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Author Topic: Interactive Bad Movie: Imminent Danger  (Read 9873 times)
316zombie
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« Reply #30 on: November 17, 2007, 11:47:35 PM »

more tomorrow,if my isp quits screwing with me!!!!
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Doc Daneeka
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« Reply #31 on: November 18, 2007, 06:26:56 PM »

Thanks 316Zombie Wink

CUT TO: OUTSIDE THE LAB, MAJOR'S SOLDIERS ARE HARRASSING THE SOUTH AMERICAN MERCENARIES. ONE SOLDIER RADIOES THE MAJOR WITH THE NEWS

Soldier: We got towelheads sir! Found 'em sneaking around out here, probably hired by the doctor to cause some trouble

Mercenary: We do not have towels on our heads! And yes, we were working for the mad doctor until he put us under Senor Jim's command, now we are out here, with no where to go, nothing to do but be picked off by the deadly creatures of this forest.

Soldier: You scabs are easily manipulated, right? Maybe we could sucker you into fighting against Engelem for- erm... with us.

The mercenaries all look cycnically at each other

Mercenary: Eeh, what the hell...

Major (over radio): You should trust them... for now. They have untold instinctive knowledge of the woods

INSIDE THE LAB

Engelem and Lsezl have the mosquito monster pinned with a giant pin against a giant bulletin board. Maimed but alive, the thing buzzes furiously!

Engelem: Excellent! Now all I must do is rid myself of those meddlesome soldiers and monkey abominations and it will be at long last safe!

The cyborg monkeys in question are clearly visible as silhouettes in the upper windows

Lsezl: But what of the female Zomboid? She is escaping!

Engelem: It doesn't matter

Engelem pushes a button, which sends several jolts of electricity through the cork bulletin board, incapacitating the mosquito

Engelem: All that matters is my greatest work! ...and to a lesser extent that sea monster inhabiting my trap-door execution pit

Lsezl: What are you talking about? All of this is brilliant!

Engelem: I know, I am brilliant in all things... However, I like to concentrate on the "here" and "now" if you know what I mean ...And besides, we can't have you stealing any stray credit for my work, can we?

Lsezl: You bastard! I've wanted to do this for a loooooonnggggg-

A light on the sawblade, still embedded in Lsezl's face turns on, as Engelem presses a button on his mechanical arm, Lsezl is electrified!

Lsezl: G-gih...

Engelem: I couldn't hear the rest of that, those interlopers are interloping fast.

The soldiers and mercenaries walk towards Engelem's complex, as they do so, Peace nonchalantly walks by them towards California

Soldier 1: Who was that?

Soldier 2: Not our problem.

The soldiers suddenly charge, ramming in Engelem's door, only to discover that beyond it is another door, scattered with death spikes! The spikes impale the first row of rammers. The others struggle and get free from the narrow passage, pulling the dead soldiers and mercenaries off the spikes, soldier 1 comes up with another plan.

Soldier 1: Crap. Okay everyone! Ram with your arms outstretched!

They do, and ram the other door in! Unfortunately those who were not ramming at a breakneck pace are mowed down by a spinning drum! Ignoring the slaughter of the stragglers, as well as a hail of arrows impaling a few others, soldier 1 leads on!

Soldier 1: There he is!

Engelem: OH woe is me! ...I give up willingly, so just cross this large trap door and you can lock me up!

Soldier 1: Forget that, we're gonna rip your limbs off!

The soldiers charge again! I'll go without decribing the obvious and just say that the trap hole opens and the monster within devours all the soldiers but #1, who now faces Engelem one-on-one

Soldier 1: You tricked me you dirty bastard!

Engelem: Clever, aren't I?

Soldier 1: I can take you!

Engelem: I don't think so!

Engelem pulls back the sleeve on his robotic arm menacingly, only to discover that Soldier 1 is a complete badass. He tries to use the machine gun function on the arm to fill the soldier full of holes, but #1 superbly dodges, flipping Engelem onto the bulletin board as well! Soldier 1 is about to impale Engelem with a sharp pipe from nowhere, when Lsezl does the unexpected, saving Engelem's life by shooting the soldier!

Engelem: Hahaha! Good job, Lsezl!

Engelem expresses his gratitude, by shocking Lsezl again

Lsezl: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHYYYYY????????????

Engelem: I'm sorry, I didn't have any rewards planned... um... ...Hey, look!

ENGELEM LOOKS AT AN OMNISCIENT VIEWING SCREEN TO SEE THAT THE OUTSIDER, CHOOSING NOT TO TARGET A SINGLE CITY DESTROYS PARIS! LONDON! POLAND!

Engelem: This is very pleasing! Why... if I had any connections to the Nazi party or Josef Mengele whatsoever I would be even more ecstatic!

Lsezl: Uuunnnggg....

Engelem: We shall relocate to the similar-looking jungles of Africa. Pack our bags and set the self-destruct mechanism!

Lsezl begins stocking his hi-tech ATV, and he and Engelem board, leaving the base to explode in the back ground. Little do they know that they have a stowaway... one of the cyborg proboscis monkeys has hitched a ride...

EUROPE

Wherever the Outsider and Bertha go, death, destruction, and doom follow! Liberally retconning the creatures' sizes, The Outsider and Bertha knock over The Arc De Triomphe, Big Ben, The Eiffel Tower, Osaka Castle... ironically, the set for all this rampage takes place in Romania. In England (where the Outsider has just suddenly turned up), our heroes pursue the monster

Randy: Roy, remember when The Outsider began to assimilate you earlier?

Roy: Yes.

Randy: Well... What if the Outsider "assimilated" a few pounds of C4?

Guy: What?

Rebecca: It's entire structure would be annihilated!

Randy: Correct!

Rebecca: But where do we find a few pounds of C4?

Randy takes a small grenade from his step-uncle's person

Randy: Right here, baby!

With a throw not normally expected from a scientist, Randy throws the grenade directly into The Outsider's trunk. The Outsider begins to assimilate the grenade, then suddenly spits it out into the mass of good guys below! Luckily, it doesn't hit anyone important, just the stretcher containing Gwedo, which explodes, killing the minor cronie and harming no one else

Don: That was close!

Randy: It's getting smarter!

Both The Outsider and Big Bertha survey the protagonists with murder in their eyes. Suddenly, they are both implausibly distracted from their prey by a random explosion, which they go to investigate.

Melvin: That was crazy! Hey guys, what's going on?

Randy: It's getting smarter... but how much smarter can it get?

Voice (David Warner): Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing...

Everyone turns backward, gasping, behind them is a sole, official looking man, played by David Warner

Warner: my name is Monty Marenghi, I'm here to help... if you cooperate. I am with the British Library.

Randy: What?

Don: What?

even Brackenberg: What?

Melvin Nossex: Ohmygod! That crazy literati organization dedicated to dominating the world from Read Or Die!?!

Marenghi: Crazy? We prefer to call ourselves innovative and maybe determined.

Hamburg: ...At least it's not the CIA

BACK TO THE ROAD CONNECTING MEXICO AND CALIFORNIA, PEACE CONFRONTS A VERY CHARRED Z'DAR DRIVER

Peace: Um h-hello? I'm looking for 2 zombie-like creatures, have you seen them pass by here?

Driver: As a matter of fact I have...

Peace: Can you take me to them?

The driver surveys the wreck of dead bodies and abandoned trucks

Driver: This place is a graveyard...

Peace: ?
« Last Edit: November 18, 2007, 07:18:26 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged

Get out da' waaaaaaaayyy, octopus comin' through!
Mortal Envelope
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Manos...it's frightening!


« Reply #32 on: November 19, 2007, 04:28:40 PM »

Peace looks worried as the trucker suddenly refuses to respond to her mannerable inquiries, looking only straight ahead, driving faster and faster...suddenly, he's driving like a maniac and his face lights up with an evil grin as some rather dreadful music plays in the background (not ABBA...but it could be)...

Cut back to England...amongst the carnage

Marenghi: "so...Melvin...you thought you could escape us?"

Melvin: "escape you? why wou..." -he's cut off by a punch to the gut.

Marenghi, punching him a few more times, matrix style: "you owe us 0.75$ for an over due book...'How to loose a girl in 10 days...in 3 days' and we want our money"

No one even attempts to stop the violence let alone react to it as they find Melvin rather annoying anyway.

Roy, "damn...they have an aggressive book return policy over here ...dude, you better pay the man"

Guy just stands around with his hand in his armpit making rude noises.

After a hellacious beating, Melvin finally pays him and he is released.

Randy, "yeah...don't p**s off these brits...and especially don't make fun of their beer!"

Rebecca, "I thought that was Canadians?"

Don Don, "them either"

Hamburg, distracted, looks rather worried as he peers down the street at an oncoming mob, "LOOKOUT!"

A mob of angry soccor (football) fans come charging through...and in a rage they topple the A-Team van, smashing it to bits.  While charging through our crowd of characters, they grab Melvin and stuff him into a nearby locker (yes...one's just sitting out on the street) before they charge off the screen.

The A-Team music comes to a halt...and everyone shrugs.

Roy, back to the point, asks Marenghi what it is that he wants.

Marenghi, "well...
« Last Edit: November 20, 2007, 12:13:41 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
Doc Daneeka
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« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2007, 07:32:13 PM »

Marenghi: Well isn't it obvious? We want the monster dead! We in England wouldn't have thought of such a ghastly thing, we prefer more thoughtful world-domination schemes... this is just messy.

Randy: Really? We actually wanted the exact same thing...

Marenghi: Well that certainly takes some of the fun out of torturing you for days, I suppose I should wish you good luck, but I don't quite trust you so...

Brackenberg: Oooohhhhh myyyyy Gooooodddddddd........

Don and Bruno point their guns at Marenghi, Randy holds Rebecca behind his back, Roy makes a "weird face" Guy makes a smiley face, Melvin hides behind everyone else, the scene becomes very intense when.....

Marenghi: I'm afraid I shall have to provide some factor of assistance, if you shall follow me back to the library...

Marenghi begins to leave, the others follow

MEANWHILE: AT THE LAND BRIDGE

Engelem and Lsezl attempt to retain a semblance of normalcy as they approch the bridge guarded by the Major and several other bulky soldiers, despite the large cargo size

Major: Hold it right there... I know who you are...

Engelem: But you do not have proof! As far as you know we are here on *produces phony papers* official government business!

Major: Fine... but that can't stop me from holding you up, rummaging through your stuff, and "accidentally" destroying it in the process! In fact... let's see what you have in that large trunk!

The Major opens one of the boxes in the trunk, it has the giant mosquito in it!

Mansquito: BLOOOOOOD!!!!!!!

Major: Aha! Try explaining THAT to the European border patrol!

Mansquito: Steroid-enriched BLOOOOD!!!!!!!!!

Engelem: Dr. Lzesl! Why did you take the mosquito with us?!?!

Lsezl: I didn't know someone would check it! I'm sorry!

Major: Tear this truck up boys!

Lsezl: Not my truck!

Some soldiers are being sucked on by the mansquito, accidentally shooting other soldiers to try and get the mansquito, etc... so Major takes it upon himself to destroy the mad doctors' cargo, he kicks open another crate, and out pop 5 angry cybo-monkeys!

Engelem: DR. LSEZL! Why did you take the cybo-monkeys with usssss?!?!?!?!

Lsezl: I di'int meeeaaannnnn toooo!!!!!!!

The monkeys maul The Major, who frantically tries to fight them off, and Dr. Lzesl, who less-successfully tries to fight them off! Every party in the area is being mauled by something except for Engelem, who starts up the ATV and flees the scene. The mansquito, wanting another chance at him, pursues the hysteric Engelem down the land bridge. Lsezl even manages to break free from his attackers and chases after Engelem, the probosci chasing after him! He almost catches up to his ATV, but Engelem again pushes the button on his arm, stunning Lsezl. Hooting, buzzing, and screaming behind him, Engelem pushes the pedal to the metal...

THE RUBBLE OF LAS VEGAS

Just inside Vegas, the mad driver's truck stops, he and Peace exit the 18-wheeler to survey the scene

Peace: Oh my God... how did this happen? ...We have to go on! I-I don't know where... but if Guy is alive we must find him before something horrible happens!

The driver, simply checking Rosie's pulse with a frown, says nothing, but disappointedly re-enters his truck

Peace: PLEASE!!

The truck goes nowhere, eventually Peace simply decides to get back in. When she does, the truck shoot forward, onwards towards the land bridge! There, we see the major brutally wounded by the monkeys!

Peace: Wait! Stop here!

The driver doesn't listen, but instead charges through the barricade! In desperation, Peace jumps out of the truck and goes to tend to the major

Peace: Who... are you?

Major: I am M-Major... Major... Major... Major... Major... Major

Peace: Major? Major what?

Major: That's m-my n-name... Major Major Major, I am a major major, so I added "Major" to the beginning of my name...

Peace: Maj- ...Sir... what happened?

Major: Engelem, that bastard... m-monkeys...

Peace: Did you see a man go by who looked kind of like me, if I was riddled with stitches and lesions?

Major: Him and a few other weirdoes... headed towards Europe... be... careful...

Peace: I must find him before he is hurt... Can I do anything to help you?

Major: I always wanted to die like a beaten hobo dead in the dirt... t-tell Keenan... that he is... a miserable excuse for a soldier... but he is... still better... than Corporal Jim...

Peace: I will! I swear, if he is alive, I will! ...Since he is a soldier, may I also inform him on peaceful alternatives to violent conflict?

Major: STOW THAT B.S. TALK YOU EFFING HI- ...*eg-eg-eg-eggggg*

Peace moves to close Major Major Major Major Major Major's eyelids, but the Major stops her short of his face with a grip strangely uncharacteristic of a dead man

Major: effing hippie...

The Major's grip loosening, Peace slowly pulls free and goes down the giant bridge to Europe

Peace: He didn't say no...
« Last Edit: November 22, 2007, 07:23:23 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged

Get out da' waaaaaaaayyy, octopus comin' through!
Mortal Envelope
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Manos...it's frightening!


« Reply #34 on: November 21, 2007, 11:03:34 AM »

The crew returns to the library's original location but it has been destroyed.  All they can find is a note from the Doctor saying, "bwhahaha!"

Marenghi, "Damn...how did they find my library?! Well, we'll have to backpack to my backup library...in Istanbul...not Constantinople ...everyone... let's get moving...reports say the monster is thrashing his way eastward anyway"

Meanwhile...

Peace continues her walk across the great landbridge, which for some reason takes awhile...and she has a "what-if" vision along the way, which is in no way really going to happen; it's just that she's still feeling some hippy side effects from the chemicals in her cloning tank. 

She prophosizes with a crazy montage of our van-less heroes backpacking across through rural Eastern Europe (which they actually are) in search of the monster.  In the montage, the monster's escape was all just a set up (which it really isn't)...the doctor plays the hero card, "defeating" the monsters in a gothic setting with his own copy of Manos:The Hands of Fate, effectively gaining public support for his bid to run for Mayor of Europe while secretly stowing away his "monster" for future use.  The vision gets even more incoherent as the montage continues to the theme of Rocky.

Peace mutters to herself..."sooooo THAT is his real plan - I must find the others and put a stop to this!"

In reality, none of this is part of the evil doctor's actual plan, but all the same, it motivates Peace to pursue a path of peace and she high-tales it across Europe.  She arrives to the chaotic remains of the monster's onslaught, first in London, then Paris, then Berlin, Warsaw, and finally to Bratislava, effectively just missing our team of backpackers, and barely just eluding the evil Doctor and his crew of misfits, who are in hot pursuit.

Meanwhile, in Budapest, our team of heroes (or whatever they are) find themselves still backpacking, following the destructive path of the monster, who thrashed most of this place just the day before.

Rebecca: "I'm afraid it's heading towards the mountains in Romania"

Roy: "Oh no...you couldn't mean...oh no...you mean Transylvania?"

Randy: "Precisely!"

Rebecca: "wait...I'm getting a telepathic vision...or is it clairvoyant?  ESP?  hell...all I know is that I'm receiving a vision that Peace is on our tail.  We must find her before they do...she holds the key to all this."

Don Don: "How do you know this?"

Brackenberg: "and where did you get those kinda mental powers?"

Marenghi: "well, it is right here in the script" <he shows the group the script>

Everyone: "oooooooh. "

Guy: "well, what does the script say we should do next?  Cuz I got this violin case that some dude left in my car."

Melvin pokes his head out of the locker: "just keep it for now dude...I'm sure that plot device will come in handy later."

Bruno and Goatee Ninja, sporting their letterman jackets, shut Melvin back in the locker.

Marenghi: "The script has some water damage - it's hard to read the next part but I think it says we should hang out here for now" <points to an old burntout seedy looking factory>...
« Last Edit: November 22, 2007, 01:01:55 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
316zombie
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« Reply #35 on: November 23, 2007, 01:52:19 PM »

roy:are you effing nuts?????don't you watch horror movies,if we go in there,we'll all die horrifically,don't you know that???
guy:um,roy...
roy:shut up guy,you're just a dead nerd,what would you know??
guy:well,i know that you're dead too,stupid!!
roy:oh...yeah...
the others all laugh at roy for thinking real life could be like a horror movie,as they enter the factory...
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316zombie
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« Reply #36 on: November 26, 2007, 04:36:45 PM »

meanwhile.....
peace has come to the budapest border,where she's being harrassed by border agents...unbeknownst to her,the doctors are VERY close behind her!will she get across the border before they arrive???can she convince the gaurds to stop the docs at the border????have the monkeys arrived,and if so..WHO will they help???stay tuned....
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Doc Daneeka
Tako Luka tuna fever!
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« Reply #37 on: November 27, 2007, 08:47:36 PM »

Inside the abandoned factory, out heroes sit on the grungy floor in a circle around a grungy (if such a thing is possible) fire, Marenghi has taken the only clean seat in the place.

Randy: Okay ladies and gentlemen, as the hero of this film, I suggest that we introduce ourselves in honesty

Roy: Whoa, I thought I was the hero of this situation!

Randy: But I've been here longer, and you are just the one being helped

Roy: I've been here longer! And geez, you'd ask for help too if something happened to you like what happened to me

Melvin: Hey, fellas! I thought I was the main guy here!

Randy (Ignoring): Well I didn't have that happen to me. That's a good place to begin, how did you get in this predicament?

Melvin: Well I-

Roy: I was once a normal college student, struggling in school, struggling in life, the struggles became too much for me, and I sold my body to science to pay off my student loans.

Randy: My God, he didn't underpay you for your sacrifice, did he?

Roy: Actually, he paid just as much as he said he would

Randy: Oh, that's okay then, I guess we can't sue now...

Roy: Anyhow, after escaping Engelem's nightmare asylum, I travelled with Guy and this other weird chick named Peace to find help in Washington... Unfortunately before we had the chance we were stopped by this crazy guy in the woods

Hamburg: Who just happened to save your lives, I add!

Roy: And after he saved our lives, and Peace got captured-

Hamburg: Not in that order, I add!

Roy: He said we couldn't go to Washington, and as long as he was with us, we couldn't

Hamburg: And for good reason I might add! I spent 5 years of my life sitting in that one spot, trying to see just what Engelem was plotting!

Roy: You were doing a pretty mediocre job of that

Brackenberg: Hey, General Hamburg is a true hero! I have based every one of my studies around watered-down versions of his studies, he really knows what's going on in this so-called world...

Hamburg: Oh is that why you risked life and lost limb chasing after me, I was about to have to mess you up if you were a federal agent!

Roy: After some crazy but overall unimportant events, I ended up in California, where I called on my old high school buddy, Jin. Unfortunately, Jin wouldn't see me because of money and contract issues, so I was stuck with Melvin Nossex.

Melvin: That's me! I got Roy's back wherever he goes!

Rebecca: Hey, are you the same Melvin Nossex who astounded your entire block by beating the school bullies, winning the cheerleader's heart, choosing the shy girl instead, saving the orphanage, and getting your band a multi-million dollar recording contract all in one fabulous week?!

Melvin: The one and only!

Rebecca: You're so cuuute!

Melvin: And you're pretty!

Bruno: Oh s**t! Please don't get revenge on me by humilating me in front of my tough-guy peers with a harmless but ingenious hi-tech machine made of normal household materials!

Melvin: Naaww, you're okay, buddy! Who are you anyway?

Bruno: My name is Bruno.

Randy: And tell us something about yourself, Bruno.

Bruno: My name is Bruno, I work for Don.

Randy: ...Oookay, tell them about yourself, Don.

Don: I'm Don, Don Don, and I am only involved in this because this conspiracy loser climbed up to my doorstep and the old man ordered me not to have him killed, that and my goody-goody step-nephew came crying for help

Randy sneers

Roy: Okay, what about you Randy?

Randy: I'm here to bring down Engelem and his diabolical machinations and earn a name for myself in the process, this is Rebecca, my totally mutual female-colleague

A shot of Rebecca with a large amount of blushing makeup on

Randy: I think we've covered all except for those military grunts and our mysterious British friend.

Marenghi: I plan on telling you nothing.

Hamburg: Well if that's the way you act, I'm not telling you anything either

Marenghi: I'll find out.

Hamburg: D'Oh!

Keenan: Well, I don't think what I have to say is all that top-secret, I was signed on to this secret mission by my commanding officer and told to watch out for that big "Ellifino!". I don't think he had much faith in Corporal Jim, and I guess that was a good assumption

Commander Jim is still comatose or at least sleeping like a log

Randy: Well, whatever your problem is, I plan on setting it right by the end of the film! I'm sure that Engelem and his crony will be defeated, my evil step-uncle will be brought down to size

a sneer from Don this time

Randy: that Hamburg will be vindicated by the public and government,

Hamburg: OH MY GOD!!

Don: That's a good thing dumbass...

Hamburg: Are you so sure?

Randy: and that I will find a way to bring you, Peace, and Guy back to normal!

Roy: I'll hold you to that, Randy... Where is Guy, anyway?

Guy is walking down a creepily-lit hallway, at the other end is scratch, the sequence is accompanied by the appropriate drawl of Cello music

scratch: Hell-o Guy.

Guy: Hi

scratch: Do you enjoy that violin I gave you?

Guy: It's kewwwwl

scratch: Maybe you could play a tune for Peace *Hiss! as if the word hurt him somehow*, she really lovessss *Hiss!* you...

Guy: I guess that makes sense... *Sad cello* ...we were together when "it" happened.

scratch: Well I can make it better again Guy... I want to help youuuuuu

Guy: How?

scratch: I have just what you need to make you you again... and more...

Guy: Gimme!

scratch: Oh, I will... for a small fee... something that if all goes correctly, you shouldn't miss for a loooonnngggg time...

Guy: You want your violin back?

scratch: I want your soul!

Guy: ...I dunno... that sounds like something I could trade for something better?

scratch: No one beats my dealssss....

Guy: Why can't you do it for free?

scratch: Do you want it or not?

Guy: You said you wanted to help me!

scratch: ...material expenses.

Guy: HMMM... Lemme see what you'll be using, you're not a procomomotologist are you?

scratch: You must not want your true form back very much...

Guy (pouting): You must not want to help me very much!

scratch: FINE! ...I must confess, I don't. But I can... and I will...

Guy: Can you do it for free?

scratch: I can tell you, whatever you do, hang on to that Manos tape... and if you ever change your mind, just play an evil lick on that there fiddle...

An evil lick plays in the background as scratch vaishes, leaving Guy alone, spaced out...

MEANWHILE, PEACE TRACKS ACROSS BUDAPEST (ACTUALLY ROMANIA, DUE TO BUDGET CONSTRAINTS)

Peace: I must find Guy, before he sells his soul, or something equally hideous!

She is approached from behind by Engelem's ATV, Lsezl is chained up in the passenger side

Peace: Omigod...

Engelem: Do you know the way to Africa?

Peace: Yes! ...No... but it's faaaarrrr away from Romania!

Engelem: Thank you, kind stranger!

Engelem drives away, leaving a relieved Peace in the background

Lsezl: Are you insane? That was Zomboid XX2X.12!

Engelem: Who cares? We have an Outsider and a few naughty spies to catch up with! ...With that portly mortal beside him, my creation is made weak... I must eliminate it, and pass it off without revealing my guilt somehow!

Lsezl: The Outsider?

Engelem: No, Bertha!

Lsezl: Oy, vey... Well if we're not pursuing Peace, shouldn't we at least track her to Romania?

Engelem: What good would that do us? It's nowhere near Africa

Lsezl: Perhaps she is heading towards your spies, doctor, we could eliminate them and... ...if you want... I could re-capture the zomboids all in one fell swoop!

Engelem: Remind me to claim that suggestion was my own good idea later, we're heading for Romania!

And the two "BWA-HA-HAAA!!!!!" all through the road there
« Last Edit: December 01, 2007, 05:56:10 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged

Get out da' waaaaaaaayyy, octopus comin' through!
Mortal Envelope
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Manos...it's frightening!


« Reply #38 on: November 30, 2007, 05:10:59 PM »

Meanwhile, Peace continues her pursuit of our gang...about a day behind them.  The heroes +1 are deep in the Carpathian(sp?) Mountains...in the gloomy night of thick Transylvanian fog.  They're hiking their way up a rugged, twisting, narrow cliff that ascends into darker fog.  Every once in awhile the clouds roll by long enough for we the audience to see a overly and almost impossibly large full moon. 

Randy: maaaan, this is kinda creepy

Don Don: yeah...cold too...damn cold

Guy trails the group a little ways...he's been somewhat exceptionally more odd and distant since his encounter, and that's really saying something for him.  He paces around muttering to himself, seemingly trying to make up his mind about something.

Enter stock wolf howling at the top of the cliff in the moonlight.  We're not in Kansas anymore.

Melvin p**ses himself in terror, which makes everyone laugh.

Bruno smiles for perhaps the first time in the entire story.

Rebecca: man that was funnier than when we read your diary!

Melvin, soiled completely, "you...you read my diary?!"

Roy, ignoring him, trying to fight back a smile, "man...this fog sure is thick"

Just then, the film seems to respond to Roy's plight and the mountain pass fog clears just enough that our heroes+1 see a dark foreboding gothic castle of elemental evil!

Hamburg: well s**t-ta-bed ...I ...I remember... I remember that place from a dream!  I MUST GO THERE!!!!

Rebecca: What the hell are you talking about?!

Hamburg, marches on up the pass like a trooper, shouldering Melvin on the way, knocking him on his ass.

Don Don looks at Randy, Roy, and Rebecca and shrugs: I guess we're going too

Marenghi obviously thinks this is a bad idea, "wait...shouldn't we go to my library...I have the most wonderful sculptures to show you"

Rebecca: not now man...we can't loose Hamburg...he's crucial to this story.

Randy: yeah dude, we'll get there in time

Marenghi: did you just call me dude?

Goatee Ninja, Bruno, and the rest follow quickly.  Guy lingers way behind...still acting a fool
« Last Edit: November 30, 2007, 05:20:05 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
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« Reply #39 on: November 30, 2007, 05:25:38 PM »

Peace has yet another flashback to her live days.....why did she go into this experiment,we ask?well,as a child of the post hippie era,needless to say,she had to do something to prevent her truelove,guy,from doing something foolish..apparently it didn't occur to her that it could be dangerous to her as well...guy was a riproaring beersnorting idiot back then,but she loved him...hence their both becoming patchwork people.she "sees"engelem fondling her while muttering about the perfect stereotype....of course,this is just the drugs,engelem could care less about the sexual aspects...right?wrong!but was it peace he wanted?or guy?or even roy?or was it really..the outsider!!!
no wonder he's so jealous of bertha!!peace changes her direction,so she can hook up with bertha and the outsider,she is certain they will help rescue her trueove!and to heck with the rest of them!except maybe for rebecca...no one else knows that rebecca is her big sister!rebeca has thought for years that her sister was either dead,or not worth knowing,hippies are scum,after all...
stay tuned....
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« Reply #40 on: December 01, 2007, 05:02:36 PM »

Peace ultimately changes course...but we the audience aren't clear where.

Meanwhile, the heroes+1 approach the rod-iron gates of one nasty-ass castle of doom.  Something within has lead them here... they've been somehow tricked into thinking the beastesses have gone inside, but really it was a hologram from a hidden projector like they once used in your old elementary school science class (low budget and all).  It even skips once or twice but no one seems to notice.

Roy: "hey Goatee Ninja...why don't you try the gate here?"

A couple others nod in agreement.

Goatee Ninja: "what? why me?"

Rebecca: "well you are wearing a red shirt aren't you?"

Goatee Ninja: "well yes I suppose."  He looks around for approval and reaches for the iron gate snake-designed handle... <fade to black>

Meanwhile, in close pursuit...

Lsezl: "giggidy-giggidy these mountains suck boss!"

Engelem gets off the phone with a mystery person and activates the saw lodged in Lsezl's face for a few seconds as a warning, "shuddup a$$hole - don't talk unless I tell ya too; I was on an important call"

Lsezl: "ouch owwww oh-m-god that friggin hurts...MOMMY!"

Engelem laughs in all his evilness, "hush bastardos - we've tricked them.  They're heading to the Doom Castle" <lightning strikes and thunder roars when he says the name of the place>

Lsezl stops crying for a second, "Doom Castle?" <lighting and thunder>

Engelem: "yes...I have been well informed.  So let's continue with my original plan - once they are captured we will arrive just in time for their demise"

Lsezl: "what about the Outsider...er um...I mean what about Bertha? and what of our trip for two to Africa?"

Engelem: "trust me my little fuxtik - it will all make sense to your primitive little mind in due time...in due time!"
Engelem closes with more sinister laughter as the screen whitewashes to...
« Last Edit: December 06, 2007, 01:47:22 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
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« Reply #41 on: December 11, 2007, 06:10:43 PM »

GOATEE NINJA'S FACE, EXPANDED INTO A TORMENTED SCREAM AS THE IRON SNAKE GATE HANDLE HAS TRANSMORPHED INTO A REAL SNAKE AND LATCHED ON TO THE NINJA'S HAND

Goatee nin: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

The shinobi utters an odd Japanese phrase as he collapses, the others make no move to help him as he dies in convulsions. Melvin bends down and says another odd Japanese phrase and begins to close Goatee's eyes, when Goatee convulses again, causing Melvin to gasp and fall backwards on his ass.

Rebecca: This gate is not safe.

Randy: We'll have to take a chance going through this broken place in the gate.

Randy points toward an obvious hole in the gate and begins simply walking towards it, the others follow

Bruno (under his breath): ohhh, s**t, ohhh hell, ohhh fiddlesticks, the fodder is dying, I've barely said a full sentence until now, I haven't told anyone my backstory, I'm wearing a red shirt...

Suddenly Bruno points accusingly at Melvin!

Bruno: YOU! You skinny snot-muching dingleberry! YOU're just a guest spot! YOU can get any guest spot you want and ignore continuity! I am just a stuntman in a bit part. Do you think anyone... other than Kooshmeister, will remember me? hell no! I want YOU to know that before I put my ass in any frying pan or fire, YOU're going first!

Bruno walks forth toward the castle doors leaving a confuzzled Melvin Nossex to stand, stunned, behind. The rest of the group walks on unperturbed to the doorway.

RANDY OPENS THE THING TO SEE A LABORATORY RAVAGED WITH LOTS OF CRYPTIC TECHNOBABBLE COVERING THE WALLS, WRITTEN IN BLOOD. YET ANOTHER MAD SCIENTIST TYPE (RICHARD LIBERTY) SITS IN A LAZY INDIAN STYLE IN THE CENTER

Scientist: Aahh, welcome to my hellish prison, my name is Anchimen, am I to assume you are seeking refuge from Doctor Engelem and his wicked creations?

Randy: As a matter of fact we are, how do you know of the doctor?

Anchimen: The doctor and I once worked together, struggling to create life, yet it always turned sour on us, our intentions were eeeevil, yes we created life, but only half life, things that turned from steel or titanium or styrofoam or feces to flesh! Living, breathing flesh! They turned on us, paying special attention to me, as Engelem ran away from his fate, of course, I no longer associate myself with him.

Roy: Well then how-

Guy: Shh!

Anchimen: I stayed to face the wrath... By day the beast-things physically tormented me by day and at night they emotionally tormented me. Today I simply sit in silence, awaiting Judgement Day... Though I assure you I no longer associate myself with doctor Engelem, I am afraid I cannot help you... I cannot even help myself...

Anchimen retreats into the shadows, sulking and speaking in tongues

Don Don: That's it then! Let's get out of this hole-

Randy: No, this would be a good place to wait, perhaps since he once worked with the doctor we could find some clues as to how to beat him in this lab...

PAN OF THE ENTIRE DESTROYED LAB

Randy: And after all, he doesn't associate himself with Engelem anymore...

Back in the shadows, Dr. Anchimen talks silently into a radio device

Anchimen: Dr. Engelem... They are in my castle... you may come whenever you wish...
« Last Edit: December 12, 2007, 04:30:44 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged

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« Reply #42 on: December 13, 2007, 03:18:18 PM »

Dr. Anchimen hangs up his 80's style, brick-like cell phone (one of the firsts).  It's obvious he's been a sorta prisoner in this castle for a long time as his attire (parachute pants), hairstyle (Flock of Seagulls), and mannerisms (like, totally dude) reflect that dreadedness that is the 1980s.

Muttering to himself while we hear Rockwell's 'Somebody's Watching Me' play in the background "yes, like, totally doctor...for you too will have a nice surprise when you arrive...to the max" ripping open his Michael Jackson "Beat It" jacket as he smiles revealing a couple very sharp fangs but no one else hears or sees any of this. 

He announces that the group should make themselves at home before he fades out; our heroes +1 minus a ninja roam this mysteriously gothic 80s style castle.  Hamburg runs off down the hall mumbling something about strange memories and the rest try to keep up, but they are quickly distracted.

Marenghi in his uppity British accent, "Good sirs...this place is rather appauling!"

The heroes +1 minus a ninja find themselves in a grand hallway with huge portraits lining the walls.  They pass by a movie painting of The Master from Manos, a fingerpaint of Plan 9, a pointalism piece of Batman and Robin, a water color image of Friday the 13th part V, a chalk drawing of This Island Earth, and a colored pencil drawing of Deadly Friend, among many other artwork versions of bad film covers.  In the center of the hall, Guy recognizes a pitiful sculpture of Yongary: Monster of the Deep and winces. 

The group starts to get a little worried at all this torture evidence and finally Rebecca notices that Hamburg has disappeared!

Randy, opening a random door at the end of the hall, "holy s**t balls -look at this!"
« Last Edit: December 15, 2007, 07:54:25 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
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« Reply #43 on: December 21, 2007, 06:33:38 PM »

BEHIND THE DOOR IS ANCHIMEN'S LAB, BRIGHTLY LIT, APPARENTLY STILL FUNCTIONING AND IN OTHERWISE PERFECT CONDITION

Rebecca: My God... How long has he kept it like this?

Randy: My guess is for quite a while! ...But why? He no longer associates himself with Engelem, why would he keep all these inventions and stuff in proper working order?

Brackenberg: I say we search for clues!

Randy: That's pretty obvious mr. junior theorist, but let's do it already!

Our heroes messily root around the room, finding that most of the experiments seem to be just for show, Roy eventually comes across a large messy journal, many notes and stuff hanging out, and opens it to a random page

Roy: Umm, guys? You had better come see this

everyone immediately drops their work to go see what Roy has found, he reads aloud:

Roy: "VENGEANCE IS MINE, SAYETH ME! THOUGH HE HAS TORMENTED ME BEFORE I HAVE INVITED THE DOCTOR TO MY LAIR ONCE MORE IN ORDER TO PERFORM HIS WICKED DEEDS."

Randy: My God... he does still associate with Dr. Engelem!

Roy:"LITTLE DOES HE KNOW WHAT SHALL HAPPEN WHEN THE FOOL DOES WHATEVER HE'S GOING TO DO, AND FOLLOWING THAT THEN THE OTHER INFIDELS SHALL ALL FALL TO MY WRATH; LSEZL, PHEARSON, HAMBURG, MARENGHI, THE MANNEQUINS-" Wait a second, mannequins? what a...

Bruno: Is my name there?

Roy: No, you're safe...

Bruno: The hell I am! If I had half a chance of surviving my name would be there right alongside all the major characters! No, I'm gonna get offed if I'm not careful, and if I'm not carefuller, it'll probably be by some stupid accident!

Randy: With any luck, we'll all get out alive! By any logic, you might be the first to go...

Keenan: I say we blow all this effed up s**t to bits and pop a bullet in that head case's head!

Marenghi: You shall do no such thing, you brutish brute! These things must be preserved and a professional shall execute the doctor... when the time is right

Randy: Listen up Monty, we're not in England anymore, and in case you didn't know people have had plenty of chances to kill Engelem and probably the same amount of chance to kill Anchimen, but neither of them are dead and why?

Brackenberg: Government tyranny!

Randy: For once you are exactly right! We need to put an end to this pre-Nurembergian madness soon and once and for all!

But before they can, a sound is heard!

Roy: What was that?

IN THE NEXT ROOM, DR. ANCHIMEN MEETS HIS FORMER PARTNER AND HIS NEW PARTNER AT THE DOOR.

Anchimen: (angry) I see you are treating your new lackey better than you treated me! (happy) Hello again Jonas...

Engelem: Ahh, doctor Anchimen, I see you haven't changed a bit since we last met... still a party man?

Anchimen: No Dr. Engelem, I have realized the error in many of my ways... yet I donned this old costume just for your return... are you surprised I have not gone insane from my years in the castle?

Engelem: I-

Anchimen: Mercifully, I had company... though you never returned, I was fancy to several... visitors

Engelem: Yyyeeeessssss.... Hmm, hmm, hmm! Where could I find these "visitors"?

Anchimen: Upstairs... But first, there is something I am aching to show you...

Engelem: No.

Engelem begins walking upstairs when Anchimen snatches him back and leads him and Lsezl into the bright laboratory, our heroes quickly hide in plain sight

Anchimen: Do you recognize it?

Engelem: Of course you idiot, we worked here for years, except it looks clean now... what have you done with our research?!?

Anchimen: You wish to see the rotten fruit of our labor again, Jonas? Turn out the light...

Engelem: I don't wanna

The light flicks off and the room goes black, there is silence for a while until...

Boys and girls of every age,
Would you like to see something strange?

All at once, various machines, pens, pencils, papers, and the like get up and turn into little fanged and singing gremlins and such!

Come with us and you will see
This our town of Halloween!

Morphing from the original forms of neon tubing, a sailor, a policeman, an indian, a medieval archer, a samurai, and more all march in and dance to the song in odd, surreal gyrating motions

This is Halloween!
This is Halloween!
Pumpkins scream in the dead of Night!

Roy: Let's get the hell out of here!

Most of the heroes do, just missing the bushes, inhabited with fairies and goblins and such, that suddenly sprout from the floor mold, however, Bruno happens to straggle behind for a frame too long and is grabbed by the ghoulies, who manage to kill him in an unimportant but entertaining manner

This is Halloween
Everybody make a scene
Until the neighbors die of fright!

Even Engelem seems weirded out by the odd dance of the demons that has begun in front of his face, As beakers explode with decorative neon fireworks, a gang of ghost pirates step out of ther smog and stumble around aimlessly, as does a zombified-lookalike of Boris Karloff. More mundane objects grotesquely transmogrify into gruesome creatures as the 3 doctors listen on to their demented song!

I am the clown with the tear away face
Here in a flash and gone without a trace!

I am the who when you call who's there
I am the wind blowing through your hair!

Things get worse as a cyborg pig treads across the ground, firing laser blasts, a grim reaper glides from the rafters and explodes, and a giant shogun on a baby-pulled carriage charges into the scene! Drs. Engelem and Lsezl, remaining composed make for the exits just as the third doctor extends his fangs and lunges for them! Unthankfully, both our antagonists make it out in time to take a double-sigh of relief, though neither seem to notice their former "friend"'s momentary change

Anchimen (behind door): Accursed! *cries in anguish*

MEANWHILE A FEW MILES AWAY, PEACE HAS CAUGHT UP TO THE OUTSIDER AND IT'S BRIDE, TERRORIZING LIECHTENSTEIN

Peace: Hello fellows!

The monster and the monster-oid grunt in response to the human's cry, The Outsider moves to absorb Peace, but realizes that she is now no more than a normal human. Puzzled but somewhat indifferent, Outsider moves to crush her anyway

Peace: Don't be so hasty, I don't wish to fight!

The Outsider continues to bring his foot down, but a more reasonable Bertha stops him

Peace: Please! Dr. Engelem has done us both wrong! You should not carry out this destruction for him, do you believe your only purpose is to be some sort of genetically-engineered SWAT team? That is what Dr. Engelem created you for and I believe you could be destined for greater things! ...I believe Dr. Engelem may be going to Romania, my friends are there as well-

Without another word from Peace, The Outsider and Bertha begin to tromp towards Romania

Peace: I was hoping you could... ...help... us?

Peace worriedly yelps behind her closed mouth and frantically follows the duo

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE CASTLE

Randy: Well it now seems we have two problems to worry about, Engelem

Rebecca: and Anchimen,

Roy: And Marenghi

Marenghi: Now, now, now, I do not know what you could possibly be talking about *sly smile*....

Brackenberg: Let's not forget Hamburg is still missing!

Don: And Bruno is dead!

Melvin: Who?

Keenan: This is a snafu! Added to all this we have the fact that The Outsider is still after us and we have no way to stop it!

Guy, who has uncharacteristically not talked for a while sullenly looks at the Manos bootleg

Guy: I have... something to say...

SCRATCH, AS IF ON CUE APPEARS BEHIND THE GROUP WITH A SCOWL ON HIS FACE...

Guy: I have...

THE OUTSIDER AND BERTHA, AS IS ON CUE, APPEAR, CRASHING THROUGH THE WALL OF THE CASTLE ROARING!

Immediately, it begins it's rampage, chokeslamming Keenan to the ground, in the next room, Lsezl and Engelem feel the blow and both speed up the stairs to view the rampage in progress as The Outsider goes after Rebecca, only to be stopped by a large blow by Randy, the blow, which barely phases The Outsider, instead just makes him angry enough to chokeslam Randy multiple times! Rebecca this time hits The Outsider over the back with a large metal something, The Outsider turns his attention back to her only for Roy to retaliate and hit it over the head with another piece of metal.

Engelem: Cuuuuurssseee yoooouuuuu!!!!!

In vengeance, Bertha crushes Roy's malleable body with a frying pan!

Lsezl: Cuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrssssssseeeee yoooooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anchimen intrudes excitedly

Anchimen: Has a witch died yet? Good God watching over us from his vengeful Heavenly plane! That mannequin has the tape!

ZOOM IN ON GUY WITH THE MANOS TAPE, CONTEMPLATING WHILE THE FIGHT RAGES ON, GUY'S SILENCE IS DISRUPTED BY HIS OLD LOVER, SCURRYING THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE WALL!

Peace: Guy!

Guy: Peace?! You look pretty!

Peace: I wish I could say the same thing, but we'll find a way, won't we!

Anchimen: The one weapon that could destroy Engelem's twisted work!

Guy: It's in the beta-strip, Peace!

Peace: No! We have to stop this madness some other way!

Engelem: No! This madness mustn't stop until all of you interlopers are dead!

Scratch: They're right! You love *hiss!* your girlfriend, riiight? Do not use that tape!

Engelem: It's you! You who gave me the power of rock! You have allowed Guy to see you now?

Scratch: Of course I have, we already established you as a failure, right?

Engelem: I am NOT a failure!

Guy: GASP! I remember this from the after-school special! There is only one man who can give the evil power of rock n' roll!

Peace: Guy, you're frightening me, who are you talking about?

Guy: I gotta use the tape, Peace!

Peace: Find some other way to resolve your problems!

Outsider: Reeeeaaaggghhh!!!!

Peace: That goes for you too!

Randy: Enough of this insanity! We need that tape Roy! Let me use it!

Marenghi: Good zomboid! I shall give you a tidbit if you allow the British Library sights and sound devision research that tape!

Guy: Ooooh!!!

Roy: Don't fall for that crap buddy, give it to Randy, we're the only competant ones in this room-

Rebecca: Hey!

Roy: Sorry, and my arms would fall off if you passed it too hard!

Brackenberg: Give it to me! This could be a conspiracy!

Melvin: Is that the original workprint of Manos?? Give it to me, Guy!

Keenan: Don! Gimme more guns!

Suddenly, Don Don leaps and takes Peace in a chokehold, a revolver to her head

Don: Gimme that tape you fuggin' idiot!

Obviously emotionally overloaded by all these stimuli, our zomboid somehow finds the mental capability to make a decision for himself! Guy pulls back his arm and with an amazing throw, he amazingly flings the tape directly into a nearby VHS player! The screen flashes white for a second as all parties look on

AN EXTENDED VERSION OF "MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE", THIS VERSION IS ACTUALLY BRILLIANT, APPARENTLY HAL WARREN'S CREW, VENGEFUL AFTER THE DIRECTOR BULLIED THEM THROUGHOUT THE PRODUCTION DECIDED TO CUT OUT ALL THE ORIGINAL DIALOGUE AND AMAZING SPECIAL EFFECTS. IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF THE MORE AMAZING SEQUENCES, THE SCREEN CUTS TO A YOUNGER DR. ANCHIMEN AS HE STANDS IN FRONT OF A LARGE BLACKBOARD

Young Anchimen: Hello... I am Dr. Ericc Anchimen, partner to Jonas Engelem... Due to some wickedness on my partner's part, I am forced to tape over this minor independant production before I surely lose my sanity to deliver to whom it may concern a three-part documentary about how Dr. Engelem's creations can indeed... be destroyed.

All eyes point accusingly at a very embarrassed Guy, Don Don dejectedly lowers his gun, The Outsider cannot disguise it's amusement

Young Anchimen: A-Hem, I believe if you have viewed this tape earlier enough you will have ample time to-

The Outsider, smashes the television to bits and then proceeds to go into a fury, tearing the entire upper lab to smithereens until it collapses on our hapless, screaming, cast!

UNDER A SECLUDED PILE OF RUBBLE LIES ENGELEM, ALIVE, SITTING CALMLY NEXT TO HIM IS SCRATCH

Scratch: I really am toooo good *hiss!* to you

Engelem: Will you let me out now??

Scratch: Do it yourself...

Scratch disappears, Engelem cries, and a few rocks are lifted from the pile. Lsezl has come to Engelem's aid for some reason

Lzesl: Doctor...

Engelem: Lzesl... What happened to The Outsider?

Lsezl: Missing. Along with everyone else but Anchimen and myself

Engelem: Where are we now?

Lsezl: Yours' and his old lab sir, and you won't believe what Anchimen has done!
« Last Edit: December 22, 2007, 01:28:11 PM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged

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« Reply #44 on: December 22, 2007, 12:38:12 PM »

...Engelem, dusting himself off and trying to regain his wits, "no...NO...he din'ent!"

Lsezl: "oh yes...yes he did!  We're back in your old lab, the secret one, underneath the castle...and he's somehow imprisoned the Ellifino and the Bertha Beast, but I have no idea how!"

Engelem, "where are the others?"

Lsezl: "dunno...probably dead after all that ...but then we left conveniently, again, to give them ample opportunity to rescue themselves.  Oh...and Mansquito is lurking about somewhere...he's been in the restroom all this time"

Mansquito: "yeah...sorry, my fly was stuck"

Engelem straps on an arm cyborg attachment with a flame thrower, "nevermidn them for now...it's time to put this bad dog to bed!"  and the three head away from the ruble and through the next corridor...three men on a mission...well, ok, one man, one mosquito freak of nature, and one wuss, but you get the idea.

Meanwhile...in the old lab cell block, the beastesses are each locked in their own cell.  There is also a table slab with straps and two large switches...one blue and one red.  There's huge wires coiling from everywhere for unknown purposes with accompanying electric sounds ...and the place smells kinda like cabbage.

Melvin of all people stumbles in, still weary from the devastation but miraculously still alive.  He notices the sciency instruments hooked to each cage  and does a little bit of examination...he finds more journals and starts reading. 

Melvin: "wowsy...wait 'till I find the guys and tell em I found a clue.  Someone has built a translation device"  Curiosity gets the better of him and he flips the blue switch next to the Ellifino's cage with somehow translates the grunts into meaningful words:

Melvin listens and makes out the following:

(Queue Caribbean steel drum band music)

Beast, singing, in English (with a Jamaican accent)

you...there human...yes you
you with the nerdy glasses and your pocket protecta
your the last picked in gym and the last in every race...
the wimp who never gets the girls...
I'ma gonna choke slam ya...an' eat yer fuggin face!"


Melvin stumbles back, appalled and scared out of his gord, and p**ses himself yet again.  Too bad he is way too distracted by the warm wet sensation running down his leg to notice Dr. Vampire Anchimen.  The vampire lord emerges from the black shadows with the greatest celerity wearing some 50s style Elvisy clothes, complete with an addition of sideburns and greasy Elvis hair.

Dr. Anchimen leaps onto Melvin before he knows what hit him, sinking his fangs deep into the nerd boy's jugular, draining him of nearly all his blood.  The Vampire stands up from Melvin's flopping, wiggling body and wipes the blood from his mouth.  He reaches down and whispers in Melvin's ear, "I'm going to give you the choice that I never had...you can either live forever or die...what will it be?"

Melvin, turning quite blue, "I wa-wanna live!"

Dr. Anchimen, "syke!" and with that he picks up Melvin, slams his nearly dead (but not quite) body on the table slab, straps him in, and flips the big red switch.  About this time, the rest of the remaining group, covered in debris slam through the doors to witness a massive electrical shock that zaps both Bertha in the cage and Melvin on the table.

Bertha and Melvin in unison, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

After it's all said and done and the smoke clears...Bertha begins to speak, but with Melvin's voice!  Melvin's body on the table grunts a few times and finally dies.  His...er, I mean her death is given several moments of saddened unnecessary screen time.  The Ellifino would be mad and screaming if he understood what he just saw, but he just sits there like a befuddled lunk head.

Note: Melvin's Mind in Bertha's Body will now be played by Martin Lawrence in a fat suit.

Rebecca, totally shocked, "Oh my GOD!  Their brains have been switched!"

Peace: "and Melvin's body is dead!"

The crazy sciency Vampire Doctor turns with a wicked grin and an Elvisy accent, "thank you...thank you very much!" gyrates his hips and he flips yet another previously unseen switch and a cage conveniently falls right over our heroes, imprisoning them!

Brackenberg: "I knew this was a government plot!"

About this time the "other" big double doors get kicked open and there stands a huge Viking woman with a large hammer.  She stands there for a minute, looks around not recognizing a thing and says, "oops...sorry...wrong set"  - she backs out embarrassed and finally Engelem and Lsezl come in, primed for war!

Anchimen, now suddenly dressed in 1890s garb, takes off his top hat and twirls his ridiculously large moustache, "well well well, bully bully.  Time to find out who is really top dog around here!  And with that he bares his vicious fangs!

Engelem, somewhat not surprised, lights up his flamethrower, "good thing I brought this!"

Lsezl: "yeah and good thing I'm a priest too!" and he whips out a cross.

Engelem annoyingly confused, "you're a what?!"

Lsezl: "yeah...just like John Black on Days of Our Lives; I'm whatever profession is necessary to move the plot forward"

Anchimen cowers at the cross, stumbling backward, knocking over flammable liquids which naturally catch s**t on fire as Lsezl speaks in tongues, coming closer and closer, "begone demon!"  Once he gets right on top of Anchimen, however, the vampire stands up and smacks the cross away.

Brackenberg: "see! it was a Russian conspiracy trick!"

Anchimen, "bwahaha...I forgot to tell you, looser...I'm a Toaist!"

Lsezl: "oh <beeeeeeeep>!"

Anchimen sinks his fangs into Lsezl and drinks some blood as Engelem charges him with the flame thrower! Anchimen drops Lsezl's useless body and prepares for the big throw down to find out just who is the ultimate bad guy in this story.

All the while, Mansquito just looks at the heroes in the cage with hungry eyes.

Bertha's Body with Melvin's brain just shakes his cage in a fit of rage!

The heroes are stuck in their cage worried about the fire and Mansquito, but figure they might as well start taking bets on who will win.  Rebecca, not interested in the betting feels a tug on her shirt from behind.  It's Hamburg, crawling, looking a little roughed up!

Hamburg mumbles...
« Last Edit: December 23, 2007, 12:40:25 PM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
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