BLUE EYES OF THE BROKEN DOLL/HOUSE OF PSYCHOTIC WOMEN
BLUE EYES.. Not Rated, HOUSE OF.. Rated R
INDEPENDENT-INTERNATIONAL C 1973
REVIEWED BY: RUSSELL SHILEY
Gilles: The protagonist, a drifter with a shady past hired on as caretaker for 3 odd sisters. Played by Paul Naschy, star of many werewolf movies in Spain. Ventilated by French police.
Claude: A kinda creepy-looking woman (named Claude?!) who picks up Gilles and hires him as handyman for the sizeable house she shares with her 2 sisters, Nicole and Ivette. She has a funky prosthetic glove on one hand to hide her deformity. Falls in love with Gilles.
Nicole: A mega-slutty redhead nympho with similarly slutty attire who would probably do farm animals if no man were around. Fortunately for her, Gilles arrives to satisfy her. Throat slashed.
Ivette: Wheelchair-bound sister with a slight MILF-quality. Neither her nor Claude's disabilities are explained fully but they are related somehow. Key part in a really stupid plot twist. Stabbed.
Doctor Phillipe: Treats Ivette; believes she's not really impaired. Another key part in a really stupid plot twist.
Inspector Pierre: Chief of police in the French town where the film takes place.
THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT THIS MOVIE:
Human eyeballs look like painted dumplings.
The French are a suspicious lot.
A hand rake is very deadly if the victim just sits there.
European filmmakers find animal killings entertaining.
Hypnosis can turn anyone into a brutal killer with uncommon strength.
Slutty women have their own theme music.
Maggots love empty eye sockets.
STUFF TO WATCH OUT FOR:
:28 seconds- John Belushi?
8:56- Uh.. where the hell is he strangling that girl? In a photo studio?
13:36- The slut nympho starts to make her play..
21:30- ..and touches ALL the bases.
39:31- Buddy, you're one sleazy protagonist.
40:51- God, Nicole.. we know you're a raging whore, but he's twice your age!
42:49- "Frere Jacques" as a murder theme.. whatever!
48:07- Real animal slaughter adds NOTHING to a film.
49:29- Those are human eyeballs? (snicker)
52:54- Ha ha ha! Now he looks like Peter Lorre!
1.02:26- Slit slut!
1.12:37- Oh, the indignity! Actually, he probably should've been dead by now..
1.18:41- Part of Stupid Plot Twist..
1:24:50- Other part of Stupid Plot Twist.. with crummy explanations..
1:27:47- Eww.. EWWWW!!!
Nicole: "You didn't used to be so haughty.. but you didn't waste any time jumping into bed with that filthy vagrant, did you?"
Claude: "You think anyone would be satisfied with this? It's not only repugnant.. it's hideous!"
Inspector Pierre: "Son of a b***h.. wasn't satisfied with just killing her.. he gouged out her eyes."
Claude: "Why did you do that?"
Gilles: "Because I like you."
Claude: "That's not true.. I only make people sick.."
Nicole: "I suspected it! Now I know your secret!"
Ivette: "I'll kill you! I'll kill you again and again! I'll kill you a thousand times if necessary, so you'll never come back again!"
Remember the episode of South Park, where Chef is sued by a record company and they hire Johnny Cochran? He presents the "Chewbacca defense", which is filled with arbitrary, pointless and completely nonsensical statements, involving Chewbacca.
This film has many Chewbacca moments, minus Chewbacca.
The gist of this Spanish film set in France but shot in Madrid, and known in the US as "House Of Psychotic Women", involves a drifter named Gilles looking for work. The locals mostly turn their nose up at him, but he lucks out and gets a ride with a woman named Claude with a glove covering a disfigured hand, who offers him a job as caretaker at her large house where her 2 sisters reside. We get a sneak peek at Gilles' shady, strangle-filled past while Claude mercy-kills a bird she struck. Upon arrival at the house we meet the red-headed Nicole, who obviously wants Gilles to donate to her sperm bank. Shortly afterward we meet wheelchair-bound Ivette. Kinda creepy family to work for, but a job's a job.
Gilles sets up doing chores around the house, milking the cows and chopping (and getting) wood as Nicole makes her lustful intentions more blatantly obvious. Meanwhile Ivette gets a lot of visits from her doctor, who says he's giving her treatments, but doesn't really seem to be doing much. Plus, we meet a nurse that isn't the one that was supposed to show up to help Ivette's "treatment". Turns out the expected nurse is now among the non-living and eyeless. There will be more eyeless corpses by the time this flick is over, courtesy of a black-gloved killer and cued by the children's tune "Frere Jacques". What next, a murder scene set to "The Farmer In The Dell"? Gimme a break.
Gilles eventually beds Nicole and, surprisingly, shows some compassion in displaying his love for Claude and not caring about her deformed hand. So he's not such a sleaze after all.. wait, he's after the nurse now. Scratch that.
Another goofy subplot involves a former caretaker who attacks Gilles, and is stabbed for his efforts. He is nothing more than a cheaply added possible suspect. Up yours, movie!
For some reason, the Police Inspector relies on Ivette's doctor for advice/help, and asks him to come to the morgue to study a body. The bodies turning up that we are witnessing are just extras, for they have nothing to do with anyone in the film! The intrepid duo's suspicions turn to the ex-caretaker until they find his body in a cornfield, expired from the earlier stabbing.
Ivette's "treatment" isn't going so hot, as she's spazzing out for no reason. And speaking of things that make no sense, we now get to see a live pig get killed. Man, this film is full of scenes that don't make sense, further the plot, or get mentioned again. It would be a lot better without this filler bulls**t.
Claude finds out about Gilles' past from newspaper clippings in his coat (WHY would you keep those?? Dumbass!!!). He confesses about his past strangling, and how he wants to murder when embracing a woman. But why? Not really explained, unsurprisingly, despite foggy and red-hued flashbacks.
Nicole discovers a "hidden" basement in the doctor's office (behind a hanging rug is an unlocked door leading to it) and discovers some offscreen surprises. She gets killed for her efforts but not eye-gouged (just blue-eyed, blond women here).
Now the police discover Gilles' past and follow him. He knocks out Claude when she tries to go with him and engages in a cheesy, bloody shoot-out with the police, which he loses. Badly.
Now the nurse is returning from visiting her boyfriend (who happens to be Ivette's ex) and is attacked. She stabs the assailant and retreats to the house, where Ivette unmasks herself as the killer. She then strangles the nurse with a wheelchair (!) in a fit of jealous rage over the boyfriend and is then killed by another, who puts the knife in the nurse's hand. Back at the doc's office the Inspector reveals how the nurse didn't kill her, but the doctor did. This is explained in a mind-numbingly stupid manner. Apparently the doc hypnotized Ivette to kill blue-eyed blond women to get their eyes, because his daughter died in an eye operation. If you think that makes sense I'll sell you my Manute Bol rookie card for a cool grand. The guilty doc retreats to the basement and embraces the corpse of his daughter as maggots squirm inside the sockets. Guhh!!!!
This flick had some effective scenes and memorable moments, but was weighed down by utter stupidity and nonsense. For more pointlessness, check out the video cover of House Of Psychotic Women.. that has nothing to do with the film at all!!! I CAN'T STAND IT!!!