Favorite Futurama Quotes

[Fausto]

Torgo's post got me thinking. The best thing about futurama, to me, was the writing. The stories they came up with, and the humor they got out of it, was incredible. Here are some of my favorite quotes (they might not sound as funny taken out of context, but they made me laugh my ass off when I first heard them-a few might also be misquotes, but gimmie a break, I'm pulling them right from memory):


Fry: "My girlfriend used to have a car like that...actually, it wasnt her car, it was her father's. And she wasnt really my girlfriend, she just lived next door to me and never closed her curtains...."

Leela: "Do you remember when we talked about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?"



Hubert: "....You did declare yourself legally dead as a tax dodge, five years ago."

Professor: "Tax dodge nothing! You take one nap in a ditch at the park, and they start declaring you this and that!"



Mom: "...Later. Now I have to go to some charity BS for knocked up teenage sluts."



Bender: "Have you ever thought of turning off the TV, sitting down with your kids...and hitting them?"



Leela: "You cant eat dolphins! They're intellegent!"

Bender: "This one wasnt. He spent all his money on instant lottery tickets."



Ziodberg: "Dont look into it, but I happen to be a well respected medical doctor-OOH! A CAN!"



Zap Brannigan: "Seeing that young man fills me with pride...and a lot of other emotions, which are weird and disturbing."

Kiff: "Eeu."



Nixon's Head (in his sleep): "You women's libbers really know how to party."



Janitor: "Prison's not so bad. You can make sangria in the toilet. 'Course, its shank or be shanked."

Amy: "Of course."



Leela: "Who would of thought that hell actually existed. And in New Jersey, of all places."

Fry: "Well, actually...."

[Torgo]

Fry: Wait a second, I know that monkey, his name is Donkey!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Monkey's aren't donkeys, quit messing with my head!

Captain Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm feeling the Captain's Itch.
Kif Kroker: I'll get the powder, sir.

Fry: So you have to choose between life without sex and a hideous, gruesome death?
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes.
Fry: Man, tough call.

Fry: But won't that change history?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [ultra sarcastic] Ohh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandfather"! Let's just steal the damn dish and get out of here! Screw history!

[PSlugworth]

Fry: "I did do the nasty in the past-y!"

[BTB]

i have to translate from German so it might not be perfectly accurate:

Bender: I want to live, there is so much I do not own yet.

[Mofo Rising]

When the professor sees the Oompa-Loompa parodies in the Slurm factory.

Farnsworth: "Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?"
Glurmo: "Why those are the Grunka Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory."
Farnsworth: "Tell them I hate them!"

Really not funny out of context, but on the show I was laughing so much I actually missed out on the next few minutes of the episode.

[Torgo]

When the professor sees the Oompa-Loompa parodies in the Slurm factory.

Farnsworth: "Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?"
Glurmo: "Why those are the Grunka Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory."
Farnsworth: "Tell them I hate them!"

Really not funny out of context, but on the show I was laughing so much I actually missed out on the next few minutes of the episode.

Practically anything Farnsworth, Bender or Zoidberg says is hilarious.

That's the thing that I love about Futurama is the little bits of humor like the quote you just posted which end up being funnier than anything else out there.

[felgekarp]

Benders "compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves", I've got a bender bot in Unreal Tournament and he spouts that quite a lot.

[T-Rex Television]

Ha, well the most recent one I saw was the one when they go into 'internet world' or whatever. And I think it is Leela and maybe Fry in a 'chat room' with normal people all walking around and chatting. Then one guy looks at Leela, and his head blinks into a sideways yellow smiley face like this  ;)  and there is a computer sound too (Kinda sounds like in Pong when the ball hits a paddle.). Haha, I thought it was the funniest thing.

[Torgo]

I was watching the episode last night in which they get captured on the planet of man hating Amazon women and I had forgotten about this classic Bender moment.

Fry and Bender are sneaking around trying to save their comrades and upon peaking through the bushes and seeing the huge Amazon women Bender utters to Fry:

"OH.........YOUR..........GOD!"   

Classic.

[Killer Bees]

Morbo:
"Kittens give Morbo gas."

Mom: "Now I have to go some charity BS for knocked up teenage sluts."

and:  "Don't let the door hit you on the way out. 'Cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!"

Fry: "Thanks to the internet, I'm now bored with sex!"

Bender to Fry: "We need a plan."
Amazon woman: "ooh, ooh ooh."
Bender:  "What kind of moronic plan is that?"

I think the above quote is funnier when you see the scene, but every time I see it, I end up laughing so hard I nearly snort coffee through my nose!

[threnody]

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

Beck: Now Bender, you can write songs about how you feel. Like when I wrote Devil's Haircut I was feeling - what's that song about?
Bender: Yeah! But I won't use any fake words like Odelay!
Beck: Odelay is a word! Just look it up in the Becktionary.

President Truman: Why have you come here? Are you planning on making some alien-human hybrid?
Dr. Zoidberg: Are you coming on to me?!
President Truman: Hot crackers! I take exception to that!
Dr. Zoidberg: I'm not hearing a 'no'...

Announcer: Thank you all for coming. It is my pleasure to introduce the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Conventions, the Inventor of the Environment, and first Emperor of the Moon, Al Gore!
Al Gore: I have ridden the mighty moon worm!
Fry: Good for him.
Al Gore: My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book Earth in the Balance, and the much more popular Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth, we need to defend our planet against pollution. As well as dark wizards.
Dark Wizard: Sure, blame the wizards!

Nixon's Head: In our darkest hour, we can stand erect, with proud upthrust bosoms.
Fry: Anyone who laughs is a communist!

Dr. Zoidberg: That's why I love Earth. You can do what you want, and no one makes you feel guilty because no one cares.
Fry: We're not listening!
Dr. Zoidberg: That's what I'm talking about!

Calculon: I've seen better acting from extras in Godzilla movies.

Bender: [Auditioning for All My Circuits in a horrible Hispanic accent] I will see adios, Ped-ree. Come Jesus, my faithful, chee-hua-hua. Tonight we eat, goo-ack-a-mole by de' el ree-oh!
Calculon: That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer!

Scientist: I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!
Civil Defense Van: You've got a degree in baloney!

Morbo: Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace among the Dutch tulips.
Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!

[GoHawks]

Paraphrasing from memory here....

FRY: [Talking about Slurm] Maybe the secret ingrediant is people!
LEELA:  No, there's already a cola like that; it's Soylent Cola.
FRY:  How does it taste?
LEELA:  It varies from person to person.

[AndyC]

Too many quotes in my favourite episode to list here. I'll just post the link.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0756891/quotes
The episode with the lunar theme park. Hilarious.

[Rev. Powell]

I've taken to asking attractive women at bars if they'd like to "knock some very sensual boots."  No takers yet...

[darthchicken]

Zapp Brannigan: "If I said you were beautiful, would you take off your pants and dance for me?"

Fry: "I have no idea how you did that." (After Bender puts both of his arms back on, using his arms. It's not very funny unless you see it, and I couldn't find the clip, but it had me laughing for at least 5 minutes after it was said.)