August Underground's Mordum

More like "Boredum". I've seen part of this before but I never realized there was an entire ... I don't want to dignify it by calling it a "movie" ... a longer version before.

What you have is basically a fetish video geared toward the blood and guts crowd (with special consideration for those who enjoy erotic puking). There are two guys, a fat one and a skinny one, and one girl, named Crusty, who run around doing 20-something stuff and killing people. 20-something stuff has long since ceased to interest me and there was far, far too much of that. I suppose they were trying to be shocking with it, make you gasp and say, "Gosh! They're really not too much different from you and me!" Well, seeing as how they spent all their non-killing-people time drinking until they puked, harrassing retail employees, fighting with their friends, and (allegedly) screwing, they came off like ... a bunch of 20-something a***oles, not anyone I could relate to.

The murder scenes themselves were very boring and not very technically proficent. We're talking dull knives smearing fake blood on people to simulate cuts. The camera work is all handheld, supposed to look like someone participating in the murders actually recorded it. That could make for some gritty, realistic cinema, sure. Trouble is, they try so hard to make it look like "bad, amateur camera work" that it becomes ... bad, amateur camera work. You can barely see anything. If anything in this movie will turn your stomach, it's the camera whipping back and forth as if attached to the head of a raging bull.

Take the lesbian-puke-rape scene, for instance. Crusty molests and pukes on two women for minutes upon minutes. It's pretty gross at first, then it's just boring. One of the victims was visibly trying not to laugh. When it finally got around to one of the guys cutting open the fat victim, withdrawing what looked like mulch filled with sausage from ~~an obvious sack underneath her shirt~~ her abdomen, I couldn't even laugh. I was just bored. The only lingering thought I had was whether Crusty could really puke on command, and the hope that she'd chugged enough water before the scene to, er, dilute anything that came up. (Later, there's a mass puking scene that leads me to believe all the puking was completely fake.)

I quit wathching about 3/4 of the way through, because there hadn't been a killing in a while, just some scenes of the a***oles being a***oles. Then the mass puking scene showed up (the gang gets shown another killer's abbatoir and can't handle it), so I just turned it off.

Do you know what really p**sed me off? They never gave us a clear look at Crusty's tits! The girl playing her is actually pretty hot, and looks like she has some awesome boobs, and the bastards never gave us one clear look at them!

I will admit, part of this movie terrified and distrubed me deeply. For the first five minutes or so, it's like a bad romantic melodrama. Fat Guy comes home to find Crusty screwing another guy. He confronts her, they fight, they throw things, it turns physical. Then Crusty picks up some glass and starts cutting herself. Fat Guy is overcome by lust and they have violent make up sex (off camera).

That ... was exactly the way it was between me and my ex-fiance. She would do something to torment me (usually something that cost me money, exactly enough money that I couldn't buy something or do something I really wanted). We would fight. She would hurt herself. Because I was an idiot, I would feel bad and we'd make up. Then it would happen again, and again ... for three years that's what my life was like. The first scenes of Mordum hit me hard and frightened the hell out of me, but it had nothing to do with the movie at all.