How to deal with telemarketers..

[Neville]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI
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[Patient7]

I like to pretend I can't speak English, either that, or I tell them it's the Peterson residence.

[RCMerchant]

I tell them 'I AM ERECTILE-MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!" and my second sentence is "YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME!"

[Killer Bees]

I tell them 'I AM ERECTILE-MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!" and my second sentence is "YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME!"

That's awesome, RC  *lol*

I only have a mobile phone, so they don't usually call me.  But funny thing, I got a call from a telemarketer from an  Indian call centre here at work just this morning.  It took a few seconds to click through and I should have hung up then, but I just kept saying, hello and I heard the girl's voice.

Half way through her spiel, I just hung up.  I couldn't do that job having to deal with customer abuse all day.  Besides, if I can't understand what you're saying, I'm not talking to you.

[Mr_Vindictive]

I don't get that many calls from telemarketers anymore.

I recall, years ago, when I first turned 18, a credit card company continually called me in an attempt to get me to sign up for a credit card.  I kept letting them know that I was not interested in the least in what they were selling.

About 10 calls later, I decided to screw around with them.  They offered me the credit card and I got all excited on the phone.  "SIGN ME UP FOR IT!"

"Ok, well Mr. Cook, let me get some info first."

"Wait, before I sign up for this I have some questions for you."

"Ok Mr. Cook"

"Can I buy drugs with this card?  Like crack rock?"

"No Mr. Cook, I don't believe you would be able to do so."

The guy took it all in stride so I went a little deeper.

"Could I buy a prostitute with your card?  Cause if not them I'm sure as hell not interested."

"Well, you might be able to Mr. Cook.  Some services might take credit cards."

"Yeah, but I want the really high class hookers!!!!"

They hung up on me.  They didn't call me back.

Don't get me started on what I do to Jehova Witnesses.   

[JPickettIII]

I don't get that many calls from telemarketers anymore.

I recall, years ago, when I first turned 18, a credit card company continually called me in an attempt to get me to sign up for a credit card.  I kept letting them know that I was not interested in the least in what they were selling.

About 10 calls later, I decided to screw around with them.  They offered me the credit card and I got all excited on the phone.  "SIGN ME UP FOR IT!"

"Ok, well Mr. Cook, let me get some info first."

"Wait, before I sign up for this I have some questions for you."

"Ok Mr. Cook"

"Can I buy drugs with this card?  Like crack rock?"

"No Mr. Cook, I don't believe you would be able to do so."

The guy took it all in stride so I went a little deeper.

"Could I buy a prostitute with your card?  Cause if not them I'm sure as hell not interested."

"Well, you might be able to Mr. Cook.  Some services might take credit cards."

"Yeah, but I want the really high class hookers!!!!"

They hung up on me.  They didn't call me back.

Don't get me started on what I do to Jehova Witnesses.   

Please share, I get them coming to my house every once in awhile.... :-)

[flackbait]

It depends on the person, If they're a telemarketer or salesman I just hang up or scream a load of swearwords at said person. If It's a person trying to convert me to their religion I try to convert them to Zoroastrianism(its an ancient Persian religion that is still in practice in some parts of the middle east and asia). I always convince them that I'm serious but I've never managed to convert anyone yet! And for the record I'm NOT Zoroastrian.

[RCMerchant]

HAHAHAH! I give karma to all! I don't like telemarketers at all. Annoying ants in the picnic of life.

[Pilgermann]

Er, I don't deal with telemarkets much anymore since I signed up for that National no call list.  Plus I don't have a land line anymore.  I recently did get a weird call on my cell phone that was from a 12 digit number and a message was left in some foreign language.

[Killer Bees]

HAHAHAH! I give karma to all! I don't like telemarketers at all. Annoying ants in the picnic of life.

Funnel web spiders in the underpants of society!

[akiratubo]

Like this:

Do I need [product/service]?  Let me think about that ...

You know, I killed a man once.  I was riding my bike on a trail that goes past a pond, and a man in a wheelchair was sitting at the pond when I passed it.  He was in one of those "sports" wheelchairs, so I guess he was riding the trail same as me.  Anyway, I stopped and he said, "Hey, how you doin'?" all friendly like.

On a whim, I kicked his wheelchair over and he fell face first in the pond.  He was in the shallows and was able to push himself up out of the water but, his legs just laying there all twisted up, he had trouble turning around to crawl out of the water.  All I had to do was jump on his back and then sit on his shoulders for a few minutes.

The water was very cold.

He tried to fight, to push himself up again or throw me off, but he had no leverage.  I was very impressed, though; for a guy only able to use half his body he put up quite a struggle.  He quit moving after a little bit and I got up.

The guy started weakly moving again so I drug him into deeper water and sat on him for several more minutes.  I was very nervous because it had finally occurred to me that someone might come by.  However, he was completely submerged under me so I could just claim I was sitting in the pond to cool off.  It might have been difficult to explain why there was a wheelchair turned over in the water.

When I started shivering from the cold I finally got up off the guy.  I kicked his body.  No reaction.  Compelled by a morbid curiousity, I pulled his head out of the water to see what the expression on his face was like.  The only thing I saw was there was a lot of snot coming out of his nose, which disgusted me so I dropped him back in the pond.

I waded back to shore and tried to arrange his wheelchair to look like it had rolled into the pond by accident, then I got on my bike and pedaled away as calmly as could be.  My heart was pounding, but I knew I had to look like I was just some guy out for a Sunday ride.  All the while I kept wondering if I had left a fingerprint, even though I was wearing gloves.  Had he scratched me?  Did I drop something in the water?  Was my model of bike uncommon or did it have unique tire tread the police would be able to trace back to me?  Did I have the guy's skin or snot or anything on me?

That was over a year ago.  The man's body was found but the police have never come looking for me.  I still ride that trail and I still stop at the pond to rest, fill my water bottle at the fountain there, or chat with somebody.

"Yes, yes I did hear about that guy who drowned here.  They think it was an accident?  That's so sad.  Yeah, he must have forgotten to set his brakes.  No, I don't think I ever met him."

Anyway, no, sorry, I don't need [product/service].  Sorry to tie you up for so long.

Bye.

[RCMerchant]

Wow,'Turbo. You should write horror stories....! 



Wanna buy some life  insurance? ( ) For your neighbors, I mean?


 

[Patient7]

Akiratubo, that was very descriptive, uuuuum, I don't feel safe around you.