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claws
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« Reply #8715 on: April 22, 2015, 12:39:42 PM »

Marina Monster (2008) - so there's what looks like a three foot plastic shark floating around a marina and people keep falling in the water. First one person falls in, then the camera shakes which for some reason I can't fathom causes their companions to also fall in. Nobody says anything about all the deaths though because there's a big yacht race coming up. This was going for almost a Troma level of stupidity - camera zooms in on the cleavage (of which there is lots) and a foghorn sound plays - but I found it all a bit charming. I watched it on Amazon Instant Video and was surprised that the video quality was as good as a regular DVD; it seems like it would be more at home as a 360p YouTube video. 3.5/5.

Appears to be a sequel to Sharp Teeth (2006) from the same director who also made something called Vampire Dentist  BounceGiggle
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« Reply #8716 on: April 22, 2015, 09:56:34 PM »

Hastings is doing their two for one special again, so my writing has suffered in favor of binge movie watching this week!  Four in the last three days, including:

ECHOES (2014)  This was a fairly pedestrian ghost story; a writer who suffers from sleep paralysis goes to spend a few days with her boyfriend/agent at a beautiful glass-walled vacation home that he owns in the desert. While there, she is haunted by visions of a dust-covered, ghostly woman who forces her to do violent acts in her sleep.  No really effective scares, no envelope pushing of any sort, and fairly bland characters.  Worth a rental if you can get it cheap.  3/5

JIIN (2014)  This was a pretty cool, Arab-made film about a malevolent  race of creatures that have hungered for man's downfall since creation, and the hero born to a hereditary line of people who have the power to defeat them.  Neat storyline and pretty cool special effects, this one was a winner.  4/5

DEEP IN THE DARKNESS (2014)  This was a Chiller Original about a doctor who moves to a small town to take over the practice of the recently deceased physician - a practice which comes with a lovely country home.  But the town has its secrets; a race of deformed troglodytes called the Isolates actually run the place.  They demand regular sacrifices as well as the doctor's occasional medical services, but still occasionally devour those who displease them.  Overall, not bad for a made-for TV horror film.  4/5

THE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW (2014)  This is an English circus version of THE DEVIL'S REJECTS with a lower budget. A father and his four children put on a midnight horror circus and choose their victims from the audience, killing one or two and then moving on, always operating below the radar.  The clown was my favorite; he obviously longs for a normal life but his scars from a nasty burn make him a pariah.  The ventriloquist who is dominated by his dummy, the daughter who is a bit too fond of her father, and the MC who just wants to prove himself to their father.  This had its moments but wasn't great.  4/5, and that's generous.
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« Reply #8717 on: April 22, 2015, 11:30:40 PM »

The Maltese Bippy (1969) - This was a dumb murder mystery type comedy that was probably a flop when it came out, but had just enough dumb humor to make it watchable.

Rowan and Martin whoever they are are in it. There's some random clever stuff, like how the movie begins with the intermission and the ridiculously contrived ending, but it's mostly just not all that good. They meander around this house telling corny jokes, the plot about some missing diamonds is silly. There are some cute girls but they aren't showcased very well. This style of humor with all the little wisecracks was apparently a huge hit on tv but doesn't translate to the big screen all that well. They need that laugh track. Julie Newmar is in it and looks okay but you expect something a little more memorable from Catwoman. She's kind of wasted, playing it more or less straight.

A guy lives in a mansion he just bought and has to deal with his weird Hungarian neighbors who may or may not be werewolves. I won't even get into it it's just silly.

2.5 /5 

It was okay and even funny in places, but it definitely has that depressing misfire feel
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Alex
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« Reply #8718 on: April 23, 2015, 03:02:23 AM »

Had a bit of a black & white last night with

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers: An old classic remade many times but never with the same punch as alien plants seek to turn humanity into emotionless pod people. I've not watched this one for about 30 years, but in many scenes I couldn't help thinking "Ah, if only he had a flare gun".

Creature From The Black Lagoon: Not been remade yet (although about the turn of the centuary I did hear rumours). While I really enjoy this movie every time I watch it (even is a young child), I always wonder how the fish man could fall for someone outside his own species.
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« Reply #8719 on: April 23, 2015, 05:36:02 AM »

Blood Massacre (1991) - some idiot criminals rob a video store and then to hide out afterwards, they do a home invasion - but the family who lives there turn out to be cannibals who would like to have the idiots for dinner. This is a Don Dohler film; I usually enjoy his stuff as it's zero budget but has a real "charm" to it (at least that's the word I use), but this didn't do much for me. A little too stupid and not very interesting. Ending was worth a chuckle though. 2/5.

Crawlspace (2012) - so there's this underground research facility in Australia but something's gone terribly wrong, and some military guys are called in to sort it out. Turns out just about everybody's dead, and one of the few survivors just happens to be the ex-wife of one of the commandos. The experiments being conducted had to do with increasing people's mental powers, and sure enough someone seems to be messing with everybody's minds. I liked this, it got off to a rather clumsy start but once the plot was presented I found it quite interesting. Doesn't hurt that the main babe is totally hot either Thumbup 4/5.
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« Reply #8720 on: April 23, 2015, 11:04:37 AM »

NINJA DEATH (1987): A brothel bouncer and kung fu expert is hunted by ninjas because... well, I guess you have to watch NINJA DEATH 2 to find out why ninjas are hunting him. This exploitative Taiwanese feature is all over the map, veering from Shaw Brothers-styled fights (which are very good) to low sex comedy. Dumb but quite entertaining, I would rate this higher if they'd bothered to finish the damn movie (or even ended it on a cliffhanger) rather than suddenly stopping in the middle of the plot. Hard to rate; 3.5/5 for bad movie fans?
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« Reply #8721 on: April 23, 2015, 07:20:50 PM »

Cloak & Dagger (1984): Young Davey Osborne (Henry Thomas), still reeling after the death of his mother and feeling a bit too ignored by his busy father Hal (Dabney Coleman), loses himself in fantasy playing a spy like Jack Flack (also played by Dabney Coleman), the hero of one of his favorite Atari video games - entitled Cloak & Dagger. However things take a sharp turn back into the real world when Davey runs afoul of real enemy agents trying to smuggle secret U.S. military documents encoded on a chip actually hidden right inside a Cloak & Dagger video game cartridge.

This was a fun film that skirts the edges between fantasy and reality. It deals with real life emotional drama and manages to be consistently entertaining if not always believable. That said, a kids movie this edgy would never be made today. With this movie, it really feels like our hero is in constant real danger. Characters die, blood is shed, it doesn't pull any punches with the horrors of dealing with legitimately dangerous people. This quality is also in large part what makes this film so entertaining and feel such a departure from anything aimed at kids we see released nowadays. There was an Atari video game tie-in here too and the games are an important element of the plot, at least initially. Definitely has a real early 1980s feel and vibe. Enjoyable but has a few too many hard to buy into plot developments. This keeps it from being a true classic, maybe a potential cult classic for some. ***1/2 out of ***** stars.

The Wizard (1989): Young Corey Woods (Fred Savage) manages to sneak his mentally troubled younger brother Jimmy (Luke Edwards) out of a kids home and the pair run away together. While on the run, they meet up with a young girl named Haley (Jenny Lewis) and discover that young Jimmy who usually doesn't communicate much with anyone is a video game prodigy. Eventually they decide to head to Los Angeles so Jimmy can take part in a video game competition, the winner of which will receive 25 grand. Meanwhile the kids concerned parents and family, as well as a scuzzy guy who specializes in bringing back kids on the run, is hot on their trail.

There were some similarities with Cloak & Dagger here in that there's a big video game tie-in for Nintendo here as there was with Atari for Cloak & Dagger. Despite the commercialism of this, it doesn't stop this film from being enjoyable. I rather liked this one to be honest. Sure some of the story seems far fetched and unbelievable (kids living on the streets, making their way to L.A. in 1 piece) but this has such a great root for the underdog feel to it with young Jimmy entering the video game contest and facing stiff competition in the form of the arrogant game expert Lucas. The other characters especially Haley and Corey prove very likable and easy to root for as well. In addition,, Beau Bridges and Christian Slater do a nice job here as concerned father and brother respectively and Will Seltzer is easy to dislike and hate as snide scuzzball Putnam. There's some great catchphrases and one-liners in this one too. Should probably become a cult classic if it isn't already. ***3/4 out of ***** stars.

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« Reply #8722 on: April 23, 2015, 09:35:43 PM »

THE LAST VAMPYRE ON EARTH (2015) - This woman takes refuge from some kind of explosive attack in an old warehouse and finds a fancy steel pod with two dead soldiers next to it.  After awhile, this vampire creature climbs out of the pod and they talk for the next hour and a half.  He is dying, but periodically he regains his strength enough to chase her around a bit, but she eludes him and then he spends another hour telling her how awful the human species is and how we have destroyed our planet and now we must pay.  This is quite possibly the most boring vampire movie I have ever seen; I tried to stay focused but his endless rambling put me to sleep!  After a solid hour of it I began to fast forward to see if anything was going to happen other than him talking.  Never really did. She tried to kill him near the end and he made her hallucinate naked fat people without faces.  That was about as exciting as this film got, and believe me, it wasn't very!

1/5

AVOID!
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« Reply #8723 on: April 24, 2015, 06:53:38 AM »

Starfire Mutiny (2002) - watched this again. In the future Earth is a barren wasteland but the population has been put in suspended animation on a huge spaceship, awaiting some big solar flare that's going to [insert technical nonsense here] so the earth will be habitable again. But some nasty prison inmates take over the ship and want to wake everybody up so they can rule over them. It's up to a hot babe to put an end to their evil plans. This is just fun and silly. Nice sense of humor to it and a fair bit of action. 4/5.
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« Reply #8724 on: April 24, 2015, 07:11:03 AM »

I saw Creature / Titan Find (1985) this morning: not bad. TeddyR
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« Reply #8725 on: April 24, 2015, 11:19:42 AM »

NINJA DEATH 2 (1987): Tiger, our hero from the first film, must find a new master after his old one commits suicide by giving himself a karate chop to the head, in order to defeat ninjas who are chasing him for reasons that still aren't 100% clear. This could have been a decent story, actually, if they hadn't stretched it out into three films in such an incompetent fashion. They cut scenes that would have helped this episode to make sense in favor of nearly 30 minutes of flashbacks and recaps from the first movie! 3/5.
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BoyScoutKevin
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« Reply #8726 on: April 25, 2015, 03:27:42 PM »

The Maltese Bippy (1969) - This was a dumb murder mystery type comedy that was probably a flop when it came out, but had just enough dumb humor to make it watchable.

Rowan and Martin whoever they are are in it. There's some random clever stuff, like how the movie begins with the intermission and the ridiculously contrived ending, but it's mostly just not all that good. They meander around this house telling corny jokes, the plot about some missing diamonds is silly. There are some cute girls but they aren't showcased very well. This style of humor with all the little wisecracks was apparently a huge hit on tv but doesn't translate to the big screen all that well. They need that laugh track. Julie Newmar is in it and looks okay but you expect something a little more memorable from Catwoman. She's kind of wasted, playing it more or less straight.

A guy lives in a mansion he just bought and has to deal with his weird Hungarian neighbors who may or may not be werewolves. I won't even get into it it's just silly.

2.5 /5 



It was okay and even funny in places, but it definitely has that depressing misfire feel

Now we separate those of us who were born before 1968 from those who were born after 1973. For Rowan (Dan) and Martin (Dick) had the hottest TV show on TV, "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in," during that time. So hot, that Richard Nixon would come on the program, say: "Sock it to me!" and be elected president of the United States. That John Wayne would come on and recite poetry, such as:

"The sky is blue.
The grass is green.
Get off your duffs!
And join the Marines!
I thank you."

Though, it is surprising that two comics who could well on TV, would fail at films. For, if one thinks this was a misfire, then watch their comedic western "Once Upon a Horse" from 1958, before they became big on TV. I guess it just shows how different TV is from films. For success in one does not, for the most part, indicate success in the other.
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indianasmith
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« Reply #8727 on: April 25, 2015, 04:33:51 PM »

Last night I watched a pretty cool little ghost story called OUT OF THE DARKNESS.
An American woman and her husband move to a small town in South America where she is going to take over management of her father's company while he pursues his career as an illustrator of children's books. But the company did something horrible to the locals about 20 years before, and the ghosts of the innocent victims come back to stalk the family that is about to inherit the business.  Some pretty decent moments and a novel idea, but nothing exceptional.  3.5/5
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« Reply #8728 on: April 26, 2015, 07:26:46 PM »

boyscout Kevin - I kind of knew who they were, but the point was more that they needed to do more than just coast on their tv success.

 
Trailer Park of Terror - I got really drunk and watched this. It's a colorful zombie movie. If I was to describe it to someone who knew nothing about modern horror I would say it's sort of like Return of the Living dead but with much more comedy and a much less artistic sensibility. Even with a guy playing guitar on top of his trailer a la The Crow this never seemed to be more than the sum of it's parts.

a group of troubled teens in an outward bound type program get stranded in a haunted trailer park is the plot. There's tons of redneck humor and gore. They clearly put effort into it and I generally enjoyed it but I didn't really "get much from it" and it didn't really "take me anywhere". It wasn't scary just a lot of zombie and gore effects. Also, the kids didn't seem like real troubled kids more like doing fine young adults

3/5



« Last Edit: April 26, 2015, 09:40:47 PM by lester1/2jr » Logged
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« Reply #8729 on: April 27, 2015, 06:00:48 AM »

Piranhaconda (2012) - watched this on SyFy last night, it's a minor favorite of mine. There's this huge anaconda with a piranha head (I have no idea why) and it's gobbling up people in Hawaii. It's a B movie and knows it; directed by Jim Wynorski it's just fun and silliness from beginning to end. 4/5.
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