The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Rated: PG
3 slimes
Copyright Company and Date: Touchstone Pictures. 2005
Submitted by Patient7

THE CHARACTERS

Arthur - Not a very confident individual, almost dies but somehow saves himself.

Ford - Intergalatic hitchhiker, never forgot his towel.

Trillian - Earth girl that Arthur likes, doesn't really do much except act sensibly, not the best quality for a character in a British comedy.

Zaphod - If he wasn't made to make fun of Americans, I'm a flying pig. There's a scene where he acts like Elvis as he's being shot at and has two heads, one of which he loses, need I say more.

Marvin - He's a manic depressive, and he's a robot.

Vogons - Bureaucratic aliens that are bad at poetry

Mice - The smartest people on some lost planet for some reason they are ten years old for eternity, and they are in charge of the Earth.

LESSONS LEARNED

Dolphins can perform spectacular musical numbers.
Telling girls you're an alien and asking them if they want to see your spaceship is the perfect pick up line.
If you're going to survive in the galaxy you have to know where your towel is.
Space is big, REALLY big.
Teleporting to a completely random location can change exactly what you are, literally, you can turn into a couch for a brief period.
There is a drink that feels like having your brain beaten out with a lemon wrapped around a gold brick.
42
There's a religion that believes we are all snot.
Robot arms do not look like guns
The Earth was commissioned, paid for, and run by mice.

STUFF TO WATCH FOR
1 min - Singing dolphins! YAY!
14 mins - Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the world blows up.
25 mins - Wow, that was unnecessary.
33 mins - Holy monkey! This guy has two heads?
41 mins 55 secs - 42
52 mins - Wow, he looks stupid.
53 mins - Elvis presley style!
74 mins - Really fast whale thought scene.

NOTABLE QUOTES

Narrator quotiing dolphin: "So long and thanks for all the fish."

Ford: "Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so."

Bar owner: "Shouldn't we lie down and put paper bags over our head or something?"
Ford: "If you'd like."
Bar owner: "Would it help?"
Ford: "Not at all."

Arthur: "All right, where is she?"
Vogon: "Who? The director of robot arm repair?"

Slartibartfast: "I'd much rather be happy than right any day."
Arthur: "And are you?"
Slatibartfast: "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, no."

Arthur: "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel."

THE PLOT

We open with a narrator saying that the earth is going to blow up and the dolphins have been telling us this for years. You guessed it, it's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's a good book and radio show, but just an okay movie. Anyhow, it turns out some British guy likes tea and toast, yeah go figure. This is Arthur Dent, and people have come to put a bypass through his house. We then see his good friend, Ford Prefect, running a shopping cart full of beer down the street. They go into a pub and Ford reveals that he is from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, and Arthur saved his life because he tried to shake hands with a moving car. Later, Arthur runs home to find it being destroyed, as an alien announces that the earth is going to be demolished in order to make room for an interstellar bypass. The Earth blows up and a friendly narrator tells us the history of some book that is really famous and has the same title as the movie. These two fellows wake up in the bathroom of a spaceship. The planet destroying aliens are revealed as Vogons, their bureaucrats, go figure. They get captured by the vogons and are read poetry, their poetry is actually brain rotting torture, or something like that. The worst poet however is still considered to be Paula Nancy Millstone-Jennings of Sussex. But I digress, Arthur and Ford get thrown off of the ship. Luckily, they are saved by a ship that randomly teleported around them. This ship was taken by the galactic president who kidnapped himself, Zaphod Beeblebrox. So now a depressed robot, Marvin, comes in to take Arthur and Ford onto the main deck. It turns out that Zaphod, Ford's semi-half brother, stole a girl, Trillian, from Arthur a while before, how improbable. Sorry about that but it had to be said. So now the Vogons are coming in and they need to make a break for it. They do so and watch a movie, this tells them the answer to life, the universe, and everything; 42, but they do not know the question. Here's something cool, the answer is said ALMOST forty two minutes in, like forty one minutes fifty five seconds. They go out to find the computer that knew the answer, in hopes to find the one that knows the question. They find a different planet, but go down anyway because Zaphod got angry. They find a priest named Humma Gavoola who knows where the answer computer is. It turns out he has no eyes or real legs. They get coordinates to the computer, in exchange for one of Zaphod's heads. The Vogons capture Trillian and the rest of them chase after her. They are soon attacked by thought hating shovels. They save Trillian who learns that Earth was destroyed because of Zaphod. They go to the planet with the computer, and get attacked with thermonuclear missiles. Arthur pushes the random teleport button and the missiles turn into a bowl of petunias and a sperm whale. Zaphod, Trillian, and Ford go through a portal to find the computer, which they do and very little happens, but Arthur gets left behind on accident. He runs into a guy named Slartibartfast and they go through a different portal that leads to a planet factory. It turns out that he helped make Earth and that he has a backup model, lucky huh, yeah, I know. It turns out that he made the Earth for a pair of mice. Arthur's home got rebuilt along with the planet, how nice. and Arthur walks in to find his friends at the table waithing for him. Happy ending.

OR IS IT... the hosts, which are mice want Arthur's brain to find the ultimate question. They strap him down to take his brain as he reels off questions and eventually does a heartwarming little speech. It has no effect and the mice proceed to take his brain. He frees himself and kills the mice who turn out to be the kids who wanted the answer in the first place. They go out and the Vogons attack and kill Marvin. I died a little inside because Marvin was my favorite character. Marvin gets up and grabs this gun that everyone else got from the answer computer that lets people see things from the shooters point of view. He shoots all the Vogons and they become horribly depressed. So everyone decides to go to a restaurant at the end of the universe. The Earth restarts and the dolphins come back, (they left at the beginning) and Arthur and Trillian Leave Earth.

Well, this was my first review so quit calling me a pathetic moron allright.