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598872 Posts in 46193 Topics by 6137 Members
Latest Member: indiana Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Interactive Bad Movie: Imminent Danger « previous next »
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Author Topic: Interactive Bad Movie: Imminent Danger  (Read 13592 times)
zombie chef to the stars
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 112
Posts: 1512

« Reply #45 on: December 23, 2007, 03:06:06 PM »

rebecca:what!my sister died years ago!!(looks a little closer at peace)surely not...
peace:don't call me shirley,i hate that!!!that's why i ran away and faked my death!i hated that name so much!!
rebecca:oh geez,it really IS you!peace?
rebecca:no,i mean peace between us!surely we can  do that?
peace hauls off and coldcocks rebecca,crying"i TOLD you not to call me shirley!"
mind you,this is all a ruse,to distract the doctors while hamberg picks the lock on the cage and releases our heroes!peace and rebecca hug,and all our heroes proceed to trample hamberg into the dirt getting out of the cage...the outsider somehow turns the translater back on,and we hear him chanting an exorcism!!!!bertha/melvin joins the chant,while peace and rebecca run to free them....
hamberg,with his last breath,presses a very small red button on the wall,sighing"dang,i hope this is the right one...oops!"

don't EVEN...EVER!
Mortal Envelope
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 37
Posts: 321's frightening!

« Reply #46 on: December 30, 2007, 01:42:37 AM »

...and a death ray starts zapping from a cannon mounted up on the castle ceiling, blasting into Roy, knocking him down with his body skidding across the brick, plowing into the rest of the heroes.  Doctor Retro Vampire, now all decked out in Napolean garb, laughs like a maniac!

Roy sees a bright white orb emerges from somewhere and everything stops motion.  We see a bird's eye view closing in on him - camera does a close-up and we get a mind's eye view; Roy's life is flashing before his eyes...

We get a montage of memories throughout Roy's life.  He learns to walk; rides a bike; goes to school; grows up; gets beat up at school; gets dissed by the girls in high school; at college, gets beat up by the girls; gets a crap job; can't pay his student loans; responds to an ad in the paper that says, "Will Pay Loans for Off-Beat Science Experimentations"; and the montage closes with him getting tortured and experimented on in a ultra-sciency lab of mad scientist-ness.

Roy snaps out of his delusion and gets back up.  All of this lifeflash before the eyes is to no avail because Roy is a zombie -he's already dead.

Mansquito heads off screen mumbling something about having to go to the bathroom again.

Now free, Keenan does a double-flip action roll behind some cover, take two shots, blasting the cannon into smithereens.  Naturally, spouts some cheezy one-liner and does some John Wayne emote with a gun spin or something as equally bad "wooo dawggy!"  After this melodrama, he jumps up with his back against wall like James Bond or something and "stealthfully" creeps out of the room.  But, of course, everyone else can see him as they rush out of the burning mess ASAP while the Evil Cyborg Doctor battles the Evil Vampire Doctor.

Speaking of which, the two evil doctors are thrashing the lab while the heroes head out.  Explosions are heard and suddenly the two evil doctors smash through the wall in front of everyone.  Anchimen is now dressed in Disco.  Bricks fly everywhere while they trade punches!  Vampire Doc locks it up with Engelem, grabbing him in a headlock, but Engelem's head is too slippery and he breaks free.

Engelem manages to reverse into a bull-rush, knocking him into a suit of armor with a sword in its hands that naturally falls to the ground too.  He gets on top of Anchimen and puches his face over and over to some hellacious background music. 

But he gets distracted when he notices their audience ...just standing there! 

Jessica: "why are we just standing here?"
Randy: "well, sometimes this is a horror movie..."
Hamburg: "yeah and sometimes we just do dumb things"

Anchimen takes this opportunity to knee Engelem in the gut and he throws Engelem's limp frame onto the upset armor, creating a loud crashing sound as he laughs again.  Anchimen circles him, even kicking him while he's down.

But suddenly ...and quite predictably...
« Last Edit: December 30, 2007, 01:54:43 AM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
Doc Daneeka
The Game is Finished?
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 166
Posts: 1848

It's neVer over!

« Reply #47 on: December 31, 2007, 10:38:12 AM »

Up steps Randy Phearson, unarmed, mildly wounded, shirtless, and surprisingly muscular

Randy: Get away from him, you BASTARD

Anchimen: Do you expect to stop me?

Randy: No... But they can.

Anchimen dramatically looks back to see Rebecca, The Outsider, and Melvin all chanting the exorcism

Anchimen: Don't make me laugh! AAAAAHHAAHHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!! I can't be exorcized, that only works on evil spirits! I am not a spirit, nor am I evil!

Randy: Yes you are!

Anchimen: I don't think s-

Randy: I know so!

Anchimen: Delude yourself if you will, but we will see how you act when your spirit descending to your hell sees my Taoist spirit alive and in working order!

Randy: If only your body was that durable!

With this, Randy delivers a high-kick directly to Anchimen's face, the force of which knocks his afro off, but causes no pain and seriously p**ses our pious doctor off.

Anchimen: Did I mention I gave myself steel skin?

Randy: You made yourself a cyborg too? Some kind of religious nut you are!

Anchimen slaps Randy across the face knocking him into some expensive equipment. Randy however gets back up almost unharmed and again trades a few blows with the retro-fetish vampire scientist!

Rebecca: Chanty, chanty, chanty, chanty..... I don't have time for this! You're gonna have to do the exorcizing for both of us you beautiful savages!

Melvin: Hey, it's me, Melvin!

Rebecca: Well then I guess you'll want one of these then...

On a whim, Rebecca kisses Melvin on the cheek before running off to other matters. Energized, Melvin begins chanting at triple-time!


Engelem: I must destroy Anchimen to reclaim what's rightfully mine! You must make me powerful!

Scratch: Look Mr. Failure, I'm gonna be exorcized soon, I don't think making you big and tough will stop your own invention and the nerd in the fat-suit

Engelem: I can kill them! I CAN KILL THEM! I AM NOT A FAILURE!

Scratch: Fine, it's worth a shot... But for this you've gotta give me that guitar I loaned you all them years back!

Engelem: I never cared for it anyway!

Engelem glows with a flash of evil reddish-black light, to dubious effect as of yet

Scratch: Go and kill the chanters!

Engelem: Screw you!

Engelem runs off to kill the chanters... or do something else...


Peace: Wait! Where's Rebecca? We have to go back for her.

Brackenberg: She's right! We have to go back for Rebecca... and General Hamburg!

Peace begins to run back, but is snatched into a headlock by Don Don with a gun to her head, just like she was a few scenes before

Don: You're not goin' no where, we don't have the time for rescuing a human being! In faaact, I can think of one or two who are slowing us down

Keenan: I hate to say it... But Don's right, this whole place is gonna blow in a matter of minutes!

Peace: I believe you, but I don't care! If we're slowing you down, Don, we can go back ourselves and you can get your cowardly butt out of here!

Don: Maybe I could... but letting you go back shows lack of conviction! Would the Old Don let you go back?

Peace: Would he?

Don: Hmmm... He probably would.... which proves that I would make a better damn Don than he would! We keep going, except for you, you DIE!

Peace: My sister's friend has waited for a long time to do this, but I think he wouldn't mind if I get in first!

With this, Peace gnashes Don's "meatballs" (Mob humor) in her fist, considerably loosening his grip and actually making him pass out

Peace: Peace out!

Peace, Guy, and Horace make their way back down the tunnel, hoping to get to their various relations before it is too late!


Randy still melee fights against Doctor Vampire. So far it appears as if both sides have extraordinary endurace, though Randy is the one who acts "hurt" better. Unfortunately, he acts hurt for just a bit too long, allowing Anchimen to get the upper hand! Randy is knocked to the floor and is attacked by a camera-mounted puppet bat-thing head!

Rebecca voice: Hey! Ugly!

Anchimen is instantly pulled from his work, so is Randy, so are the Outsider and Melvin, and even Marenghi, calmly looting the place

Marenghi: Now did you have to say that to everyone??

Rebecca is now clad in only a tank top and short shorts, and although not especially muscular, she is effortlessly holding up a rocket launcher, with wooden-stake-tipped rockets!

Rebecca: That 3-part documentary you made was very informative...

Hamburg: Luckily, there was an extra copy... In the present!

Rebecca: God speed, doctor...
« Last Edit: December 31, 2007, 10:39:45 AM by Mr. Briggs Inc. » Logged
For the latest on the fifth installment in Don Coscarelli's Phantasm saga.
Mortal Envelope
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 37
Posts: 321's frightening!

« Reply #48 on: January 08, 2008, 01:33:07 PM » a barrage of spikes rat-at-tat-tat all over the retro vampire, currently dressed like a beatnik.  His porcupine-like body slumps to the ground in a pool of black blood as he cries, "that's all daddy-o" and melts away, leaving only a pile of wood.

Everyone: "yay!" and our heroes dart down the hall, up the stairs, and out of the castle.  All the heroes meet up and run together, reaching the outer gate, diving into a nearby pond just in the nick of time as the castle explodes totally nuclear.  Luckily for the cast, pond water protects you from concussive damage, intense heat, and flying debris.

Everyone resurfaces after the carnage and swim to a nearby dock...except for Don Don's stunt double; he gets eaten by something underwater...something large and menacing.  The dock leads up to an old pirate ship.  They board the ship real quick like, not really knowing what else to do.  They head to the bridge where both Dr. Engelem and Ol' scratch sit, waiting patiently.  Ol' Scratch sits in a rotating chair and turns it to face our heroes.

Engelem: "We've been expecting you"

Randy steps up, bruised, cut up, still shirtless, but apparently fully recovered, "ok Engelem...let's end this now! en garde!" as he picks up a cutluss that just happens to be nearby.

Engelem, whips out his own sword, "first there is something you should know"

Randy, in standard fencing stance inches closer, "tell me this something"

Engelem, "I am your father's nephew's brother's sister's aunt's lover's former roommate's lawyer's second cousin twice removed"

Randy, "so the Fawk what!  ...I never liked family reunions anyway!" and he charges the evil Doctor.

There's some serious back n forth sword play as the heroes look on.  Scratch just laughs as the conflict escalates.  Engelem lunges a couple times but suddenly empowered and irritated Randy easily parries, returning with a lunge of his own.  The blades lock up and Randy proves to be the stronger one, pushing Engelem back.  The creaky boards of the ship under their feat sound as if they're about to crack.  They do impossible yet unnecessary flips, spins, and taunts, swinging on ropes and all that.  After more struggle,  Engelem tries a big lunge but Randy ripostes and takes the opening to punch Engelem right in the nose!  Randy spins his blade with a taunt of his own.

Engelem, "ooooooooooooouch ya bastard -that hurt!"

The sword fight continues when Rebecca notices the ship has set sail into the Black Sea!  Scratch gives them a grin.  Randy continues to have the upper hand until, finally, Engelem cheats as expected, using his cyborg saw blade to cut Randy's blade at the hilt!  Randy gets another surprise -Engelem punches him in the nose, knocking him to the floor!

Engelem, with his blade to Randy's throat, "now you meddling will die"

But before he can do anything else, we hear a loud interrupting "WAIT!" - everyone looks as Guy steps forward with the violin case, "STOP! ...I challenge a ROCK OFF!"

Everyone: "oouw!" to some western high-noon "waa waa-waa" background music.  A tumble weed rolls by.

Peace: "NO! Don't do it Guy! DON'T DO IT!"

Guy just gives her a sorrowful melodramatic look, "I must...there is no other way"

Engelem puts the sword away and grabs the electric guitar from Scratch.  It's a Les Paul, shiny and red.  As he's plugging into a huge-ass Marshal amp he grins and says, "you think I still can't rock this house?!  I'll blow you away boy.  ...I accept!"

Engelem starts wailing on his guitar like a mad man, breakin some licks faster than Eddie Van Halen.  Red smoke emits from the guitar as he does a few stage slides and crazy rock faces like Michael J. Fox did in Back to the Future!  He kicks over some pirate stuff and continues slamming on his guitar.  Finally, he stops just in front of Guy in a taunt-like manner.

Bashful Guy looks a bit overwhelmed, pauses for a second, but then cracks open the violin case anyway.  When he does, a bright golden glow emits from the case putting everyone in awe.  Guy reaches in the case and pulls out A GOLDEN FIDDLE!

Guy, "Well yer pertty good there son, just sit down there, right down there and lemmie show ya how it's done!"
« Last Edit: January 10, 2008, 11:01:39 AM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
zombie chef to the stars
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema

Karma: 112
Posts: 1512

« Reply #49 on: January 13, 2008, 02:15:52 PM »

to a background riff from dueling banjoes,guy slowly rises and tucks the violin under his chin,which he then has to push back into place.he raises the bow,and we hear a peel of thunder! he begins to play,while the lightning flashes...scratch cringes,screaming"no! not that!not that,save me,master!what have i done to deserve this song!!!?"fade to commercial,to the strains of"greensleeves"....

don't EVEN...EVER!
Mortal Envelope
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 37
Posts: 321's frightening!

« Reply #50 on: January 19, 2008, 12:39:35 PM »

...after a series of "just say no" ads followed by a series of designer drug commercials, we return to the show...

Mortal Envelope's Super Hero Happy Ending version
Bright white energy is blazing from the sky, blasting Scratch until he implodes!  Everyone is knocked forward during the implosion as the ship is hit by thunderous waves due to the oncoming storm.  The golden fiddle has vanished.

Everyone awakens the next morning to a bright sunny morning...the ship is floating calmly in the sea.  Birds chirp.  Guy is his old self again, totally free from Scratch's mental influence.  Guy and Peace reunite.

Engelem awakens as a new man as well having seen the errors of his ways.  Now, somehow he's got his soul back, thanks to Guy's masterful fiddle playing.  He apologizes to the group for his evil ways and offers to restore Melvin in a new body and returning the Outsider Ellifino back to its original state, an IRS agent but the group declines both offers. 

They make peace and even offer Engelem membership to "the team" and he readily accepts.  He decides to dedicate his life, science skills, cyborg saw blade, and rockin guitar solos to fighting evil and protecting the good!  He starts his good deeds by releasing the mental block on the Outsider, revealing it's actually very intelligent and that it won several times on several game shows.  Everyone's happy and they take the ship to Turky and continue traveling through central Asia and onto the Far East, fighting crime.


...during the credits, there's a "years later" montage featuring a picture of each character with a description of "where are they now" kinda thing:

Guy and Peace: get married with Dr. Engelem as their minister (he did have a degree from Pat Robertson's school after all).  The rest of the cast is there and Rebecca catches the boquet.  She was the bride's maid after all.

Engelem: becomes a superhero by night and a data entry help desk tech by day (superhero stuff doesn't pay the bills).  He fights super villains such as Octopus Woman, Jellyboy, Wife Beater Mullet Man, Tractor Charlie, and Spectral Elvis. 

Cyborg Monkeys: free from their mental bond, they cope with their existence by starting a neo-goth emo band in the red monkey's garage.  They call themselves The Hestons.

Marenghi: after the cast lands in Turky and reaches his library, he was given a promotion.  Now he is the Senior Librarian of the 5th Floor.  He's moving up in society.  The cast kinda ditches him there and heads off without him.

Outsider: now with full mental powers back, it continues showing up on various game shows.  He wins enough that he doesn't have to keep his pizza delivery job anymore.  He still hangs out with Melvin.

Melvin: after Engelem created a new nerdier body for him, he became a CEO of Geekspeak Fashionware, becoming rich and powerful.  And he isn't afraid to talk to girls!  Still hangs with Outsider

Mansquito: never came back from the restroom...

Horace Brackenberg: still follows and idolizes Hamburg but has his own publishing business. He wrote a few best sellers, "They're Out to Get Me," "I duck when I pass doors because they could be watching out their peep holes," and "They're Gonna Get Me Suckas"

Randy: now a professional body builder, fencer, and master detective for (he got his job back and is now his old boss's boss).  He joined the super hero team as his alter ego, Exclamation Man (it's the symbol on his mask).

Rebecca: she's gotten into politics becoming Mayor of a nearby small town.  She often calls the super group to help rescue the town from nuclear monsters, overgrown animals, robots from dimension x, and the like.  She is a master detective super hero by night.

General Hamburg: he's become everybody's favorite daytime game show host of "Who wants to Nail a Millionaire?  The Outsider is on this show a lot.  He is also the militant superhero of the team.  Horace Brackenberg is his paranoid side-kick.

Lt. Keenen: Resurfaces years later as a hardcore drill instructor, wuppin up and shouting at young punks just entering the service. He's a natural member of the superhero team.

Don Don (well...his stunt double): shows up on an uncharted small island in the Black Sea with a small native population.  With his magical digital watch, the natives think he is a god and treat him as such.  Don Don retires here.

Bertha finally goes home to catch the new episode of Mamma's Family.

And Roy becomes an actor in many a b-flick zombie movies for years to come.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2008, 01:00:37 AM by Mortal Envelope » Logged
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