It's really stupid, but...

[LilCerberus]

Over the past few months, it seems every time I leave my home, I'm hit with this weird,  narcissistic sense of guilt.

I see women, & I'm overwhelmed with this weird sense that I have something that they need & want, but I don't know what it is. I feel like I should be putting myself out there, but not for my own personal gain, rather, I feel like I have something to offer the women of the world, and I'm keeping it to myself.

Like monsters are attacking the city, the people are oppressed, and the world needs me, but my leotards & cape are at the pawn shop, so I can't do anything.

Of course, in popular culture & media, I'm constantly hearing the exact opposite, with men talking about nagging ex-wives, & women making examples of how useless men are, & I'm left to conclude that women have no real use for me, & that I probably wouldn't want one anyway.
And of course, when I return home, everything returns to normal. I'll waltz right into this landfill that provides me so much comfort & happily settle in to the role of a balding, overweight bachelor in his late thirties, downloading a little porn off the net, watching whatever the heck's on TV, thriving on a steady diet of hot dogs & cheese, & thinking to myself "I've got it made!"

But when I go outside, I start to get the feeling that I'm depriving women of something, that being shy, reserved, even being realistic, is some how selfish of me, & I just don't get it.

I dunno, maybe it's because I'm not giving them an excuse to use their mace or practice their martial arts training; that they need to see me humiliated, & I'm depriving them of that.
Or maybe it's because I'm depriving Hollywood of the excuse to do yet another inspired remake of The Burning Bed.

[Trevor]

Like monsters are attacking the city, the people are oppressed, and the world needs me, but my leotards & cape are at the pawn shop, so I can't do anything.

 

[RCMerchant]

Don't worry....nothing wrong with you...your fine....take it from me...I'm actually one of the most emotionaly stable people I know.

Well...gotta go-the sun will be rising soon. I gotta get some sleep ....Gotta catch a saucer to work in the evening.

[Derf]

I used to believe that I was put on Earth to unite all women under one banner: To give me the friend speech ("I just wanna be friends"--you know the one). I finally found one rebel to that cause, but I still sometimes wonder if she didn't marry me just to build my confidence so that when she dumps me it'll be all the more humiliating. I know better, but old habits die hard.

[Andrew]

I take it that you are a bit unhappy with the romance side of things?

Oddly, it appears that actually having a relationship has gotten harder, even as society and technology made it easier to meet and talk to more people.  And both sides of the gender war seem to be on guard against the other side.  That just sounds like a difficult situation, and the start of madness. 

If you're interested in a woman:  tell her.  If she does things that make you unhappy or are a cause for concern:  tell her.  Lastly, at no time should you put your own self worth into the other side of a relationship, because she also has wants, needs, and (possibly unreasonable) expectations.  Who you are and your worth has nothing to do with that.

[Menard]

Someone comes along and sees my name in this thread and thinks to themselves...

..."This can't be good"


They would be correct.


What is lacking in this thread is a statement of the obvious:


Dude...you need to get laid.


That's no cure for loneliness, but it has a better chance of getting you to a cure than hot dogs, cheese, and bad movies.


We are creatures of habit and abundant cliches, whether we want to admit it or not. When something is missing in our lives, we have a tendency to substitute it with something else and feel that is satisfactory. Alluding to a deeper meaning in it all is trying to fill a void with something which has no substance; simply, and always, leaving the same void.

Though it may seem caveman in respect, a recognition of one's most primal needs will do more to fill that void than giving credence to one's own diversions.


A contradiction in your statement, provided you aren't just yanking our chains, is:

I see women, & I'm overwhelmed with this weird sense that I have something that they need & want

and

I'll waltz right into this landfill that provides me so much comfort & happily settle in to the role of a balding, overweight bachelor in his late thirties, downloading a little porn off the net, watching whatever the heck's on TV, thriving on a steady diet of hot dogs & cheese, & thinking to myself "I've got it made!"


You paint two different pictures; what appears to be one that you feel about yourself, and one that appears to be a guise to either distract you or others; either way, it comes off as a veil for low self-esteem.

By whatever way you choose to paint yourself, you ultimately know the truth; and only you know the truth. It may provide solace to paint a different picture, one which appears to put you in control, but solace as such is very temporary and only acts as a shield. As with a shield, it protects what we don't want to be hurt, but it also blocks what we are truly looking for.


Despite all the rambling, it really comes down to basics, as do all things. All of the complications distract from that primal first step...


Dude...you need to get laid.




Pardon my crassness...

...but what the hell else did you all expect from me?

[odinn7]

Menard? Menard? Hey man! E-mail me!



Basically though...he is right...you need to get laid...however, that often brings along its own set of complications. I can say this though...as much trouble as I have had with women in my life...I can't be without them...if you can, and you can avoid all the problems that come with having a woman in your life...more power to you!

[Menard]

Menard? Menard? Hey man! E-mail me!

I don't have your email address available.

Email it to me. There should be an address listed for me, for this post, or Andrew will have it.

[LilCerberus]

Oooookay, so...

About a year ago, I was setting up the mic levels for RIML. Rebbecca was out sick, so she had this young woman sub for her, whom if I recallect propper, looked to be a chubby 18 or 19 year old college freshman.

Now, typically, most talk show hosts will stay on topic, even before the show starts, as a warm-up. They're also well aware of the microphones on the table in front of them, knowing full well that I'm in the other room listening in as I balance out the levels.

This young woman was interviewing her regular girlfriends for some save the whales rally or someting.
Seemingly oblivious to the mics, they were complaining about how messy their boyfriends were.
It wasn't too long before the sub got to talking about cleaning her boyfriend's bathroom. In particular, so that she could take a shower right away after sex, rather than having to wait until she got home.
Oookay, sooo... She hates her boyfriend, because she has to clean his batroom, because she doesn't want to have sex with him unless his bathroom's clean, which ain't gonna happen unless she cleans it.

When I reflect on the rejection I dealt with in my younger days, the number of women that rejected me, the types of women that rejected me, the ways in which they rejected me, and the types of guys they wound up falling for, I just find it all so ludicrous.

I got to stewing about it over the next few months, & then I got to thinking about what my mom & my landlady are always saying about the mess in my apartment, and what the checkout clerks at the grocery store always have to say about my diet, & I got to wondering, "is that what it's really all about?"

I know it sounds misogynic, but could it really be that women were just put on this earth to clean up after men, & men were put on this earth to put up with women's fussing?

I mean, there are books & movies about people in undying love, but when people actually talk about their relationships, (men & women alike) they never seem to have anything nice to talk about.

I flipped all this over in my head for a while, then, sometime back in November, I started to get this weird feeling everytime I left home, that women somehow "need me", that there's something women need, that I have, but am unwilling to share, & I just don't know what it is, and when I try to do the math with the information that I have, I just can't put any logic to it.

[Patient7]

Don't worry about it LilCerberus, everybody has something to offer, apparantly you have something to offer women.  It's not cockiness, it's downright knowledge!

[Menard]

I flipped all this over in my head for a while, then, sometime back in November, I started to get this weird feeling everytime I left home, that women somehow "need me", that there's something women need, that I have, but am unwilling to share, & I just don't know what it is, and when I try to do the math with the information that I have, I just can't put any logic to it.

It's called a penis.


Rationalize it any way you like, but you still need to get laid, dude; and sitting at home thinking about it is not going to accomplish it.


A definition of women is not that they like men with clean bathrooms. A woman, as you stated, obsessed about her need for her boyfriend to have a clean bathroom for her needs. That is one person whose wants are more important to them than the person they are with.

You should not waste your time thinking about how you can meet someone's wants who has no interest in who you are, unless of course you are just looking for that in another person.

Want a hint?

Women like jerks.

(please, put down the stones, ladies)

This is an over simplification, and a mis-perception on our part as men.

An attractive trait in any person of the opposite sex is confidence. Men see confident men as jerks, women see confident women as flirts. The opposite sex finds each of these people to be attractive.

Of course, if you are not a confident person, then don't try to fake it; that is being a jerk. For confidence to be sexy, it must come from within, not some words you heard someone else use that sounded good.

Confidence is something that comes with age; hence, there is no mystique to the cliche that younger people find older people of the opposite sex to be sexy in a different way.

Experience builds confidence and the primary experience is with people. The best way to experience people is to get out and meet them; party, dude.

I used to say to people that I had driven over a million miles and met half as many people; that number is a bit understated.

Seriously, I don't know you in person and you may well be a very confident person who has no problem approaching women. It does seem, however, that there is a lot of rationalizing going on with you. If that is true, that is not going to get you anywhere; ultimately, regardless what you do, all you can sell to another person is yourself, and that is exactly what is going to make or break a successful relationship.

If you feel you have something to offer women, that you are what they need...well...great, but they won't know if you don't tell them.

Maybe I'm missing something here. You say you go out feeling this way. Do you actually do anything about it, or not?

[Patient7]

Nice idea Menard, confidence is the key.

[Killer Bees]

Sounds like you're living in a Dean Koontz novel   

Don't be too worried about it though.  Everyone has something to offer someone else and it sounds like you have a healthy level of self esteem.

But you're about the women not needing men anymore. I feel kind of sorry for guys these days.  All the traditional gender roles are dissolving and men are finding it hard to know where they fit in.  Plus I think women have become b***hier, more self absorbed and self centred these days to the point where they should just go live on some manless planet somewhere and be done with it.

I was thinking the other day about what a man would bring to my life and I honestly couldn't think of anything.  I wasn't being nasty in thinking that, but it seems like everything I need I can give to myself.  I earn my own money, pay my own bills, take out my own garbage every week, prepare my own meals.  The only thing I can't give to me is the love of a man.  But I've only ever met men who weren't commitment phobic, emotionally stunted and massively self destructive.  So even that avenue is closed off.

But I know decent guys exist - I've seen them on tv!

[JaseSF]

Pearls of wisdom from Menard. Truly valuable advice I suggest u take to heart and if that doesn't work, try online dating (Hey, It worked for me  ). Getting that e-mail and phone number is the first step. No actually the first step is believing in yourself and building up your self-worth and self-confidence. Once you know any woman would be lucky to have you, you're on the right road.

[Allhallowsday]

...I flipped all this over in my head for a while, then, sometime back in November, I started to get this weird feeling everytime I left home, that women somehow "need me", that there's something women need, that I have, but am unwilling to share, & I just don't know what it is, and when I try to do the math with the information that I have, I just can't put any logic to it.

More: 

Over the past few months, it seems every time I leave my home, I'm hit with this weird,  narcissistic sense of guilt...I see women, & I'm overwhelmed with this weird sense that I have something that they need & want, but I don't know what it is. I feel like I should be putting myself out there, but not for my own personal gain, rather, I feel like I have something to offer the women of the world, and I'm keeping it to myself.
Like monsters are attacking the city, the people are oppressed, and the world needs me, but my leotards & cape are at the pawn shop, so I can't do anything... downloading a little porn off the net, watching whatever the heck's on TV, thriving on a steady diet of hot dogs & cheese, & thinking to myself "I've got it made!"  But when I go outside, I start to get the feeling that I'm depriving women of something, that being shy, reserved, even being realistic, is some how selfish of me, & I just don't get it.  I dunno, maybe it's because I'm not giving them an excuse to use their mace or practice their martial arts training; that they need to see me humiliated, & I'm depriving them of that.
Or maybe it's because I'm depriving Hollywood of the excuse to do yet another inspired remake of The Burning Bed.

Mace and martial arts...THE BURNING BED???  What's your thought process?  Do you want to hit somebody? 

Don't worry....nothing wrong with you...your fine....take it from me...I'm actually one of the most emotionaly stable people I know.

Well...gotta go-the sun will be rising soon. I gotta get some sleep ....Gotta catch a saucer to work in the evening.

Bela, like TELLY used to say: "Who luvs ya baby?"    I'm reading this Li'lcerberus posting and thinking... hmm... Kuh-Riest!    

Menard is right, however I mean his longer dialogue, rather than his Menardisms ( "You need to get laid..." and "It's a penis")  Not that the "Menardisms" are wrong, it's more that the problem is now deeper than having poor luck with chicks.  Based soley upon the commentary, I'd ascertain Lilcerberus is angry.