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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Spoilerfest: BLACK COBRA (1987) « previous next »
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Author Topic: Spoilerfest: BLACK COBRA (1987)  (Read 2376 times)
Rev. Powell
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« on: May 17, 2009, 11:06:33 AM »

The following plot summary of BLACK COBRA (1987) starring Fred "The Hammer" Williamson contains spoilers.  Do not read if you do not want to know the horrifying twist ending to BLACK COBRA: is Fred Williamson gay, or what?

   Fred “The Hammer” Williamson gets called in to negotiate with some Italian terrorists holding hot lady hostages in swimsuits at gunpoint and is given careful instructions to cave in to every one of their demands and not create any more casualties, but he walks in and kills the three guys with automatic weapons anyway and his superiors are mildly perturbed.  Fred’s the only black Vietnam veteran detective who plays by his own rules in all of Milan and he’s also the only guy whose lip movements match the words he’s saying but he gets results.  Fred never stops acting for a second; anytime the camera’s on him, whether he’s stalking a lowlife punk or putting out cat food, he can’t keep his eyes still, they just keep darting from side to side and he keeps frowning so you know he’s still on the case
   Meanwhile some bikers steal a camper and run over the owner while he’s windsurfing and gang rape his girlfriend.  Later a hot fashion photographer sees the gang murdering the family next door and blinds the leader with her flash and gets some pictures of him but the cops can’t make out the face but the gang guy doesn’t know that so he wants to kill the photographer. 
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   So the hot photographer checks into the hospital for shock and the gang wants to get to her so they take a chain attached to a motorcycle and tie it around a random guy’s neck and pull him out of the driver’s seat of his car and take him body surfing on the asphalt so they can get some blood to splash on one of their faces so it’ll look like he’s been in an accident but when they get to the hospital the admitting room is guarded by a 95 pound Italian fashion model nurse so they just kill her and walk around the empty hospital looking for the room with the cop stationed outside it.  But the Milan chief of police who keeps an American flag in his office for some reason thinks Fred Williamson should be on the job guarding her so he sends her to the hospital and we get some great intense acting from Fred’s eyes as he passes a slow moving vehicle on his way there.  He gets to the hospital in time to blow away two of the six gang members but the main bad guy gets away. 
   One of the gang is about to knife the photographer and Fred shoots him so his blood gets on her hospital gown and she gets off on the wrong foot with Fred ‘cause she won’t stop crying in terror: “Lady, give me a break with all that noise!”  So he takes her back to his apartment ‘cause he’s the only one who can protect her and she tries to make small talk in the car and Fred, always the suave ladies’ man, says “I think it’s about time you closed your mouth.  Too many stupid things come out of it.”  Then he takes her to his apartment and she says hi to him when she wakes up in the morning so Fred says “If you have to open your mouth then do it just to shovel in the food I made for you.”  Guys who say stuff like that always get the girl.
   Then Fred calls one of the cops he works with in the middle of the night who forgot he was sleeping with a hooker and he shows his butt and she wakes up and shows one boob real quick just in case someone was trying to give the movie a PG rating.  The detective’s assignment is to go to the apartment and explain to the hot photographer how Fred’s adopted father was killed by two drunks when he was a kid and that’s why he’s so intense all the time so she knows his total lack of interest in girls isn’t because he’s gay.  Then Fred takes the hot photographer back to her house so she can pick up her toothbrush and he checks it out first so he can be sure it’s safe but he forgets to check upstairs until he hears the soundtrack suddenly get all ominous so he goes up and there’s a gang guy there and Fred and the guy shoot about 200 rounds at each other through a closed door until they run out of ammo and Fred has to kung fu kick the guy out the window instead. 
   Then they accidentally publish the photo in the paper so the gang leader can see it’s all blurry and you can’t make anything out so he decides to take the gang members Fred hasn’t killed yet and kidnap the police chief’s daughter and demand he give them the photographs or he’ll cut up the girl so she looks like a jigsaw puzzle.  Fred decides to go save her when the police chief says he’s do it himself if he were twenty-five years younger and Fred observantly points out “if you were twenty-five years younger you wouldn’t even have a daughter” but he wants to makes sure the chief knows he’s not doing it out of friendship: “I’m not doing it for you.  I’m just doing it.  I would do it even if it was Santa Claus’ daughter.”  Then a bunch of homeless guys try to gang rape the daughter but the gang leader stops them.  Then they rip her skirt artistically so she’s showing a little bit of leg when they tie her up and the gang leader gives all the homeless guys automatic weapons because Fred’s killed half the gang already.  Then Fred and his detective buddy drive to the rendezvous and Fred pops out of the truck and mows down half the force and Fred shoots everybody but two guys and he does Dirty Harry’s “are you feeling lucky” speech and it turns out he’s out of bullets. 
   Then he sees the main bad guy running away so he takes out a knife and throws it into his back and he falls in the river so Fred just assumes he’s dead and takes the hot photographer out to dinner.  But the bad guy just goes into a gas station and dyes his hair blond and puts on a Mr. Rodgers sweater and follows Fred on his date and tries to shoot her but Fred kicks her chair out of the way and he shoots an old guy instead.  So the bad guy runs and gets in a car so Fred has to chase him and they drive into the gang headquarters in an old deserted warehouse but they get mixed up and headed in opposite directions so Fred has to put the car in reverse and chase him that way for a while until finally the guy crashes and goes flying through his windshield and lands about twenty feet away because murderous motorcycle gang leaders are too cool to wear seatbelts.  So this time Fred goes to check and make sure he’s not breathing and he's not but you see why he didn’t bother to check before because the second he turns his back the guy jumps up and starts strangling Fred and Fred has to open his trunk and put the guys head in it and bang the lid on it to get him to stop.
   Then Fred decides to go on vacation alone instead of having sex with the hot photographer so maybe he really is gay after all.  The End.  2/5.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2009, 01:26:51 PM by Rev. Powell » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2009, 11:15:17 AM »

It says '85 in the subject of the thread, but in the post it says '87.

Now, why would you want to confuse us all Rev, why?

WHY!?  Buggedout
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Rev. Powell
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« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2009, 01:28:48 PM »

I fixed it to 1987.  As a Fred Williamson historian, I want to be totally accurate.   Smile

BTW the Italian title of the film is COBRA NERO. 
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« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2009, 10:57:43 AM »

It somehow warms my heart to know that this... this movie has two sequels. And they're worse.
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