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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
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Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 405433 times)
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
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Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #150 on: May 05, 2010, 07:23:05 PM »

I was just following the world's greatest magician down the road. He had to be. There he was, behind the wheel of his little sports car, when all of a sudden, right before my eyes, he turned into a driveway!
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"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
retrorussell
In the town of Valentine Bluffs, there are many ways to die. Take your pick.
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Posts: 9585


Hanniger! I'll be waiting in HELL for you!


« Reply #151 on: May 05, 2010, 11:20:40 PM »

A man with a car full of animals buckled up like passengers is pulled over by a policeman.  The policeman stares at the animals in his car and orders the driver, "Take those animals to the zoo!"  "Yes, officer," replies the driver.

Later that same day the policeman spots the animals again in the vehicle.  He pulls over the driver and shouts angrily in the window, "I thought I told you to take those animals to the zoo!"
"Yes, officer; I did!  We had a great time!  Now we're going to the movies!"  Lookingup

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"O the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day, is a curse that'll live on and on.."
Dennis
Yes, it's true, absolutely true. I am a
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I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?


« Reply #152 on: May 06, 2010, 08:08:56 AM »

A motorcycle officier spots a woman driving down the street while knitting, he follows with his lights on but she ignores him, he then pulls up beside her car and hits the siren a couple times. This gets her attention, he yells "PULL OVER", she replies "NO, IT'S A SCARF"
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Reach for the heavens in hope for the future for all that we can be, not what we are. Henry John Deutschendorf Jr.
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
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Posts: 20725


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #153 on: May 07, 2010, 11:36:57 AM »

What's the loneliest place on the planet?  
Scottish pay toilet.  

How come God invented whiskey?  
So the Irish wouldn't rule the world!  

« Last Edit: May 07, 2010, 02:33:31 PM by Allhallowsday » Logged

If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
Jack
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« Reply #154 on: June 05, 2010, 06:06:36 PM »

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near a window?"
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The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.

- Paulo Coelho
ChaosTheory
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WWW
« Reply #155 on: June 05, 2010, 08:13:31 PM »

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil-worshipper?
He dedicated his life to Santa  hot

What do you say to a drummer standing in your doorway?
Nothing, you just pay him for the pizza and send him on his way.

What's the difference between a dead cat in the street and a dead drummer in the street?
The cat was on his way to a gig.
(No offense to any drummers on the boards)

A young man's car breaks down near a nunnery.  He asks Mother Superior to let him stay the night, and she hesitates.  "We just got ten novices today, and I'm afraid they might be too new to the faith to resist the temptation of a man."  Romeo promises to behave himself and the nun sets him up with a room down the hall from the ten new nuns.
The next morning Mother Superior calls the ten girls in and says, "I have some alarming news.  Last night there was a man in the rooms."
Nine nuns gasp; one nun giggles.
Mother Superior continues, "This morning we found a used condom in the room where he was staying."
Nine nuns gasp; one nun giggles.
Mother Superior continues, "The condom had a hole in it."
Nine nuns giggle; one nun gasps.

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Through the darkness of future past
The magician longs to see
One chance opts between two worlds
Fire walk with me
Trevor
Uncle Zombie and Eminent Shitologist
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Posts: 22708



« Reply #156 on: June 08, 2010, 01:34:21 AM »

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil-worshipper?
He dedicated his life to Santa  hot

 BounceGiggle BounceGiggle
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I know I can make it on my own if I try, but I'm searching for the Great Heart
To stand me by, underneath the African sky
A Great Heart to stand me by.
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
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Posts: 2564


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #157 on: June 08, 2010, 09:30:26 AM »

Smokey the bear doesn't have any kids because every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.
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"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
Silverlady
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« Reply #158 on: June 14, 2010, 05:27:08 PM »



 What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
 One costs about $1.79 and the other is under a buck.

 Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to    you?"

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam


 
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Hold onto your dreams ....
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
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Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #159 on: June 14, 2010, 09:46:09 PM »

A cannibal is complaining to his buddy:
"I just can't get my missionaries to come out right.  I've tried grilling, boiling, broiling, baking, and roasting them, and they're still tough and stringy!"
The other cannibal asked: "What kind of missionaries are you using?"
The reply: "The ones from down by the river . . . you  know, with the brown robes and shaved heads."
Second Cannibal: "You idiot!!! Those are FRIARS!!!!"
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
El Misfit
[Insert witty here]
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Hi there!


« Reply #160 on: June 15, 2010, 07:56:46 AM »

Did you hear the one with Santa giving the Porn stars coal for Christmas?
They were being naughty all year.
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yeah no.
Derf
Crazy Rabbity Thingy
Proofreader
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Karma: 429
Posts: 2564


Lagomorphs: menace or underutilized resource?


« Reply #161 on: June 15, 2010, 08:17:18 AM »

Why did the Romans stop using killing Christians at the Coliseum?


The lions were eating all their prophets.
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"They tap dance not, neither do they fart." --Greensleeves, on the Fig Men of the Imagination, in "Twice Upon a Time."
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 2591
Posts: 15182


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #162 on: June 15, 2010, 08:40:38 AM »

What's black and white and red all over and won't fit through a revolving door?


A nun with a spear in her back!
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"I shall smite you in the nostrils with a rod of iron, and wax your spleen with Efferdent!!"
El Misfit
[Insert witty here]
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1103
Posts: 12891


Hi there!


« Reply #163 on: June 15, 2010, 08:52:13 AM »

What's big, fat, yellow, and can't fit through a revolving door?

300+ pound Homer Simpson.
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yeah no.
diamondwaspvenom
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
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Karma: 228
Posts: 1415



« Reply #164 on: June 16, 2010, 07:34:50 AM »

Have you heard about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

Think about it.
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