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Author Topic: "The Lonely Skier": You have been cast in it!  (Read 4367 times)
Trevor
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« on: April 02, 2008, 03:42:44 AM »

Set in Italy, 1947, a motley assortment of people assemble at a mountain chalet in the Italian Dolomites in search of a fortune in Nazi gold.

My dream cast:

1. Myself as Neil Blair, down on his luck writer.

2. Andrew: as Heinrich Stelben, the thief of the gold and the eerie zombie who pops up from time to time.

3. Trekgeezer: as Eduardo Mancini, the owner of the chalet and an ex bobsled champion.

4. Susan or KillerBees: as Contessa Carla Forelli, the revengeful lover of Stelben.

5. Torgo: as Aldo, the cook / waiter / general breaker of plates at the chalet

6. Menard: as Stefan Valdini, the pimp and racketeer.

7. Scott: as Joe Wesson, filmmaker.

8. Odinn7: as Gilbert Mayne, the deserter

9. Ulthar: as Derek Engels.

10. AllHallows: as Keramikos, the Greek communist.


I was hoping for the folllowing to play the roles but you guys would be better.

1. Colin Farrell
2. James Ryan, South African actor
3. Jean Pierre Cassel (RIP)
4. Louise Jameson or Joan Collins
5. Joe Pesci or Danny de Vito
6. Mathieu Kassovitz
7. Nick Frost
8. Neal McDonough
9. Sir Anthony Hopkins.
10. Jean Reno

I forgot to mention that one out of the 10 characters is a killer.  Buggedout Buggedout




« Last Edit: April 02, 2008, 07:02:15 AM by Trevor » Logged

Trevor
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« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2008, 04:00:58 AM »

 Smile

I also have RC, Dean and Yaddo lined up for roles as Stelben's luckless soldiers.
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« Reply #2 on: April 03, 2008, 05:36:02 AM »

If I have to die...can I die while doing the hibbity jibbity with Pam Greir? I mean...like Andrew the zombie guy could skewer me  Jason Voorhees -style with a ski pole right after I show Pam who's the man...?
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Trevor
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« Reply #3 on: April 03, 2008, 06:01:57 AM »

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle

I have to finish the script first, then we'll see about you and Pam Grier, RC  Wink

Behold! What I have written thus far!

DEDICATED TO JANS RAUTENBACH
______________________________________________________

[Quote in red on black background]

ďOh rose, thou art sick, for the invisible wormÖÖ. has found out thy bedÖ.. and his dark secret love doth thy life destroyĒ.
~ William Blake (quote used in the Omega Factor episode Visitations)

(Use V/O from episode)
_______________________________________________

Film starts in black and white.

Music for entire sequence: Richard Rodney Bennettís eerie ďThe KidnapĒ from Sidney Lumetís ďMurder On The Orient ExpressĒ

First shots in the film show the French ~ Italian Alps in stark winter beauty. Black stone mountains dusted with white.

Shot of the winter sun ~ zoom in until the rays seem to pierce the camera.

The time is 1945 ~ the horrific Second World War has all but run itsí course.

Shots of Nazi soldiers loading a cable powered sled with boxes emblazoned with the swastika, the hated symbol of Nazi Germany.

Intercut the loading with shots of their commander HEINRICH STELBEN brandishing an MP40 and hustling his troops on. STELBEN is acting like a man possessed and the menís body language shows the abuse they are taking.

On top of the mountain, we see the Ďrifugioí [shelter] of Col Da Varda and the cable house ~ STELBEN orders his men off and orders them to unpack the boxes (containing stolen Nazi gold bullion) from the sled and to secrete them.

The job completed, the soldiers mop sweaty brows, light cigarettes and stand around, waiting for further orders. STELBEN comes into shot and cocks his Schmeisser MP40, jerks the machine pistol, ordering the men to stand up against the wall, with their faces away from him. Almost immediately, STELBEN opens fire, raking his soldiersí bodies with merciless gunfire.

One soldier HANS HOLTZ, makes a break for it, smashing the feeble low-hanging globe with his fist and dives through the door, STELBEN fires at the retreating soldier but misses and turns his attention to the dying men, reloading his machine pistol and finishing off those not already dead. The wall is splattered with blood and brains and the cement floor is littered with corpses.

The last shot before the credits start is that of a bloodied hand clawing at an Iron Cross as though in search of some sanctuary and the scene fades out on a head covered in blood, the shattered mouth and eyes bearing mute testimony to the horror that has just taken place.

Haunting music [Belfast Child by Jim Kerr & Simple Minds] for credits ~ images of the devastation of the Second World War.

Credits commence with film production logos


THE ICE RUNNER

based on the novel ďThe Lonely SkierĒ by Hammond Innes

After production credits which end with screenplay and director credits, directorís name bleeds out of frame.


The film in black & white slowly becomes colour as we see a rain-slicked London street, circa 1947. Bomb damage and sundry situations indicate that this is a London still pulling itself out of the horrors of WW2. The camera focuses on a pair of shuffling feet ~ pan up to reveal NEILL BLAIR, an ex-soldier desperately looking for a job. NEILLís clothes are shabby and his face is unshaven, his eyes bleary. NEILL crosses a street, enters a bar.

Interior of the bar shows us a well dressed man sitting drinking ~ DEREK ENGELS, the famous and fiery filmmaker known to drink heavily and not to show any signs of it. He has all the air of someone who has been there, done that and was in fact NEILLís CO in WW2. He is also not the most pleasant person that you could ever hope to meet. ENGELS sees NEILL and waves him over before the publican orders him out.

______________________________________

ENGELS (affable but a little sarcastic)

Well, well, look what the cat ate, dragged in and vomited on the carpet!

NEILL (seeing who it is talking, at the end of his tether)

Up yours, Derek, I donít need your humour or your sympathy.

ENGELS (not shocked at this rant)

Nice to see you too, Neill. Down and out, are you? I thought you signed on for another year in the army? One of thoseÖÖ.what did they call those idiots who signed on for more of the same crap?

NEILL (hating himself)

Good time Charlies.

ENGELS (laughing)

Yeah, thatís it. And what happened to that newspaper you said you were going to run? Went bust, did it?

NEILL

Yes ~ a shortage of capital and paper.

ENGELS (nastily)

Right, also a shortage of brains and guts. You always were and you always will be one of lifeís eternal f**k-ups, Blair. Youíre a walking blob of misery. [looks at NEILL with visible distaste]You donít smell or look too good either, by the way.

NEILL (angrily)

In case you didnít hear me before, Derek, I said I donít need your bloody charity. (makes as if to leave)

ENGELS (complete demeanour change)

Sit down. I can see you need help. Do you want a job?

NEILL (still angry)

f**k you. You tried to destroy me in Italy during WW2 and now youíre trying the same s**t here in England. In case you hadnít noticed, the bloody warís over, my friend.

ENGELS (placating)

Settle down, Neill. Iíll repeat what I said: Do you want a job? If you do, Iíve got one for you.

NEILL (angry that his old CO has a hold on him still)

Doing what exactly? Cleaning the crap out of your arsehole?

ENGELS (smiles)

No, not that dirty, son. Despite your all too visible f**kups in other areas. itís a job that I know you can do. Scriptwriting for a thriller that Iíve got in mind for Killarney Film Studios.

NEILL (interested, despite himself)

Whatís the catch?

ENGELS

The catch? Youíre there to write a script for Killarney but the catch is you write sweet bugger all. I have the scenario all worked out in my head.

NEILL (confused)

So what the hell do you want me to do then?

ENGELS

Just observe, dear boy, observe. If something happens, send me a report by cable. If nothing happens, well, a couple of weeks paid holiday in Cortina isnít bad. And Iíll see to it that you have a permanent job thereafter with Killarney, which you obviously need. The studios will fix everything up for you, and the cameraman, a real fat slob named Joe Wesson ~ who just happens to be a first-class DOP ~ who will accompany you. He thinks youíre there to write a script, donít let him think otherwise. His thrills are on the screen: if anything real and exciting happened, heíd s**t himself and then youíd have to dig him out of it.


ENGELS [passes NEILL a photograph of a woman, the photo is inscribed FŁr Heinrich, mein liebling, Carla]

While youíre observing, Neill, keep both eyes open for this lady, if lady is the word. Sheís trouble, had a Nazi for a lover who went apes**t one day, killed his soldiers and topped himself when he was captured by my unit. He feigned illness, stupid guard got too close, the idiot grabbed his pistol and re-decorated the wall behind him with his own brains. Stelben was his name, Kapitan Henrich Stelben. One less Nazi, who gives a s**t?

[V/O of Engels, depiction of STELBENís capture and suicide]

NEILL sits stunned at his good fortune for a while, ENGELS puts a business card down in front of him, together with some money.

ENGELS

Have a drink on me and consider the matter. If you agree, call me later today, Iíll have everything sorted for you. Oh and one more thing, for Godís sake, get yourself some new clothes and take a bath. Youíre stinking the place up. If you need extra money, tell me. but I wonít be giving you that out of the goodness of my heart, thatíll come out of your salary.

Close-up on NEILL at the bar as ENGELS leaves ~ MCU on his face and then insert shot of him pushing his glass away and picking up the photograph, money and card.
______________________________

Cut to Waterloo Station, London: we see NEILL, neatly dressed and shaved, waiting for his train on the platform.

JOE WESSON comes into shot, lugging his cases and breathing heavily, sits down next to NEILL. He is a big person, but way far from being the Ďfat slobí that ENGELS described him as. He is well dressed and has an appearance of seeing everything around him whether he is looking at it or not.

JOE

You Neill Blair?

Neill nods in greeting.

JOE

If youíre really Blair, then you look a far sight better than Engels described you. In fact, anyone looks better than that idiot describes anyone. Iím Joe Wesson, from Killarney Film Studios. [puts out a hand, NEILL shakes it]Have you ever worked with H.R.D before?

NEILL (startled)

Who or what the hell is that?.

JOE

HRD: His Royal Dickhead. You know, Derek Sospan Bach Engels.

NEILL (smiling, warming to the man)

Yes, I have actually. He was my CO in Italy.

JOE (sorrowfully)

Oh, s**t, my condolences, mate. He must have tried his best to break you.

NEILL (smiling ironically)

Yeah, there were times when I wanted to tie him to a pole and shoot him with a shotgun loaded with his own s**t. There were other times when I just wanted to kill the bastard, but most of the time I just hated the man. Otherwise, he was pretty OK as a CO.

JOE (laughs)

Heís that way as a director too ~ treats crew like children, actors like cattle, the rest like s**t and the others just badly. And Iím one of his defenders, by the way. Arsehole or not, we have to face it, the man is a genius at filmmaking. And now he has you as his screenwriter and me as his DP. f**ked, the both of us, me once and in your case, twice. [lights cigarette, passes one to NEILL] Well mate, hereís to lung cancer, the kind that people like Engels should get but donít.

NEILL (accepting cigarette)

Come on, Joe, I donít think things will be that bad. If he turns up in Italy, the two of you might even bond, you never know.

JOE (lights NEILLís cigarette, shakes his head sorrowfully)

No, mate. The only bonding that will take place is me bonding his dick to his forehead with super glue.

NEILL and JOE laugh, scene fades out, fade intoÖÖÖ

____________________________________

Montage of train journey to coast, ferry to France and further train journeys through Europe culminating in Italy.

Arrival at the ďHotel SplendidoĒ where JOE and NEILL book in; shots of them in dining room.

JOE

So what exactly are we doing here, mate? Looking for a bella ragazza so that our beloved Leader can carve another notch on his dong?

NEILL

Sort of. He told me to look out for this lady. [shows JOE the picture of CARLA while obscuring the writing below]

JOE (whistles, draws in breath)

Whoa, corker. How did he know sheíd be here?

NEILL

I donít know, he said he had a hunch she might be.

JOE

The only hunch that idiot ever had is on his back. Thatís when he says ďWalk this wayĒ and all his yesmen end up like Lon Chaney in that horror film. [JOE squishes himself up and acts out the scene in the manner of Lon Chaney, NEILL laughs]

Eduardo Mancini, the hotel owner, walks over to their table. Short, heavily built and walks with a pronounced limp, as a result of bobsled accidents.

MANCINI

Good morning, gentlemen. Iím Eduardo Mancini, the owner. Welcome to the Splendido. Signori Blair and Wesson, not so?

NEILL

Grazie, Signor Mancini. Itís a beautiful place you have here. What a view.

MANCINI

The view here? Ah, niente male, but it will be better once I buy the rifugio at the auction tomorrow.

JOE (surprised)

Buy, Signor? Donít you mean bid for and hope to win or do things work differently here in Italy?

MANCINI (smiling)

Yes, all arranged, I will buy the rifugio tomorrow and then that view [gestures in the general direction of the chalet] will belong to me as well. Iíll get rid of that cretino Aldo and put my own staff in charge. Maybe the two of you would like to attend?

JOE (shakes head in mock fear)

No thanks, Engels will shove my camera tripod up my arse and snap it off short if I donít start out working right away on establishing shots, still pictures and all that. Neill might want to though ~ heís our resident Shakespeare.

NEILL (ignores Ďinsultí)

Yes, Iíd like to attend.

MANCINI

Then itís all arranged, just like the ďauctionĒ tomorrow. Shall we say one thirty tomorrow then? We meet for drinks to celebrate and then I will go and purchase the Ďslittoviaí and the Ďrifugioí. Good day, gentlemen ~ I believe that the cable car will be available for trips up to the chalet in about a half an hour.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Exterior shot of cableway leading up to chalet ~ NEILL and JOE looking up.

JOE (nervously)

I really donít feel like going up one of these bloody things this morning or any morning for that matter. That thing was used by the Nazis during the war and the cableís probably booby-trapped. If I do get sick going up, hopefully the driver wonít mind a few gobs of honk on his head.

NEILL & JOE ascend the mountain on the cable sled ~ establishing shot of the chalet almost as in the the opening scenes. Although the chalet and surrounds are beautiful, there is a tangible air of menace around. Once in the chalet, ALDO arrives and orders the two of them out in voluble Italian, coupled with expletives.

NEIILL (in Italian, to the furious and gesticulating ALDO)

Signor Mancini booked us in here. he said that there were rooms available, one for Mr Wesson and one for me.

ALDO (still gesticulating and swearing)

No! Signor Mancini e stronzo! Vattene a casa! [English] No room here.

JOE (angry)

Whatís he saying? (NEILL explains) Tell him if he doesnít give us a room now, Iíll have my foot say hello to his backside, [Pushes past ALDO] Bugger it, we were told there were rooms, so there must be. [Pushes open nearest door to find the room empty] No rooms, heh, stronzate? [Pushes open another door to reveal an occupant, STEFAN VALDINI, dressed as though he was a flamboyant undertakerís assistant] Oh, scusi, signori.

VALDINI (not at all fussed)

You are looking for me, perhaps?

JOE

No, sorry, we were looking for our pre-booked rooms and this trained ape said that there werenít any.

VALDINI

I am Stefan Valdini and please, never mind him. [To ALDO in Italian] Cretino! There are four rooms vacant. Give the English the two end ones.

ALDO (smiling dumbly, bowing and scraping as though the insult was not heard)

Si, signor Valdini, pronto.

JOE (under his breath as ALDO leaves)

Idiot. [To VALDINI] Grazie.

As JOE and NEILL descend the stairs after packing their gear away, ALDO is again trying to dissuade another visitor from entering the premises. GILBERT MAYNE, the new arrival, has a sinister air around him, blond hair, steely blue eyes and a scar running down from his right eye. He turns to NEILL and JOE as ALDO launches into another voluble flood of expletive-laden Italian.

MAYNE (friendly tone, despite his appearance)

Could you help me, please? Iíve got a room booked here but all that this guy can tell me is that all the rooms are taken. I donít think he knows any more words than those and heís starting to p**s me off. Mayneís the name, Gilbert Mayne. Does this guy know any more words than ďno room hereĒ?

NEILL

No, I donít think he does. Iím Neill Blair and this is Joe Wesson. We have the two end rooms, youíre welcome to one of the two others.

MAYNE (thankful)

Thanks. If this idiot doesnít stop shouting at me [in Italian] Iíll bounce him down these stairs on his f**king head,

NEILL and JOE laugh, ALDO blanches, gives up and accompanies MAYNE upstairs. Since NEILL and JOEís arrival, many groups of skiers have arrived and are sipping cocktails on the chaletís balcony. Among them sitting alone is a startlingly beautiful woman ~ CARLA, the woman in the photograph.

NEILL (to JOE)

Go get us a drink will you Joe? Cognac for me please.

NEILL crosses to where the woman is sitting. He smiles at her.

NEILL

Scusi, signora.

CARLA (looks up from her drink)

Si?

NEILL (spellbound)

I may be wrong, but I am sure Iíve met you somewhere before. Somewhere in Italy perhaps, I knew a lady named Carla who looked just like you. You wouldnít perhaps be her? Her surname was Rometta. [Carla stiffens visibly but recovers]

VALDINI (suddenly butting in)

No, this is the Contessa Forelli and this is Mr Blair from Killarney Film Studios.

NEILL (wondering how the hell VALDINI found that out)

My apologies, Contessa. I have seen you before, somewhere, in fact a friend of mine gave me a picture of someone who looks just like you. (Produces picture and shows it to CARLA)

CARLA (sees picture, almost immediately angry)

Where did you get that? (Attempts to take the picture away from NEILL, who puts it back in his wallet)

NEILL

My apologies once more, Contessa. An amazing likeness, I hope youíll forgive my mistake.

VALDINI and CARLA both glare at NEILL who joins JOE at the bar for a drink.

JOE

What the hell was all that about, Neill? You want to watch that Valdini, he looks like the type whoíll give you an Italian tie, soon as look at you.

NEILL

No, it was nothing, I just thought that that lady over there was the same one in the picture I showed you. Whatís an Italian tie, by the way?

JOE (terrible Italian accent)

Eet eez werrr we sleet jorr throawt, pull jorr tongue out of de hole and we wind eet arrounf jorr neck. [normal] She does look like the one in the picture though. Wouldnít mind to have a little in-out, in-out with her, you know. [grins evilly]

NEILL (groans and rolls his eyes)

JOE

Word of advice, Neill ~ you gotta watch out for types like Valdini over there ~ one wrong look and your balls are history. He looks like a high-class brothel keeper or a low class mortuary attendant.

NEILL

Probably a bit of both, actually, by the looks of him.

CARLA walks out accompanied by VALDINI, both of them gesticulating ~ the conversation is obviously about NEILL and the photograph. VALDINI enters and glares at NEILL again, NEILL looks at him but says nothing.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night at Col Da Varda ~ wind is howling, snow falling, moon is scudding through clouds and trees stand in stark black outlines against the sky. Shots show those already in the chalet are asleep, MAYNE in his room, VALDINI in his, JOE and NEILL in theirs. Interior of NEILLís room shows him in the throes of a nightmare.

NEILL is dreaming that HEINRICH STELBEN is in his room, looking ghastly with the hideous, high calibre bullet wound in his forehead, his rotting face still smeared with blood and brains, his shirt and neck mouldy and eaten away. His skin colour is pale and his teeth are bared in the rictus of sudden, violent death. STELBEN leans over NEILL in bed, smiles evily and NEILL awakens with a violent start. All seen from NEILLís POV and STELBEN seen in half shadow. NEILL is sweating, breathing heavily, throws the covers off the bed, stands at the window and smokes a cigarette. A shadow crosses behind him, something horrible is reflected in the window glass and then STELBEN is standing next to him, smiling. NEILL tries to scream and fails ~ only then does he wake up fully.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day, NEILL has not suprisingly overslept and is awoken by JOE banging on the door.

JOE (through the door)

Neill, you awake, man? (Gives up when no answer is forthcoming) Oh bugger you, sleep your arse off for all I care.

NEILL struggles awake, prepares for the day and goes down to breakfast, which is brunch in his case. The food is very surprisingly of a low quality and he picks at it, still traumatized by his dream during the night. MAYNE arrives at the table and joins NEILL.

MAYNE

Youíre the guy with Killarney Film Studios. Blair, isnít it? Neill Blair.

NEILL (nods distractedly)

Yeah, sorry if Iím not much company, I had a bad night, bad dreams about what happened here during the war. Nazis, stolen gold bullion, deaths, treachery, suicides, I donít really know what the hell to make of it, except that it all sounds like some bad movie.

MAYNE (smiles, continues eating)

Any plans for today apart from doing what the Studios expect you to do?

NEILL (swigs coffee)

I thought Iíd go down to Cortina and attend an auction there ~ Eduardo Mancini told me that heís going to buy this place today.

MAYNE (under his breath)

Thatís what he thinks.

NEILL (slightly startled)

Sorry?

MAYNE

No, nothing. Mind if I join you?

NEILL

No problem, youíre probably going to be very bored because Mancini said he had it all sown up.

MAYNE

I rather think I wonít be, it could be very exciting.

NEILL (intrigued)

How do you figure that one out?

MAYNE

There will be fire works, I guarantee you. [gets up] Leave that food which youíre trying to eat and donít really
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Trevor
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« Reply #4 on: April 03, 2008, 06:20:40 AM »

 Buggedout Buggedout

I just went on the IMDB and found out that this film has already been made way back when as Snowbound with Herbert Lom and Dennis Price.
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« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2008, 07:11:43 AM »

Does this mean I have to start brushing up on my Italian accent?
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« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2008, 07:49:25 AM »

Si, mille grazie, amico. TeddyR Wink

Not just you but Dr Menard, Torgo and Scott will have to work out the meanings of stronzo and stronzate if they wish to breathe life into their characters.  Wink

I have some roles lined up for Ash and Flackbait too: musn't forget them.  Smile

Just btw: I am really writing this script for when I hopefully go to Film School next year: I read Hammond Innes' book in high school and have never forgotten it. Just one hassle: you never find out where the gold is, rather like the case in Ronin, it is and remains a mystery.  Twirling
« Last Edit: April 03, 2008, 07:54:22 AM by Trevor » Logged

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« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2008, 09:55:26 PM »

Oooh!  I'll take that role RC was talking about.  He's not right for the part, I assure you.  And maybe you can cast Salma Hayek as Pam Grier?

If not, can I play a lifeless corpse?  It's the role I was born to play! 

Seriously, good luck with the script.  It looks very professional, and the plot is promising.

 
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« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2008, 10:46:11 PM »

Oooh!  I'll take that role RC was talking about.  He's not right for the part, I assure you.  And maybe you can cast Salma Hayek as Pam Grier?

If not, can I play a lifeless corpse?  It's the role I was born to play! 

Seriously, good luck with the script.  It looks very professional, and the plot is promising.

 

Are you MAD,man?!?!? I was BORN to bounce with Pam!!! Besides...she loves me...she told me so inna  dream...so it must be true!
Anyway...I get killed by psycho zombie Andrew. Alas, no Pammy involved. (sniff...weep...)  Bluesad
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« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2008, 01:34:53 AM »

Quote
Oooh!  I'll take that role RC was talking about.  He's not right for the part, I assure you.  And maybe you can cast Salma Hayek as Pam Grier? If not, can I play a lifeless corpse?  It's the role I was born to play! 

Seriously, good luck with the script.  It looks very professional, and the plot is promising.

Thanks, Reverend.  Smile TeddyR

Quote
Are you MAD,man?!?!? I was BORN to bounce with Pam!!! Besides...she loves me...she told me so inna  dream...so it must be true!
Anyway...I get killed by psycho zombie Andrew. Alas, no Pammy involved. (sniff...weep...)

RC: this is only a first draft, so I'm sure I'll be able to work you and Pam in somewhere.  TeddyR
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« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2008, 05:08:35 PM »

RC: this is only a first draft, so I'm sure I'll be able to work you and Pam in somewhere.  TeddyR

That would be Pam with me in the motel and you waking up from a dream and realizing she's not with you, RC.

See, both of you are in there. TongueOut
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« Reply #11 on: April 05, 2008, 03:44:27 AM »

Quote
That would be Pam with me in the motel and you waking up from a dream and realizing she's not with you, RC. See, both of you are in there.


 TeddyR Thumbup
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« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2008, 04:42:35 PM »

Is there a part for an extra that gets riddled with machine-gun fire? If so, can I play that part? That's my greatest movie ambition, 'cause I've definitely got the perfect face for radio.

P.S.--please don't use real bullets, though.
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« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2008, 11:05:10 AM »

Trevor, it's been a few days and I still haven't been informed of what part I will play.

The thread title assures me "You have been cast in it!"  I am "you."  I don't know how these things are handled in South Africa, but here in the good ole USA that thread title is a legally enforcable contract.

Please don't force me to hire a South African attorney to place a lien on your underpants.

I will accept scale, along with travel expenses to the Italian Dolemites. 
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« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2008, 01:24:36 AM »

Quote
The thread title assures me "You have been cast in it!"  I am "you."  I don't know how these things are handled in South Africa, but here in the good ole USA that thread title is a legally enforcable contract.

Quote
Please don't force me to hire a South African attorney to place a lien on your underpants.

 Buggedout Buggedout Buggedout AAAAAARRRRGHHHHH! Noooo! They're the only pair I have!  Bluesad OK, OK, I give up: you'll play one of Stelben's soldiers.

Quote
Is there a part for an extra that gets riddled with machine-gun fire? If so, can I play that part? That's my greatest movie ambition, 'cause I've definitely got the perfect face for radio. P.S.--please don't use real bullets, though.

OK, OK: RC, Dean (where is he these days?), Yaddo, Ash, Flackbait and Rev as Stelben's soldiers: I promise to have them pop up as the revengeful undead who open up a huge can of whoop-ass on Stelben's undead bum.  TeddyR

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