Dating Advice?

[CheezeFlixz]

The first date that never was ...

enter the way back machine to 1979
cue wavy lines and wooie sounds

My best first had a date with a girl but she would not go out with him unless her best friend had a date too for a double date. So I'm suckered into going out on a blind date, his date was HOT I knew of her, however I did not know her friend. Being a wise man an knowing that for some strange reason good looking girls always have a porker as a friend. (Why is this I don't know.) He tried to convince me she'd be HOT too, I was sure, positive she wouldn't be ... so long story short. The night of the date arrived I was reluctant but went to meet them, I had set terms we'd meet at a local club.
WE arrived and walked in and I saw his date talking to some HOT chick and my spirits rose, foolishly thinking that was my blind date. We went in a started talking to them, THEN SUDDENLY the earth trembled and the walls shook and up walked this beast (with a million eyes) covered in zits and thick glasses tipping in and planetary size and said "You must be my date." I made up some language and and said "zooba din ah kag" or something like that and walked away ... followed by my new EX best friend pleading with me to tough it out, that he'd owe me etc and all the things guys say. I kept speaking in my new made up language and left the building being offered money to stay ... suddenly I remembered English and said "Dude, it's not happening, not enough promises, money or booze it going to get me to set with Jumbo the elephant girl in there."
Anyway ... after much pleading and begging I took one for the team and stuck it out as long as I could, then left claiming I had a early work day and had to get some sleep and I'm still friends with the guy some 28 years later and I still remind him that I've never collected on that debt.

(NOTE she wasn't the worst looking women I've ever seen but she was the worst looking women I ever went out with, I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat sometimes. After that some of my friends saw me with her and I just claimed I lost a bet and was paying up.)

[Viktorcrayon]

Listen to me, and ignore the "just be yourself" cliché. It's a horribly devasting line that people who know nothing about men/women relations always say because they are clueless. Ignore the advice women give to you about dating, because they don't necessarily understand the mechanisms that trigger them more, just because they are women.

Be yourself!?!? It's pointless. When i'm with my parents, i don't act the same way as i do with my buddies, but i'm "myself" in both situations. It's natural to have a facade towards all people, so what does mean to "be yourself" exactly!?!? It's simply a stupid cliché that you can't put to any use.

Heres some random golden tips from me, that you can actually put to use:

1: Have fun. Who want's to be with a person that doesn't enjoy whats going on? If you aren't having fun, she sure as hell isn't going to either.

2: Never shover her with compliments. It reeks of desperation. If you give a compliment, "pull it back" afterwards (in a humorous way, ofcourse).

Say something like
You: "You hair looks really nice today"
Her: "thank you"
You: "Yeah... It's all fluffy and nice. It kind of makes me think of Meat Loaf"

You get the point across that you think she's nice, but also pull back the compliment to spark some emotion in her.
Most women are insecure about their apperance, so tap into that, and exploit it.

3: Be confident. Let this be a mantra for you. Confidence is key. You are an awesome guy, and any girl would be lucky to be with you.Turn the tables around. Instead of men running after the women, let the women run after you. If you are confident, your body will simply reek of sexyness.

4: Smile a lot

5: Avoid getting into the "friend zone". It's damned near impossible to get out of that wretched place. Avoid this by letting her know in what way you are into her. Girls wants to "just be friends" with the poor saps that act to friendly. Don't be friendly, be sexy/dangerous/hilarious.

It's simply another human being. It's not true love, or meant to be, it's just two people acting out their instincts. Don't overcomplicate it.

If she refuses to go on a date with you, think "her loss". It seriously is. Move on, it's not the end of the world. One thing is sure, you won't get any, if you don't try.

Practise this. It will work, i promise. I used to be horrible with women, but started reading about this, and improving myself. Now.... Well... What can i say. I can in no way complain.

If you wan't me to extend this rant, just let me know.

BTW, CheezeFlixz, your post about the date seriously made me laugh out loud. Big karma point for that one!

[ulthar]

It's natural to have a facade towards all people, so what does mean to "be yourself" exactly!?!? It's simply a stupid cliché that you can't put to any use.

I disagree that we (all of us) put facades on toward all people - being someone different in one circumstance vs another.  I personally know people for whom that's not true AT ALL.  In my experience, they have been people you can count on when things go to the crapper, like when being shot at.  But oh well.  I guess it is common enough to appear "normal."

You mentioned confidence.  So, why the facade then, if you are confident?

[Viktorcrayon]

I guess "facade" was the wrong word to use. I'm simply trying to imply, that you put on a different face, to certain situations. Different behaviour is appropriate to different situations.
How can you not be yourself!?!? It's impossible.
I just really have a problem with the "be yourself" line.

The line should be "be the part of yourself that would be most attractive to a woman".
"be yourself" is the kind of advice your grandma, who's only had one man in her life would give you.

The dude is asking for advice, and "be yourself" is simply useless. He has probably been himself up till now, and he isn't satisfied at where he is now. My advice is something you can use in the real world, that actually works (with god as my witness).

[JaseSF]

Cool, thoughtful and insightful stuff there viktor. Thanks for that.

[Viktorcrayon]

I'm glad you liked it! Ill write some more then.

Pickup lines: For gods sake, no. In some super rare cases they might work, but it's more clever to simply just ignore them.
It's not the cornyness thats the real problem. Corny can be good. The problem is, that if you use a pickup line, you've established the "i'm after you, and i must prove myself worthy of your attention" relationship, and it's important to get it the other way around. So stop using them for christ sake!

When i need to engage in conversation with a woman, i simply say "hi", and take it from there.It's as simple as that. You can quickly pick up the vibes from her body language by just having a small conversation. Lots of smiling, playing with hair, laughing, youre in! If you sense it's going to lead nowhere, just move on.

Since you are a movie fan, i'd reccomend that you rent the movie "swingers". It's an awesome (albeit, a bit cruel at times) example of how to get chicks.

In your specefic example, i don't know if i would ask her on a date right away. Just try talking to her to begin with, but be sure to break out of the "just friends" category early, by being very flirtatious, so she has an idea of what's going on.

How bad is your stuttering by the way?

[dean]

Viktor, I think when people are saying 'be yourself' they're more saying don't try to be someone you're not, thinking that's what they're after.

I mean, sure, we all act a little differently around different people, especially family vs friends, but at the core you're still the same person, you just might not swear as much etc etc  . 

Anyways, the only thing I wouldn't mind asking about is why the hell would you compare a girl's hair to Meat Loaf?? [unless for some reason he's gotten really sexy lately... shudder]

I think it's perfectly fine to just say nice hair and leave it at that eh?

Is meant to be 'negging?' [well that's how it's known to me at least]

Basically it's the idea of saying something nice to someone, but in a bad way I suppose, like 'hey your hair is nice, is that a wig?'

A few friends of mine have been struck recently by this practise, and constantly complain about how bad and annoying it is.  I hope that's not what you're talking about, because it just seems kind of pointless to me... You shouldn't have to exploit women's insecurities to pick em up I guess.

Anyways, the rest of what you said is fine, just thought I'd mention that one: I've never seen it work ever, unless they were blind drunk and just plain idiotic [which is fine if that's what you're after, but not my tastes at least]


In the meantime, just go to a dancefloor, do that fishing 'come to me' move and see if it works.  Let me know if it does, because that would just be awesome... 

[RCMerchant]

  Ask her out for pie and coffee,buy her a Kris Kristopherson record,and take her to a off-color Swedish  film....might work...

                           
       
                                      I mean..lotsa couples go to see this movie...I..I dunno a lot about movies...but....

[Viktorcrayon]

Yeah, i'm desbribing "negative hits"

It works. At least it got me this far, and that's good enough for me:

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=53982080&albumID=0&imageID=3963705

[BoyScoutKevin]

Candy is dandy. But liquer is quicker.

RCM, forgot Odgen Nash's update to his own poem.

Candy is dandy.
But liquer is quicker.
Pot is not.

[JaseSF]

Bumping this up.

Is it just me; or does the girl in most cases already know that you plan to ask her before you ever get around to it? This certainly seems to be the case to me and it always kind of freaks me out...and takes me off my game.

[Zapranoth]

Bumping this up.

Is it just me; or does the girl in most cases already know that you plan to ask her before you ever get around to it? This certainly seems to be the case to me and it always kind of freaks me out...and takes me off my game.

Not that I'm Casanova or anything, but...

Don't invest yourself too much in outcomes, if you can help it.  What I mean is -- if a girl interests you, ask her out, whether she seems to expect it or not. .. and try not to bet all your confidence and feelings on what happens next.   You have no way of knowing what she's truly thinking.  Why worry about it?  One way to show confidence is just to press the mental "delete" button when it comes to second-guessing, and just project yourself as you are (but confidently).   I think Viktor's advice is good.   But second-guessing is worse than worthless -- it's detrimental.

[BTM]

I thought it might be a fun, and possibly even educational, idea to have a thread where dating advice is given 

You're asking THIS board for advice on dating? 

Wow...

What the hell, I'll try..

Truth though, I know more about maintaining relationships that starting them.  Lot of good books on that subject, the stuff they say about starting them never quite seemed to work for me, but that's a whole another thread.

So, if you want info about what NOT to do in a relationship, I can give you that... 

Okay, dating... not really sure I can help you there.  Although, I am reminded of a joke.. when you were talking about girls not wanting to date you cause you're nice...

"So, I asked this girl in my English class if she'd go out with me and she said she would, but I was, 'Too nice.' (pause) So, then I slapped her six times and said, 'Friday, then?'"

Strangely enough, guys tend to laugh at that joke more than girls do, but you HAVE to admit, ladies that is a LAME excuse.  That's worse than, "I have to wash my cat that night." 

Course, the worse is, "Yes, I'd LOVE to go out with you tonight. I'll give you a call!"  Then it's 10 pm and you're sitting by phone going, "Okay, I'll give her another ten minutes..."

Like the others have said, the self-confidence thing is a must.. chicks don't usually dig guys who make too many self-depreciating remarks. 

Course, you know, they say that a for a lot of guys who are considered suave and whatnot, they just started ACTING like they were suave, and after a bit, everything else kind of feel into place.  Hugh Hefner for example..

I dunno... the subject just depresses me, think I'll quit now.

[Susan]

Jase this is late in the game but looking at a question you asked earlier in the post about 'what if you work with th woman and she' always busy at her job'. So, solution is ask her if she wants to grab a bite for lunch. Don't make it sound like a date, think of it as testing the waters to see if you really like aachother. Suggest a place you like nearby, if you don't know any than before hand you need to research your work area and see what's good. If you can get her to go out to lunch you're halfway there on an official date. also if she likes the place and has a good time you can ask her again "wanna check out that really good chinese place again?"

The worst place someone ever asked me out was in a dark movie theater during "28 days later". A total stranger sitting next to me in the dark, I can't even remember what he said but i remember telling him i went to movies alone all the time. he left, came back and said "i was trying to actually come on to you'

ICK! Everyone turned around in the row ahead to see. Then he says "My teenage son put me up to this, i'm not good with asking girls out"

Double ick. So his teenage son and his girlfriend is sitting a few seats away watching the whole thing unfold as this guy..in TOTAL DARKNESS leans over to tell me that i have nice eyes as a naked man is running through a desolate city. So he continues to talk to me during the movie asking me what i do..etc. That is also one of my pet peeves, people who talk in the theater. The worst part is he asked for my number aftwarwards which I did not want to give, with his son and everyone standing around it was soo akward to say no so i gave him a fake. Then he had the nerve right then and there to call it so he could put it on his memory.

stalker!

Women do know if a guy is going to ask her out, we have this radar. So you have to give her the option to say no and be fine with it and not make it weird. Sometimes how you reach to the situation can shape her opinion. Also have a cool date idea vs 'wanna go out sometime'. Like "this weekend there's a balloon festival" or better yet, have an idea of what she's interested in and focus on that. If she likes photography take her to a gallery or suggest she bring her camera to the arboretum or something. You can't ask her what she likes, you have to be perceptive. But also don't be afraid to be creative. Usually dates are at a restaurant or a theater. You can't talk in a theater for 2 hours and at a restaurant it can feel akward sometimes so liquor is sometimes required to losen everyone up. Who wants to be sloshed on a first date.

Women like originality sometimes, depends on the woman tho. But if you go on a date with someone where you can talk easily or laugh it makes for a better experience. If you live in a town where there i a lot of attractions or scenic places you're well on your way. But  sometimes taking her to a place where she's likely to be at ease because she's laughing - like miniature golf or Ripley's believe it or not or someplace fun, makes for a more condusive atmosphere. It's a crap shoot, you can't look at rejection as a bad thing. It just means that you guys aren't for eachother anyhow

[Mr. DS]

Double ick. So his teenage son and his girlfriend is sitting a few seats away watching the whole thing unfold as this guy..in TOTAL DARKNESS leans over to tell me that i have nice eyes as a naked man is running through a desolate city. So he continues to talk to me during the movie asking me what i do..etc. That is also one of my pet peeves, people who talk in the theater. The worst part is he asked for my number aftwarwards which I did not want to give, with his son and everyone standing around it was soo akward to say no so i gave him a fake. Then he had the nerve right then and there to call it so he could put it on his memory.

stalker!

I'm sorry Susan, I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression that night. 


Anyhow, in all seriousness I think first dates are usually an akward thing.  Almost like starting a new job on the first day.  If you have a sick/dry sense of humor like mine its hard to work into the first date.  Perhaps getting to know the person over the phone or just hanging out in an informal date would break the ice for the big deal.  Either that or take Andrew's plumage advice.  Although when I tried that, I was assaulted by a group of migrating geese.

Side note;  I find women flock around me in the supermarket when I have my son with me.  Why is that?