Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives

[clockworkcanary]

This is a rather dull episode with a few shining moments among a bunch of bland boring unbelievable crap. First, we get the fully-fledged Zombie Jason in this one. We also get a decent looking Final Girl with a spark of personality. And finally, there are actually kids to protect from Jason for a change.  This is also the komedy episode of Friday the 13th. We get some parody stuff, some sexism humor, and it all opens up with a Bondesque intro, among other "jokes" that just don’t go over.
   
I'm going to try something different for this one.  Usually I recap the events but since not much is really going on plot-wise, I figure I'll just kinda post my comments and reactions as the movie progresses.  Here we go… 

It's f**kin’ Horshack! Tommy, why did you bring the mask to Jason’s grave?  Tommy knows right where Jason’s buried, which is incidentally right near his killing spree region. Apparently, you can dig up a grave in the matter of five minutes.

That’s one long thunderstorm without any rain (while they’re digging up the grave).  Tommy sure has changed since part 5 – he’s a wuss bag now and looks like a lamo with his tough denim jacket and all.  Tommy has flashbacks from a movie he watched before.  Whatever happened to Trish?

Tommy stabs Jason’s corpse with a phallic symbol to kill his dead corpse even more, just before he plans to burn it. He leaves the post in the corpse because the script says so. The only lightning bolt happens to hit the rod in the corpse. Frankenjason! Rise of Zombie! Of course now it rains after Tommy splashes Jason with gasoline and tries to light a match!

Horshack’s Punch of Doom! Ew ew ew ew Mista Kotter, Jason jus’ punched me through tha back! Bond Theme with Jason instead. Well this music theme is better than part 8 …and 3 …we’ll give it that. But then, a rusty nail in the nose is better than the score from either of those f**k-flops.

Crystal Lake (I mean Forest Green) cops are extremely inept and seem rather unaware of Jason’s repeated rampages. This deputy needs to die too.

Back to the woods with a lost couple. They meet the stinky one and make some bad decisions. You DO NOT, I repeat, YOU DO NOT BEEP THE HORN AT JASON! Hey, didn’t this guy also suck donkey balls as the bad guy in "Ghost" – another familiar face that ends up as Jason Fodder. I guess this guy learned the hard way not to f**k with either Jason Voorhees or Patrick Swayze. I bet in his next flick, he'll try to take out Chuck Norris or something.

Is this that special mud puddle from part 2 that she’s flailing around it? Jason isn’t into capitalism b***h! He likes to fake them out before he kills them. Never leave Camp Blood without it!

Here come the nerf metal. Jason can stay completely hidden behind a single branch. Ah a sexist paintballer …with a brand new clean and shiny machete. Can’t you just smell the foreshadowing?

These cops don’t even wear their seatbelts – wtf!? The komedy music starts for the dopey paintballer, who dodges Jason’s net traps, which are clearly visible! Did these paint ballers really need to bring some fake forestry set pieces to liven up their game? Jason took lessons from Rambo by jumping from an unseen high branch of a tree.

Ironically, Jason’s buried at the Eternal Peace Cemetery.

What’s with the Flashdance shirt and the Winger-issued stonewash torn-up jeans?! Kill that f**ker just on principle. Hey there are actual kids in this movie so watch the language!

Another couple in the woods: a Miami Vice marriage proposal? Dude doesn’t even wanna do it with her, wtf? Well he gives in after some persuasion (?!). Straight Edge Jason don’t take kindly to old drunks or people havin’ sex in his woods. Hey, someone actually heard a scream?

Jason hates mopeds! Actually Jason hates hippies, mopeds, capitalism, drugs, booze, and premarital sex. Don’t f**k with Straight Edge Jason.

This is the most multiple kills in a Jason film – gets 3 paintballers in one slash.  Oh look, it’s Jason the Card Game! I’m surprised they didn’t try to actually market it.

Some painful foreshadowing with the Nancy girl having the bad dreams – apparently the seeds of Freddy vs Jason were planted way back in part 6. Chick from Can’t Buy Me Love having really fake sex in an RV and with flashdance boy to boot..

No thrown cats in this one - what’s the deal?  No power cord, telephone line, or electrical device shall work correctly in the presence of Jason or his woods.  Jason hates RV! He stands on top of the wrecked RV victorious!

Tommy has a stack of manuals on occultism. Tommy the Druid.  What’s with the scene of the sheriff’s daughter trying to balance? What’s with the gerbil symbolism?

Jason doesn’t even try to hide while walking in front of the windows.  Crystal Lake has some f**ked up road signs. Camel Toe alert to the tune of Alice Cooper.  This is a "great" car chase scene. Did I say great? I think I meant "s**tty."  This chick is "crazy"  Oh the vaginal puns – "it’s a hairy turn!"  Kids, you always get caught when the song is over.

This movie is a commercial for denim – Friday the 13th – Jason Lives…in Denim.  Jason can hide behind any piece of wood (even a toothpick) no matter how small and no matter how bright it is outside.

Deputy: "I’m gonna punch you silly"
Deputy: "wherever the red dot goes…ya bang" – quoted twice – this movie’s catchphrase evidently

Was that the Back to the Future stage set? Same town as Marty?  "Maggot head" ??? that’s some real trash-talkin’ there Tommy-Lite.  Hey Tommy, make sure you spill some of that gas in the boat there before you light it.

Hey Tommy, fire doesn’t hurt Jason either and drowning didn’t work the first time.  Lookie!  Jason got a new utility belt from one of the paint ballers.  Jason dies from a motor boat blade to the head …er something.

The Good

The 3-in-1 paint baller death scene
The Bad

Tommy Lite: Tommy just isn’t the bad ass weirdo he was in the last film. In this he’s an incoherent dumbass who wears denim.
Jason has a beer belly
All the off screen deaths
The Fugly

The nerf metal Alice Cooper soundtrack (and I’m an Alice fan so I get to say that)
The fake sex scene
The 80s fashion
The retard cops
The face through the RV wall death
All the puns – geesh!

[HappyGilmore]

I liked it. 

Odd, I know. 

[Mr_Vindictive]

I love F13: Jason Lives!  If I'm not mistaken, it was actually the first film in the series that I saw.  Scared the hell out of me as a kid.

I actually like "Tommy-Lite" in this one.  Tommy in part 5 is understandably out of his mind, but not a good character for the audience to like.  At least Tommy here is a normal, affable guy. 

I also rather enjoy the comedy that they tried to go with.  Most of it doesn't work, but at least it's something different in a series that if rife with the same cliches from film to film.

Also, am I the only one who gets annoyed at the way that Tommy says the word "padlock" in the end of the film?  Watch the film again, get to the part where Tommy is fiddling with the chains on the boat, and listen for that one word.  I promise it will bug you from that day forward.