MARKED FOR DEATH
20th Century Fox 1990
Submitted by TREVOR THE CHARACTERSJohn Hatcher: Steven Seagal
Retired DEA agent who is literally itching to get back into the firing line. He is itching so bad in fact that he needs ointment.Screwface: Basil Wallace
Scary Rasta crime boss whose efforts to distribute de white powda and de herb to de whiteys are chopped off and lifted to a higher elevation by Hatcher.Max: Keith David
Hatcher’s friend ~ a high school football coach who knows that Hatcher’s actual name is Trouble with a capital T.Charles: Tom Wright
Rasta Jamaican cop whose career is Screwface. Gets called Judas and the name sticks with him.
Professor Leslie: Joanna Pacula
Expert in the occult who assists Hatcher to bring down the posse. LESSONS LEARNED
Blood And Fire is not the name of an exotic fragrance.
Don't call yourself 'Jimmy Fingers', make mistakes and be a Yakuza: you will soon be known as Jimmy Stumps.
“What, mon?” is an acceptable greeting in Jamaica.
Doing your shopping in the same mall as Steven Seagal can be hazardous to your health.
Steven Seagal is not allergic to cats.
God made men, not La Cosa Nostra.
Careful never killed nobody, but stupid………………………
Store displays and glass topped counters are there for the ruining.
A warning to all prospective parents: don’t christen your child Monkey.
Playing dominoes with the boss is not always a good idea.
It helps to have a twin brother. Sometimes.
Some people’s juju is just more powerful than others.
A bath of cornflakes and milk does nothing for your spiritual protection.
The phrase “Want some blow?” can mean many things.
Firing a sub machine pistol can cause your facial muscles to crap out alarmingly.
A sharp kick to the side of the head can do wonders for your memory.
Letting white boys co-write and sing a reggae song is a bad idea.
Do not call in Steven Seagal when you need a hostage negotiator ~ Kevin Spacey will do nicely. NOTABLE QUOTES
Nesta: "Screwface kill me a thousand deaths worse than you. Go find him your [expletive deleted] self."
Max: "Well, I'll be damned. Trouble."
Hatcher: "That's me."
Screwface: “Nesta dead? Who do it? De white boy Hatcher?”
Hatcher: “One thought he was invincible, the other thought he could fly. They were both wrong.”
Screwface: “Everyone wan’ go heaven, but no-one want dead. Afraid.”
Hatcher: “Yeah, I want some blow. Put your hands where I can see them or I’ll blow your head off.”
Monkey: "Hey man! Somebody about dead tonight!"
Professor Leslie: " He still looks functional to me."
Screwface: “Look ‘pon dis madman! Him dead and him don’t even know it!”
Charles: “Massive cool! Forward, Jamaica!”
Screwface: "I'll watch and wait....I and I see everything!"
Nesta: "No, just shoot me now, man."
Leslie: "Your family has been marked."
Hatcher: “You f**k with my family, you die.”
Gangster: "Tear you, rasta!"
Monkey: "Me no know you but you is a dead man walkin!'"
Screwface: “Who you fear? Him? Or me?”
Hatcher: “I hope they weren’t triplets!”
Screwface: “I know you, You love de killing but you is an empty shell inside.”
Charles [holding up Screwface’s head] “Dead and about to be buried! The evil is demolished!”
Screwface: “I want you to meet my sister. Goddess of Fire!”
Hatcher: “If it’s in the blood, I’ll get a transfusion.”
Screwface: “If you can’t kill him, I go kill him and den I go kill you!” STUFF TO WATCH FOR
1:09: Uh-oh, that’s a good start ~ the crew’s reflected in the glass!
3:37: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST AN UGLY INSECT!
6:48: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A PROSTITUTE!
19:14:Yikes, yikes, yikes!
20:34:Are those cornflakes in her bath?22:01: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CHICKEN!
22:07:So shall thou lookest too if thou gazeth upon the horror that is my underpants!
35:08:Speaking of the above, why is that guy wearing my undies?
39:14:RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DE RASTA HAIRSTYLE MON!
40:01:Praise Jah, dat not my car. 41:54: RANDOM ACT OF TABLE LEG VIOLENCE!
50:45:Welcome to Trevor’s route to work each morning.
51:45:Hmmmm…..keep death off the roads: drive on the pavements!
52:23 ~ 55:25: Why me, Lord? This is what happens every time I go and do shopping!53:33: RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A STORE DISPLAY!
54:52:No, not “Tear you, rasta” but “smash yo’ head into de display case”!
1:05:24:Greet someone like that in South Africa and thou shalt get smacked with de rod of correchshun.
1:19:29:Yikes: how did he get THAT through customs?
1:25:01: He’s dead, but what about his shoe? Did it survive that fall?
1:25:25: Steven Seagal sings! THE PLOT
After a drug bust in South America goes horribly wrong resulting in the death of his partner by prostitute, DEA agent John Hatcher decides to hang up his badge and, on the advice of his priest, returns to his home town to find himself again. Once there, his childhood friend Max informs him that all is not as perfect as it seems and the truth of this is brought home to him when the local bar is attacked by drug-crazed, assault-rifle wielding Rastas, acting under the orders of one Screwface. Shortly thereafter, Hatcher’s family home is shot up in a driveby and his niece is seriously wounded ~ an occult expert advises him and Hatcher and Max set out to take the posse out, resulting in an unprovoked assault in a cheap hotel room, which in turn results in (a) a Mafioso realizing that God, not the Mafia, made men and (b) a drugged out Rasta realizing that man was not meant to fly.
This later results in an intense shoot-out in an upper class shopping mall and Screwface twatting one of his friends in the face with a broken table leg. The odd couple later join forces with Charles, a Jamaican cop who assists them both in tracking down Screwface and also in a metal shop montage where Hatcher demonstrates what to actually do to a slightly off hunk of beef, leading Charles to say “Massive cool…………forward, Jamaica!”
After disguising their arms and ammo as Lord-knows-what and in I-dunno-what, the three mount an assault on Screwface’s Jamaican hideout, after receiving information from a Rasta who greets everyone as “What. mon?” and a very sexy nightclub dancer who says that Screwface “have two heads and four eyes”. The assault proves also that you should not be smoking marijuana while on guard duty ~ the effects of the drug make you feel like your brain has been blown out of the back of your skull, courtesy of a high velocity slug and Steven Seagal’s finger on the trigger.
Hatcher manages to dispatch Screwface by giving him the chop ~ literally ~ and this act which should show that Hatcher’s magic is more powerful than Screwface’s, instead leads to Screwface’s boss-man threatening to shoot Hatcher down, until Charles yanks Screwface’s head out of a bag, proclaiming that Screwface is “Dead and about to be buried!” Rather than be shocked, I was left wondering how the hell they managed to get THAT through customs and excise.
Despite getting the unkindest cut of all and by suddenly appearing around a pillar, Screwface proves to Charles that he is not dead and that Charles is, leading to another shoot-out and another confrontation between the Rasta druglord and Hatcher, the latter dispatching Screwface not via DHL but via CCELS ~ Conveniently Concealed Elevator Lift Shaft ~ which results in both Screwface and his shoe falling to their deaths. Another thing that is soiled towards the end of the film ~ aside altogether from the blood spattered shaft ~ are Steven Seagal’s undies as he strains to sing a reggae song.
My adopted brother Nic is the Steven Seagal fan in the family and while Above The Law / Nico
is his favourite Steven Seagal film, this is mine. After his success with Above The Law
and Hard To Kill,
Seagal moved on to this, where he plays a conscience-plagued DEA agent who retires to his home town to find himself again. Instead, he finds himself in a drug war where the opposing sides shoot the sh*t out of each other in public on a regular basis and the hell with any unlucky bystanders who catch any stray bullets.
His intervention in the drug war ~ even though he is listed as retired ~ causes his family to be marked by the Rasta thugs run with a hand of iron and a rod of correction by the fearsome Screwface and he has to fight again to save his family.
I really enjoyed this film and it shows at one point that Seagal can show emotion in a big way, instead of just taking names and kicking ass all the time. What it actually shows is that the Big Man can act ~ he even smiles several times throughout the film and demonstrates his very dry sense of humor to the viewer. The film is also very creepy in places ~ the swimming pool confrontation between the the two drug lords for example which made my hair stand on end ~ and features songs performed by the great Jimmy Cliff, or as we call him in South Africa, James Precipice.
All in all, a great film and I just have one complaint about it: thou shalt not alloweth a white boy to co-write and co-sing a reggae song. Dat not be right, mon.