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September 02, 2014, 10:42:01 PM
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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  My 100 Karma point comedy celebration! « previous next »
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Author Topic: My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!  (Read 12480 times)
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1389
Posts: 8113


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« on: March 09, 2008, 10:00:11 PM »

I have often wondered when or if my karma on this board will ever hit 100 . . . this weekend was the milestone, thanks to the generosity and goodwill of all of you!  So . . . as a little payback . . . I will give karma to everyone who posts me a joke in this thread!  BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle BounceGiggle

 (Preferably one I can share in the classroom without getting fired!)  Wink BounceGiggle
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1532
Posts: 10743


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2008, 10:03:33 PM »

How come there's a gate 'round the cemetary?  

'Cause so many people are dying to get in...! 
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If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1389
Posts: 8113


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2008, 10:05:55 PM »

Can't go wrong with the classics, AH!!! Karma to you!
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
Killer Bees
Newly Appointed Government Employee and
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 176
Posts: 1289


Never give up on love


« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2008, 10:06:58 PM »

Q:  Why should you never let a clown make you breakfast?
A:  Because it'll taste funny

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, why the long face?"

Two muffins were baking in an oven.  The first muffin says, "wow, it's hot in here." And the second muffin says, "Holy s**t!  A talking muffin!"

Q:  What's brown and sticky?
A:  A stick

Q:  What's black, dangerous and sits in a tree?
A:  A crow with a machine gun

Q:  What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A:  A penguin falling down the stairs


Thank you and good night!   Cheers
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Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine.......
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1532
Posts: 10743


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2008, 10:42:29 PM »

Chakotay...  Lookingup  BounceGiggle  I am one of those who liked "Voyager..."
And that's not a penguin falling down the stairs... 


How come priests are compelled to be celibate? 

Because they're allowed Nun...
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If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
flackbait
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 107
Posts: 1024


The fate of the last door to door salesmen


« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2008, 10:43:36 PM »

Three guys walk into a bar the fourth one ducks!
Its a cheesy one, but thats 90% of my jokes.

A wine conosuire walks into a working class bar and asks the bar tender for a bottle of his finest champagne.
 The bartender responds "we don't serve champagne."
"Fine I'll have 15 year old aged scotch."
"Sure thing sir." The bartender then serves him scotch thats only been aged 13 years thinking he won't know the difference.
The conosuire takes a sip and yells" this isn't 15 year old aged scotch is 13 year old aged scotch."
The bartender apologizes and says"Thats the oldest we got sir, and how do you know its not 15 year old aged scotch?"
The wine conosuire replies, "I can tell the age of anything by tasting it!"

Now the whole time a regular has been watching this scene with interest and decides to send a drink over to the conosuire.
When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!"
the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"
definitaly not apporpriate for school but its still funny, I think TeddyR
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Ash
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 0
Posts: 6609


13 Year Badmovies.org Veteran


« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2008, 10:45:09 PM »

Here's one:
(not sure if you could say it in class)


A kindergarten teacher gives her class an assignment to draw a picture of someone they admire.

“What a great picture,” she says to one little boy. “Who is it?”

“That’s my dad,” he says proudly.

“Tell me more about your father,” the teacher says. “What’s he like?”

The kid shrugs. “Beer and p***y.”

 BounceGiggle
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Shadow
B-Movie Site Webmaster
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 211
Posts: 1861


Primoris Malum


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« Reply #7 on: March 09, 2008, 11:31:12 PM »

Subversive humour.

Q: How many times can you tell a subversive joke in a totalitarian regime?
A: Three times. Once to your friend, once to the policeman and once to your cell mate.

KGB1: Comrade, what do you think of the current regime?
KGB2: (after looking around carefully) Exactly the same as you do, Comrade.
KGB1: Then, Comrade, I'm afraid I have to arrest you.
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Shadow
www.bmoviegraveyard.com
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
KYGOTC
Corprate slimeball of E.E.S.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 213
Posts: 2090


Be EXELLENT to each other...and PARTY ON DUDES!!


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« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2008, 12:06:24 AM »

Ummm....OK i got one!



These 3 blondes walk into a bar. The red-head ducked.


.....get it?
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"I'm a man too, you know! I go pee-pee standing up!"
flackbait
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 107
Posts: 1024


The fate of the last door to door salesmen


« Reply #9 on: March 10, 2008, 12:07:57 AM »

Ummm....OK i got one!



These 3 blondes walk into a bar. The red-head ducked.


.....get it?
Nice variation Thumbup
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Trevor
Chief Troublemaker at Badmovies.org
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 842
Posts: 10860



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« Reply #10 on: March 10, 2008, 03:23:19 AM »

 TeddyR

The biggest joke of all: www.eskom.co.za  Lookingup

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Trevor
Chief Troublemaker at Badmovies.org
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 842
Posts: 10860



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« Reply #11 on: March 10, 2008, 05:46:19 AM »

 TeddyR

A lady is doing the washing and shouts to her husband

"I need to know what temperature to wash your shirt at."
Husband: "How must I know?"
Lady: "What does it say on the shirt?"
Husband: "Tshwane University of Technology!"  TeddyR


I studied there: www.tut.ac.za  Buggedout Buggedout
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Trevor
Chief Troublemaker at Badmovies.org
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 842
Posts: 10860



WWW
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2008, 05:49:43 AM »

Quote
When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!" the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle TeddyR

Karma, flackbait, that really made me laugh.  Thumbup
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RCMerchant
Bela
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 0
Posts: 10753


"Charlie,we're in HELL!"-"yeah,ain't it groovy?!"


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« Reply #13 on: March 10, 2008, 06:51:23 AM »

Here's one you can pull on a freind-

You-"Gotta joke for ya! Say 'Knock Knock'.
Freind-Ok...'Knock Knock'
You-Who's there?
Freind-  Question
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\"Supernatural?...perhaps. Baloney?...Perhaps not!\" Bela Lugosi-the BLACK CAT (1934)


Interviewer-"Does Dracula ever end for you?"
Lugosi-"No. Dracula-never ends."





http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://www.tumblr.com/dashboard
http://rcmerchant.tumblr.com/
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 386
Posts: 2432


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #14 on: March 10, 2008, 07:16:22 AM »

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.
(Props to KillerBees for the "brown and sticky" joke; it's one I tell regularly, usually getting confused looks in response.)

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

A masochist and a sadist are walking down the street. The masochist turns to the sadist and says, "Hit me! Hit me!" The sadist replies, "No."

A man goes into a plumbing store and notices they are having a prize drawing. He enters and wins a fancy new toilet brush. The next week, he goes back into the store, and the owner asks him how he likes the new brush. He rubs his backside and says, "It's nice enough, but I think I still prefer toilet paper."

And a couple that probably wouldn't work for the classroom:

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Yeah, it runs in your genes (jeans?) It works when you say it, but not when you write it.

The elephant looked at the naked man and said, "It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?"

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"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
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