ACTUAL emails received by Kroger Company

[ER]

I forgot all about these but when I re-read the printout I made of some emails from a decade ago, I cracked up all over again.

Back in the late-1990's my cousin worked at the world headquarters of the Kroger company, and a big part of her job was replying to emails. This one came in back in the spring of 1998.

"Dear Kroger,
My grandson says he heard on the radio that Mrs Dash is marrying a man with the last name of Smith. I have a cabinet full of Mrs Dash products and always use the coupons on the lables (sic). When Mrs Dash becomes Mrs Smith will Kroger still honor my coupons?"

My cousin replied that her coupons would be good, but didn't break the news to her that she was pretty sure there was no real Mrs Dash and that her grandson was having her on.

She also said she received a few emails a month asking if Barney Kroger was available to speak at various functions, necessitating her to inform the writer that Mr. Kroger opened his first store in 1883 and passed away in the 1920's.

But maybe the best of all was an irate email from a man who complained that Kroger's checkout lanes needed to be wider, as he worked at an amusement park as a popular cartoon character, and sometimes on break he would walk across the road to the store and wouldn't have time to change into his street clothes, and the tail on his costume kept knocking candy bars off the shelf behind him, and picking them up made him late on TWO occasions...

I always told her she probably could have written a book out of the weird emails she got on that job.