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March 28, 2024, 09:20:39 AM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  Things I Have Learned « previous next »
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Author Topic: Things I Have Learned  (Read 6958 times)
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 429
Posts: 2564


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #15 on: March 05, 2008, 09:57:26 PM »

12. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, has feathers like a duck, then odds are it's a duck.

...or an organism that assimilated a duck so that it could perfectly mimic a migrating waterfowl.



Might also be a witch. How much does it weigh?

What I've learned: Quoting movies is usually funnier to the quoter than the listener.  Lookingup

If God meant for us all to be thin, then why is it that the fattening stuff tastes so much better than the healthy stuff?

"Scientific Studies" are seldom very scientific. We need to admit that we know very little about what makes one person live to 100 while another dies at 65. Take reasonable care of yourself, stay active, and don't worry about trying to achieve the high score; Methuselah set the record at 969, and his reward was that he died in Noah's flood. You don't win prizes for living an extra couple of years, especially if those years are joyless because you spent them eating tofurkey and washing it down with Metamucil shakes.
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"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
Patient7
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 167
Posts: 1618


Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha


« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2008, 07:42:42 PM »

If you don't eat fatty food, you can add 4 years up to your life...




Who wants to live to be 176 anyway?
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Barbeque sauce tastes good on EVERYTHING, even salad.

Yes, salad.
Dennis
Yes, it's true, absolutely true. I am a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 239
Posts: 2282


I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?


« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2008, 10:26:39 PM »

Here are a couple bits of wisdom that have had a large influence on me:
1) You should live your life in such a way that you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.  (Will Rogers)
2) Never be afraid to try something new, if it doesn't kill ya, it'll make ya fat.  (my dad)
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Reach for the heavens in hope for the future for all that we can be, not what we are. Henry John Deutschendorf Jr.
trekgeezer
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 0
Posts: 4973


We're all just victims of circumstance


« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2008, 09:45:09 AM »

Hey, I didn't make these up, but I agree with most of 'em.


What I've learned as I've matured----

-- I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
a***oles.

-- I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes
suspision, not proof, to destroy it.

-- I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

-- I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

-- I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are
more screwed up than you think.

-- I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're
finished.

-- I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are
celebrities.

-- I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is
at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of  money to
take its place.

-- I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your
house, one of your kids did it.

-- I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken
from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

-- I've learned to say "F--- 'em if they can't take a joke" in 3
languages.



I would also like to post some life's little truths.

1. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

2. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?

3. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

4. Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

5. I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point
involved.

6. Home is where you can say anything you like, 'cause nobody listens to
you anyway.

7. I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

8. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
"Thyroid problem?"

9. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting wool
socks for Christmas!

10. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.

11. Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, regular price, get one flea..."

12. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.

13. I don't have a big ego, I'm way too cool for that.

14. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal'?

15. I see your IQ test results were negative. .

16. Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while
driving.

17. When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a
half.

18. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you
won't either.

19. If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would
have only had ten disciples!

20. The most valuable thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.

21. I have learned, from experience, there is little difference in wives
so you might as well keep the first.

22. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and craphead's.

23. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes,
make Bloody Marys.

24. Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven
different languages.

25. Women should not have children after 35. Really 35 children are
enough.

26. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $3.00 at bowling alleys.

27. No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

28. How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss
America?


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And you thought Trek isn't cool.
frank
Bad Movie Lover
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Karma: 74
Posts: 473


"I'm a big boy now, Johnny."


« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2008, 11:42:11 AM »


"We used to believe that not everything is possible. Today, thanks to nuclear physics, we know that everything is possible."

Scrooge McDuck


(Does anyone know the exact citation? The above is a rough translation from a German edition of the Barks comic about the philosopher's stone.)
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......"Now toddle off and fly your flying machine."
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