Trevor's CV......yikes!

[Trevor]

 

No wonder I've had the same job since 1989: no one else will employ me!


Trevor Thomas Moses was born in what was then Rhodesia on September 11th, 1967, in a city called Bulawayo; a name derived from the Ndebele word gubulawayo meaning ‘place of the killing’. On his arrival at approximately 02h30 on that morning, all the hospital duty staff wished that they had known the meaning of the city’s name, as they either cursed, crossed themselves, pleaded for sick leave, fled the country or considered a small human sacrifice to rid themselves of this evil. It was also rumoured that the entire country was in darkness for the next four hours, but this has never been proven, due to the fact that the sun normally rises there at approximately 06h30.

Trevor attended the famous Chaplin High School in Gweru and despite much effort on his part and that of others to fail his final exams, finally managed to get through them with an astounding pass rate of 0000.1%. After reducing most of his teachers to pill popping, alcohol-guzzling wrecks, most of the ladies there to something somewhat less than Virgo intacto, and having the seven colours of crap kicked out of him he left this place to sighs of relief and volleys of gunfire from all concerned.

He then landed up on his arse in South Africa, after regretfully being admitted unto the pungent bosom of the Pretoria Technikon (now the Tshwane University of Technology) and made slow, valiant progress towards attaining a National Diploma in Library and Information Services. He is under no illusion, however, that his astounding success there would make the staff of that institution nominate him as Old Student of The Year. No, they would much rather use him for target practice.

He can best be described as a more or less happy-go-lucky type who likes children, films, books, music, sport (especially cricket and soccer), animals (including Ninja Turtles®, dinosaurs and Cookie Monsters®) and very non-fussy food. He is also renowned (to his family members and in his neighbourhood) as a film theorist who is able to find gold nuggets in even the crappiest of motion pictures.

The author is currently employed as an archivist of [false] note at the National Film, Video and Sound Archives in Pretoria and lives in the suburb of Waterkloof Ridge, with the Commissioner of Police as his immediate neighbour. This is so that the two gentlemen can keep each other under constant surveillance. Here he is bothered by only two things: the hadedas which wake him up (and excrete on his car) and the swinger parties / orgies (that take place almost every evening there) to which he is regrettably and thankfully never invited.

 

[RCMerchant]

Boris Karloff was a cricket fanatic...and Lugosi was a soccor buff. What this has to do with the price of eggs in China...I dunno. Maybe it neans that be careful you don't skin yourself alive...or deform your own face. Am I still not making sense? Good...uh....my job...is...done ...here...

 excuse me while I stand in a corner and drool....

[Trevor]

 

Karma, RC.

Maybe it neans that be careful you don't skin yourself alive...or deform your own face. Am I still not making sense? Good...uh....my job...is...done ...here... excuse me while I stand in a corner and drool....

 

[trekgeezer]

Trevor, you have a definite way with words my friend.  Not to insult, but having lived in Scotland for two years the most exciting thing I ever saw at a Cricket match was a streaker.  The only advice I could give to spectators is "Bring a hammock".

You have to realize I'm not fond of many sports. I do tend to like movies about sports because they have the good sense to leave out the boring parts. One of my favorite movies is "The Natural" starring Robert Redford and Glenn Close.

[Trevor]

Not to insult, but having lived in Scotland for two years the most exciting thing I ever saw at a Cricket match was a streaker.  The only advice I could give to spectators is "Bring a hammock".

 

  Karma for that, Trek. Cricket can be exciting on occasion, but rarely.

The Natural is a great film, IMO: the best South African sports film ever is Emil Nofal's The Winners, description below:

Allegedly autobiographical in tone, this production is the intense, draining and powerful story of Will Maddox who is a winner at everything and in everything. His almost insane desire to win at all costs eventually causes him to lose everything, including his family who are driven away by his crazed desire of success and all it brings.

Also known internationally as My Way (the Frank Sinatra theme song is used throughout the film) and very weirdly as Super Jocks in the United States, this is truly one of the all time classic South African productions, with excellent photography, music, editing and superb acting. With Joe Stewardson, Marie du Toit, Richard Loring, Tony Jay, John Higgins, Ken Leach, Madeline Usher and Jenny Mayer. Followed five years later by a sequel The Winners 2 (a.k.a Again My Way) directed by Jans Rautenbach.

[Killer Bees]

"Da na na na na na.....bad to the bone.....bad to the bone....."   

[Rev. Powell]

Dear Trevor,

Thank you for your CV.  It is most impressive indeed.  However, we note that you have neglected to supply any information about your underpants history.  As you can surely understand, someone in our line of work can not afford to take a chance on someone with a questionable history of undergarment usage.  Please resubmit your CV with this crucial information added and we will be happy to consider you for a position.

[Trevor]

As you can surely understand, someone in our line of work can not afford to take a chance on someone with a questionable history of undergarment usage.  Please resubmit your CV with this crucial information added and we will be happy to consider you for a position

 

[Desperate attempt by Trevor to update CV]

Computer: Too much underpants.........overload.........too much under........aaargh....... ding dong ding.....[explosion]

CV collapsing......too much underpants........