Things I Have Learned

[Killer Bees]

Life is all about lessons.  This is what I have learned in my 41 years on this planet:

1.  There is no bad situation that can't be made better by the judicious and generous application of coffee

2.  Not all guys like sex  (I know, it was a shock to me too)

3.  People who are supposed to love you can fsck you over just as easily as a stranger, and probably will do more often.

4.  Idiocy and superficiality will always triumph over worthiness and common sense (just look at Paris Hilton)

5.  Any movie made from a Stephen King novel will always be badly done.

6.  Creme brulee is da shiznit

7.  Depression can always be lifted by listening to any Tori Amos or Crowded House/Neil Finn song.

8.  The only way two people can keep a secret is if one of them is dead

9.  Cows don't give chocolate milk

10.  Racism is illogical because we're all pink on the inside and black in the darkness

Anybody else want to share their nuggets of wisdom?

[Patient7]

Users are losers.

[indianasmith]

In the great game between the genders, women will always emerge victorious, for they have the dual advantage of being the opponent - and the goal.


All male behavior is motivated by three factors, separately or in combination -
Stupidity (the "Hey Yall Look At This!" Gene)
Competitiveness - (Dave Barry's "Noogie" gene)
Hormones - the "Hubba Hubba" gene

[Trevor]

I agree with 1 ~ 4 and 6 ~ 10, KB. 

However, Mary Lambert's Pet Sematary proved that Stephen King can translate well to the screen. I still get cold shudders thinking of Brad Greenquist staggering around with his brains hanging out. 

[frank]

Something my dad used to say. Supposedly it's by Georges Clemenceau:

"L'homme qui n'a pas été anarchiste à seize ans est un imbécile. Mais c'en est un autre, s'il l'est encore à quarante."

Translation (app.):

"He, who is not an anarchist at the age of 16, is an idiot. He, who is still at the age of 40, also."

[Mr. DS]

Few nuggets...
1.) There are several money pits in the world.  Weddings, certain holidays, etc.
2.) The human gene pool is getting muddy.   Aka, many people are overally fertile who probably shouldn't be for the good of human kind.
3.) Old ladies strategically plan their day around mine so they can be in front of me everywhere. 
4.) Get your live together and enjoy single life to the fullest before you get married and/or have kids.
5.) Eating healthy isn't too hard if you know what you're eating. 

[Trevor]

 

Stephen King in his book "IT" says it better than I can:

“So drive away quick, drive away while the last of the light slips away, drive away…………from memory but not from desire. That stays, the bright cameo of all we were and all we believed as children, all that shone in our eyes, even when we were lost and the wind blew in the night.

Drive away and try to keep smiling. Get a little rock and roll on the radio and go toward all the life there is with all the courage you can find and all the belief you can muster. Be true, be brave, stand. All the rest is darkness.”

[Jack]

Never go after the awesome looking girl - she's insane.  Instead, try for her slightly less good looking, but still hot friend.

The size of a person's mouth is inversely proportional to the size of their brain.

You do not need to learn your multiplication tables.  I minored in math and still don't know them.

People have different life experiences, which leads to them having different opinions of things.  You'll never get them all to agree with you.  It's actually rather interesting to learn about people and the lives they've lead.  It enriches life.

People who are of above average intelligence rarely feel the need to point it out to anyone.  On the other hand, stupid people quit often feel the need to point out how stupid other people are in comparison to themselves.  The general rule is that people tend to despise in others what they see in themselves.

If everyone agrees on something, there's probably no actual thinking going on.  Automatically disagreeing with everything doesn't take much thought either.

[Killer Bees]

I agree with 1 ~ 4 and 6 ~ 10, KB. 

However, Mary Lambert's Pet Sematary proved that Stephen King can translate well to the screen. I still get cold shudders thinking of Brad Greenquist staggering around with his brains hanging out. 

Thanks for the heads up Trevor.  I'll see if I can get a copy of that and watch it. 

[ER]

The old adage that men are only after one thing is untrue. Men are actually after two and a half things.

[CheezeFlixz]

1. Worrying never solves problems, solution solves problems.

2. It's better to buy a quality product once than a cheap product 10 times. (You get what you pay for.)

3. Always agree with your wife even when she's wrong. (Then do what you were going to do anyway, see #4)

4. It's easier to get forgiveness, than to get permission.

5. If you can't afford it, don't buy it. (Live within your means.)

6. Common sense is not so common.

7. Unless you are perfect, do not expect perfection.

8. Never do anything for anyone else, less than you'd do it for yourself. (Speaking of work quality.)

9. If you bite off more than you can chew, you will choke. (Know your limitation.)

10. Question everything.

11. Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

12. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, then odds are it's a duck.

13. Excuses are like a**holes, everyones got on and they all stink.

14. Your fate and your future is in the mirror.

15. Trust your first instinct, it's seldom wrong.

[indianasmith]

Two pieces of advice from a friend of mine who died at age 101 -

1.  Don't let your yearnings exceed your earnings.
2.  Save for a rainy day, but don't spend it all the first time it rains!

[Shadow]

1. Just because they're related to you does not mean they are entitled to be part of your life.

Yes, I don't get along with my siblings.

2. People suck.

[Andrew]

12. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, then odds are it's a duck.

...or an organism that assimilated a duck so that it could perfectly mimic a migrating waterfowl.

[Patient7]

Environmentalism is just recycled Nazism and Communism.