The Unofficial Badmovies.org Random Thought Thread!

[Alex]

From a boardgame forum I am a member of...

What is the worst case of cheating you've seen/discovered while gaming?

My wife going out to bars and picking up guys while I was at my board game night!

[ER]

In answer to your goal line question ER I enquired of my lesbian cousin and she told me that fingers are the equivilent of penises for them, although they have all manner of (and I found it highly ironic that she used this term) man-made objects which can also be used.

Yaaay, I'm still totally a lez-virgin!! In your face, Tlda, that so did not count!!

[Alex]

I could put a list up of all the women I have ever slept with - but there would only be one name on it!
And we are still together.

Remember, quality counts a lot more than quantity.

[Rev. Powell]

I could put a list up of all the women I have ever slept with - but there would only be one name on it!
And we are still together.

Remember, quality counts a lot more than quantity.

I could put up a list of all the women I've slept with in 2018 and there would be no names on it, if that helps.

I could use a little quantity, frankly.

[Alex]

I could put a list up of all the women I have ever slept with - but there would only be one name on it!
And we are still together.

Remember, quality counts a lot more than quantity.

I could put up a list of all the women I've slept with in 2018 and there would be no names on it, if that helps.

I could use a little quantity, frankly.

Well, there is one lady from that list who had a fantasy where she wanted to be sitting on top on a man while he had an epilectic fit. If you happen to have epilepsy I am sure I could put you in touch.

Just don't mention that you know me, or have any idea where I work or live. And don't p**s her off.

Or start working as a roadie for a rock band. And just remember that all those guys up on the stage getting the hot chicks afterwards... well those guys are getting sloppy roadie seconds. Those back stage passes don't come free.

In your face David Lee Roth, KISS, Def Leopard, Poison, Skid Row...

[ER]

I could put a list up of all the women I have ever slept with - but there would only be one name on it!
And we are still together.

Remember, quality counts a lot more than quantity.

I could put up a list of all the women I've slept with in 2018 and there would be no names on it, if that helps.

I could use a little quantity, frankly.

Ireland, Rev, Ireland...

[ER]

I could put a list up of all the women I have ever slept with - but there would only be one name on it!
And we are still together.

Remember, quality counts a lot more than quantity.

Your list makes me remember one time years ago I was so self-disgusted over letting something happen in a vulnerable moment that about ten-percent of my brain was saying maybe it'd been best for all concerned if I stepped off this cliff I knew of not far from my house.  That's the only one from my personal resume that comes close to your horror stories , Dark. LOL

You shoulda b***hslapped the stupid chick with the filling, man. In my experience Irish people are improved by the occasional b***hslapping now and again. Once when I was a teenager I told my mom I wanted to hit her, and as upset as i was I kinda did want to, and I still wonder what would have happened, like how different life would've been, if I actually had. (About zero chance I was going to but I did say it because I was furious with her.)

I also sometimes still can't believe I married a man who has had as many women in his past as he did. My aunt, who only three years older than me asked on my wedding day what on Earth I was thinking. Hmm.

Also, for the record, death and psycho-emotional collapse seems to have inflicted a high percentage of my former somebodies. Gee, maybe it's me?

All right, enough sex chatter, back to being the ever-demure matron you all know and cherish.

[AoTFan]

You shoulda b***hslapped the stupid chick with the filling, man. In my experience Irish people are improved by the occasional b***hslapping now and again.

Oh, wow, this is SO weird, Eve... you mention people from Ireland who should be b***hslapped and I happened to come across this story on Imgur...

https://imgur.com/gallery/cUZUM

Basically, this chick who's on social media and (claims) to have 76k followers (dunno if it's true, I didn't bother looking her page up) sent a bunch of emails to various hotels around Dublin asking if she could stay for FREE in return for a positive mention on her social media stuff.  One of the hotels sent her a curt but dignified reply, and she went online accused them of bullying. 

It's kind of funny and sad at the same time.



Yeah, definitely needs a slap or two.

[Alex]

Coming up on lunch time and I am the only one moving around the house.

How I love these quiet moments, and I am going to miss them, but life moves on regardless and I've always found the trick is to look forward to the next phase and whatever it brings rather than lamenting the parts gone. Otherwise you spend your entire life wishing you were another age and never enjoying the moment. I can define the stages of my life into very clear ones. They don't seem to have ever drifted slowly into another, but instead are marked by some major turning point. I've always found that a little odd. You'd think as you slowly change throughout your life things would slowly merge into another so slowly you barely notice they are happening. Maybe it does for other people, just not for me?

It's had its ups and downs. There are things I deeply regret, but would be loath to change it if I could in case it also changed any of the good times.

I wonder how many people realised that reading my earlier post about previous partners and significant women that I'd only had sex with about half of them? In truth, not that I consider it matters but I am slightly below average for the number of sexual partners for a man of my age and generation in the UK. I never did the whole going out to clubs every weekend and going home with a different woman each time, although I did have lots of groupies. They tend to be not as memorable as you might think though. I remember once in my mid 20's being taken to a sex club and being totally disgusted by it. People were there just to have sex, and where others saw desire and lust I looked into their eyes and saw desperation and loneliness. Besides many of them looked like they needed a good wash. It was a dirty, creepy and very unsexy experience. It was however thankfully a short experience (I was in for maybe 20 minutes before I left, long enough to finish my drink) that would have a major influence later on when deciding what I really wanted out of life over ten years later.

On the plus side I've always enjoyed collecting new experiences, and most certainly was one of them.

Oh, in answer to an earlier post I didn't b***h slap her for two reasons. One, because I really, really, really have to be pushed to hit a woman, even if one is hitting me. Two, I had blood pouring out the side of my man parts. Dealing with that was taking up all of my available thinking power. Hell, even in our final face to face argument with Bev when she attacked me I didn't hit back (although I did let her injure herself). After I had shut off the internet she shoved her nose and inch from mine and started shouting at me. This took me straight past stage 1 of an argument (where I normally try to find a way to settle the argument and try to walk away), and onto stage 2 where I will argue until you either lose or give up. During the course of the argument it would go up to stage 3 which is still the only stage 3 argument I've ever had. If you've ever had an argument that even years later just thinking about it, or the person you had the argument with gets you angry, well that is a stage 3.

Hmm, going to have to go back a bit. I've written about this, but if I going to tell some of this story I really need to go back to just before the start. At work I'd found out that a friend who worked in intel had been killed. When I came home I just wanted to sit quietly and be left alone. I'd bought Bev a cheap bottle of wine so she could get drunk, play warcraft and leave me alone. I had borrowed a cheap graphics card from her, which despite her living rent free with me she always resented. She demanded I return the graphics card to her, so I pulled it out of my machine, returned it to her then said "Well if I can't use your spare graphics card, you can't use my internet and unplugged her machine from the net. I then phoned a friend which I pretended was my internet provider and told a very confused Janine to cancel my net. Anyway, the argument then really start with her saying anything she could to try and hurt me (including telling me I was crap in bed). I spent the first half just sitting there, taking everything she shouted at me and smiling, taking careful note of everything she said. The more I didn't react to her the more furious and extreme she got.

Here is the thing, if you are looking to hurt someone you don't really know, then you'll subconsciously use the things that hurt you expecting that to hurt the other person. For someone who knows this, all you are doing is giving them everything they need to really hurt you back. And as much as she thought she did, Bev really knew nothing about me. I had already switched from being in mourning to, right b***h (OK, the word I thought was a bit harder than b***h, but that's a word I really don't like using generally) this is where you get what you deserve.

The second half of the argument she switched to trying to control me. She claimed to know a hitman from Leeds and was now going to have to try hard to stop her family from getting him to kill me and so on. When Janine phoned back to find out what was happening she was even more confused when I started talking to her as if she was some bad ass gangster that I knew (actually I do know some very bad people from the place where I grew up, but I like to keep that part of my life behind me) and telling her that no, she didn't have to send round a heavy mob to take care of Bev and her family. At this point I went on the offensive. Everything she had tried to say to say to me was turned around and thrown right back at her, culminating when I went to go to the toilet and she screamed "f**k YOU" at me, I looked back as I opened the living room door, stared deep into her eyes, those deep brown eyes that had first attracted me to her, smiled broadly and replied "Pfft, been there, done that and honey you ain't that good."

At that point she let out a very primal scream and launched herself at me, fists flailing. I put my arms up and blocked every punch she threw, making sure I blocked them using the narrow edge of my arm rather than the broader top. I knew this would leave us with a lot of bruises as she hit the narrow bone, but I figured what the hell, I can take the pain if she is going to hurt herself too. After a few minutes she stopped out of exhaustion and I slipped into the toilet as by this point I was bursting for a pee.

I was about to start when she started pounding on the bathroom door having gotten her breath back. The night for me descended into high comedy as I tried to hold the door shut with one hand while desperately trying to get close enough to the toilet to empty my bladder. I think that counts as the most ridiculous situation I have ever found myself in. She did manage to put her foot through the door at one point, after which the argument continued in the hall, she tried every trick she could think of to try and be in control of the situation and failing. At the end she even tried bursting into tears (all crocodile ones I assume you) and saying "But I would have done anything for you" to which I replied "When I made you a cup of coffee in the morning and brought it up to you in bed, you wouldn't even take the cup downstairs for me to wash for you."

After that, and a four hour marathon of a screaming session she went up to bed and the next day she finally moved out the house after threatening to do so for the past month.

Hmm, that was not something I intended to write about when I started this post. Guess exes have been wandering around my head a lot recently.

That was not to be the end of my arguments with Bev. Some six months later a friend persuaded me finally to make a Bebo profile. I'd initially said no because Bev was on there and would start an argument. A mutual friend said, oh no, she'd never do something like that and eventually I gave in. The next week Bev posted on my Bebo page, telling me how the kids had been accepted into a school for academically gifted children and that the guy she was now going out with was the most wonderful man she'd ever met and they were getting married early the next year, and making a comment about someone on my camp who had been killed in Afganistan very recently

Unfortunately for her we had mutual friends who had warned me that a) She had been boasting that she was going to do this to make me jealous (which it wouldn't have. The woman really didn't know me) and b) It was pretty much all bulls**t. She had indeed got a new boyfriend. I knew him and he hated her kids and had said that (and I quote here) "I am glad she ain't the mother of my children" and that she was a "f**king psycho b***h". Still he did propose to her later on after saying that so I guess he got over that. They didn't get married in the end, but did split up and get back together several times because their were parts of her personality he just couldn't stand. Anyway, the one part that did p**s me off was the bit about the guy who had died. I'd have just ignored her post and blocked her if she hadn't went there. As it was I ripped into her quite brutally and we had an argument that raged on Bebo for several months until I started deleting her posts and putting in a message merely saying "Post has been deleted unread." At that point she went balastic and tried first complaining to my work (see below) and when that didn't work the police (which also didn't work).

Never guess who she tried to get back in contact though each time they split up though? Each time she tried and got knocked back she'd then go make herself better by posting abuse about me on facebook. I knew about this but really didn't care. I was just glad to have her out of my life and accepted that happily as part of the cost for that, although I was tempted to send her a copy of The Fox & The Grapes. She did try phoning up my work and complaining about me to my bosses, but my SNCO was well aware of what she was like and a notification had went out at a quite high level (I was never told just how high it went, I was just told it was surprisingly high level) that should she contact the airforce she was to be told politely where to go to.

Over the next six years she would continue trying to get into my life and meeting with the same response on an average of every six to eight months. One of them where I'd turned down the chance to get back together with her she sent me an email calling me an idiot for not getting back with her. Only she misspelt "idiot" calling me an "idot" instead. Or maybe in Leeds idot is some deadly insult. It did give me a giggle though.

Funny thing is that I hope she got all she wanted. I hope she married Zak (the name of his character in warcraft, not his real name) and that they moved to Australia and she got her dream honeymoon in Mexico. Trouble is I know none of that is true. She hasn't managed to get married, she flunked out of the university course she needed to pass to emigrate to Australia and she has had a pretty miserable time. Eventually I told all our mutual friends that I really wasn't interested in how she was doing and I didn't want to know, unless something really good happened to her. Since then I've heard nothing.

Anyway, what was I going to talk about before I started rambling on about Bev? Oh yeah, how life moves on dragging us along wither we are willing or not. I want the early 80's back. I liked the music back then and Tom Baker was still being the best ever Dr Who. Now I hear they have a woman in the role. Beats me why they can't create a female role instead of changing a male one to a female one. Whatever it is people think they are achieving by this I think they are fooling themselves. Don't imitate, innovate (gah, that sounds like something a self help guru would say). I'll sign off now because this post (as is usual) has went on further and longer than it was supposed to, not been on the subject I was going to talk about and I feel the need to scrub my fingers clean after typing that soundbyte.

[ER]

It's a calm and quiet morning after a loud night downstairs with my daughter's sleepover party going on. Everything feels happy at the moment. Everything feels right.

[AoTFan]

It's a calm and quiet morning after a loud night downstairs with my daughter's sleepover party going on. Everything feels happy at the moment. Everything feels right.

*shudders* Teenage girl sleepovers... bet there were lots and lots of giggling and yells of "No way!!"  

[ER]

It's a calm and quiet morning after a loud night downstairs with my daughter's sleepover party going on. Everything feels happy at the moment. Everything feels right.

*shudders* Teenage girl sleepovers... bet this were lots and lots of giggling and yells of "No way!!"  

Ha, true, and this was but a dress rehearsal for those forthcoming teen parties, just third graders. It was fun. And then today the few who were left made handprint cookies and one of these little sages asked me what it felt like to be in love. How about that?

[Alex]

So was in the toilet today (using a urinal) when someone walked in and went into one of the cubicles. Fair enough and no problems there.

Then Jim walked in a loudly announced that his wife has compared his tackle to an elephants trunk, which he was incredibly happy with as normally (apparently) he gets told it's tiny. He went on to explain the story behind this in great detail as I finished up, washed my hands and left.

As I headed along the corridor back to my office, Jim caught up with me and said "I just realised someone was in one of the cubicles there and would have heard everything."

With an impish grin I replied "Yeah, that was the XO." (Station Executive Officer, the second highest ranking engineer on station).

[Alex]

What ever parts of my brain that were left to me seem to have abandoned ship today. I was convinced that it was the 23rd until about 16:00 when someone pointed out that I'd signed all my paperwork with the wrong date, couldn't figure out how to spell warehouse as I kept trying to start it 'wh' although I was looking at it and thinking "That does not look right", and thought I had deleted the wrong technical instruction off our computer system when as it turned out I hadn't.

[AoTFan]

Just cancelled my phone service because I got a different cheaper one and I need to save money any way I can.  Had this phone for like three years now so I kind of feel a bit sad, like I'm breaking up with someone.  

Is it weird to anthropomorphize your telephone service?