Spanking?

[Ash]

I watched an episode of King of the Hill yesterday where a student depantses Peggy in class.  She then bends him over and spanks him.  Needless to say, this does not sit well with the school and she gets fired...only to be reinstated by the school board after the community supports her.

That got me thinking...

Many of you have a child or multiple children.
Do you spank them when they misbehave?
Were you spanked as a child?

I was spanked many many times throughout my childhood.
Most of the time it was with a big wooden or plastic spoon but sometimes when I was really bad, I got the belt.
I remember being terrified at the mere thought of being spanked when I was a kid and it did deter me from causing trouble. (well, most of the time)
"Spare the rod and spoil the child" they say.

I guess it all depends on the child. 
If the child learns from his or her mistakes through different means of punishment such as "time outs" etc...then that's what works.
But there are some children where spanking is the only thing that works.  (I was one of them)

I have no children of my own and would never presume to tell any of you how to raise your kids or push my viewpoint on you.
As of now, I support spanking.  But that may change if I have kids.

I am curious to know your opinions on spanking.

Do you believe in spanking and if so, what types of offenses in your opinion merit a spanking?
What kind of implement do you use to spank with?
Bare hand?
A paddle specifically made for spanking?
Wooden or plastic spoon?
The belt?
Something else?
Or do you use an alternative form of punishment?

Read here for more info on spanking.

[dean]

Dang it, and here I thought this was on a slightly different topic... 


ON TOPIC however, I recieved my fair share of hits when I was younger, but unless I am repressing memories, there was no 'bend over the knee and give me a good belting' moment.  Just when I was being an annoying s**te or something.  I seem to have worked out ok, though if it was my kid, I'd be the sort who would try and talk them around rather than just hitting them, and the way I'd do it would probably mean I'd scar them more than a simple slap would.  I dunno, I suppose when the time comes I'll try as much to play it by ear...

[trekgeezer]

I usually got whipped with switch cut from our cherry tree.  I did not find it an enlightening experience.  Anybody that hits a kid on the behind with anything other than the palm of their hand is committing abuse on that child.

My kids never got anything but a spat on the bottom to get their attention when they were small. Spanking a kid bigger than 6 or so does nothing to their attitude but make it worse.

Let the yowling begin.

 

[Zapranoth]

I'm pretty much with Dobson's point of view regarding physical discipline.

I think most but not all kids need it at some point, but only, only, if it's delivered in the right time and way, and not in anger, and at the right stage of a kid's development.

[odinn7]

I was spanked on an almost daily basis when I was a kid. Most of the time it was with just a bare hand but sometimes it would be a wooden spoon or a belt. My father had much anger in him and looking back on it, I think he took it out on us as kids. The thing is, it did hurt...and from that, I did learn not to do whatever it was that I was being spanked for...however...I used to get it daily...why would that happen if I learned from it? Well...things were very strict...and pretty much anything I did...was out of bounds. We would get spanked for the most ridiculous things and it's sad to look back on that now that I am old enough to realize what was really going on.

When it comes to my daughter...I have spanked her before....but only when it really calls for it. If she will not listen and she has had many chances and the situation is bad enough, she will get it. I feel bad for doing so but in my opinion, sometimes that is what it takes to get through to her. Much of the time she is testing to see how far she can go...sometimes she knows to stop or back off but other times she crosses the line and it comes down to smacking her bottom. The funny thing about it...when I do spank her, she cries like crazy...like I've beat her terribly....but I spank her while we play sometimes...just fooling around...and then it is funny...but I hit her with the same force both ways.

[BeyondTheGrave]

I was spanked with a belt maybe 4-5 times tops when I was a kid. Can't really say it helped or hindered. I did take a college class about Juveniles in the Criminal Justice system and my teacher spent 3 days telling the class how spanking was wrong after she asked how would spank their child and almost the entire class rose their hand. Their reason was like everyone else that posted about it so far that their a time, place, age, reason for it.

Do I believe in it? No not really. But I have no kids of my own. Plus everything today can get you arrested so I can see someone just spanking their child with their hand and someone screaming "child abuse".

[raj]

I was spanked 2-3 times as a young kid, probably because I was being out of control.  If you're spanking your kid all the time, it obviously is not working.  (But I'm not a dad so what do I know).

I think it is ok to use on young kids who don't understand timeouts or loss of things or else they are just being so rambunctious that they can't settle down -- sort of like swatting a dog with a newspaper, it's more for just getting their attention than for punishing.   

[Andrew]

I spank Andy and Jenna, but only when I am exhausting all my options.  If they are having a bad day (and 3 and 4 year-olds have some crazy days) and the other discipline issues are not working - then I will try spanking.  I think it will decrease as they get older.  There will be more options for discipline as they develop. 

Sometimes, when they are having a bad day behaving, getting them interested in a project of some sort helps.  Sometimes not.

My goal is always to teach them what is right and wrong and why.  Katie and I always explain to them why they cannot do some things, or why such and such behavior is not acceptable.  Turning the viewpoint around, so they consider it from "themselves" seems to help.  "Would you like it if somebody hit you in the head with a toy car?  No?  Because it would hurt, correct?  That is why your sister does not like it when you throw your cars at her."

My example is a little extreme.  Andy does not chuck toy cars at Jenna all day.  Still, now and then, they do something that is obviously all Id.

[ER]

I guess if you favor spanking a child as a form of correction, then you have to ask yourself, "To what extent is it acceptable to employ physical torture?" Is it acceptable as long as the injury inflicted (and there is always an injury) leaves no lasting damage? Is it acceptable as long as the resulting injury eventually heals up? Is there an arbitrary scale where on one side the suffering imposed is beneficial, and on the other it is less so? If so, who determines these limitations? Is a "little" physical abuse then to be sanctioned, and "too much" abuse wrong?

Using physical torture on a helpless child seems to me ultimately barbaric and leaves too much up to the one inflicting the pain on another as to the question of where to stop. There's also simply something inherently disordered in beating a child to whatever extent the beating is carried out.

The argument that the practice is sanctioned by time falls flat as far as logic goes, since such a position could then also be produced to vindicate foot binding, as practiced for millennia in China; the exposure of unwanted infants, as practiced worldwide since time immemorial; or....well, many customs and practices would fit here.

The point is, using what is literally torture----or "controlled torture"---against a child a parent is on this earth to care for is at its heart morally wrong to much of the civilized word, as evidenced by its widescale disfavor and even its illegality. Even within the United States spanking has been abandoned by most school districts. Furthermore I have noticed the strongest advocates of spanking as a form of discipline seem to be those who were themselves spanked as children: a classic pattern among those once abused who are now abusers.

You ought to think about it.

[Ed, Ego and Superego]

I agree with Trek, anything more than a swat on the butt to say "HEY" is abuse.  The days of the razor strop are long past

Not having an old enough child, I can't say what I'll do when the time comes.  I'll keep you all posted.  Of course my li'l angel will not misbehave,   

-Ed

[indianasmith]

My Dad spanked me rarely, never in anger, and only when I had REALLY stepped over the line.  By the same token, I occasionally spanked my kids when they were very small, never hard or with anything other than the flat of my hand, and only when they had either been willfully defiant OR done something that put their life in danger . . . like when Rachel started to run out in front of a moving car at age 3.  I yelled "NO!" and gave her three fairly hard swats to the bottom . . . . she cried for less than a minute, but she never ran in front of a car again.  Now that my twins are 13, spanking is neither realistic nor effective.  But at an early stage of development it can be an effective form of discipline.


EMMR, you know we usually agree, but I think you are wrong on this one.

[Killer Bees]

I was bashed often as a child with anything that was handy to my parents, including my stepfathers open hand.  He's a steelworker, so you can imagine how hard he can hit.  I was also bashed every time I made a mistake and also for everything that I'd done prior to that every time I got into trouble.  There was no such thing as "deal with it and move on" in my family.

I've smacked my son on the hand a couple of times to reinforce the "no" message when he was little but that's about all.  I haven't touched him  in anger since he was about 4.  I haven't had to.  Even when he was little, I explained logically and rationally why he wasn't allowed to do whatever.  I have also raised my voice a lot to reinforce the no message.

I think if you raise your kids right, there's no need for spanking.  It's an absolute last resort when everything else has failed.  Parents need to be in charge and set boundaries and rules and keep their power otherwise things get out of hand and spanking ensues.

Violence against children is wrong.

[ulthar]

The point is, using what is literally torture----or "controlled torture"---against a child a parent is on this earth to care for is at its heart morally wrong to much of the civilized word, as evidenced by its widescale disfavor and even its illegality.

Two comments.

(1) Just because a lot of people ("widescale disfavor") believe something does not make it right or wrong, correct or incorrect.  Nice Ad Populum, though.

(2) Where do you draw the line?  If I take a toy away from my daughter because she misbehaves with it, is that "torture" or "abuse" as well?  How about making my son sit in time-out? In both of these circumstances, I've denied them their immediate "happiness," so would that not be threatening their long term psychological welfare, and therefore abuse?

The bottom line is that (within the limits most have mentioned in this thread), spanking has been shown to cause NO long term ill effects eithe physically or psychologically.  However, it has also been shown to not really be all that effective as a form of behavior modification, especially if overused.

Calling this "torture" or "abuse" is to misuse these terms, and in my mind, dilutes their meaning from those instances where they really apply.