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July 30, 2016, 07:40:04 PM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Television  |  THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs « previous next »
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Author Topic: THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs  (Read 88040 times)
Rev. Powell
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« Reply #510 on: January 30, 2016, 08:08:15 PM »

GIRLS TOWN

CROW [as French maitre d']: Sir, I have a table for you and your jailbait.

TOM [as the automated phone recording at the Catholic orphanage]: All of our nuns are currently busy. The last calls will be answered first...

TOM: Paul Anka's beefy security nuns step in!
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"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
sprite75
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« Reply #511 on: January 31, 2016, 09:48:45 PM »

I was watching one of the bonus features - Crow vs. Crow.  That was a panel discussion that featured Bill Corbett, Trace Beaulieu, and Frank Conniff.  They were talking about Charro! and Frank mentioned they came up with this line for Crow;

"Do I smell Elvis?"

I sooooo wish they could've made that episode.  Maybe they should try for it again since they're doing the show again.
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Trevor
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« Reply #512 on: February 04, 2016, 07:35:56 AM »

I was watching one of the bonus features - Crow vs. Crow.  That was a panel discussion that featured Bill Corbett, Trace Beaulieu, and Frank Conniff.  They were talking about Charro! and Frank mentioned they came up with this line for Crow;

"Do I smell Elvis?"

I sooooo wish they could've made that episode.  Maybe they should try for it again since they're doing the show again.

That was on the DVD of The Beatniks: great episode.  Smile
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Tom Servo: [coughs] “You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.”
Rev. Powell
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« Reply #513 on: April 09, 2016, 10:32:58 AM »

SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL

All the memorable riffs revolve around Tab Hunter, a bad guy disguised as a priest.

[Tab first appears]
MIKE: Insert Tab A into B-movie.

[As priest, Tab puts on Frank Sinatra-style hat at jaunty angle]
MIKE (singing): That's why the savior is a tramp!
TOM (singing): She gets too hungry, for trans-substantiate!

[Tab-priest pulls out a gun and takes woman hostage]
TOM: Jeez, ever since Vatican II, these guys!
CROW: All the Church will do is move him to another parish.

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"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
retrorussell
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« Reply #514 on: April 30, 2016, 06:04:44 AM »

THE CHICKEN OF TOMORROW

(at title screen) Tom: The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!

(eggs are frying in a pan) Crow: These are your chickens on drugs.

(camera pans) Narrator: And on large and small farms the search for the perfect chicken goes on.
(Tom) THERE IT IS!  No-wait..

(narrator) Let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
Mike (as narrator): I'm in the incubator now. (muffled voice)

(narrator, as woman is loading eggs in incubator) Good chicks come from good eggs.
Tom: (as worker) Thank you young man!

(narrator) And finally the fully-developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
Tom: Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.

(narrator) Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.
Tom: Yeah, for pervs.

(worker tosses chicks in bins)
Crow: Garage sale.. Goodwill.. save for the kids..

(narrator) One of the most important advances in poultry raising is the trap nest.  The bird can enter the trap nest easily to lay her egg.  But she can't get out again.. until you LET her out.
Mike: There's no point; it's just funny!

(narrator) And this is a good place to point out a few facts about eggs.
Crow: Stop throwing them at my car!

(chicken combs are flopped over their head)
Mike: They're all wearing Rembrandt hats!

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HBO in space!<br />
sprite75
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« Reply #515 on: June 20, 2016, 08:39:59 AM »

The Giant Spider Invasion
"I gotta go drain the little buddy, I'll be right back!"
"Packers!  Packers won the Super Bowl!"
"And this movie ramps up the repulsion."
"Got.  Milk."

Manos
"I'm guessing this is the whole reason this movie was made."
"Joel this is gonna turn into a snuff film."

Mitchell
"Eye on the Sammich!  Mitchell!  Heart's pounding!  Mitchell!  Veins clogging!  Mitchell!"
"You know it's about this time in any killling spree that you really ought to turn the gun on yourself.  Turn it, turn it, turn it...."
"Baby oil?!  NOOOOOOOO!"

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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #516 on: June 25, 2016, 11:52:44 AM »

DEATHSTALKER AND THE WARRIORS FROM HELL

[An odd sound effect is dubbed in as a bird swoops by]
CROW: That's a lot of things, but it isn't a bird song.
TOM: I just heard an eagle meow!

Troxartis: Stop them!
MIKE [exasperated by the confusing plot] Stop who from what?

["Potato girl"'s corpse is put on the pyre]
MIKE: Well, I have to say.. she was all-righta!
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"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
Rev. Powell
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Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


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« Reply #517 on: July 09, 2016, 04:01:43 PM »

THE LEECH WOMAN

Malo: You are the one in my dreams of BLOOD!
MIKE: But, everyone's in my dreams of blood, so it's not that big a deal.

[During jungle scenes]

MIKE: Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.

CROW: Stock footage? It's more like stock mileage at this point!
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"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2054
Posts: 16650


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #518 on: July 24, 2016, 03:38:43 PM »

THE DEADLY MANTIS

[Jump scare startles two soldiers]
TOM: I peed your pants, I'm not sure how.

[Major puts the moves on love interest]
CROW: Present, tongue!

CROW: But I have a mantis in my pantis!
Logged

"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
Trevor
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« Reply #519 on: July 26, 2016, 02:57:30 AM »

THE DEADLY MANTIS

[Jump scare startles two soldiers]
TOM: I peed your pants, I'm not sure how.

 BuggedoutBounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
Logged

Tom Servo: [coughs] “You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself.”
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2054
Posts: 16650


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #520 on: Today at 04:26:52 PM »

THE THING THAT COULDN'T DIE

[Tom's riffs as the two female leads are innocently sleeping in the same bed]

TOM: Do you like Amanda Bearse? Boy, I sure do!

[Artist angrily slashes his portrait of his fiancee]

MIKE: Remember, you fell against a painting of a door.

[The movie's last shot is a freeze frame of the lead actress' ample cleavage]

CROW: The whole movie was leading up to this shot.
MIKE: Brought to you by the Breast Council.
TOM: Buy breasts where you work or bank!
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"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
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