The Party Journal

[clockworkcanary]

Ok, I've often read about other people's party stories from long ago and they're always entertaining.  I have always thought I should have kept a journal from my early college years as it was a crazy time of my life (and there's no way I can ever remember all the crazy stuff).  So, I was thinking, if anyone would like to join in and describe different stories from their crazy past, feel free.

I'll start with what I witnessed from my rowdy neighbors from Cincinnati at the time - these guys lived below me and had a keg every week no lie.  I could write a whole chapter on these crazy fools, but I'll explain just one story to kick things off:

Let's see, one night, I went to a party with these guys - we were drunk as usual, but some of us went to some wedding reception, got all crazy, got kicked out, someone grabbed a bottle of wine, we chugged it, crazyness.

Later, some jerk of a guy shows up (from elsewhere) startin' s**t.  Well, he gets punched a few times after being rather forward with a girl who was none too appreciative.  He leaves, comes back with some friends.  The "friends" recognize the boys from Cincy and turn on this guy - the guy gets beat up again...the cops come, he gets s**tty with them, and they haul his ass off to jail.  What a s**tty night for that dumbass!

I don't remember much else of the night as I woke up in a flower bed somewhere in the neighborhood lol.

[Ash]

I went to this party at a house out in the country that was off the wall insane.
I think it would've been around 1994 or so...some of the details are a bit hazy because I was pretty hammered that night but here goes...

A kid named Ben that my friend Lonnie knew lived there with his sister, dad & mom.
The dad was more drunk than anyone else there and when he made some smartass comment to two of the toughest guys I know while standing at the top of the stairs, they both decked him at the same time and he tumbled all the way down the stairs and didn't move.
They knocked this guy out cold.
People were yelling, "Holy sh*t!  You killed him!"
The mom is in the kitchen smoking weed and drinking with some of the other people there and flirting with this kid named Shannon....totally oblivious as to what just happened to her husband.
The dad lays there for about 20 minutes unconscious, then gets up and runs out the front door into the night.

Right after he left, a friend of mine named Jerry and his girlfriend walk in.
He's bleeding from a cut on his head and they were both shaken up.
Turns out that they were both drinking before they came to the party and he totalled his car about 2 miles from the party.
They told us they left the scene of the accident and walked there. (it was a 1 car accident)
I never did find out what happened to them and if the police found them.

About an hour later the mom went to lie down on a couch in the basement and when my friends & I went down there, that Shannon guy was laughing and smacking his you-know-what on the side of her face while she was passed out, saying, "C'mon!  Wake up!  Wake up!" 
One of my friends told him to cut it out.

We go back upstairs and this other guy Donnie has the refrigerator door wide open and is grabbing every item in the fridge and tossing them over his shoulder. 
Why?  I don't know.
He grabs a couple eggs from the door and tells this other kid that I didn't know that he'd give him another beer if he ate both eggs raw...shells & all.
The kid ate both of them!  I remember laughing because he was gagging and had bits of egg shells all over his mouth.
Turns out, there was no more beer.

Meanwhile, Lonnie had mysteriously disappeared.
While I was looking for him, the dad, who had been gone for over 2 hours suddenly bursts through the front door with a 2x4 in his hands and starts freaking out.
The two guys who had knocked him out earlier jumped on him and started pummeling him.
They wrestled the board away from him and started beating him on the back with it.

I ran upstairs to one of the bedrooms, flipped on the light and there's Lonnie on the floor banging "Hornhead".
Hornhead was this butt ugly chick who had a large permanent wart right in the middle of her forehead.
I yell at Lonnie, "Let's get the f*ck outta here!  It's too crazy!"

Then we hear the cops come in downstairs.
Lonnie stops what he's doing and we turn the lights off and sneak out the window and onto the roof.
I remember us laying on our bellies on Ben's roof...me, Lonnie & Hornhead listening to the police radios squawking below.
We had to lay there for at least 45 minutes to an hour until the cops left, then we climbed down and Hornhead took us home.

That was the most insane party I've ever attended.
It's funny...Lonnie & I will occasionally bring up that party sometimes and laugh about it.

[clockworkcanary]

OMG I have tears in my eyes that was so damn funny!  holy $h!t.  It reminded me of one of my earliest party stories (that I'm capable of remembering) - but this one in particular isn't as wild as yours.

Let's see... when I was like 12, I lived in this small town up north (not sayin where exactly) and I moved away that Summer.  Well, by the time I was 14, I hadn't seen some of my old friends for awhile and got the chance to stay the weekend with my best friend from that time and his family, which was pretty cool as they had a pool and all.

Well, the first night I was there, this "friend" kept trying to get me to do his sister (!!)  - yeah I know...totally.  I didn't though...I was much too embarrassed and inexperienced at that age to even know what the hell to do, although she was pretty hot and did like me.

Anyway, we snuck out, walked out of town and far into the country to some "friend's" house to party.  Apparently these two sisters and a brother had a cousin over - their parents worked 3rd shift so they were gone.  Well, we decided to play some drinking games.

Well, I wasn't used to drinking...at all at this age.  We got hammered.  The dude who lived there passed out.  My friend went upstairs with both girls - trying to get on one and trying to avoid the other.  He even tried to pass off the ugly one on me but I decided to just drink more instead.

Well, me and the cousin decide to get in said passed-out friend's neighbor's dune buggy that was just sitting outside.  We were so hammered zig zagging this buggy all over the place, wrecking into anything and everything.  We got it stuck on the railroad for a few minutes, but made it out before the approaching train got us but then we turned around and got it stuck in some broken-up concrete.  I just remember laughing my ass off drunk on some stranger's dune buggy lol.

Anyway we walked back home and got busted by his parents.  He snuck out again the next night and his sister and I had an evening.

Yeah not as crazy as what you described ...I've got some crazy ones though, from much later in life.

Let's see - back to the guys from Cincy - we had a kegger one night, actually there were six.  We finished four of them (along with a mass of people).  I remember it was my bday and I didn't know them well at the time but my roomie was at there place so somehow I got mixed up in it all.  Well, dude found out it was my bday and shoved a bong in my mouth lol w/o twisting my arm too much.  Next thing I know there's hundreds of people in this apartment. 

A few girls I knew kept coming around and hugging me for my bday so by the time they came around the 3rd or 4th time I was plowed so I made a pass at both of them, with successs.  The second girl and I were making out in the middle of all of this and some drunk dude fell on us and we all toppled onto the couch, onto some other people and we all laughed hysterically.  I looked at the chick i was just kissing and said, "well that was nice, thanks!" and I stumbled away lol.

The next day the floor was so nasty none of us would walk on it.  They invited me back for the next night to drink some more keg.  Well, we broke open a bottle of Jim Beam and finished that puppy - we were sooooo smashed.  A friend of theres from Cincy shows up with another bottle!  omg!  We crack it open and go to town.  Later, everyone's passed out but the last 3 of us - me and 2 of the guys livin there.  The other guy living there, Ed had scored some girl and they were long passed out.

Well, Casey -he was the 6ft dude who usually never moved from the couch - he put in Judas Priest, which I found funny cuz they usually listened to hip hop.  Once Judas priest came on, me and these 2 guys started running back n forth across the living room, smashing and shoulder ramming the wall to the music.  Well, it got more and more intense and suddenly the big dude started knocking over furniture and then all the s udden he started throwing it!  Danny and I jumped outside, watching from the doorway, scared as hell.

I just remember Danny's face - priceless...watching his own roommate tear their s**t up and not being able to do anything about it.  Hehehehe he kept saying, with lots of pauses, "oh my god!....Oh My God!  OH MY GOD!" hahah it was surreal.  Dude didn't even remember doing any of it the next day.   After he went missing for an hour or so, I went back upstairs and wouldn't ya know it, crazy dude shows up at the door (this dude never visted anyone) and I did my best to convince him to leave saying his roomies were looking for him lol.

Oh my soo many more to tell...but that's enough for now.  I'm going to have to reread that last post though - so damned funny!  Keep em comin!

[Doc Daneeka]

Never been to a party, I AM A GOOD BOY!

[Andrew]

I get concerned about posting such stories, because I am not certain about the statute of limitations for a couple of...things.  However, these two stories are ones I have told before in the Random Thoughts section:

***************

 We spent a few days down at the beach with friends who had rented a house for a week. There were five children (ages three and under), so things were chaotic until all of them were in bed. After the kids were down, we would have time to talk, watch a movie, or play games. One night we played Taboo.

When playing Taboo you have two teams, a one minute timer, and cards. At the top of each card is the word that you, as the clue-giver, must get your team to say. Under it is a list of words you may not use as hints, else you get buzzed (a member of the other team sits by your shoulder, like some sort of twisted conscience) and the other team gets the point for the word. You have sixty seconds, every word that your team manages to guess is a point, but every word that you are buzzed or pass is a point for the opposing team.

Well, this is a fun game to play with adults who are drinking, especially when the teams are guys vs. gals. There were a couple that Bill and I pulled off that caused a roar of, "What the Hell?" from the women. For example: Bill says, "It lives in the ocean." Andrew shouts, "Octopus!" to which Bill screams, "Yes!" That sort of thing causes some serious angst.

However, possibly the funniest parts happened when I was the clue-giver. One round, and I think it was the first word I drew, I had to get them to say "Banker." Katie spent many years as a bank teller for Bank of America and Commerce Bank, so I offered, "This is what Katie used to do." Bill and Todd immediately yell, "Hooker!" (In perfect stereo.) At which point everyone collapses in laughter. I gave up trying to get them to guess the actual word, because they could not stop laughing. Oh and, for some reason, I was blamed for the two nincompoops calling my wife a hooker. Still trying to figure out how I was culpable.

Another round I needed to get my team to guess the word "Bran." I quickly hinted "you might add this to your early morning meal as roughage." and when they started guessing "cream of wheat" and "oatmeal" I continued giving clues. Finally, in desperation (because, this was taking far too long for "Bran") I sung a hint. It went like this, "I something, I something so far away." Bill immediately gets, "Ran?" but stops there, completely stuck. My wife, ready to buzz me, just starts laughing. When the time ran out, all I could do was snarl between clenched teeth, "Why are you so STUPID?" Which only made everyone laugh harder.

In my defense, "I bran, I bran so far away..." makes perfect sense at 1:00 AM, after a liberal application of Jack Daniels.


***************

Several years ago we discovered Goldschlager, 102 proof hot cinnamon schnapps, that spells trouble. Had this friend in the Navy by the name of John Dietche, he was very good at injuring himself. Take into account that he was an ordinance type (Loaded missiles and bombs on the planes.) and you wonder why he's still alive. We'd been doing shots of Goldschlager, lighting and then blowing them out before drinking of course. After a while John and Steve are pretty well hammered, so at one point John thinks he has extinguished his shot. Upon picking up the still burning liquid he sloshes the contents all over his hand. AMAZINGLY he doesn't notice this - Steve does. Steve points it out to John. (This involves pointing at the flaming member and yelling, "Dude! Your hand!") John appraises the situation and trades the shot glass to his other hand, more sloshing, now he has two hands on fire. Good thing about alcohol, it doesn't burn very hot, but by now he's feeling it. So he drops the shot glass, still ablaze, onto my floor and starts jumping around waving his flaming hands in the air. While Steve and myself stomp out my floor, John finally snuffs out his hands by putting them under his armpits.

Oh, and then John went and dunked his nasty, burnt fingers into my ice cube trays.  I had a little fridge in my room and had just filled the trays with water.  John then fell asleep (or passed out) with his fingers in the little freezer area.  When we finally realized this, some hours later, we woke him up.  He now had 2nd degree burns and frostbite on his hands.

[Ash]

I remember another one.

This was a couple days after the 4th of July around 1996 I believe.
It wasn't a party though.  It was a get-together of 6 of us friends to play poker in my friend Chris's new house.

Chris's wife Kim had left to go out with some friends for the evening so we all went to Pizza Hut for a big meal.
Then we headed to the grocery store and picked up a ton of beer and a couple bottles of hard liquor.
We all had every intention of getting galactically f*cked up.

We started playing poker and kept pounding down the beer & hard stuff.
I remember doing depth charges and boilermakers and getting so plastered that I could no longer play cards effectively.
Neither could anyone else, so we sat there talking and laughing for awhile and then Chris gets up, goes into the bedroom and comes out with a grocery sack filled with fireworks he'd bought down in Missouri the week before.
(fireworks are illegal in Iowa, so we have to drive down to Missouri to get them)

He empties a bunch of fireworks onto the table.
Then he takes a bottle rocket, lights the fuse with his cigarette and "Whoosh!"
He let's it fly at Luke who was sitting to my left.
It hits him in the chest and he's flailing about trying to get it away from him.
He swats it off to the side and "BANG!"...the thing goes off right next to him.
The report was deafening indoors.

We all then grabbed a bunch of firecrackers and started lighting entire strings of them and tossing them at each other.



It was one of the funniest things I have ever done.  
You should've seen it...we must've set off at least a couple hundred firecrackers in the middle of the kitchen.
There was smoke everywhere and red bits of exploded firecrackers all over the floor.
Several beers and an ashtray were knocked over too.
The kitchen was a wreck.

Right in the middle of all this, Kim walks in, sees what we are doing and flips out.
I remember her yelling, "Get outta my house!  Now!  All of you!"

She totally ruined our good time.
We called a cab and left.
I remember that after I got home, my ears were still ringing from the firecracker reports.

[Dennis]

When I was 17 my best friend who was a couple years older, a college student, and a fraternity member invited me to his frat house for a night of beer drinking. He had a fake ID that said he was 25, the liquor store was across the street from the house so they never checked to close anyway. We bought 6 quart bottles of beer, went back to the house and started drinking and listening to Iron Butterfly's Inna Gadda Davida, left the arm up on the stereo so it would play over and over, turned it up pretty loud too. After a while we were pretty much out of it, and this is when it happened, it was the end of pledge week or month or something like that and the pledges were expected and encouraged to get revenge on their frat brothers who had tormented them. About a dozen guys (may have been less, I was in no shape to count) burst in, tie us up, and carry us out to a car, throw us in the trunk and drive away. We had yelled for help but the music probably drowned us out, after what seemed like for ever the car stopped, the trunk was opened and these characters relieved us of our wallets, car keys and pocket money. Took us out of the trunk, untied us, gave my buddy a dime and said good bye. If I hadn't been drunk I would've tried to kill them, they drove away and left us standing on a dirt road, in the dark of night, no moon out, all we could see was a light that looked like it was on the edge of the horizon. My pal tells me not to worry, the rules say they must leave their fraternity brothers within a mile of a pay phone, I pointed out to him that I wasn't a member and that he could have told them that and then maybe they'd have got some other guys. He told me that didn't matter, they would've grabbed me anyway. We followed the road to the light which was a phone booth beside a little market, a 7-11 or Circle-K or some such store, it was at the place the dirt road crossed a paved road so we knew we were getting closer to civilization. The beer was wearing off fast and we noticed that it was real cold, that we had no idea where we were and there was no point in calling anyone because we couldn't give them directions to our location. We sat down side by side against the store door and fell asleep leaning on each other, woke up as the sun was rising, about an hour later the store owner showed up and we found out we were in the desert a couple miles outside of Barstow. Took about 5 hours for our ride home to arrive, got our stuff back at the frat house and on the bright side the store owner let us use his phone so we made a 10 cent profit on the deal.