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FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #6645 on: August 13, 2013, 07:29:54 AM »

"Zombie Strippers" (2008)

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In this no-budget horror comedy starring former porn queen Jenna Jameson and Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund (!!), a zombie virus gets loose in an underground strip club, slowly turning all of the dancers into flesh eating undead. Inexplicably, this turns out to be great for business (?) so the club owner looks the other way as the money rolls in while the girls devour an occasional customer...until things eventually spiral out of control. There's some nice gooey FX and zombie makeup but that's about all there is to recommend here.

I was told that this movie was "unwatchable," and I have to admit, it's pretty damn close... I made it through the whole thing but it was a tough slog. "Zombie Strippers" wishes it was a campy-on-purpose monster mash ala "Planet Terror" but it isn't even in the same ballpark. It's just loud, gory and dumb.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2013, 07:38:55 AM by FatFreddysCat » Logged

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Jack
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« Reply #6646 on: August 14, 2013, 06:39:01 AM »

The Dead Want Women (2012) - back in the '20s a silent film starlet had a big party / orgie at her mansion, but then found out the studio fired her because the silent film era just died. So she killed all her friends as well as herself. Flash forward to the present and a couple of cute real estate babes are cleaning the mansion up in preparation for the arrival of an interested buyer. Of course the folks from the '20s show up and start chasing them around. This was completely without a plot and not the least bit scary or funny. I put it on pause once and saw there was only 15 minutes left and I'm like "What?  But nothing's happened yet!" And nothing ever did happen really. Sorriest excuse for a "movie" I've seen from Full moon Features in quite a while. When the best thing about it was that the real estate agent's phone number was 867-5309, I think I gotta give it a 2/5.
« Last Edit: August 14, 2013, 12:50:47 PM by Jack » Logged

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JaseSF
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« Reply #6647 on: August 14, 2013, 10:54:37 PM »

The Incredible Petrified World (1957): Dull adventure film featuring deep sea diving explorers in a diving bell unexpectedly stumbling across caverns filled with breathable atmosphere.

The most memorable thing about this one is Phyllis Coates and Sheila Noonan having a bit of a tiff over lead Robert Clarke and Coates saying stuff like "There's nothing friendly between two females". Aside from that, there's a rather number of short-lived and forgettable appearances by John Carradine as the inventor of the diving bell. A Jerry Warren borefest. ** out of ***** stars.

Casual Sex? (1988):  Two women (Lea Thompson & Victoria Jackson) go on vacation at a health spa each hoping to finally meet their respective "Mr. Right".

The advertising and packaging for this one is slightly misleading. One gets the impression this is a racy sex comedy but that's only partly true, it's actually more along the lines of a sex comedy taken from a decidedly feminine perspective. It's sadly not particularly funny and proves rather lacking in terms of offering up the sex one expects. The best thing this has going for it is arguably Andrew Dice Clay as the "Vin Man", a somewhat stereotypical New Yorker who wrongly thinks he has it all put together to deliver what women want. In the end, not a particularly memorable movie. **1/2 out of ***** stars.

The Thin Man (1934): Delightful murder mystery film starring William Powell as a retired detective named Nick Charles who gets lured back into the game following the disappearance of an old family friend who also happens to be a suspect in a murder investigation. Add to this the excitement of Charles' wife Nora (Myrna Loy) of wanting to see her husband back in action. This one is highly entertaining from beginning to end and filled with surprises on every turn. Powell and Loy are really fun to watch here. Lots of great humor to be found adds to said fun. **** out of ***** stars.

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde (2003): Needless sequel sees Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) take up a new cause: heading to Congress to try and lobby to stop animal testing by cosmetic companies.

Not even the likable Witherspoon can save this lemon. This thing is truly a chore to sit through and definitely should be recognized as a genuine bad movie. In the first movie, somehow Witherspoon makes it work. Here, her character comes across as just too much - too much pink, too much dumbness, etc. And this film is painfully dumb even as it tries to borrow from great films like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and terrific music that deserves so much better than be used by this film for those few moments it actually proves endurable. * out of ***** stars.


Adam's Rib (1949): A married couple who just happen to be lawyers (Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn) wind up going head to head in a courtroom case that becomes a battle of sorts for female equal rights and threatens to destroy the couple's marriage, a marriage they believed too strong not to endure any such threat.

This movie is highly entertaining as the spirited Hepburn constantly makes life anything but dull for more set in his ways hubby Tracy. Tracy and Hepburn make great foils for one another in this film entry yet somehow remain thoroughly believable as a loving married couple nevertheless. Enjoyable. **** out of ***** stars.

Gun to Gun (1944): Western short about the settling of California and battles over land featuring Robert Shayne as Steve Randall, an American who's been taken in by Don Diego, a large ranch owner in the area. Eventually a corrupt tax commissioner named Harkness (Harry Woods) begins noticing Diego's attractive plot of land and plots to steal it.

This Western short was enjoyable enough as these things go clocking in at just 17 minutes but all in all proves rather predictable, forgettable fare. However, good performances by the stars involved does help. *** out of ***** stars.
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claws
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« Reply #6648 on: August 15, 2013, 12:46:43 AM »

A few movies watched the last couple of weeks:

The Conjuring (2013) (Theater)

Solid, and I'm guessing hard to top supernatural/haunted/possession flick "based on true story". Glad to see director James Wan not pulling out any of his old tricks (Asian ghosts, thieving from other movies). The Conjuring is most likely the highlight of a current wave of ghost flicks started by Paranormal Activity. After zombies and torture porn this genre is most welcomed, but I'm afraid there will be tons to come in the next 12 months, especially after this movies box office success.
The trip to the theater was well worth it. It was fun being spooked with a crowd that didn't annoy with cell phones and talking throughout the movie.
As for the acting, I wouldn't be surprised if Vera Farmiga was nominated for the Oscar. She gave excellent performance as the somewhat fragile but strong willed paranormal investigator Lorraine Warren. 5/5

The Man Who Could Cheat Death (1959) (Blu-ray)

Quote
In Paris during 1890, 104-year-old Georges Bonnet (Diffring) is a sculptor who maintains a youthful appearance by regularly murdering women and using their parathyroid glands as an elixir to ward off the signs of age. When Bonnet requires a vital surgery to be undertaken he asks his old colleague Prof. Ludwig Weiss (Arnold Marlé) to perform it. He declines and Bonnet then blackmails Pierre Gerard (Lee) into performing the operation by endangering the life of Janine Dubois (Hazel Court), a young lady both Bonnet and Gerard are romantically interested in.

Hammer Fright flick with a bit too much dialogue, injected with a few harsh f/x. So in the end it all evens out. Rating: 4/5

Children of Men (2006) (Blu-ray)

2027: The world is a mess thanks to Infertility but when a young pregnant woman shows up she must be brought to a safe place. Award winning and critically acclaimed Sci-Fi Drama that doesn't shy with the violence. Gotta love the action sequences shot in one take. Rating: 5/5

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) (Blu-ray)

The family of a Teenage girl who constantly video-chats with her (boy) friend must take in a neighbor's kid because his single-mom is being hospitalized. Soon enough an invisible force causes all sorts of spooky drama in the house, with the teenage girl setting up cams to record paranormal activities.
Kinda bland sequel drifting into teen-audience territory with a few jump scares. No doubt the weakest of all PA movies, but my rating is still generous because I have a soft spot for these movies. 3.5/5
« Last Edit: August 15, 2013, 01:53:28 AM by claws » Logged
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« Reply #6649 on: August 15, 2013, 10:52:25 AM »

ANTIVIRAL (2012): In the near future, fans will pay good money to be infected with a herpes simplex virus extracted from their favorite celebrity; Syd is in the business of supplying these bugs, but when he tries out the blood of the world's hottest model on himself, he accidentally infects himself with a fatal virus. Simultaneously trying to be science fiction, satire, body horror and a psychological thriller, ANTIVIRAL has a lot of moving parts that don't always mesh together; its wickedly interesting ideas and an excess of style help smooth over the many rough patches, though. 3.5/5
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« Reply #6650 on: August 15, 2013, 10:01:03 PM »

Firestarter (1983) - saw this on some cable station. It had been on my netflix queue for a while but is out of print or something? hard to imagine. Anyway, it was kind of okay/ pretty good but not anywhere near the level of The Shining or something. Ultimately I think a movie called Firestarter has to really kick ass and this one doesn't. It's just them escaping from the scientist/ govt whatever they are guys who want to use the telekinesis to make a bomb or something. 3.75 /5 is generous.
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Jack
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« Reply #6651 on: August 16, 2013, 06:31:49 AM »

Savage Island (2005) - a couple goes to visit the woman's parents, who live on a remote island, but they accidentally run over the son of the local inbred hillbilly family. This causes some tension between the two groups and it's up to the wimpy husband to make the audience spend the next hour rolling their eyes over his cowardice and inadequacy. Then they throw in a twist ending that ruins their already crummy movie. Toss in a lot of grainy film effects and washed-out colors to show that the director was a true artiste and you've got a real winner. Might as well have the characters do things that don't make any sense but are convenient to the plot as long as you're at it. It's too bad because the female lead was actually quite an interesting and likable character, and the first half hour or so was building up a pretty good situation. 2/5.
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indianasmith
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« Reply #6652 on: August 16, 2013, 03:41:22 PM »

HATCHET III (2013) - This was a solid and enjoyable finale to the HATCHET trilogy; Hodder Kane is terrifying as the monstrously deformed, vengeful ghost of Victor Crowley.  After the back-to-back slaughter of the first two movies, one sole survivor stumbles into the police station carrying the scalp of the hideous Crowley.  But no amount of physical damage can keep big Vic down for long; his curse cannot be lifted until he finally is reunited with his long-dead father.  I really enjoyed this one; the second installment was not as good as the first but this one was satisfying all the way through.
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claws
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« Reply #6653 on: August 16, 2013, 11:32:23 PM »

Savage Island (2005) - a couple goes to visit the woman's parents, who live on a remote island, but they accidentally run over the son of the local inbred hillbilly family. This causes some tension between the two groups and it's up to the wimpy husband to make the audience spend the next hour rolling their eyes over his cowardice and inadequacy. Then they throw in a twist ending that ruins their already crummy movie. Toss in a lot of grainy film effects and washed-out colors to show that the director was a true artiste and you've got a real winner. Might as well have the characters do things that don't make any sense but are convenient to the plot as long as you're at it. It's too bad because the female lead was actually quite an interesting and likable character, and the first half hour or so was building up a pretty good situation. 2/5.

A sore reminder of my bargain bin days in the mid-00s. I still own the DVD, I think the price tag was $4.
Apparently Savage Island won a few Film Festival awards, and there was some brief internet buzz/hype at horror forums that I frequent. I thought the movie had potential but didn't go anywhere with it. Plus, it was shot on video which only added to the cheapness in my opinion. I did enjoy the location it was shot though.
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« Reply #6654 on: August 17, 2013, 12:20:09 PM »

MST3K: THE LAST OF THE WILD HORSES: This is the episode where, thanks to a space-time continuum mix-up, we one alternate universe segment where Frank and Dr. Forrester riff on the movie, sent to them by an evil alternate universe Mike (with a goatee). The Mads should have riffed the whole movie, because this dull, mediocre cowboy movie about a war between ranchers over a herd of horses needed a gimmick to make it watchable. 3/5.
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"The best parts are watching Sly go through the full range of emotions: deadpan, deadpan with raised eyebrow, deadpan with quivering lip. There's also a great sequence where Sly drives his VW Beetle down the interstate for about 20 minutes, staring dramatically through the windshield.."-Joe Bob on A MAN CALLED RAMBO
FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #6655 on: August 18, 2013, 12:08:47 AM »

"Death Wish 3" (1985)
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"Wildey's here!"

Charles Bronson, aka America's Oldest Bad-Ass, reprises his most famous role as vigilante Paul Kersey, who returns to New York City to visit a friend and ends up helping clean up a run down neighborhood ruled by a particularly vicious street gang.

The previous two "DW" flicks were grittier and at least tried to stay somewhat grounded in reality, but "3" starts out silly and just gets more & more cartoonish as it progresses, until the climactic 20+ minute orgy of random gunplay, explosions and street warfare vaults it over the top into the Utterly Ridiculous But Totally Awesome category.

Watch for Alex Winter, later of "Bill and Ted," as one of the many gang-bangers, Marina "Deanna Troi" Sirtis as a rape victim, and dig the jazzy score by Led Zeppelin's Jimmy Page!!

An enjoyably cheesy blast of '80s action fun!!
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« Reply #6656 on: August 18, 2013, 11:10:33 AM »

THE WICK: DISPATCHES FROM THE ISLE OF WONDER (2013): This labor of love was made by two guys over a period of years for under $500. It's partially a documentary on Hackney Wick, a bohemian area of London that claims to have more artists per square mile than anyplace in the world, and the effect that the 2012 Olympics had on the area. At the same time it's an avant-garde mockumentary about the making of the documentary, and it also claims in some way to be an adaptation of Shakespeare's "The Tempest." All these ideas don't really work together but the two filmmakers come across as very likable and passionate about the project. Not for general audiences, for people interested in the contemporary art scene, that specific neighborhood, or the process of low-budget filmmaking. They put it up on youtube:
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"The best parts are watching Sly go through the full range of emotions: deadpan, deadpan with raised eyebrow, deadpan with quivering lip. There's also a great sequence where Sly drives his VW Beetle down the interstate for about 20 minutes, staring dramatically through the windshield.."-Joe Bob on A MAN CALLED RAMBO
VenomX73
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« Reply #6657 on: August 18, 2013, 01:28:14 PM »

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FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #6658 on: August 18, 2013, 11:58:15 PM »

"Action Jackson" (1988)

http://www.youtube.com/v/-AvMn2Vh0fQ

Carl "Apollo Creed" Weathers stars in this funky '80s actioner as a Detroit cop tangling with a psychotic motor-company magnate(Craig T. Nelson) who's murdering his competitors. Female lead and R&B singer Vanity can't act worth a lick but she looks good, as does a pre-famous Sharon Stone, who plays the ultimately-doomed trophy wife of Nelson's character.

Not a classic for the ages by any means, but a fun watch in a retro sort of way.
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JaseSF
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« Reply #6659 on: August 19, 2013, 02:29:18 PM »

Got a chance to watch several films over the weekend including:

The Proposal (2009): Unlikely romantic comedy stars Sandra Bullock as Margaret Tate, a b***hy, pushy boss from hell who manipulates her reluctant assistant Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds) into agreeing to marry her so she can maintain her job and avoid deportation to Canada.

This starts off being a comedy with some edge but soon enough devolves into predictable romantic comedy fare. It's actually not so bad of its type and manages to be watchable enough mostly thanks to the efforts of Bullock and Betty White stealing the show when she appears as Andrew's "Gammy". Sadly though, Andrew and his father and mother (played by Craig T. Nelson and Mary Steenburgen) don't ever truly feel like fully fleshed out characters. Regardless this has enough moments to warrant a ***1/2 out of ***** stars rating.

Apollo 18 (2011): Eerie science fiction "found footage" horror film that delves into a supposed top secret manned mission to the moon which exposes the "real" reason we've never gone back to the moon.

While the plot for this film feels largely farfetched, getting past that this has some effectively creepy moments. I like the actual seriousness of the film and that for the most part they seem to get a lot of the science down pat and it does present some things that seem believable which no doubt adds to the surprise of what eventually happens that delves the film into terrifying territory. Still I have to say I wasn't too surprised by the eventual revelation and the movie definitely owes something to the "Corpus Earthling" episode of the original Outer Limits. Regardless I enjoyed this one more on a science fiction fan level (where it kind of surprises) than on the level of an horror fan (where it kind of disappoints) even if some of what's presented will have you saying - "they cannot be serious, can they?" ***1/2 out of ***** stars.

The Sword in the Stone (1963): Classic Disney animated film that features a somewhat absent-minded wizard named Merlin and his sidekick, a cranky know-it all talking owl named Archimedes attempting to train and educate an underachieving young boy nicknamed Wart believing him to have inside the makings of something truly special.

While this is quite humorous and adventurous, the story oftentimes feel a tad too familiar, kind of like a male version of Cinderella aimed at young boys who dream of something big and great for themselves. The ending too does seem to come a bit too abruptly and the villainous Madam Mim appears almost out of nowhere. Still, this is an entertaining and very enjoyable way to spend 80 minutes of your time. ***1/2 out of ***** stars.

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1973): The story of Robin Hood told via animated anthropomorphic animal characters. This film, an old favourite of mine from childhood, has its great funny moments and maintains a great sense of humor throughout despite the proceedings sometimes being dreadfully oppressive for many of the characters and the lead villains while sometimes buffoonish, being dreadfully delightfully evil and twisted in the form of Prince John, Sir Hiss and the Sheriff of Nottingham/tax collector from hell. Of course this makes Robin Hood, Little John and the rest seem even more daring, good and heroic. It's a fun little film that perhaps is played a little tongue in cheek at times and features some memorable country style "minstrel" tunes sung by Roger Miller. **** out of ***** stars.

Queen of the Amazons (1947): A determined and brave woman named Jean Preston (Patricia Morison) heads deep into the African jungle in search of her lost fiancée Greg Jones (Bruce Edwards) alongside Greg's father Colonel Jones (John Miljan) and friends Wayne (Keith Richards) and an etymology professor (Wilson Benge) whom they just call the Professor. They hire a guide named Gary Lambert (Robert Lowery) to take them into the uncharted jungle whose initial reluctance to taking Miss Preston is solved by her proving her marksmanship. Lambert has other reasons to head out on this mission however. He's in search of a group of mysterious ivory poachers in the area and also believed Greg to be on their trail. They also take a poetry reciting cook named Gabby (J. Edward Bromberg) along with them.  Along the way, they seem to run into trouble at every turn and soon come to believe someone may be trying to sabotage their mission. Finally they hear stories from the natives of a mysterious white "she-devil" in the area who is much feared.

At only an hour long, this doesn't overstay its welcome yet despite that, there is perhaps a tad bit too much stock footage popping up here from time to time. The comedy relief of Gabby's pet monkey fighting with Gary's pet crow Jimmy also doesn't quite leave one rolling on the floor with laughter. Add to that bad acting especially from Edwards as Greg and the exotic Amira Moustafa as Queen Zita, the amazon queen/she-devil and this doesn't exactly thrill. Still there are some fun moments to be found here and there, Moustafa is exotically beautiful and Bromberg is quite memorable in his role here too. At times this feels more like a movie serial style adventure than a single film but has enough surprises, twists and turns to keep most viewers interested enough to overlook the overuse of stock footage and sit through the hour it takes to watch this thing. *** out of ***** stars.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2013, 04:29:13 PM by JaseSF » Logged

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