Not Rated (Mature Content)
Year of release: 1970
Reviewed 4 July 2007. Reviewed by: C. Demetrius Morgan
This review is dedicated to Andrew, who likes to hear others bad movie experiences. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. ;)The Characters:
- Tarzun - Duane Prodd. The loincloth clad hero of the piece. Doesn't say much; has a bump in with a tree.
- Jayne - Chris Robin. The white jungle goddess lusted after by natives (both men and women) and apes.
- Meena - Deedee. Ebony native who sooths Tarzun's wounded *ahem* and runs around naked a lot.
- The Ape - Al Martin. Not the worst gorilla suit ever filmed but definitely the strangest, uhm, anatomy.
Imagine if you dare an adult version of George of the Jungle. Now recast the entire movie with a late 60s era cast. Reduce the budget to what a troupe of impoverished student performers might have access to and lower the humor standards to bargain basement sight gags and sex jokes and you're probably looking at a movie with better production values than Tarzun in the Valley of Lust! This is so bad it's hilarious.
Jayne looks like a hairdresser, Tarzun could easily pass for a surfer or beach bum, and the natives. Well the natives were just a half dozen black folk. If you think that sounds politically incorrect then wait until you hear about the movie. This is, in short, a softcore porno. There's simulated sex, both between man and beast, or rather a man dressed as a beast, specifically an ape, and the two actresses.
This is a shamelessly crude and rude production, yet it's probably much more fun to watch than contemporary T&A flicks like Playmates of the Apes or Kinky Kong. As for the plot? There wasn't much of one. Essentially the story revolves around the Gorilla chasing the girls, Tarzun chasing the gorilla away from the girls, and everyone getting naked. That's it. For 48 minutes!Things I Learned From This Movie:
Stuff To Watch For:
- You can sharpen a cheap pocketknife on large rocks.
- Bananas have great soothing medicinal properties when applied internally.
- If you smash your gonads into a tree oral stimulation from an ebony shamaness will heal them.
- Adult features of the late 60s early 70s were strange beyond words.
18 seconds - First gratuitous ebony breast shot in title still.
30 seconds - First gratuitous ivory breast shot in title still.
37 seconds - Sill of Ebony and Ivory together in full frontal harmony!
45 seconds - And Al Martin as the Ape (attacking Ebony).
1 min 34 sec - Jane disrobes to go for a swim.
2 min 14 sec - Peeping Gorilla!
2 min 38 sec - Tarzun sharpening pocket knife on rock.
3 min 4 sec - Gorilla molests Jane.
3 min 16 sec - Tarzun stops sharpening knife on rock to rescue Jane.
3 min 40 sec - Jane passes out while Gorilla jumps up and down.
3 min 47 sec - Enter the hero.
3 min 50 sec - "Tarzun kill!"
4 min - Tarzun stabs Gorilla in gonads.
4 min 17 sec - "Jane. Jane alright?" "I'm a little sore." OUCH!
4 min 38 sec - Stock footage of pride of lions.
5 min 43 sec - Tarzun sticks a medicinal banana in Jane's. . What?
6 min - return of the peeping gorilla.
12 min - Gorilla attacks and carries off Jane.
16 min - Native with spear runs in horror after seeing cheap Gorilla suit.
18 min - Tarzun swing on vine, smacks gonads into tree. YEOW!
20 min - Native girl Meena sooths Tarzun's pain.
23 min - Native warriors attack gorilla, capture Jane.
24 min 40 sec - More stock footage. Cheetah's this time.
26 min - Extreme close-up of natives wrestling with Tarzun.
29 min - Tarzun and Jane captive! Gorilla in bondage!
33 min - Jane and Native Girl run off into jungle while Tarzun frees gorilla.
34 min - Gorilla attacks native warriors.
35 min - Jane and Native Girl go skinny-dipping.
41 min - Gorilla molests native girl.
41 min 50 sec - Stock footage of Rhinos.
43 min - Tarzun and Jane go skinny-dipping.
43 min 59 sec - Stock footage of chimp.
47 min 54 sec - Jane and Tarzun's bare bottoms disappear over hill.
47 min 55 sec - A minute of stock footage rolls; The End.Images:
Available upon request. (Do you really want to see any?)