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April 23, 2018, 07:04:33 AM
596180 Posts in 45933 Topics by 6104 Members
Latest Member: shawnyadav Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Interactive Bad Movie: Super Porcupine Omelet « previous next »
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Author Topic: Interactive Bad Movie: Super Porcupine Omelet  (Read 25406 times)
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« Reply #60 on: March 28, 2007, 07:40:02 AM »

Odinn7 and his circus of squirrels come skating in across the ice, hockey sticks in hand.  They're passing around a puck...I mean, a plot device...I mean, THE KEY TO VICTORY SIGMA.  They pass it rapidly back n forth while avoiding the Jovian Jello Jelly Bombers.  Odinn7 gets control, gives a bomber a high stick, sending it crashing into the horizon, and passes the KEY to Brando himself! 

Odinn7 gives Lord Brando the cue before sending his circus army to distract those from the Evil Table(TM), "take that and head down to the inner complex.  You'll find what you seek there.  We'll hold these guys off...but I doubt we can hold them for long.  You need to take cover from those bombers!"

Just then a huge grape blob of jelly comes bouncing their way.  They split up as the blob crashes and slimes a huge group of red shirters.  Everyone is thrown back by the force of the bomb.  Volga and Jasmine help everyone into a small steel building.

Jin, "whoa like, where are we dudes?"

Baytes-Celest: "beeep...I mean...we're in the top of an elevator shaft"

They all hop in and start descending through a tube, sending them below in the depths of a vast under ice ocean.  This ocean is a strange white-blue color and somehow illuminated from below.  The water is very clear here. 

Aaron, "where the #!*k are we goin?!"

Brando, "I have no idea...but Odinn7 is a trusted officer.

Strange sea life floats by as everyone can see they are moving towards a mammoth under sea construct on the ocean floor.  Even though they can see it, it takes forever to get there as the elevator drops gradually for a few more miles.

Meanwhile, up above...the camera moves over a field of dead squirrels and red shirters.  It focuses up close on a jelly pudding that has soaked up an army of red shirters.  Suddenly, a red-shirted undead hand emerges from the jelly pudding bomb site, busting up through the jelly, dripping strawberry preserves from its clenched undead fist.  Gradually, an army of undead jelly zombies emerge as a force to be reckoned with...

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« Reply #61 on: March 28, 2007, 08:24:33 AM »

Aaron [to Marlon] "What the hell are those things, man?"

The red shirted zombies continue to change before their eyes.

Aaron: "Yo, Marlon, I said, WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS, MAN? Trevor's fingers are bleeding, he can't type much anymore. My throat's sore, I can't talk much either."

Marlon: "Hmmmm. Red shirt zombies. Victims of psychoshatnerisms."

Aaron: " What?"

Marlon (farts and burps loudly): "Excuse please, bad burrito. They were stand-ins for William Shatner and didn't listen to him or his wig. Thus they became like Jor El ~ a vision paid a pile of money by Warner Brothers to talk to a nose-picking camera operator."

Jin: "This is weird, mutha. Next thing you're going to tell me that that lame-ass mutha from the mutha land is one of them. That guy that Pinhead killed in Hellraiser: HellSeeker ~ what's the guys name?"

One of the jelly zombies approaches Jin and Aaron

Trevor: "Trevor. Me Zombie. George Romero no want me, Dario Argento no want me and Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright tell me to go jump off a cliff so me do and me land up here."

Aaron: (groans in disbelief) "That's all we need right now, a Zombie-African."

Trevor: "No. Me proud African ~ whitey, but African. How are your cojones, O pale and sickly ones?"


As time goes by, you will see
That we're going to be free, you and me
We'll touch the sky
Can you see in your mind's eye that we are one
We're all the same and life is just a simple game.
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Hey, I'm in the situation room ! ! !

« Reply #62 on: March 28, 2007, 10:26:05 AM »

While approaching the ancient sea structure via the deep sea elevator diving bell they ponder what happened above with the virtuous Odinn7.

Aaron: "Zombie !  I don't need cojones."

Jin: "Aaron, you need cojones where we're going."

Aaron: "Oh, ok"

Jin: "Mr. Zombie, this is Aaron my spirit guide."

Trevor: "You can call me Trevor."

Jin: "How come you don't want to eat my brains?"

Trevor: "I'm not that kind of Zombie."

Jin: "Are you with us or against us?"

Trevor: "I was just going to the party here below."

Just then the elevator comes to a stop and the doors open where there are a number of robed figures waiting outside a pair of heavy double wooden doors with big handles.

Lord Brando: "Jasimine do you have my ivory handled pistols?"

Jasmine: "No my Lord. They're on the ship along with the Doomtroopers."

Lord Brando: "They hadn't finished their burritos."

Just then one of the robed figures yells.

Robed Figure #1: "Infidels !"

Brando and Volga dis-robe and get busy with each other creating invisibility for the whole band of heroic space warriors.

Robed Figure #2: "Where did they go?"

Robed Figure #1: "Must have been an undersea hallucination due to deep sea pressure..........never mind."

Robed Figure #2: "Yea, but it was getting interesting."

Meanwhile our heroic band walks through the doors amidst the candle lit robed procession. As they pass through the passageway they hear the crack of Menards black spirit whip and see the goat headed Ashthecat providing unmentionable ritual acts amongst the willing.

Lord Brando: "Quick, grab some robes. I can't do this forever."

Volga: "Yes, you can !"

Jin, Jasmine, Baytes/Celeste, and even Trevor overtake a few of the last devotees of the procession that enter and they obtain the robes and put them on. They also throw Lord Brando and Volga some robes.

Lord Brando: "There's majick in the air."

Just then a robed figure turns facing the congregation of the unholy. The figure looks up and revealing himself as Dehoven who leads the black mass with incantations that will awaken Crigta............................................Jasmine pulls out the soul cracker when Dehovens orgy master Menard dis-arms Jasmine with the snap of the black spirit whip. Everything stops as the whole room now knows that intruders have infultrated the ceremony. Ashthecat takes off the goat head revealing that he's a face painter from outerspace.......................

Dehoven: "Get them!"

Ashthecat: "I'll get those interlopers."

Ashthecat leaps from the elevated platform onto Jin while the rest of the room capture all of our solar warriors including Lord Brando, Volga, Jin, Jasmine, Master Baytes/Celeste, Trevor and confront  them in an undisclose location where they will be judged............................
« Last Edit: March 28, 2007, 01:41:43 PM by Scott » Logged

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« Reply #63 on: March 28, 2007, 06:56:43 PM »


The bunker is in pieces, both from the fight (still raging) and the Jello Bomb, as the Redshirts battle between themselves, no way to distinguish between the two armies both zombies in red shirts. No sign of the Big Boss inner circle until slowly, Pleasence rises from the jello.

Pleasence: MEN! Show yourselves! Are you still alive?

3-arms (half-smashed under a boulder): Do I have to?

Wimp-Lo: Ooh! I'm still alive!

Pleasence: O...K... Is anyone else still alive?

Wimp-Lo: Me! Me!

Jackal: I've found the rest of the Table of Evil (TM), all dead, they attempted to form the sheild again, they couldn't with only 3 of them.

Wimp-Lo: Yes! I am invincible!

Pleasence: (Sigh...) Okay then, how about the other assassins?

Jackal: Holding their own, sir.

Pleasence: Gather them.

Bunji, Dale, and Wikipe-Tan come when called, Jackal pulls 3-arms out from under the boulder, screaming

Pleasence: You are to be my new interim Evil Table (Donald-Prime hands Bunji, Jackal, and Wikipe-Tan black suits)

Dale: Finally! You do not know how long I have been waiting for this!

Pleasence frowns, slowly looking between a ridiculously serious-looking Dale and a hyperactive Wimp

Pleasence: About that, I still have 2 original Evil Table members

Dale sulks, dropping his cigarrette

Jackal: Where has Dehoven gone?

Pleasence: It seems our main benefactor has quite an agenda of his own...

Odinn7 (offscreen): Do unto others before they do unto you! TEAR 'EM UP!

The evils are attacked by squirrels, only to have Bunji shoot them out of the sky with a hailstorm of bullets, Pleasence approaches a shocked looking Odinn7

Pleasence: Where has my former kin escaped to?

Odinn7: You truly expect me to talk?

Pleasence: Yes, or...

Wikipe-Tan's puzzle-piece hairclip hovers off and approaches Odinn7 with a meacing red glow

Wikipe-Tan: We'll have to vandalize your mind!

« Last Edit: March 28, 2007, 06:58:18 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged
For the latest on the fifth installment in Don Coscarelli's Phantasm saga.
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Hey, I'm in the situation room ! ! !

« Reply #64 on: March 28, 2007, 08:29:02 PM »

Odinn7 smiles knowing they don't have a chance. Laughing hysterically.

Odinn7: "You'd have to find it before you can vandalize it!

With that Pleasence and Wikipe-Tan looking at each other which is just enough time for double Odinn7 to duck into the maze that forms the metropolis of Europa.

Pleasence: "Drats!.......He escaped!"

Meanwhile below the ocean floor Dehoven has our heroic space warriors standing for judgement.

Dehoven: "Why have you come here Lord Brando?"

Lord Brando: "The Universe lacked adventure. When I was in the grave I summoned Jin. He was a derelict. Now look at him........He's become a fine warrior.......... Look at Jasmine she was a lost soul..........Now look at her.........She's my Seargent in arms. Look at Master Jack Baytes he was a respected.............Well..........Listen what are you getting at Dehoven? You are the evil! That's why we are here."

Jasmine: "How do you like those apples?"

Nearby, Menard lashes at Jasmine with the black spirit whip and Ashthecat puts on a goat head. Jasmine becomes silent.

Dehoven: "You've entered Europa without a visa and you have postponed the awakening of Crigta. You spanked the decoy Crigta on Uranus with the Golden Spatula. For this you must pay the consequences..........By the way where is the Golden Spatula?"

Lord Brando: "We have it, but we aren't sharing. You'll never get it."

Dehoven: "Lord Brando we sentence you to five years in the breeding chambers with a select group of 1000 women from around the Universe. Then you will be executed.

Lord Brando: "My past is behind me Dehoven. You won't get a single drop from me."

Volga: "You must do this my Lord. It's your destiny. Your descendants will be like the sands on the seashore."

Lord Brando: "My are more than any man can ask for. I won't do it."

Dehoven: "Listen to her Brando she speaks wise counsul for you."

Lord Brando: "I won't do it Volga."

Volga: "You must. You can't turn over the Golden Spatula."

Lord Brando all choked up and weeping at the sight of the beautiful Volga.

Lord Brando: "Ok, if I..........must. "

Lord Brando tries to get closer to his true love Volga, but the wicked Menard and Ashthecat stand between them to prevent their unique powers which are the the result of the greatest love of all.

Dehoven: "Take Brando to the surface and execute the rest."

Meanwhile Odinn7 finds Lord Brando's ship not far from the Jello Bomb explosion. The Doomtroopers trying to get Lord Brando's ship back in order after the near cataclysmic Jello attack............................
« Last Edit: March 28, 2007, 09:15:22 PM by Scott » Logged

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« Reply #65 on: March 30, 2007, 07:31:17 AM »

Odinn7 rushes to the crash site, "we've got to save them!"

The doomtroopers don't seem interested as they're all trying to work on the wreckage scattered across the ice, covered in grape jelly.  They have one of the ship engines hoisted from an ice tree while a few other doom troopers have their heads under one of the ship hoods with their plumber asses hanging out.

One of the doomtroopers with a goatee (played by Christian Slater doing his worst Jack impression) approaches, covered in grease, wrench in hand, " wouldn't happen to have a flex omega elbow joint do ya?"

Odinn7 shrugs, "nope...sorry.  Hey...didn't you come here with Brando?"  Now he has their attention.  Odinn7 continues, "well, he's about to be sentenced to five years in the breeding chambers!

Doomtrooper Goatee: "well...that doesn't sound so bad..."

Odinn7 interrupts, "yeah...with women chosen by some guy named clockworkcanary!"

The doomtroopers, in unison, "oh no!" echoed by Token Doomtrooper (played by Will Smith): "Aww Hell Nawww!"

Odinn7 continues, "yeah and they're gonna execute his true love, Volga, and the rest of their companions"

Doomtrooper Goatee, "lead on my friend"
« Last Edit: March 30, 2007, 08:19:56 AM by clockworkcanary » Logged

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Hey, I'm in the situation room ! ! !

« Reply #66 on: March 30, 2007, 09:35:37 PM »

Lord Brando is dragged to the elevator screaming for Volga.

Lord Brando: "V....O....L....G....A ! ! !"

Volga: "We will be together again my Lord."

With that Volga, Jin, Jasmine, and Master Jack Baytes are lined up against the wall by Menard and Ashthecat for execution as the elevator to the surface closes. The sadistic Menard decides to punish them first with the black spirit whip which is a hideous creation that transforms the soul into an evil spirit. All the while Aarons spirit is standing by waiting for an opportunity to help his friends.

Menard: "Hey Ash? Before I whip them maybe I should make them watch ESCAPE FROM HELL."

Ashthecat: "Wait.......I couldn't hear you with this goat head on. What did you say?"

Menard: "I said maybe I should make them watch ESCAPE FROM HELL before whipping them and executing them."

Ashthecat: "Sure, but Dehoven just wants them executed."

Meanwhile Lord Brando arrives back on the surface of Europa with a mild case of the bends where Clockworkcanary the breeding doctor waits for him.

Clockworkcanary: "Ah.....Lord Brando we meet at last."

Robed Figure #3: "He's got the bends"

Clockworkcanary: "That's ok. Let him rest a bit and he should be fine. Let's see............1000 women...............If he could mate twice a day.............that would provide the invasion army with about 730 warriors a year towards the conquest of the earth."

Robed Figure #3: "Your just like clockwork with this operation."

Clockworkcanary: "You should see the other notables of the Universe we have imprisoned here in the chambers for the invasion army."

Robed Figure #3: "Twice a day will kill him. What if he refuses?"

Clockworkcanary: "I have a schedule to keep! For crying out loud think positive! If he dosn't do it he'll be executed on the spot."

Back on the ship Odinn7 is bringing the troops around and obtaining any available weapons to free Lord Brando..............................
« Last Edit: April 02, 2007, 11:18:46 PM by Scott » Logged

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« Reply #67 on: April 02, 2007, 10:49:58 AM »

...but the remaining weapons aren't really weapons at all, but most of them are make-shift melee objects.  One Doomtrooper is armed with an oar, one has a hair dryer (but not plugged in), and a few are still holding wrenches.

One great weapon remains, however, held by Odinn7 himself, "I call it the Nutcracker" as he holds it up high.

Goatee Doomtrooper, still doing a p**s poor Jack impression, "Greetings and Salutations...just what does that thing do anyway?"

Odinn7, "well...

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« Reply #68 on: April 03, 2007, 09:43:04 AM »

And with a mighty crack and in one fell swoop, Odinn7 happily demonstrates the awesome power of the Nutcracker by pulverising a pair of walnuts that were laying nearby.

Odinn7 looks around gleefully as he munchs on his newly cracked delights: "Wasn't that great gang? Now we don't have to fight on an empty stomach!"

His answer is the slow, painful moans of all the Doomtroopers that were within earshot of the Nutcracker's crack.  They are all lying on the ground, clutching their nethers.

Goatee Doomtrooper: "My balls, I can't feel my balls"

Odinn7 is suitably impressed: "A mighty weapon this Nutcracker will be in the coming battle," picking up another walnut, "and tasty-licious too!"

The Doomtroopers still writhe on the ground in pain.  Odinn7 walks towards the makeshift tent the Doomtroopers use for their command post and enters, preparing to plot and plotting to prepare...

Meanwhile back in the execution chamber, the evil and malicious grins of Ashthecat and Menard shine in the dimly lit Cinema/Extreme-torture/Birthday Party room.

Tied to the chairs, Jin, Volga, Jasmine and Master Jack Baytes are locked in place, their eyes forced open and unable to see, Aaron's spirit still lays in wait, knowing that his friends and cohorts are strong enough to withstand almost any punishment, until it is safe to strike.

Menard and Ashthecat aren't going to let their prisoners have it easy though, and decide to beef up the torture by shouting out at random:

Menard: "Visit my webpages you p!@$ies!"

Ashthecat: "Toilet paper goes under NOT over!!!"

A small drop of blood trickles down Master Baytes' ear, a sure sign that their nefarious and elaborate execution process is working, but his eyes detect a movement off to the side of the cinema...
« Last Edit: April 03, 2007, 09:47:16 AM by dean » Logged

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« Reply #69 on: April 03, 2007, 02:18:49 PM »


Poogie: It all started when I went to the swap meet and found this old script that looked really interesting, so, I bought it. I took it home and started reading it and PUFF, I was in another world of some kind. Strange things started happening and the strangest was that I was wearing a red blanket and carrying a fly swatter thingy. There were 2 people there who said I was carrying a spatula, I don't even cook.

Psychiatrist: How does this make you feel?

Poogie: I'm shocked, these people put me in a straight jacket and dragged me off to another place, I think it was some kind of boat house. There was somebody there called Celest and I could speak it's language.

Psychiatrist:How many languages do you speak?

Poogie: I only speak English and sometimes that gives me....Anyway they told me I had to delete a post of some kind...that they had to find someone named Brando to help me. All of the sudden it's like I'm in the Wizard of Oz and clicking my red ruby slippers.

Psychiatrist: Brando....Marlon Brando? Oh,......You're going to need many sessions of therapy my dear.....Continue.

Poogie: Next thing I know I no longer have my spatula and I'm standing in my kitchen starring at another Poogie....Isn't one enough? Of course my hubby is very happy. How do I get this other Poogie to get out of my....

Psychiatrist: Time is almost up, make it fast.

Poogie: How can I get rid of the other Poogie, she's driving me nuts, she's cooking everything in the house and using my bug killer weapon to do it. I'm finding bug parts in all my food and to top it off my hubby loves it. Although I do have a craving for pancakes. Oh, and another thing I can remember, it's something about Moose was out of control...there were thousands of them taking over the world and......

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry Poogie, your time is up, you'll have to come back to continue. As I said before, this is going to take a long time....You're just not right.

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« Reply #70 on: April 04, 2007, 12:23:12 PM »

Next thing you know, Poogie is heading home from the Shrink's.  She reviews in her mind's eye about her fantastic, yet nonsensical journey.  She reflects on how nice it is to be back home (save for the flies and the extra Poogie). 

She passes the only phone booth that still exists in Cali and, of course, it starts ringing like mad, almost bouncing off the receiver.

Poogie answers, "hello"

Voice on the other end, obviously munching on some chips or something, "...Poogie, I have something important to tell you ...the other Poogie is your evil twin!"

Poogie holds the phone down for a second to make a Sly Stallone-kinda face as she does the Luke Skywalker version of "noooooooooooooooooo...that's not's impossible!"

Voice on the phone, "search your know it to be true!"

Poogie, "who the hell is this anyway?!"

Voice, "why you should know me... I'm ....

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I AM serious, and stop calling me Shirley

« Reply #71 on: April 04, 2007, 06:51:05 PM »

Cut to farmhouse, isolated, in disrepair.  The set design should depict lonliness, bland colors.  View pans around to a single lighted window - the kitchen.  Inside, we see momentos, pictures of a happy family.  Linger on tight shot of smiling woman with a happy young boy - we recongize as Jin around age 4 or 5.

Pull out to scruffy, unkempt man sitting at table nursing a drink - obviously not his first of the evening.  Visual clues of a sense of dread and the man ponders how his life is upside down; wife dead, son missing.  The man is seeing something in his mind the audience cannot see.

Unkempt Man (Steve Martin): (weeping slightly, and very drunk)  What has he done?  J-I-N!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

We then see he holds in his hand some sort of talisman, a black, round object about the size of a loaf of bread.

Cut to....


Professor Hathaway:  I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie:      I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Professor Hathaway: Up the voltage.

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« Reply #72 on: April 05, 2007, 11:50:05 PM »


A one sided conversation takes place.....

Poogie: This can't be true!.......................How do you know this?........Then, where are you calling from?........There's no such place!.................Yes, she does eat bugs!...............No, I don't eat bugs!

Poogie looks at the phone and just drops it, leaving it dangling. She heads towards home trying to remember back when she was younger, when everything seemed to be normal. She starts talking as if someone else is there.

Poogie: I remember killing bugs, but not eating bugs, big huge bugs, bigger than me bugs. This isn't good, and who do they think they are calling me out here and telling me I have a twin? That isn't a twin at home it's some kind of alien that looks like me. I don't ever remember seeing her before I had that strange dream or whatever it was. Although I do remember having a black robe and spanking something...this is crazy.....

Poogie has arrived home to find the other Poogie running around the house looking for something but doesn't know what....she has the spatula in her hand. Poogie confronts her in hysterics.......

Poogie: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? WHO BROUGHT YOU HERE? IS THAT A BUG LEG HANGING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? JEEEEZE......GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH, THAT'S DISGUSTING! (starts mumbling to herself) Walking around here with a bug leg hanging out of her mouth, it's unbelievable.....

The other Poogie just stands there staring with no expression on her face, with a bug leg hanging out of her mouth, then turns and continues her search.


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It's neVer over!

« Reply #73 on: April 08, 2007, 09:06:29 AM »


Jin: I remember something... my father used to tell me...

Ash: Okay, that's it, I'm checking on Brando, he's gotta be more visually pleasing than you guys.

Ash the Cat leaves, Menard diabolically laughs

Menard: OK, since it's only us now, I don't have to hold back for decency's sake. It's time for some Bat-P***y!

Jin: I remember...


Odinn: Alright Colonel, you take the left passage.

Goatee: Sir!

Goatee obeys, he takes a few troops with him

Odinn: Private, you are the sorriest excuse for a soldier I've seen, but you can lead the others anyway, take the right passage

Private Vomitrag: (Bill Paxton) f**k that! We're headed back!

Odinn: HUH!? What is your major malfunction Private Vomitrag?

Vomitrag: I still got a life to live man! I'm headed the hell back!

Odinn: You do that and you'll die for sure!

Vomitrag: No! No way man! I'll die here! I'm not gonna die on some Godforsaken banana satellite!

Odinn: You leave and I'll see to you discharged in the most painful-

Vomitrag points his broomstick at Odinn7

Vomitrag: No man, I'm headed the hell back!

Vomitrag and those following him leave by the way they came

Odinn:....Anyone else?

2 more leave, including Pvt. Jarrod (Will Smith)

Odinn: Ok then, the rest of you!

They follow Odinn down the center passage


Clockwork Canary: So, 1000 slaves in 5 years gives almost everyone a second go...

Brando: You know much about the art of love making

Canary: I have a special doctorate...

Brando: But something is missing, you treat it... as a science...

Canary: Ha-ha-haaaaaaa! Like clockwork!

Brando: You plan to begin on Europan new year?

Canary: If you do not talk... Like clockwork!

Brando: You have obviously not taken into account how quickly my... friends will come... how easily they could kill you

Canary: Really? Well I can torture you by a conventional method at any time

Brando: You cannot inflict any amount of torture on me that would cause me to betray my universe... they will come

Canary: Menard will rape your friends' skulls!


Jin clutches something near his chest, hidden by his jacket

Jin: My father... he trusted me...

Jasmine: Jin...

Menard loads a degraded-looking tape into a degraded-looking VCR, a degraded-looking image flashes onto Menard's degreded-looking television. Almost immediately screaming emanates from everyone's throat, including maniacal roaring from Menard! But Jin remains silent, defiant, much to Menard's supreme annoyance.

Menard: Scream, Jin! SCREEEEEAAAAAAM!

Jin: My father... told me to... me to...

Jasmine: Jiiiiiin!?

Menard flicks a switch, the screen turns 3D! Jin still resists screaming, but to everyone's surprise...

Jin: hmmm, softcore Deliverance...

Menard: Hwaaaaaa??????

*On the screen, Bat-Pu**y enters*

Jin: I suppose that this is their love child, hmm?

Menard: That's Bat-Pu**y!

Jin: You can tell the deep-touching meaning the writer was going for, I tell you this is truly an undiscovered piece of art... maybe just touching... touching... art

Menard: What? You cannot honestly be speaking of THIS film!

*Bouncy-Ball sex!*

Jin: Like a scene from a Woody Allen movie!

The victims start giggling! Menard shuts off the tape, enraged!

Menard: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII know what you're doing! You are a disciple of Joel! I.... should..... have.... known!

Jin: Mark Metcalfe much?

As the giggling grows louder and louder, Menard rips out his spirit whip again, raising it above his head to kill Jin!

Menard: Death to alll-

Suddenly, a rain of shots penetrate the door, Menard is hit several times and he falls to the floor squealing! The door opens to reveal Bunji, Wimp-Lo and the Jackal standing by the door.

Bunji: The boss- Hey!

Aaron runs in and tears the protagonists' chains away. Jackal points a gun at Aaron. Aaron picks up Menard's TV and brings it above Jackal's head. Instead of crushing him, he throws it down on Menard, now torn up into the shape of a shadow creature, still dragging the whip like a specter tail behind him and gliding towards the others with a murderous glee in his eyes! Menard's TV smashes it's owner through the floor. Jackal, relieved, barely notices when Aaron rears back to hit him. But he does when Ash emerges through the door to see the prisoners free and 3 guns being pointed at him

Ash: Hey, it's boring in the- oh... whoops

Ash slams the door in front of him, but not fast enough to escape Jackal and Bunji, who dodge Aaron's stony fist and penetrate the high-priest with bullets. screaming is heard from the other side of the door. Wimp-Lo is not as lucky as his associates and takes the full force of Aaron's blow

Wimp: Owie!

Jackal and Bunji turn to face Aaron, who snatches Jackal's gun and points it at Bunji, whose guns are knocked from his grip by Celeste/Baytes kung-fu. Aaron looks down the hole made by the TV

Aaron: He'll be back...

Jin: Now... what about the boss?


Vomitrag: Well, well, well. What do we have here?

Vomitrag moves closer to the seductive anime chick

Nervous trooper: Eeerrm, Sirrr? What are you doing?

Vomitrag: I'm scoring, b***h!

Nervous trooper: Errrrmmmm, Why?

Vomitrag: Cause it's there

Vomitrag comes in contact with Wikipe-Tan

Nervous trooper: What if it's a zombie? Or a bad guy? Orrr.... umm, shouldn't we be going?

Vomitrag does not listen or repond, first because his lips are locked with the girl, second, because she has stabbed him!

Nervous trooper: Uhhhhh----Ohhhhhh

Vomitrag slumps to the floor, in adult Wikipe-Tan's place is a grinning Donald-Prime holding the bloody dagger

Jarrod: Ohhh, shiiiiiiiii-iiiiiii-iiiiiii-itz...

Nervous trooper: Should we go some more?

Jarrod: Comon, no more running!

Nervous trooper: so...

Jarrod: Time to run the other way!

Jarrod leads the dissenters back down the corridor to Odinn7's path. Donald-Prime vanishes


Are fleeing from a flying puzzle-piece hairclip! Only Odinn and 2 others remain

Odinn: You two go! It's obviously after me!

The first trooper ducks beneath the hairclip and runs back down the corridor, the other finds another passage, where he finds a seductive, grown-up Wikipe-Tan. The first trooper runs into Jarrod's squad

Trooper: Jarrod?

Donald (offscreen): Boooooooyyyyy!!!!!

Jarrod: Run!

They do. Meanwhile, the piece predictably continues after Odinn7, who is ambushed by the half-3-arms. The alien manages to climb up onto Odinn's neck! The thing strangles him as the puzzle piece flies towards him at incredible speed. Cut to Jarrod and the troops running back to find Odinn 7, they are caught off guard by the real Wiki-Tan, who launches another puzzle hairclip at the heroes, they manage to run just in time. Meanwhile, Odinn frees the nutcracker from his belt-buckle and spins around, hitting the piece and braking it into fourths, they recover quickly and begin flying towards Odinn again. Instead, they hit 3-arms, still clinging to Odinn7's back! 3-Arms falls to the ground as Jarrod's troops run back to Odinn

Trooper 1: I'm back! And I've got friends!

Odinn: Jarrod, you're back!

Jarrod: We're being followed!

The second piece comes whizzing from several feet away, followed by Donald and Wiki-Tan

Donald: You play a good game, boy... but now the game is finished... now you die!

Odinn 7 and the others run into the next room, only to find Ash the Cat waiting for them! Full of bullets, Ash is now little more than a goat-headed monstrosity hunched over in blood, but is still moaning towards the hapless soldiers. Thinking quickly, Odinn7 pulls the nutcracker and lands it square on Ash's junk! Ash doubles over in pain, but continues coming for Odinn7. Odinn7 uses the cracker again, to the same, limited effect as The Cat draws ever closer towards the agents. Ash reaches toward one of the troopers and easily crushes his head. Odinn7 is seemingly out of options. Thankfully, one is made for him when the puzzle piece crashes thru the entrance and into Ash's goat-mask. He collapses. Odinn and the others run into Canary's rape room to find him, sprawled out on the floor, Brando standing above him as triumphant music plays!

Brando: ...Do you know how long I have been waiting?

Odinn: What happened?

Brando: I... cleaned his clock...


The blood stained puzzle piece flies out of Ash's head and back to Wikipe-Tan's hair. Donald-Prime standing beside her.

Donald: Well?

Wikipe-Tan: I see... I see... they're straight down the passage... all of them.


+co-author note: Apologies for another huge chap, and for the fact that it's pretty much totally action-driven and convoluted. In case you didn't follow that random clump of sentences near the middle, that's Jin surviving Bat p***y through MST3King it+
« Last Edit: April 20, 2007, 05:25:58 AM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged
For the latest on the fifth installment in Don Coscarelli's Phantasm saga.
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 101
Posts: 826

« Reply #74 on: April 11, 2007, 10:57:08 AM »

...back to a random holding cell...

Volga has been isolated, locked in a dark, dank, smelly prison cell, supposedly awaiting her clown treatment in ClockworkCanary's torture chamber.

Suddenly the lights activate, illuminating a slum of a prison cell with dirty white padded walls.  Across the room from her is who appears to be Clockwork Canary himself, although he's dressed more ragged.

Volga, "Clock?!"

Prisoner: "no ...sorry...I'm Clockwork Canary's Good Twin(TM) is my destiny to defeat my brother!" as he jerks his arms at the full extent of the prison cell.  "I must stop his wicked ways at all costs!"

Volga, "how do we get out of here?"

Suddenly the cell door is kicked wide open by one large boot!  The boot is owned by none other than...

*Co-Author Notes: No prob ...I kinda like the detail.  I am wondering if we should approach a climax soon and wrap the story up not long after so we can start on a sequel, maybe something with a different setting.  Any ideas?  Maybe that's another topic.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2007, 10:59:32 AM by clockworkcanary » Logged

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