Teknolust

[akiratubo]

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

There's a woman who wears red.  She gives men blowjobs and saves the condoms.  Then she goes home and makes tea out of the semen for herself and her two sisters.  They are robot clones or something who eat semen for fuel.

No, this isn't a porno.  It's not even a softcore porno.  It's not even a freaking art film!  It's a *gaspchoke* COMEDY!  A really, really bad one!

The three clones (who roughly correspond in personalities and hairstyles to Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup from Powerpuff Girls) were created by Dr. Rosetta Stone (ARGH!) because she's a nerdy virgin who can't get laid and decided she wouldn't have kids any other way, plus she hopes to vicariously live out a more exciting life through them.  However, she keeps them locked up in a room because she's afraid they'll get hurt in the big bad world.  The only one allowed out is Ruby (she wears red), who is the one who does all the semen-collecting .

Trouble is, Ruby starts spreading an STD which makes barcodes pop up on her Johns' foreheads and also renders them impotent.  OMG, that's so funny, right?  Those icky *spit* men can't use their penises anymore!  Hawhawhaw!  Dr. Stone doesn't seem to mind much that Ruby is a Typhoid Mary.  I mean, come on, all she's doing is making men impotent.  It's their own fault for letting her give them a blowjob right?  Stupid, icky men and their *ick* penises.

Eventually, the other two clones, Marine (she wears blue) and Olive (wears green) decide they want an exciting life outside their color-coordinated rooms and go out to get new haircuts and then Ruby meets a man at a coffee shop and he buys her dougnuts and she eats something besides semen and likes it and the other two clones grow more independant and Dr. Stone gets in trouble because the victims of the impotence disease identify her as the carrier (she looks just like Ruby) and it's all supposed to be some kind of message about coming out of your shell and letting children live their own lives and HAWHAWHAW impotence and ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE!  IT'S THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN!  IT'S WORSE THAN THE JAR, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

It defeated me.  Right when it came out that Dr. Stone was a virgin, I furiously smashed my fist down on the "eject" button on the DVD player.  I couldn't take anymore.

It has, like, ten different plots, none of them interesting.  All the men are presented as penis-obsessed buffoons who only see women as walking vaginas and HAWHAWHAW they go impotent!  That's just hilarious, right!  Right?  Laugh, damn you, laugh!  I hate the clones, I hate Dr. Stone, I hate the creepy doctors, I hate the guy who works in the print shop, I HATE THIS MOVIE!

[Sister Grace]

I've seen this; the only thing it has going for it is that Tilda Swinton (sp?) is in it. I have a soft spot for her. other than that, this movie is blah....

[Kester Pelagius]

NO YOU DIDN'T!

 

OMFGBBQWTFUDIDUEVILBASSTURD!!!!!!

 

Having giant bug eyed demonoid alien nazi hellspawn inject the festering puss from the anus of a dead chupacabras filled with fecal ecoli bacteria directly into your eyeballs would be better than watching this!

The director of this instant brain mash took what sounded like an awesome premise, the sort of premise that an Al Adamson would have run wild with and made a phenomenal piece of low budget exploitation sleaze or Roger Corman would have run through his cheeze grater camp factory and produced titillating but fun trash, and turned it into tedious soul sucking feckless insipidity.

 


EDIT: Congrats, akiratubo.  This post reminding me I saw this movie inspired this: Teknolust