It's hairy...and will make women jump!

[Menard]

Ever noticed that no matter how old we men get, that we still can't resist making a woman scream and jump?

(get your mind out of the gutter )


I was stocking magazines at a few stores today. When I got to the grocery store (I won't name the chain) Diana caught me at the front of the store and went back to receiving with me as she had not signed the paperwork yet, and this would be a good time.

After retrieving the paperwork from the top of the stack (bastards), I gave it to Diana along with a box to use as a writing surface. She proceeded to set the box atop a shopping cart when I noticed that she had stopped in her tracks and was looking at me strangely (shut up every one of you ). I had not seen it, but she said that a mouse just ran past, and was kind of like eeking about it.

Now, I guess the compassionate thing to do would have been to remain calm and supportive.

Not a chance in hell as I replied along the lines of 'does it look like that one there?'; to which she responding by turning, jumping, and screaming.

Another employee had walked out of the receiving dock and seen what was going on.

Of course, I guess the compassionate thing for him to do would have been to remain calm and supportive.

Not a chance in hell as he said 'look out for that one' as he reached up from under the box, which she was still holding, and grabbed her arm; to which she responded by jumping and screaming.

Of course, I guess the compassionate thing to do would have been to let it go from there.

Not a chance in hell....er....let's just say that she left the floor at least two more times and left receiving, running.

She was standing at the receiving doors looking in through the glass. She had a smile on her face, but she just stood there staring at me. I had to go out and ask if she was okay.

We would not have picked on Diana if it were not for her having such a good sense of humor, and for being so much fun to pick on.


Cruel?


How many of you, when there is an opportunity to make a woman jump and scream, will abandon any maturity and fully return to your juvenile roots?

[Ash]

I shop at a local grocery store not too far from my home.
Most of my shopping is done late at night when the stock crew is there restocking shelves.

Most of the crew know me because I shop there all the time and they'll usually talk to me if they're not too busy.
There are a couple of fine looking chicks who work on that crew and I've startled both of them by sneaking up behind them when their backs are turned.  I'll slap my hands on their shoulders and yell, "BOO!!" and they screech and jump.  
Then they say, "Ah, you a***ole!" and slap me on the side of the arm.
They take it in stride, though.  I've never actually made any of them angry by doing it.

There's also this old lady on the crew and I'd guess she's in her 70's.
She always works seperate from the rest of the crew and to this day, I've never heard her speak.
I always have this weird urge to jump near her with my hands up and my fingers claw-like and yell, "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!".  But I'm afraid if I did, she'd drop dead of a heart attack.

[Allhallowsday]

...There's also this old lady on the crew and I'd guess she's in her 70's.
She always works seperate from the rest of the crew and to this day, I've never heard her speak.
I always have this weird urge to jump near her with my hands up and my fingers claw-like and yell, "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!".  But I'm afraid if I did, she'd drop dead of a heart attack.

You might have something there...    
I specialized in pranks when I worked in an office.  My favorite was when a mouse really invaded our desks at night gnawing thru small packs of food, like crackers or jelly... he went thru all of our desks... after that, I'd slip this very realistic looking gray rubber rat in a drawer after the target left work for the day.  What glee when I heard her shrieking, followed by hysterical laughter, the next morning...    They always knew it was me, the bastard!     I still laugh thinkin' 'bout that one, as I got them ladies at least thrice (I love milking a joke, if you hadn't noticed).    

[Menard]

I recall when I worked for a courier service, transporting paperwork for banks, I had got Robin real good even though I wasn't trying for that effect.

Somehow, our conversations when I visited this branch had devolved into cannibalism; well, okay, that was my fault.

(get your minds out of the gutter for what is to follow)

The running joke was that I was going to make a meal out of Robin.

I added to it with the occasional item I would bring with me: such as giving Robin what I called an after shower powder (which was actually a container of meat tenderizer), and giving her some suntan lotion (which was basting sauce). Some things even got sillier.

On one day, I had arrived at the bank and approached Robin. She was behind the counter and I was in front of it. We had started into a conversation (usually like: Robin - 'what did you have for lunch today', Me - 'I didn't catch their name'), when I told her I had brought something for her.

I reached into my pocket to pull out a set of wind-up chattering teeth and sat it on top of the counter. No sooner had I sat it on top of the counter than she jumped, turning a 180 in air while letting out a blood-curdling scream.

Amazingly, nobody else was startled by this. Jean was in the front office with customers, who no doubt heard the scream, and was non-chalant about it.

"It's just them two, again; we expect it."

I still don't know why the chattering teeth got such a response from her.

[Killer Bees]

Men only do that hoping that women will jump into their arms and be so grateful for the protection from and destruction of random beastie that it will lead to furious random sex in an inappropriate place.

It's a caveman thing.

God bless you guys!