Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
May 27, 2019, 06:50:43 AM
621816 Posts in 48106 Topics by 6505 Members
Latest Member: HesterWatk Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Submitted Reader Reviews  |  Beowulf & Grendel (2005) « previous next »
Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Beowulf & Grendel (2005)  (Read 2983 times)
Ted C
Bad Movie Lover

Karma: 93
Posts: 726

Turn Up the Evil!

« on: February 24, 2011, 11:01:40 AM »

Beowulf & Grendel
Rated: R
2 slimes
Copyright Company and Date: Movision 2005
Submitted by Ted C

Beowulf – Gerard Butler! Mighty Geatish hero come to save the Danes from the monster.
Hrothgar - Stellan Skarsgård! Redneck king of the Danes.
Selma – Sara Polley! Local witch and monster sympathizer.
Grendel – Misunderstood monster taking out childhood frustration on the Danes (who richly deserve it).

Trolls hold a grudge.
Trolls get the hot chicks.
Danes and Geats have Scottish accents.
Having your best warriors killed by a troll will give you religion.

Need to get the monster’s attention? Pee on its lair.
Grendel is so badass he has to cut his own arm off.

King Hrothgar: “As I recall, he also had a thousand swords, neighbors soft on wine and pork, and no ice on his rivers...”
Beowulf: “And no f-ing trolls.”

It didn’t completely suck, but it was neither “authentic” nor terribly clever.

A better title might have been the “The Vengeance of Poor Misunderstood Grendel Upon the Redneck Danes”. Seriously, the Danes and Geats act like a bunch of rednecks constantly dropping the F-word in Scottish accents. At least the rednecks are smart enough to wear their helmets when they go into a fight.

Grendel is vaguely like an adolescent taking revenge for a legitimate wrong. He lacks the supernatural invulnerability that helped define Grendel in the poem. He's just big, strong, and cunning in a neanderthalish kind of way. He's obviously meant to be a sympathetic character and quite frankly kicks the butts of Beowulf and everyone else he fights. He pwnez Beowulf and company so bad that he actually has to cut his own arm off so it can get nailed to the wall.

And then there’s the witch Selma, played by Sarah Polley, who helps the story by dropping hints about her friend Grendel’s motivations in an undisguised American accent.

Add in a disposable subplot involving a Christian missionary and a gratuitous visit from Grendel's mother, and you've got something resembling a story that doesn't very much resemble the classic Beowulf.

"Slugs?  He created slugs? I would have started with lasers, six o'clock, day one!" -- Evil, Time Bandits
Pages: [1] Forum  |  Information Exchange  |  Movie Reviews  |  Submitted Reader Reviews  |  Beowulf & Grendel (2005) « previous next »
    Jump to:  

    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email

    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.