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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  My 100 Karma point comedy celebration! « previous next »
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Author Topic: My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!  (Read 12210 times)
BTM
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 351
Posts: 2866



« Reply #60 on: March 15, 2008, 11:46:29 PM »

A guy is sitting at a bar in the Penthouse on the 30th floor of a fancy hotel.  A woman walks up to him and says, "Hey, sailor, what cha drinking?"

"Oh, nothing," the guy replies, "Except for this... magic beer!"

"What?" the girl says, incredulous.  "No way!"

"Yes," the guy says, "I'm dead serious.  This beer is MAGIC.  What this."

The guy downs the rest of his beer, runs over to a nearby window, opens it, jumps out and starts FLYING around.  After about a minute, he comes back in.

"WOW!" says the girl, "That's amazing!  I want to try some of that!"

"Barkeep!" says the man, "Give the lady one of what I'm having."

The barkeep comes over and gives the lady a beer.  She promptly downs it, runs over to the windows,  yells, "Watch me!" and jumps out.

She then promptly falls to the ground below.

The barkeeper sighs heavily and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real a***ole when you're drunk!"
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"Some people mature, some just get older." -Andrew Vachss
BTM
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 351
Posts: 2866



« Reply #61 on: March 16, 2008, 12:03:06 AM »

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "

That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.

"Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
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"Some people mature, some just get older." -Andrew Vachss
raj
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 109
Posts: 2549



« Reply #62 on: March 16, 2008, 04:43:38 PM »

What do you get when you cross a zebra with a cardinal?

I don't know, but it's black and white and red all over.
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Mr. DS
Master Of Cinematic Bowel Movements
B-Movie Kraken
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Posts: 15375


Get this thread cleaned up or YOU'RE FIRED!!!


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« Reply #63 on: March 17, 2008, 05:08:09 PM »

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, why the long face".

A bear walks into a bar and says I'll have a beer and..................................................some peanuts.
The bartender retorts with, hey why the big paws (pause).

A mole family wake up one spring day and the papa mole goes up to the first hole and exclaims "I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole pokes her head out the other hole and says "I smell syrup too"
The baby mole tries very hard to get by his parent's backsides and exclaims "All I can smell is molasses ". 
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"You think the honey badger cares?  It doesn't give a sh*t."  Randall
Killer Bees
Newly Appointed Government Employee and
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 176
Posts: 1289


Never give up on love


« Reply #64 on: March 17, 2008, 10:54:44 PM »

Quote
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? My a$$.

That's from the immortal "Kung Pow: Enter The Fist".  TeddyR

PS: I still don't get that joke. Maybe we weren't supposed to. Question

Trevor,

You're not supposed to get it.  It's so ridiculous, it's supposed to be funny because of the nonsense factor.  Here's another joke that doesn't make sense, but people laugh because it's so bizarre:

Q:  Why is a duck?
A:  Because the higher it flies, the much.

See? Nonsense, but it sounds so crazy you have to laugh.  Of course, it's funnier when you're drunk.   *lol*

Or a variation on the above joke:

Q:  Why is a duck?
A:  Because a motorbike doesn't have doors.

(And no, I'm actually sober right now!)
Logged

Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine.......
Killer Bees
Newly Appointed Government Employee and
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 176
Posts: 1289


Never give up on love


« Reply #65 on: March 17, 2008, 10:57:37 PM »

Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1

Q:  How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One, but the light bulb has to want to change

Q:  How many men does it take to  change a lightbulb?
A:  Don't know - it's never happened before   TeddyR

Q:  How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  Don't know.  As soon as the light comes on, they scatter!

Logged

Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine.......
raj
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 109
Posts: 2549



« Reply #66 on: March 18, 2008, 02:22:30 PM »

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny.
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Patient7
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 167
Posts: 1618


Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha


« Reply #67 on: March 18, 2008, 04:11:59 PM »

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

That's not funny.

They shouldn't have to change our lightbulbs!  But we still have to have ladies night in bars.  I don't make the rules, I just make fun of them.
Logged

Barbeque sauce tastes good on EVERYTHING, even salad.

Yes, salad.
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 1371
Posts: 7991


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #68 on: March 19, 2008, 08:43:54 PM »

Karma to all on page 5!
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"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
BTM
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 351
Posts: 2866



« Reply #69 on: March 19, 2008, 11:53:35 PM »


How many country singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six.  One to change the light bulb, the other five to sing about how much they miss the old one.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None.  Real men aren't scared of the dark.

How many teenagers does it take to change a light bulb?
One.  They just stand there and wait until the world revolves around them.
Logged

"Some people mature, some just get older." -Andrew Vachss
redsneaker
Dedicated Viewer
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Karma: 16
Posts: 80


Malcolm, get me my hypo-gun - quickly!


« Reply #70 on: March 22, 2008, 07:18:43 PM »

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" Twirling
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"Strange and unexplained events are occuring."
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1371
Posts: 7991


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #71 on: March 22, 2008, 10:23:14 PM »

more jokes, more karma!!  Thumbup
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
redsneaker
Dedicated Viewer
**

Karma: 16
Posts: 80


Malcolm, get me my hypo-gun - quickly!


« Reply #72 on: March 24, 2008, 05:57:10 PM »

Yo Mama is so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck!
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"Strange and unexplained events are occuring."
BTM
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 351
Posts: 2866



« Reply #73 on: March 24, 2008, 09:38:38 PM »

How about some funny quotes?

"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"
- Kelvin Throop III

"Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
- Mark Twain

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
- Dave Barry

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
- Stephen King

"Mr. Spock succumbs to a powerful mating urge and nearly kills Captain Kirk."
- TV Guide, describing the Star Trek episode "Amok Time"

"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing."
- Engineer's Motto

"It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about. It's the twenty-thousand-odd other bullets labeled "Occupant"."
- Murphy's laws of combat

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"Some people mature, some just get older." -Andrew Vachss
KYGOTC
Corprate slimeball of E.E.S.
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 213
Posts: 2090


Be EXELLENT to each other...and PARTY ON DUDES!!


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« Reply #74 on: March 25, 2008, 10:44:46 AM »

3 gay guys walk into a bar, but theres only 1 barstool. So they flip it over.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2008, 10:49:15 AM by KYGOTC » Logged

"I'm a man too, you know! I go pee-pee standing up!"
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