, a very good lead actress as a vampire and a locations in Manhattan that I hangout at (Like around 1st and 2nd aves ok I'm bias here) This is a very good indie vampire film that should be see by any vampire fan that wants to see somthing new. Even though the ending is kind of weak.

4 stars

Side note: If I every tell you guys that I meet a girl down in the Village that only comes out and night and wears a red leather jacket, a black dress with black and white striped thigh high socks and black high heels thats like to bite me: Don't stop me I know what I'm doing 

[Menard]

Although I would tend to disagree with you slightly on Silent Night, Bloody Night (meaning I would rate it higher), I can see your point. Being what would have been original for its time having been repeated so many times since does lessen its impact for a more recent audience. The backstory in this, though, is what really grabbed me; particularly in the way in which it was presented.

I think a lot of earlier films do lose a lot from having elements of them repeated by others when they are seen after those elements are repeated. I did have the luck of seeing Silent Night, Bloody Night at the drive-in in 1980. If I had not seen it till now, well, I probably would not have liked it as much in retrospect either.

[BeyondTheGrave]

The backstory was great but up until the end eveything felt like a generic slasher. I do understand it was a first for the time but it has been repeated ,for good or bad, for awhile now. I never did have a chance to see it in it prime so it did have a less impact on me.

Also thanks for taking interest in my reviews Menard.

[CheezeFlixz]

I perfer the short reviews you have here. I just read the thread on the recap of King Kong 1976 ... man I could have watched the movie in less time. But that's another thread.

Anyway ...

I'm a 'get to the point' is it worth seeing, pretty much what your doing from what I've read thus far. Some of them I haven't seen yet, so I'll have to give them a look-see.

Good job ...

[Andrew]

"Frankenhooker" is a lot of fun.  I mean, you have exploding hookers and then he collects up all the extra body parts to rebuild his girlfriend.  She also has a hilarious way of grimacing once she is Frankenhooker.  I couldn't stop laughing over that.  Not to mention the legion of partially animated parts at the end.

"Killer Tongue" was viewed at just the wrong time.  I had recently watched "Saturn 3" - with all that extra Kirk Douglas butt.  So, when we had the sudden appearance of bare man butts in "Killer Tongue" I was caught off guard and seriously injured.  The one older guard or police officer naked was really unfortunate.

I did feel sorry for the nun dragging her bed and the convict dragging the jeep through the desert.

Man, that nun looked good once she was dressed the right way.

[BeyondTheGrave]

Night Of the Demons(1988)- A bunch of teenagers on Halloween go have a party in a former funeral home with a nasty history. Of course everything hits the fan when two of the girls (the Goth hottie and her friend who is B- movie queen Linnea Quigley) get possesed and start knocking people off.

This is a standard B-movie. Blood, Nudity of some sort by all of the ladies and possesed people run amok. Its gotten very wooden acting and weird editng. Its entertaining but I feel like I seen it a dozen times by now but its good for a watch.

2 1/2 stars.

[BeyondTheGrave]

There's Nothing Out There (1991)- Theirs a recent thread about this by Skaboi and it took my interest so I bumped it up on my Netflix queue.

A bunch of teens (well 20s somethings playing as teens) go to a house that in the middle of nowhere. So you know what that means... A alien has come to impregnant the women and kill the men.

This may seem like a standard B-movie plot but it done in such a tongue in the cheek manner that it cut above. With crazy amount of nudity, charaters that acknowledge their in a movie, A well done alien and a charater Mike a guy who has seen every horror movie and know how to deal with the situation at hand and has dripping sarcasm makes this a great watch. Just wait to see the end its damn funny.

4 1/2 stars

[BeyondTheGrave]

American Hardcore (2006)- a documentary based on the book about the rise and fall of Hardcore music in America from 1980 to about 1986. Through interviews of various leaders in the scene like Henry Rollins, Ian Mackye, H.R., Cro-Mags John Joseph, and many many others we get how it started and a background of the climate of those years.

This is a very entertaining documentary if not all that accurate. I have watched alot of documentary about Punk /hardcore/metal and it hard to find a balance between just a history of it which is hard to do and being it just interviewing your favorite bands. This tries its best to tie it all together but still won't get exact history and in all honestly you can't.

This is great for people interested in learing about Hardcore started and just as good for longtime fans. This is the probably the best to learn on how Hardcore started. Also check out the extras for deleted scenes which is just as good.

5 stars

[BeyondTheGrave]

Evil (2005)- This is the first Greek zombie flim. Three men who I think were miners get infected by something in a cave. Each one are fine at the time and go their way. One goes home, other a club and one at a soccer game. Soon the infection sets in and they start to speard it and quick. One bite and a second later your a "zombie". The zombies are like "28 Days Later" type. The surviors soon try to find away out the city.

Their some attempt at charaterzation which is fine. The cast does do a good job in keeping the viewer interested. But first and foremost this is a gore flick. It has some really great scenes. This ends on a downbeat note which does make sense but was suprised because most zombie flims nowdays try to end "happy".

3 1/2 stars

[RCMerchant]

I been itching to see AMERICAN HARDCORE. I checked out their site on MySpace,and they have sent me all sortsa info...unfourtantlyI don't get to theatres to often here in the backwoods,and the ancient tiny one in Paw Paw won't have it,I'm sure. I'll have to look it up when it hits DVD.

[BeyondTheGrave]

I been itching to see AMERICAN HARDCORE. I checked out their site on MySpace,and they have sent me all sortsa info...unfourtantlyI don't get to theatres to often here in the backwoods,and the ancient tiny one in Paw Paw won't have it,I'm sure. I'll have to look it up when it hits DVD.

RC, It just hit dvd on Tuesday. Thats what I reviewed.

I did see it in theater too.

[RCMerchant]

 :bouncegiggle:Far-out! THANX!