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Author Topic: Worst Book You Have Finished  (Read 2072 times)
Mofo Rising
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« on: October 13, 2009, 01:22:14 AM »

I'm not going to say it is easy to finish a bad movie; it's not. However, it takes a true trooper to finish a book that is completely terrible. Most books are 300 odd pages, and that, unless you read fast, is at least six hours of bad work, even if it is easy reading.

The book that gave me the most trouble was a little ditty called Ordinary Horror by David Searcy. The book was festooned with quotes about how great it was. All books are these days.

Here's the general plot. An old man decides to order a new exciting type of exotic plant, which he receives and plants in his garden. He then spends the next 200 pages puttering around his house and experiencing the feelings of dread that begin to accompany his incredibly uneventful days. Then it ends.

I was bored from start to finish with this book. There was never a single point of interest that ever occurred, except for the ending, which did not make a lot of sense. I finished the book, because I kept expecting it to resolve itself to some sort of point.

It never did. As bad as the book was, I'm still not willing to give up complete hope for it. Maybe if I was in the right sort of mood, I might be able to appreciate it. I wasn't when I first read it, but maybe... someday...

Probably not. What is the worst book you ever finished? Do you think finishing a bad book is worth your time? (I do, because I think reading/watching/listening to the completely terrible can be at least as informative as the best. It just takes more work.)
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Joe the Destroyer
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« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2009, 02:07:27 AM »

I've finished a few stinkers before. 



One of the worst books I've managed to finish.  It flows like a SyFy Original.  It's about a pack of smilodons that wake up from an ice cave that had been opened by a small earthquake in California.  They go on a rampage, eating as many random characters as they can.  But the main plot involves two different men on two different sides of the political spectrum; one who believes the creatures should be saved and preserved and another who believes they should be exterminated for the protection of the citizens.  The former is protagonist and the latter plays the antagonist in this situation, but I would up hating the protagonist before too long and liking the antagonist.  From the reviews I've read, I'd say I wasn't the only one.  Apart from some of the crappy wording ("It felt like God was frowning."), there were also a few ridiculous scenes in it such as a smilodon climbing up to the very top of a tree and pouncing into a helicopter.  Oh, and a scene where a few smilodons attack a small row boat out at sea.



Yes, folks, a kaiju novel.  If that idea doesn't jump the shark, the rest of the book will.  The story goes that this guy begins to remember his past in which his parents were killed by a kaiju who attacked his hometown.  He digs deeper and discovers this kaiju is actually a land owner who can shape change because he's descended from aliens.  He transforms into the kaiju so he can destroy small districts, buy up the property, and build his own condos on them.  No, I'm not making this up.  This guy also knows magic, though he doesn't use it until the end of the book.  He also owns a huge mansion built on top of an underwater cave that leads out to the ocean, so he can just jump in from the privacy of his own home and transform along the way.  Maybe this doesn't sound any less ridiculous than some of the other things in other novels (Clive Barker's Books of the Art feature snakes made out of a shaman's s**t that are given life with man chowder), but the way it's all presented just sounds like the author got a little carried away.  I was hooked by the first 100 pages, but by the time I got to the end I wanted to shoot myself and be done with this book. 

There are a whole score of other books I never managed to finish.  The Cipher by Kathe Koja and Unhallowed Ground by Gillian White both seem to come to mind.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2009, 03:21:26 AM by Joe the Destroyer » Logged
BoyScoutKevin
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« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2009, 07:42:13 PM »

I have never met a bad book . . . Actually, I have met several bad books or authors, or, at least, ones I disliked, but I've never been able to finish any of them. Interesting question, but a question for which I have no answer.
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« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2009, 08:24:52 PM »

The Rock Says... by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.  Now, mind you, I'm a wrestling fan.  When The Rock wrote this (2000 or so), the WWF was at the very top of the ratings for cable (4.5-7.0 ratings, good for cable), and The Rock was the top star, next to Stone Cold Steve Austin.  This was supposed to be his 'autobiography.'  Mind you, he had a ghostwriter with him, but the ENTIRE book was written in third person, and was completely in the character of The Rock, as opposed to Dwayne writing about his experiences.  He recalls his days in high school, with quips about fights with bullies: "The Rock didn't like the way this guy was treating the brainy kids at school, so The Rock laid the smack-down on his candy ass."  Yeah, it led to some somewhat funny stories, but really, did it have to be that way? 

Who's Next? by Bill Goldberg.  2000 was an interesting year if you're a wrestling fan.  Lots of wrestlers wrote books, thanks to pro wrestler Mick Foley, who accomplished two things: 1.) Writing his autobiography, longhand, in notebooks, without a ghostwriter, and 2.) having a #1 New York TImes Best-seller for two months.  Goldberg, a pro football player with various NFL teams turned pro-wrestler, followed suit.  While I like Goldberg the man/wrestler for his various charitable acts, like helping disabled kids with diseases and his animal rescue pursuits, his book came off as a little self serving.  He made it appear he was this great football player (played a few seasons, was un-spectacular, and the very first person to be relieved from the Carolina Panthers), and he made it out that he was a great wreslter.  He was mediocre in the ring, but had a high impact style and incredible charisma, making up for lack of experience.  After reading it, I was left with the impression of like, "Kind of a boring guy to hang around with."
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« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2009, 08:49:46 PM »

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows and Gerald's Game
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« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 09:28:55 PM »

I read SAURIAN, but it wasn't as bad as one I read last year called THE PET.  It was by a popular horror author whose name escapes me at the moment, but what a stinker!
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« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2009, 09:01:33 AM »

The Rock Says... by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.  Now, mind you, I'm a wrestling fan.  When The Rock wrote this (2000 or so), the WWF was at the very top of the ratings for cable (4.5-7.0 ratings, good for cable), and The Rock was the top star, next to Stone Cold Steve Austin.  This was supposed to be his 'autobiography.'  Mind you, he had a ghostwriter with him, but the ENTIRE book was written in third person, and was completely in the character of The Rock, as opposed to Dwayne writing about his experiences.  He recalls his days in high school, with quips about fights with bullies: "The Rock didn't like the way this guy was treating the brainy kids at school, so The Rock laid the smack-down on his candy ass."  Yeah, it led to some somewhat funny stories, but really, did it have to be that way? 

Who's Next? by Bill Goldberg.  2000 was an interesting year if you're a wrestling fan.  Lots of wrestlers wrote books, thanks to pro wrestler Mick Foley, who accomplished two things: 1.) Writing his autobiography, longhand, in notebooks, without a ghostwriter, and 2.) having a #1 New York TImes Best-seller for two months.  Goldberg, a pro football player with various NFL teams turned pro-wrestler, followed suit.  While I like Goldberg the man/wrestler for his various charitable acts, like helping disabled kids with diseases and his animal rescue pursuits, his book came off as a little self serving.  He made it appear he was this great football player (played a few seasons, was un-spectacular, and the very first person to be relieved from the Carolina Panthers), and he made it out that he was a great wreslter.  He was mediocre in the ring, but had a high impact style and incredible charisma, making up for lack of experience.  After reading it, I was left with the impression of like, "Kind of a boring guy to hang around with."

Yep, I hated both of those, total ego trips... Lookingup
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« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2009, 09:04:43 AM »

I think I read a comic of Superman Vs. Terminator. Weak.

 Bluesad

I read a few Point Horrors when I was a kid, a few clunkers but I've actually been kinda lucky with books.
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« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2009, 09:27:48 AM »

Donald Woods' FILMING WITH ATTENBOROUGH - an account of the filming of the anti- South African film CRY FREEDOM. The way Woods sucks up to Mugabe and his cronies is little short of disgusting. Also, his often expressed  fear of being so close to the country he fled like a hyena from is also pukeworthy.

I'm planning a review of CRY FREEDOM soon.
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« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2009, 09:32:10 PM »

The World Without Us sorry Bluesad
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yeah no.
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« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2009, 10:25:58 PM »

Haven't finished too many bad books. The worst might be one of the novelisations of the original DOOM games. I got through the first one, Knee-Deep in the Dead, which is basically the game as a novel, described pretty much as it happens on the screen, from the point of view of the marine and a couple of other characters thrown in because there was no way they'd get a novel out of it otherwise. I bought that and Hell on Earth at the same time. Made it through one book, but only got about a chapter into the second before putting it away. In my defense, they weren't long books, so I didn't waste too much of my time.
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« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2009, 10:29:24 PM »

The Glow

There is this young couple.  They move into a new place.  They go jogging.  They go jogging again.  They jog some more.  They jog the next day.  They jog the day after that.  They jog a lot.  Jog, jog, jog.  Boy, those people sure love jogging.  What?  Jogging again?  How much jogging can these people do?  Damn it, will these people never stop jogging?

Then the old people who live in their building drain the young couple's blood and inject it into themselves to restore their youth.  The End.
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« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2009, 01:54:37 AM »

Maynard's House
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Joe the Destroyer
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« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2009, 02:21:33 AM »

I read SAURIAN, but it wasn't as bad as one I read last year called THE PET.  It was by a popular horror author whose name escapes me at the moment, but what a stinker!

I read some of the reviews for The Pet.  Based just on the storyline I think I would have left that one on the shelf.  It sounded like a real stinker. 
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« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2009, 06:45:47 PM »

MW: It is a graphic novel made by the guy who created Astro Boy and Buddha.  I'm saying this is a terrible manga, but... this wasn't my cup of tea in any way.  If you have read and I know a bit, you can probably understand why.  This was just a bit too extreme at almost every end for me.  Also, it had the worst ending ever.  I could see it coming 20 pages away!  Spoilers: The villian's twin gets killed, so the villian just pretends to be the other twin and gets to continue murdering people.  How nice.   Hatred 
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