DIMENSION FILMS / NEO ART & LOGIC
2002 TREVORTHE CASTTREVOR GOODEN: DEAN WINTERS
Thankfully not the Trevor you know but a guy from South Africa with a distinct taste in and smell of undies….oh, hang on, that is the Trevor you know. This Trevor gets his come-uppance due to his philandering and his determination to have his wife killed so he can inherit her money. The revolver go *bang*, the window go *ping*, he dead.KIRSTY COTTON-GOODEN: ASHLEY LAURENCE
The heroine / villainess of the piece who makes a deal with the nail faced one for submitting five souls in exchange for hers. This submission makes me feel a lot better when I see what I have to go through to submit my tax returns yearly. PINHEAD: DOUG BRADLEY
The aforementioned nail faced one – the urbane, polite Cenobite demon with the painful nipple cripple who seems to take no pleasure in doing what he must but causes chills to cascade down the spine of the writer when he says the line “I used you, Trevor.”DETECTIVE LANGE: WILLIAM S. TAYLOR
The investigating officer into Trevor’s accident and Kirsty’s disappearance and the only person who appears to be convinced of my namesake’s innocence. He later proves himself to be a bad gift giver as well as a real two-face.DR ALLISON DORMEER: RACHEL HAYWARD
Trevor’s guardian angel who is there for him during his flashbacks, his headaches and even after his death. Creeps her co-workers out by talking to corpses.BRETT: TREVOR WHITE
Trevor’s nosy supervisor, eater of many cookies and partner in the failed attempt to kill Kirsty for her money. Blown away.CHIEF SURGEON / CORONER: DALE WILSON
AKA Dr Butcher, MD: Allison’s wisecracking colleague who is seriously creeped out by her chatting to Trevor after his death.GWEN STEVENS: SARA JANE REDMOND
Trevor’s stiletto and lingerie-wearing dominant boss who is killed by the same idiot from the movie “The Demon” or at least someone who copies that killer’s modus operandi. SAGE: KAAREN DA SILVA
Trevor’s acupuncturist who is needled by Trevor and then finally needled to death with an ice pick through the head.
TAWNY: JODY THOMPSON
Trevor’s pretty neighbor who has interesting tattoos in very interesting places. Has an interesting way of dying too.DETECTIVE GIVENS: MICHAEL ROGERS
The bad cop to Lange’s good cop: wears an alarming amount of eye makeup to indicate that he is actually dead, much like Don Gordon’s character in Papillon.MERCHANT: CHARLES STEAD [DOUG BRADLEY]
The stall owner in the disgusting market who sells Trevor the Lament Configuration as a present for his wife. Has a serious bird plague problem.LESSONS LEARNED
There can never be too many Trevors in a film, including the one watching it.
Beating the crap out of a suspect beats eating donuts.
Trevors can be an interesting study. Oy.
Cookies are good enough for the Cookie Monster and for raising blood sugar too.
The afterlife and the hell of purgatory before it can be one major headache.
Some boxes should never be opened.
The worst nightmare of all is reality.
Trevors can also be used for bait.
Five souls can be exchanged for one quite easily.
You can be a major a***ole and still attract women.
Never use a bald guy with nails in his skull as your acupuncture specialist.
It is usually good film practice to pay your leading lady more than just the down payment on a new fridge.
Never trust a boss who wears stilettos, a garter belt and stockings to work, slams you into a vending machine and then tries to ride you like a bucking bronco at home.
Solving all problems is not a simple task.
Trevors can be used. Dunno what for, but they/it/he can be used – just discard the underpants and add water and washing soap. Lots.QUOTES
Pinhead: “I used you, Trevor. You were nothing more than bait.”
Trevor: “Are you a dream too, Allison?”
Kirsty: “I am done believing! I trusted you!”
Brett: “Must be nice. Getting paid for doing s**t.”
Pinhead: “Poor Trevor: still in the dark?”
Kirsty: “No. You had a deal, but I made a better offer. And guess what? He took it.”
Pinhead: “Welcome to the worst nightmare of all: REALITY!”
Coroner: “It wasn’t your lucky day, was it?”
Pinhead: “All problems solved? Not so simple, I’m afraid.”
Doctor Butcher MD: “Trevor! Trevor! Wake up, Trevor!”
Kirsty: “I will bring you five souls in exchange for mine.”
Pinhead: “The killer is amongst us, yes.”
Allison: “Sorry I had to leave you like that for a minute, Trev, but I’m back. Can you hear me, Trevor?”
Coroner: “[Expletive deleted], Allison: what possesses you to talk to cadavers?”
Detective Lange: “You look like hell warmed over.”
Trevor: “I’m the fifth soul.”
Allison: “It’s OK, Trevor, you’re safe now.”
Merchant: “I can see into your soul.”
Pinhead: “It seems you’ve reached the end of your journey.”
Trevor: “Just open the [expletive deleted] box!”
Coroner: “And we have a winner!”
Detective Lange: “It’s all good, Trev, it’s all good!”
Brett: “Grab yourself a cookie.”
Pinhead: “I said IN TIME!!!!”
Coroner: “You’re creeping me out and I’m the coroner.”THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR:
0:15: Well, that’s an encouraging quote to start a film off with.
2:00: Dude: I know it’s difficult with Ashley Laurence sitting next to you but keep your damn eyes on the road!2:56: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A BMW!
4:40: Ahh, an angel.
5:49: Alrighty then: the operation to discover why I don’t wash my undies.
6:10: Yo, dude, I am awake, WTF is your problem?
6:16: Whoa: Is that Dr Butcher MD?
6:47: We’re helping you? How the hell is sticking a needle into my brain supposed to help me?
8:00: Ermm: I’ve never been here before so why welcome me back?
8:01: NOTE TO TREVOR: THEY’RE TALKING TO DEAN WINTERS’ CHARACTER, NOT TO YOU.
10:12: I think I see some of these peeps on the bus ride to work each morning.
11:25: That dog needs some serious throat meds and quickly.
13:55: WTF? Did he just say “The Hills Have Eyes”?16:35: RANDOM ACT OF MALE GENITALIA VIOLENCE AGAINST A VENDING MACHINE!
18:10: I would rather not see THAT on my work’s intranet!
26:33: Umm…. My gifts to my female friends never include a little something called the Lament Configuration.28:10: RANDOM ACT OF STILETTO VIOLENCE AGAINST DEAN WINTERS’ COJONES! OW!
30:43: LOL!34:44: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DEAN WINTERS’ NECK
37:12: My present feeling is that I want to clout this SOB cop on the head with my cricket bat.
39:44: Oh well, that should take care of all my dental issues for the rest of my life.
45:20: Sure you can get me something – how about a new head? This one hurts too much.
49:15: OK: Who’s the idiot that put the water cooler under the dartboard?1:00:35: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST TREVOR WHITE’S HEAD!
1:03:00: Well, it sure beats guzzling donuts….
1:04:30: Why so much make-up, dude? Oh, you’re dead, OK.
1:05:49: Did that sign say DEAD FILES? Ha ha ha ha ha…URKK!!
1:06:38: That is truly the number one moment in the film.
1:08:30: Well, I guess he’s a two-face after all…
1:10:05: Bleurgh and urghh: you want fries with that mince?1:12:57: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DEAN WINTERS’ HANDS AND FACE!
1:14:08: Yikes, yikes, yikes: that voice using my name…. 1:16:55: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A WINDOW!
1:17:50: I see someone’s been watching Ingmar Bergman’s Wild Strawberries.
1:18:05: I like that little smile he gives there.
1:19:33: OK, sign me up for the course entitled Completely Freaked Out 101.THE PLOT
With apologies to Leonard Bernstein: When you’re a Trev, you’re a Trev all the way, from your first underpants to your last laundry day……..
… umm..Trevor Gooden has a major issue with life in general. Stuck in a crummy job with a nymphomaniac boss and a nosy cubicle buddy, he receives no solace at home after his wife Kirsty finds out about his inability to keep little Trevor in his pants.
Shortly after another confrontation with his wife in which the latter lady has some weird issues with opening up an anniversary present, a road trip to ‘work things out’ ends in disaster as their car swerves to avoid an oncoming truck, aquaplanes off the road and crashes into a river, leaving Trevor dazed (more than usual anyway) and his wife Kirsty missing, presumed drowned and dead.
Trevor comes to in hospital, seemingly for him almost immediately but actually a month later. No one, including his doctor Allison and her colleague seem to know what happened to Kirsty and all Trevor knows is that he has excruciating headaches and is tormented by visions of a nightmarish neurosurgery procedure being conducted on him sans local or foreign anesthetic and a hellish figure with nails in his head.
Trevor’s lingerie wearing, nymphomaniac boss, who has a habit of slamming both him and his John Thomas into a vending machine, also compounds his problem both in his head and in his other head. After being so roughly treated, that vending machine should not be expected to dispense any change after that.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, Trevor is constantly being hounded, not only by the weird buggers on the bus he rides home, the barking dog with a strep throat, his boss Gwen who tries to seduce him at home but also by the cops who seem to turn up anywhere, even sitting at his desk while he was talking to his nosy supervisor.
The headaches grow worse for Trevor and for the viewer too.
Gwen turns up dead, courtesy of Trevor’s strange video camera and lo and behold, Trevor is the suspect, not only in Kirsty’s disappearance but also in his boss’s death. The flashbacks and the splitting headaches continue as his nosy supervisor commits suicide in front of him after quitting his job, his neighbor Tawny is hogtied to a chair and killed and his acupuncturist Sage also develops a splitting headache, courtesy of an ice pick.
Now, things are getting weird, not only because Trevor vomits an eel but also the fact that Detective Lange proves himself to be a real two face in the Dead Files section of the police precinct, where Trevor faces an eerie morgue littered with the detritus of several Oopsie operations and a shrouded body on an operating table.
Then the nail faced one named Pinhead appears, ruining the walls and rattling the lampshades, informing Trevor (while holding him very carefully in place with some well-placed chains and hooks) that he was nothing more than bait for the one person who has defeated him before, namely Kirsty who proves to be the villainess of the piece as she was the one who killed Gwen, Tawny, Brett and Sage – five souls, plus Trevor’s, in exchange for fresh laundry and her own soul.
Trevor discovers that he is actually
Victor Sjostrom in Wild Strawberries
…….ermm, the fifth soul as part of the Pinhead / Kirsty deal as he realizes that he, not Kirsty died in the crash and that he has been in hell throughout this time, much like the viewer of this film.