The Gingerdead Man (2005)

THE GINGERDEAD MAN
Rated: R
1 slime
Copyright Company and Date: 2005 Full Moon Entertainment
Submitted by Fausto

THE CHARACTERS

Millard Findlemeyer - Gary Busey! Knocks off Sarah's family while holding up a diner, gets fried

Sarah Leigh - Innocent, virginal baker; is desperate to keep the family business going despite mounting pressures to close

Amos Cadbury - Lorna's punk/trailertrash boyfriend, finds greener pastures in the form of Sarah

Brick Fields - The "butcher baker", or some crap, a bakery employee and wannabe wrestler, gets posessed and then baked alive

Jimmy Dean - Obnoxious cowboy starting a competing business, crushed to death with his own car

Betty Leigh - Sarah's alky mom, loses a finger

Lorna Dean - Jimmy's bleach blond jailbait daughter, you know she's gonna get it in the end

Julia - Another bakery employee, ends up as a woman-shaped sundae

The Gingerdead Man - Millard Findlemeyer! Sadistic pastry on an endless quest for revenge, gets eaten

LESSONS LEARNED

* Most b-films are not as amusing as their cover makes them appear
* Human ashes + human blood + gingerbread dough = homicidal cookie
* There are more embarrassing fates for an actor than a lousy mugshot
* The catchphrase "got milk?" needs to be put to rest
* Using bleach in your hair kills brain cells
* The answer to all of a Texan's problems involves a gun
* Hand puppets are the devil's playthings
* Anna Nicole Smith had a long lost baby sister named Lorna...what? Too soon?

STUFF TO WATCH FOR

4 min - Either Gary lost a bet, or this is some form of community service
8 min - Actually, I would think that the best strip clubs would be located in hell
10 min - Make her feel worse, why dont ya...
23 min - Cat fight!
24 min - Its alive, its alive.....
24 min - For those not in the know, that guy on Amos' shirt is JR Bob Dobbs, head diety of the Church of the Subgenius
33 min - She was actually going to poke it in the stomach to make it laugh, she must have been wasted
38 min - Aaaww, they're falling in love, how sweet
40 min - What the hell are they doing? Why dont they just leave?
43 min - That stuff is vegetable shortening, its not really as appetizing as it looks, even with the latina filling
44 min - Wow, she just screwed over her own father, she is so dead
49 min - See, wha'd I tell you...
51 min - How the hell can he tell it was pointing at something?
53 min - Look closely, you can see the puppeteer's finger pulling the trigger
55 min - If Brick says that one more time, I'm gonna kick the screen in.....no, that would be too rash-its the dvd's fault, I'll just stuff it in blender and hit frappe, so what if its a rental...

NOTABLE QUOTES

Amos: "What is that?"
Gingerdead Man: "Well, it sure as hell aint the pillsbury f***in' doughboy."

Amos: "How much dough can you get with a talkin' cookie...get it? Dough? Cookie?"

Gingerdead Man: "Maybe you should stop drinkin', you lush."

Lorna: "Okay? Okay? I'm miss pretty face of Waco...I wuz miss pretty face of Waco, now I'm a freak."

THE PLOT

Full moon entertainment has a long history of bringing us quality shlock horror films with diverse topics, ranging from killer dolls to...killer puppets, to...killer toys, and now even...killer cookies. Okay, so maybe Charlie Band has a one track mind. Now now, lets give credit where credit is due, you have to be creative to think of so many ways of spinning out the old "humanoid inanimate objects come to life and start offing a bunch of badly acted morons" concept. But eventually enough is enough, especially if The Gingerdead Man is any indication.

Millard Findlemeyer is a career criminal and psycho murderer. While holding up a diner, he shoots and kills the father and brother of Sarah Leigh (get it? Sara Lee?) leaving her for dead. Big mistake. Some time later, Findlemeyer gets caught. Sarah testifies against him, and he gets the chair. The end, right? Ha! Anyway, Sarah tries to put the experience behind her while working in her family's bakery. Unfortunately, her mother has degenerated into a shotgun-wielding lush (or maybe she was that way to begin with, who knows) and a rival business, owned by hick cowboy Jimmy Dean (get it?...nevermind) and his bleach blond b***h of a daughter Lorna , threatens to shut the bakery down. One day, after receiving a mysterious package of gingerbread spice, Sarah happens to learn that Findlemeyer's body was cremated and his ashes sent to his mother. Being too distracted to worry about such things, she instead turns her attention to getting the dough ready to bake.

Later on, while baking, Sarah catches Lorna letting rats loose in the bakery kitchen. A girl on girl battle ensues, ending with the two combatants knocking against something electrical, causing a bolt of lightning to strike the oven. The Gingerdead man comes to life. Foul tempered and hungry for blood, the potty-mouthed pastry goes on a free-for-all, stabbing and cursing out whatever comes his way. Now Sarah, along with Lorna and her boyfriend Amos, must - ah, screw it. If you havent seen what follows before in another movie, then it isnt worth seeing to begin with. I really didnt care about any of the characters, or find any of the situations scary, or even funny. It was just blah. Its like, yeah, its a killer cookie, but so what? There's been killer snowmen, killer leprechauns, killer oil slicks, killer condoms, killer bongs and God knows what else. Who cares?