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December 16, 2017, 09:40:14 PM
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lester1/2jr
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« Reply #10470 on: June 16, 2017, 10:05:49 AM »

Black Water - this is my least favorite of all the alligator movies I've seen and I've seen my share. Australian idiots go in a boat and get stuck in a tree menaced by a rarely seen normal sized alligator. The girls act insane the whole time (spoiler: the guy tasked with babysitting these two hysterical was probably relieved when he got eaten by the diabolically smart thing). It's very low budget the whole thing takes place in this one section of a swamp.

2/5 annoying


twitter sized review Black Water (2007) - normal sized, rarely seen alligator terrorizes Australian idiots. If I was there I would have jumped in it's mouth
« Last Edit: June 16, 2017, 10:45:31 AM by lester1/2jr » Logged

AoTFan
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« Reply #10471 on: June 17, 2017, 01:49:11 AM »

I recently saw The Girl On the Train.  Dunno, it was okay I guess.  The twist near the end was a bit predictable.  Like many movies based on books I can't help but think a lot of stuff was left out.  Also had a little trouble following the characters as we had two blondes who looked rather similar to each other. 
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indianasmith
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« Reply #10472 on: June 17, 2017, 07:20:50 AM »

We went to the theater and watched GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2 last night.
Absolute pure fun from start to finish!  What a great movie!  5/5
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claws
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« Reply #10473 on: June 17, 2017, 01:34:16 PM »

Black Water - this is my least favorite of all the alligator movies I've seen and I've seen my share. Australian idiots go in a boat and get stuck in a tree menaced by a rarely seen normal sized alligator. The girls act insane the whole time (spoiler: the guy tasked with babysitting these two hysterical was probably relieved when he got eaten by the diabolically smart thing). It's very low budget the whole thing takes place in this one section of a swamp.

2/5 annoying


twitter sized review Black Water (2007) - normal sized, rarely seen alligator terrorizes Australian idiots. If I was there I would have jumped in it's mouth

The limited setting works for me, and I really enjoyed the ending. I used to label Black Water as underrated but I should rewatch again someday.
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lester1/2jr
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« Reply #10474 on: June 17, 2017, 07:37:07 PM »

this is why our marriage didn't work out
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indianasmith
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« Reply #10475 on: June 17, 2017, 10:40:36 PM »

THE REZORT (2016)  OK, this is basically Jurassic Park with zombies.  But, for a movie with such a ridiculous premise, it works.  I mean, it REALLY works.  Tautly paced, with excellent acting and great make-up effects, this movie was far better than it had any right to be.  Basically, ten years after the great zombie war (WORLD WAR Z?) killed 2 billion people, the undead have been eradicated except for one island.  Completely overrun by zombies, a corporate opportunist used it as a locality for a zombie theme park where people can pay to come and hunt down the undead.  Zombie war survivor Melanie and her boyfriend plan a trip to the island, hoping that killing zombies in a controlled environment can help her exorcise the demons of her past.  But, the security system suffers a catastrophic failure, and . . . well, there's lots of undead carnage, running, shooting, and screaming.  Just a great film overall!  4/5
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FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #10476 on: June 18, 2017, 08:00:59 AM »

“Critters 2” (1988)
The critters are back! A stash of dormant Krite eggs left behind from the first film hatches just in time for the town’s annual Easter egg hunt, and soon it’s monster munching mayhem all over again. Fortunately the space bounty hunters from the first movie return to clean up the mess (again).
None of the “Critters” films are especially great, but this one’s probably the best of the lot. The creature FX are better, there’s more action and it’s got a bigger mean streak than the original.

“Critters 3” (1991)
This time the hairy alien eating machines hitch a ride on a vacationing family’s camper, who bring them back “home” to a run down apartment building in the city. Once the Critters start munching on the building’s residents the usual cartoonish monster chaos ensues.
If memory serves, this installment was released direct-to-video - it looks like this flick’s entire budget was around twenty-five bucks. Interestingly, the film happens to star a young Leonardo DiCaprio, who looks like he was about sixteen at the time. I bet he wishes he could strike this flick from his resume, but hey, everybody’s gotta start someplace.
I was bored to tears long before this one ended, but my 10 year old thought it was “hilarious,” so we’ll probably end up watching “Critters 4” to finish out the series before the weekend’s over

"Sexina: Popstar P.I." (2007)
Extremely campy, low budget nonsense about a Britney Spears-style pop starlet by day who works as a leather-clad private eye by night, chasing down music-industry evil doers. Her investigation into a missing scientist leads to a plot by an evil record-company exec (Adam West!) to invent the first all-android boy band, which would (gasp!) eliminate the need for human pop performers altogether!
"Sexina" provided a few chuckles and the leading lady is quite the piece of eye candy, plus it's always fun to watch Adam West ham it up; your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for this sort of ultra-tongue-in-cheek silliness.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 08:11:33 AM by FatFreddysCat » Logged

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claws
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« Reply #10477 on: June 18, 2017, 10:51:50 AM »

this is why our marriage didn't work out

Probably
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FatFreddysCat
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« Reply #10478 on: June 18, 2017, 08:32:20 PM »

"Critters 4" (1991)
A space pod containing the last two "Krite" eggs in existence is picked up by a salvage vessel 50 years in the future... and the crew makes the mistake of thawing them out. You can probably figure out the rest.
Slow moving, cheaper-than-usual DTV schlock that borrows liberally from "Aliens" and "Star Wars," this fourth and thankfully final installment is a tough slog. Skip it.

"Curse Of Chucky" (2013)
After the mysterious death of their mother, a handicapped woman and her dysfunctional relatives learn that their family has a long and unfortunate history with the infamous serial killer Charles Lee Ray, aka "Chucky."
I must admit, I had extremely low expectations for this reboot of the never ending "Child's Play" saga and I ended up pleasantly surprised. This one's got lotsa cool, creepy atmosphere and avoids the cheap humor that had become the series' trademark. This may be the best damn Chucky movie yet.
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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #10479 on: June 19, 2017, 09:09:12 AM »

KEOMA (1976): A half-breed (Franco Nero) returns from his wanderings to find his hometown faced with a plague and led by a corrupt mayor, assisted by his three hateful half-brothers. Odd Spaghetti Western that's very self-conscious in its mythologizing, with a symbolic crucifixion and a witch only Keoma can see running around spouting prophecies. Heavy-handed but fun. 3.5/5.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 09:11:14 AM by Rev. Powell » Logged

"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
javakoala
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« Reply #10480 on: June 19, 2017, 10:20:19 AM »

KEOMA (1976): A half-breed (Franco Nero) returns from his wanderings to find his hometown faced with a plague and led by a corrupt mayor, assisted by his three hateful half-brothers. Odd Spaghetti Western that's very self-conscious in its mythologizing, with a symbolic crucifixion and a witch only Keoma can see running around spouting prophecies. Heavy-handed but fun. 3.5/5.

I liked this movie a lot, EXCEPT for the wailing singing that basically told you the story as you are watching. And, yes, that is Franco Nero providing his own vocals. Ear plugs do have a purpose.
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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #10481 on: June 19, 2017, 01:36:55 PM »

KEOMA (1976): A half-breed (Franco Nero) returns from his wanderings to find his hometown faced with a plague and led by a corrupt mayor, assisted by his three hateful half-brothers. Odd Spaghetti Western that's very self-conscious in its mythologizing, with a symbolic crucifixion and a witch only Keoma can see running around spouting prophecies. Heavy-handed but fun. 3.5/5.


I liked this movie a lot, EXCEPT for the wailing singing that basically told you the story as you are watching. And, yes, that is Franco Nero providing his own vocals. Ear plugs do have a purpose.


The music was very strange---yes, it bascially explained what was going on onscreen at that exact moment, and it sounded like a duet between Yma Sumac and a German Tom Waits. It bothered me at first but I grew to kind of like it.

Small | Large


(There's also one where Keoma's in a showdown and the guy starts singing, "Jah, I'm here, in front of these men..."  BounceGiggle)

And I also had a lot of trouble understanding what Nero was saying---they should have dubbed him.
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"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
javakoala
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« Reply #10482 on: June 19, 2017, 01:51:48 PM »

And I also had a lot of trouble understanding what Nero was saying---they should have dubbed him.

He hasn't improved with age. I had to listen very carefully to understand him during "Eurocrime! The Italian Cop and Gangster Films That Ruled the '70s", which I highly recommend to those interested in Italian crime films during the 70s/early 80s. Henry Silva is awesome during his interviews.
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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #10483 on: June 20, 2017, 11:05:00 AM »

THE ACE OF HEARTS (1921): A secret society assigns assassinations to the member who draws the Ace of Hearts; their mission is complicated by a love triangle among the members. The ending is ouch; watch it for Lon Chaney's utterly forlorn (and makeup-free) performance. 3.5/5.
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"Clive [Barker]'s idea of a great time is to have a nightmare about a woman with three heads and no skin who flays your body with a pitchfork. To give you some idea, NIGHTBREED has over 200 pus monsters, including one guy with a crescent moonhead like the McDonald's commercial and a fat guy with snakes that pop out of his stomach and eat your face off, and these are the GOOD GUYS. These are the people we're supposed to LIKE."-Joe Bob on NIGHTBREED
indianasmith
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« Reply #10484 on: June 21, 2017, 12:35:21 AM »

PITCHFORK (2016)  This was my latest Redbox rental, and it definitely had some strong points.  Quick synopsis first -

   Hunter Killian is a farm boy gone off to college in New York.  While there, he comes out to his friends, and with their encouragement, he calls his father and tells him that his son is gay.  Now he is coming home for the first time since the big reveal, and six of his friends join him to provide moral support as he confronts his Dad in person for the first time.  He promises them all a big, full-scale barn dance as their reward for joining him in the wilds of Michigan.  So he comes home, talks to his Dad - who is NOT approving at all of his son being a "fairy" - and then we cut to the barn dance, a super-choreographed party scene worthy of FOOTLOOSE or an MTV music video.  The kids pair off to make out, and then the killings start.  They are being stalked by a mute young man with a pitchfork in place of his right hand, wearing a mask made out of dog skin.  He goes through the kids (and Hunter's parents) like a buzz saw until there are only three left standing, and finally, in the film's last few minutes, Pitchfork's origins are revealed.

OK, strong points -
Pitchfork is an absolute nightmarish figure, very well done and very creepy.
The main character, Hunter, is well done and strongly acted, as are some of his companions and his little sister Jenny.
The kills are incredibly bloody and brutal.
The cinematography is gorgeous, crisp, and colorful, utterly belying the film's low budget.
Storyline is very fast paced from the first kill till the end, although the first fifteen minutes drags a bit.

Weaknesses:
The actor playing Hunter's Dad is just not old enough to be credible in the role, despite the touch of grey in his hair.
The barn dance scene was just too perfect for a horror movie.  I've been to barn dances and never seen those kind of choreographed moves.  If it had just been the New York kids, I might have bought it, but it was the locals as well executing perfect group spins and reels.  This number belonged in a musical, not a slasher flick!
Zero nudity.  Seriously, if you are doing a homage to 80's slashers, which this film is in so many ways, that is almost a requirement - particularly when you have several of the characters sneaking off to have sex as part of the story.
The utter lack of explanation/backstory dragged on way too long.  There was no "legend of Pitchfork" or anything like that to offer any context for the murders.

And finally - SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you have spent the last fifteen minutes of the film establishing that Pitchfork is the tortured, mutilated, and mentally deficient son of a crazy old farm couple, and then kill him by hanging (with no possibility that he could have survived), then for crying out loud, DON'T RUIN THE ENDING by having him show up again, no marks on his neck, running full tilt at the final trio as they limp away from the scene of the carnage.  It was a cheap, stupid, formula ending that took away from the overall superior quality of the film!
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
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