MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO! (2009)

Calling this little 80 minute direct-to-video indie horror flick a "bad movie" is like calling the Titanic a "good-sized boat." This is a delightfully horrible little movie. The title is explained on the box cover: "Everyone knows killers love murder. But did you know Murder loves killers, too?" The tagline is: "When you party at Steve's place, EVERYBODY gets wasted!" There is zero character development in this film on anyone except the killer, and you quickly learn that he is a boring old pervert! No Freddy or Jason coolness, no richly developed plot, no expensive special effects. Here's how it goes: (spoilers now begin)

Five college friends - two guys, three girls - are driving up to a mountain cabin to spend a weekend partying. They start speeding up the winding mountain roads, going faster and faster, until the radiator blows up and leaves them stranded. Fortunately, they are only a mile from the cabin (which, BTW, they have no idea who owns, or if the owner lives there. I'm not even sure they explained how they found out about the place - the audio was crappy in spots), so they walk to it. One cute redheaded girl whose entire vocabulary seems to be "WaHOOOO! PARTY!!!!" (repeated incessantly on the drive up the mountain), immediately darts out the backdoor to "go for a run" within five minutes of arriving at the house, while the others are still wandering around checking the place out. She runs straight into the arms of "Big Steve", a balding, middle-aged man who owns the place and kills kids in his spare time. That's it. She didn't have time to party, get naked, or elaborate on whatever her drug and alcohol hazed view of life was. Shows up at the house, runs out the back door, and gets grabbed by the killer. You never even see what happens to her for sure!

Next, her boyfriend announces he's going to "go for a run" and catch up to her. He rounds the corner of the house and sees an open storeroom, with Big Steve standing there. Before he can ask who this person is or what's going on, he gets whacked in the head with a hammer and dragged into the room (shades of the original TCM, anyone?). "Wahoo Girl" is already tied up in the corner, still alive (we think). Steve puts a huge meathook through the unconscious boy's back, which wakes him up - but unfortunately, he is gagged, and his friends in the house have the stereo on really really LOUd, so no one hears him scream as Big Steve hangs him by a meat hook, stabs his stomach repeatedly, and then disembowels him. (Note- the gore in the film is pretty cool, one of its few redeeming qualities).

The three remaining teens now drink till dark, when the brunette decides to go look for the two mising friends. The blond and the remaining guy use this as an opportunity to go upstairs and have sex on the pool table (bad movie note - if there are three girls in a horror film, and only one gets naked, it will always be the blonde. Some unwritten hollywood law, I think!). The other girl is gone just long enough for Big Steve to kill the other two - knife to the gut for the guy, and a quick stomach stab followed by a fellatio-like stab to the mouth with a big kitchen knife for the blond. That's teach her to get naked in a horror movie!

That leaves the Final Girl for Big Steve to capture, tie to a bed, and then he speaks for the first time. His voice is so normal and boring as to be distracting. He explains that he has a sexual problem that he needs her help with. Then he puts a pair of glasses on her and asks her to call him "daddy". Of course, Final Girl manages to free herself and hit Big Steve on the head. But, he catches her in the forest, chokes her lifeless, and drives home to the city with her in hs trunk.

Here is where it gets really weird. Big Steve is married (his wife is cheating on him and shoos her lover out the door as soon as Steve goes into the kitchen). The conversation between Steve and his wife - and his teenage daughter the next morning - is as bland and lifeless as any morning banter around any suburban middle-class family breakfast table in America. Then, as Steve leaves the house for work, he opens the trunk of his car and Final Girl (who was not REALLY lifeless after all, it seems) pops out, hits him on the head with a tire iron, yanks out his tongue, then stuffs it down his throat until he chokes on it. End of movie.

If all that leaves you scratching hour head and going "Why on earth did I just watch this piece of trash?", well, welcome to the club!!!

I don't normally describe the whole plot like this, but this movie really provoked a strong reaction in me. I'm still not sure if I like or hate it. Anyone else seen it?